In Your Room
by HopelessRomantic984
Summary: After her dad and Sadie leave town, Jude procrastinates finding a new place to live and is left with living at the Rehearsal space. An unhappy Tommy offers her a room in his apartment. But will they be able to resist each other?
1. Prologue

A/N: This story occurs sometime after her birthday in Season 2; hence, Jude is 17 and Tommy is 24. There is no Karma, no Paegan. There is Juderman still. Some story adjustments: Kwest and Sadie are dating and are very serious by this point. Jude's mom has already gone away with Don. And Jamie has his own apartment.

Also, I don't own anything in this story, other than characters I create.

Prologue:

"I'm going to miss you both so much. I wish I didn't have to go so far away but I really need the money this promotion is going to provide." I can see the sadness written on Dad's face as he says this. He feels like he's abandoning me, I can tell. He's not worried about Sadie because Sadie's moving away with Kwest tomorrow. His gaze narrows as he looks at me. His worry is focused on me, especially without Sadie in the same city.

"Dad, We'll be fine. Go to New York. Call me as soon as you get there. And don't forget to send me a Yankees hat." I smirk to myself. Tommy loves the Red Sox. Wearing a Yankees hat in front of him will drive him crazy.

My dad looks at me curiously, knowing I don't care at all about baseball, or really any sports. Just then we hear over the speaker system that Dad's flight is boarding.

"Dad, you have to get going." I feel the tears welling in my eyes. I don't want to cry in front of him. He feels badly enough. I kiss his cheek and hug him tightly. Sadie does the same.

He stares at me for a second. "You'll be okay moving into Jamie's without any help? Because Sadie and I will both be gone by Friday when you're supposed to move in. You are moving in Friday, right? Because everyone has to be out of the house by then for the new owners to take possession?"

I swallow hard. I am really bad at lying. How can I tell them I'm not going to be living with Jamie? I mean, I was supposed to. But now that he and Patsy are practically living together I honestly didn't want to be a third wheel in that apartment. I can't tell him where I'm really going to be living. No one knows that I'm really going to be living at the rehearsal space because no one would approve. Dad **hates** the rehearsal space and the neighbourhood that it's in. Besides it's my own fault that I'll be living there. Once I realized I couldn't live with Jamie I planned on finding my own place. But I kept putting it off and putting it off. Honestly I just didn't want to deal with all the change. Dad and Sadie both leaving is too much. But I couldn't tell them that. And now I essentially have nowhere to live. Well, nowhere other than a smelly, dirty rehearsal space in the worst part of town. But, it will have to be good enough at least for a couple of weeks. "I'll be fine." I spit out, averting my eyes, hoping he won't be able to tell that I'm lying.

He hugs us both again, says 'Goodbye' and wanders off reluctantly to board his plane. Sadie and I wait until he's gone through the gate and we can't see him anymore. I wipe away the tears that I allowed to fall after Dad was too far away to see them. I really am going to miss him. I know he's not moving _that_ far away, but I'm not going to see him everyday. In fact, he's going to be so busy with his new promotion that I probably won't be seeing him at all. I can't help but feel sad about that.

I turn to Sadie, who also has tears in her eyes. "Are you all packed?" I ask, hoping she won't mention anything about my living situation.

"Yep, we're pretty much ready to go. Kwest is excited about his new job more than anything." Kwest had been offered a new position sound mixing in LA for up and coming R&B acts. Once Sadie agreed to go with him, he didn't hesitate taking the job. And I'm happy for him, even though he's stealing my sister away. "When does Jamie get back?"

"Oh, by the end of the week, I think." Lucky for me Jamie's been away on G-Major business for a week so neither of my family members has been able to speak directly to him. Thank God for small mercies. Both Sadie and Dad would be so damn mad if they knew the lies I've been telling them. All for something as stupid as a place to live. I really had to laugh at the mess I'd gotten myself into.

I look at my watch. "Shit. I'm supposed to be recording as we speak. Tommy's going to be pissed."

"Let's get going then. I have to go there anyway to pick up some things I left there."

We rushed towards the exit as fast as we could. Once on the highway, I drove as fast as my Mustang would go.

"Woah! Jude, watch where you're going!!" Sadie yelled. I was driving like a maniac, I admit. But I hate it when Tommy's mad and the later I am, the madder he's going to be for keeping him waiting. I sighed audibly. I wish I didn't care what he thought. My life would be much simpler.

We arrive at G-Major and I run up the steps and all the way into Studio A. Where, as I expected Tommy is sitting in front of the soundboard waiting with an annoyed expression painted on his face.

"Sorry!" I say, pleading. "Dad left this morning and I had to drive him to the airport."

"Cut her some slack, Quincy." Sadie says from the doorway. Clearly she followed me in. I turn around to tell her to go away but she cuts me off. "Jude, I forgot to tell you. If you need any more boxes when you're moving your stuff to Jamie's, Kwest and I left some extra ones in the basement."

"Thanks." Sadie waves, heading back out the door and I turn back to Tommy, who now, instead of looking angry, looks extremely puzzled.

"Did Sadie just say you're living with Jamie?" he asked. Before I can say anything he continues talking. "Because, curiously enough, I was talking to Jamie this morning about an artist he's bringing in and he told me to tell you that he'd be home on Friday if you needed help moving into your new place." _Oh shit._ I can feel my face falling. He gets up from his chair to stand in front of me.

"Look, Quincy, we need to get working. I'll just go get set up in there." Before I can move a muscle, Tommy grabs my arm.

"Jude, where exactly are you going to be living?"


	2. Chapter One

Chapter One:

I try to pull my arm from his grasp. He won't budge. I look into his face and see both puzzlement and determination. He's going to get an answer. I actually believe that he won't let me go until he gets one.

"Why do you need to know? I don't know where you live."

Tommy scoffs at my response. "That's not even relevant right now. By the way, you've never _asked_ where I live. It's not a secret. What I want to know is why you're telling different people that you're living different places."

I laugh, trying again to walk away and evade his questions but I can't. His grip on my arm has me stuck in place. How come I didn't realize Tommy was so strong?

"Are you living with Spiederman?" he asks, a look of disgust on his face.

I start laughing hysterically. It hits me that perhaps it's odd that I find the thought of living with my boyfriend a completely hilarious thought. Through my laughing all I can do is shake my head. I look up. He's still giving me the look that he always gives me when he's being annoyingly persistent about something.

I give up. He's clearly not going to leave me alone about this. "Okay, but you have to promise you won't say anything to Sadie or Kwest… or anyone," I whisper, looking around to make sure Sadie is not still lurking nearby.

Tommy laughs, leaning in closer. "Is it a matter of national security or something?" he whispers back, smirking. "Come on, Harrison. What is the big secret?" Why did he, of all people, have to find out?

"Look, I was supposed to live with Jamie. But he's living with Patsy so I decided that it would be a better idea if I got my own place. But I never did. So, until I actually do find my own place I'm going to be living at the rehearsal space."

Tommy's smile fell instantly off his face. He shook his head and in his shock he let go of my arm. "No you're not, Harrison. No way."

Now it was my turn to laugh. "Look, I'm not discussing this with you, we're not negotiating here. I'm _telling_ you what I'm doing. I'm taking my stuff to storage tonight and then I'm headed over there. Sadie's leaving early tomorrow morning but she's staying at Kwest's tonight so she won't know I'm not at home. I could stay at home until Friday but honestly, I'm just as glad not to be staying in the house by myself."

"Jude, I'm telling you. There's no way in hell I'm letting you live in that rehearsal space." Oh no. He's got that determined look again. I hate that look. It usually means whatever Tommy wants, Tommy gets.

"I thought you liked that space?"

"I do. To play music in with your band. A band that has three male members. I never said I though you should _live _there!! My God, Jude, even if it was the Taj Mahal the neighbourhood alone makes it unlivable. You can't actually think this is a good idea?" he asked, his voice rife with disbelief.

"Good idea or not, it's the only one I've got. So, if you have nothing else to say, we've got work to do." I turn to walk in the booth until I hear Tommy speak again.

"Live with me."

I feel paralyzed. Tommy Quincy did not just offer for me to live with him. I turn slowly to face him.

He's got a tender look on his face but he also looks a bit shocked, like he can't believe himself what he's just done.

"Excuse me?" I ask. My throat feels tight and it takes effort to even say this.

"Jude, I'm not going to let you live there. And until you find a place of your own, I've got tons of room in my apartment." I can tell he really thinks this is the most logical situation. He must be crazy if he really believes that.

"Tommy, n-no," I stammer out. In another type of situation, Tommy asking me to move in with him would be a dream come true. Considering I secretly love Tommy, okay not so secretly sometimes, I don't think that this would be the best arrangement. In fact, I think it would be **more** dangerous than living in the absolute worst neighbourhood in the city. "I'll be fine."

"Jude!" he yells, clearly frustrated with my persistence. "You might be willing to risk your life to live in that hell-hole but I'm not. What's the big deal? Just stay with me until you find your own place. Case closed."

I nod slightly because, honestly, when Tommy's like this there's nothing else to do but pretend to go along with him. But I'm not living with him. No fucking way.

He lets out a breath and his anger settles. He thinks I've just agreed. "Just bring your stuff over tonight. You can keep it at my place while you're there instead of putting it in storage."

I don't say anything. I can't actually say that I'm going to do something I'm not. I decide the safest thing is to change the subject. "So what song are we working on today?"

"We're doing 'Who Am I Fooling?'. Whenever you're ready, Harrison, we'll start." Oh the irony. Who am I fooling? Well, apparently Tommy if he thinks I actually just agreed to live with him with hardly any resistance.

I walk silently into the recording booth, dropping my stuff near the door. Ready for a hasty exit.

We record almost all day until the song is perfect. Tommy's perfectionist ways are great for selling top-notch records. His perfectionist ways are really annoying, however, when you're tired and want to go home. Or wherever home is going to be.

After singing the chorus for the millionth time, Tommy presses the intercom and says, "Ok, Harrison, I think that's good. I'm just going to grab a coffee and then we'll listen to what we've got so far." As he gets up and walks out, I realize this is my chance. He's going to hate me for just leaving. But otherwise he'll probably follow me home and help me get my stuff, just to make sure I take it to his place.

I grab my jacket and bag and literally run for the front door, ducking whenever possible so that he won't catch a glimpse of me from the kitchen. I continue to run until I reach the Mustang. I jump in and take off down the street as quickly as possible.

Freedom. Freedom that I achieved by being a complete coward. But, whatever. I'll take what I can get. When I reach the house I grab all the boxes from my room and stow them in the Mustang.

I take one more walk around the entire house. It's funny; initially when I thought mom wanted to sell the house I was dead-set against it. But when dad got his promotion and needed to sell it, I no longer really cared. Don't get me wrong, I love this house. It will always be **my** house. But a lot of really bad stuff happened here, along with the good, and I'm ready to move on from all of it. Just like Dad and Sadie, I need a fresh start too.

I lock the door behind me and get behind the wheel of the Mustang. As I drive away, I glance at the house in my rear-view mirror and wipe a few tears away. I feel sadness but also assurance that it's time for change, time to move on from the life I had when I lived there.

I drive mindlessly to the storage company and put the small amount of my possessions there quickly. It was really easy to pack up everything because I didn't keep any of my old furniture. All I really kept were pictures,, my guitars, my stereo, clothing and tokens that held important memories for me. It's amazing how few boxes it takes to store one's entire life.

As I drive on to the rehearsal space I pray silently that Tommy isn't there. I don't see his car as I park my Mustang in front of the building. I got out of the car tentatively, looking for any sign of him. I let out a sigh of relief and make my way quickly into the building. All jokes aside, this really isn't an area where you want to hang out by yourself for too long.

I reach the space with no incident and lock the door behind me. It's not much of a lock and I can't say that I feel even remotely 'safe'. I remove my jacket and throw it on the couch. Home sweet home. Ok, not even remotely. But it will have to do.

My phone rings and I almost jump out of my skin. Clearly I'm more frightened than I realized.

"Hello?"

"Hey sis."

"Hey Sadie, what's up?"

"Nothing, I'm just finished my last minute packing. You're going to come see me off tomorrow, right?"

"Of course, I'll be at Kwest's apartment at 6:30, bright and early. You know I wouldn't do that for everyone, Sades."

I hear her laugh. "Good. I want to say goodbye to my baby sister in person."

I smile. Sadie is a big pain at times but I really do love her. "I'll be there."

"Ok, I gotta go, but I'll see you tomorrow. Love you."

"Love you too. Bye." I hang and wonder what I'm going to do until I go to bed. I'm pretty sure there's no cable hooked up. There are instruments lying around but after a day of exhausting recording I don't feel much like playing.

Before I have any more time to contemplate my activities, I hear a loud roar outside. The kind of roar an expensive sports car makes. A car that does not belong in this neighbourhood. A car something like a Viper. And though I can't see outside from where I'm sitting, I would bet money that it's a blue one.

I run to the window and see that I am absolutely right. His Viper is parked right behind my Mustang. He slams his door roughly and I can just make out his face as he walks towards the entrance of the building. I'm pretty sure he's cursing underneath his breath. In any case, it's clear that he's not impressed.

Not even thirty seconds passes before I hear banging on the door. I cringe, closing my eyes, hoping that somehow he'll just go disappear. I open them again and he's still banging.

As much as I just want to ignore him, there's no way I can. He'd probably just stand there all night, banging away.

I walk slowly to the door, praying that before I reach it he'll get fed up and walk away. I unlock it and pull the door towards me.

Tommy Quincy is standing before me, angrier than I've ever seen him. I can tell he's trying, and failing, to keep his temper under control.

"Get your stuff. We're leaving. **Now**."


	3. Chapter Two

Chapter 2:

I don't think he's ever been this mad at me before. And that is definitely saying something because since I've known Tommy Quincy I've made him mad **a lot**.

His eyes are dark, almost black, and he's glaring at me so intensely, the rage and frustration written on his face. I stand there staring at him, taking in his angry appearance, and I can see him getting even angrier at my lack of movement.

"Jude, did you hear me? Get your stuff!" he says brusquely, pushing past me into the rehearsal space. I shut the door and follow him.

This is crazy. Tommy's being completely unreasonable. I can feel my blood starting to boil at his interference. "Tommy, this is ridiculous!!" I yell. "It's none of your business where I live!! What is your fucking problem?!"

He turned on his heel and walked right up to me. His face was inches from mine and I could feel his hot breath on my face. A shiver of pleasure ran through my body at his closeness and I grabbed the table behind me to steady myself.

"My problem??" His voice is still raised even though he is now so close I can smell the familiar and indescribable scent that is Tommy. "My problem is that this neighbourhood is dangerous and you're taking unnecessary risks with your LIFE!! And I care about you, THAT'S what makes it my business!!" He's still yelling but my heart begins to swell at the tenderness hidden in his words. He _cares_ about me. But that is exactly why I couldn't live with him! Way too much temptation. It would be way too upsetting when I got my hopes up AGAIN and he crushed them. Nope, I can't do it.

I manoeuvre myself away from Tommy and stand a couple of feet away from him. I release a breath I hadn't realized I was holding. This is better. I can think when Tommy's not standing inappropriately close to me. Not that I don't enjoy his completely arousing nearness but if I'm going to argue with him properly I need my brain to be in proper working order.

I decide instead of yelling at him like I want to that I'm going to be nice this time when I tell him no. Maybe different tactics will work. Yeah, slim chance, I know. "Tommy, I really appreciate your concern but the answer is still no. Look if you're that worried, I'll get Speed to come by and check on me. I'm sure he wouldn't mind sleeping here."

I regret my words immediately as I see Tommy's eyes flare with anger when I mention Speed sleeping here. Great, now he probably thinks Speed and I have sex. Which we DON'T, by the way. Great, just great. That's like the LAST thing I wanted Tommy to think. Could this night get any worse?

"No offense, Jude, but I don't think your guitar playing surfer dude is exactly protection!" A thought seemed to dawn on Tommy as he looked towards me. "Does Spiederman know you were going to be staying here by yourself?" The disgust is evident in his voice.

"No!!" I say, feeling the need to defend Speed, even though I really doubt he'd actually care as much as Tommy apparently does that I was planning on staying here. "Speed doesn't know anything. But I did plan on telling him eventually. Look Tommy, this is really none of your concern. Not that I don't appreciate your worrying. But I'm not going to live with you."

Instead of continuing his rampage, Tommy paused, thinking. Uh oh. I knew that was not a good sign. Especially when I saw the smirk forming on the left side of his mouth.

"Okay, Harrison, if you're going to be that stubborn about it. I'll be outside."

I look at him in confusion. Did he just say he'd be outside? He takes in my curious look and explains, "Well, if you're not going to come with me then I'll be outside in my car. All night. Because I'm not just going to leave you here alone." I take in his gloating expression. He knows very well that I'm not going to allow him to do that.

"Tommy, you can't sleep in your car! That's just stupid." I feel so frustrated and fed up. I hate fighting with anyone, but fighting with Tommy was always tiresome. Mostly because Tommy always got his way. "What if I called the police on you? You can't just hang around outside someone's building," I counter.

Tommy looks at me surprised but he's not put off. "You wouldn't Harrison. Besides, do you think in this neighbourhood they are going to bother someone who drives a Viper?"

Okay so Tommy made a good point. I feel all my options slipping away and Tommy must be able to see my resolve slipping because he smiles at me. I love that smile. He knows I can't resist that smile.

"Fine," I say quietly. "You win."

I see all his leftover anger dissipate immediately. He picks up my jacket, and hands it to me, still smiling. "I always do, Harrison."

I glare at him, grabbing my bag as we walk out of the rehearsal space. I lock the door behind me and head for my car as Tommy heads for his. "Girl, no messing around, okay? Just follow me, no detours," he calls over at me. I nod silently and get in the Mustang. Honestly I'm tired and worn out. I've got no fight left in me to try and trick him anymore. Besides, I hate to admit it but now that I actually agreed to live with him I know it really was the practical thing, not that I plan on telling Tommy that. It may be practical but, as I watch him in my rear-view mirror getting in his car, I can't help thinking that it's not necessarily the smartest move. I love the way he moves, the way he smiles. Okay, I love **him** period. Which only makes the prospect of living with him, as his friend, all that more difficult and stupid. Because he can't know how I feel. It would only make things awkward, and I care way too much about Tommy for things to get so messed up. Only for a few weeks, I think to myself as he drives away and I pull out to follow.

I follow him without incident and we arrive at a swanky apartment complex near G-Major. He motions for me to follow him to the underground parking garage, which I do, and I park in an empty spot in between the Viper and his Porsche. I grab my bag and get out of the car. He's waiting for me and as soon as I've joined him, we walk wordlessly to the elevators. We get in and I watch as he presses the button for the Penthouse.

Of course. Well, now I know what he uses all his earnings from Boyz Attack on. His many cars and his upscale Penthouse apartment.

Neither one of us say anything as the elevator stops along the way and people get on and off at various floors. Finally, what feels like an hour later, we arrive at his floor. We walk to his front door and he pulls out his key, pulling the door open and motioning for me to enter first.

As I walk in I look around to see a beautifully but simply furnished apartment. Very masculine. Plush couches and carpets. I think to myself that this definitely beats the rehearsal space, and I'm suddenly glad he coerced me into coming with him.

He smiles, seeing my approval written on my face, and says, "I'll show you where you'll be staying."

I struggle to pick up my bag again, which was actually quite heavy as it held my clothes and other various personal belongings, and, noticing my difficulty, he grabs it off my shoulder. "I got it." He smiles, lifting it with ease and walks along the hall. "This is my bedroom," he says touching a door on the right as he walked by it. "This will be your bathroom," he points to the left, "and this will be your room." We had reached the end of the hall. "It's the guest room but no one's stayed here in quite a while. I'm not exactly big on guests," he says, smirking.

I smile in reply, thinking for the first time how odd this must be for him too. I mean, unless I'm completely unperceptive, the attraction between us is not one-sided. I think he feels it too. I mean, I really hope he does.

I feign a yawn and say, "I'm really tired. I think I'm just going to turn in." I touch his arm lightly, feeling the warmth of him through his shirt. "Thanks, Tommy."

He smiles widely, "You're welcome. Good night." He turns and I watch him walk back down the hall. I think to myself how nicely his jeans fit him, specifically his ass, but I make myself stop before my thoughts get any dirtier. I sigh and walk into my new room. My new _very temporary_ room.

This room is simple too, but really pretty. It's decorated in blues and greens and I find it really soothing.

I change into my pyjamas, turn off the light and slip under the covers. I really am quite tired.

But, of course, I can't sleep. My brain just won't shut off. All I can think about is Tommy. There's nothing new about that, he's all I ever think about. But it's worse with him only a few rooms away.

Even as my eyes flutter close all I can think is all the possibilities that present themselves when two people live in such close quarters…

I wake up disoriented. Then, as I look around me, I remember last night. I remember Tommy being a complete, but very sweet and protective, pain in the ass and me finally agreeing to move in with him for a while. A very short while. I remind myself to pick up a paper and look for apartments as soon as possible.

I stretch my arms and get out of bed. It's nine o'clock and I really should get ready to go. I grab some clothes and head for the bathroom, which I notice is actually right across from Tommy's room. As I'm opening the bathroom door, I hear a door open behind me.

Of course.

Of course, he has to come out of his room **right now**. I turn around and smile nervously. He unashamedly looks up and down my body and I feel my skin grow warm. My pyjamas consist of a tank top and shorts. So essentially I am almost naked standing only inches away from Tommy. And he's apparently enjoying the view. Well, so am I, I have to admit. His version of pyjamas is apparently just a pair of boxers. And as he's giving me the once-over with his eyes, I'm doing the same to him.

Finally he speaks, breaking the silence and the tension that had been mounting. "Sleep well?" His voice is sexily raspy from sleep. I almost pass out just listening to it. That and the fact that his eyes are still roving down my body.

"Fine, thanks." That's all I can manage to say. And even that comes out more like a squeak than actual coherent words.

"I'm just going to make some coffee," he says, pointing down the hall. I nod and he turns to walk away. As I turn to go into the bathroom I feel something brush my arm lightly. I pause, shocked, and look to see him walking down the hall. I swear I felt him graze my skin with his arm as he walked by. Maybe it was my imagination. Whatever it was, it doesn't help my already burning skin. I rush into the bathroom, locking it behind me. I walk to the shower and turn the cold water on full blast.

I need to find my own apartment. Pronto.


	4. Chapter Three

Chapter Three:

By the time I'm showered and dressed, which takes longer than normal because I'm purposely lingering longer than needed, I decide to just sit for another minute on the bathroom counter. I honestly do not want to face Tommy. That was a definite moment we just had and I want to give him enough time to actually put on some clothes before I see him again. Well, technically that's another lie. I'd certainly rather see him with no clothes at all, but that's in my fantasy world. In real life, I need him to have clothes on so I can form actual sentences. I say a silent prayer that Tommy is dressed by now and I open the bathroom door.

I peek out and see nothing. I hear movement in the kitchen, though. It must be safe by now. I mean I took a _really_ long time. I walk down the hall as calmly as I can manage and head into the kitchen. I see him standing at the kitchen counter drinking a coffee and reading the paper.

There is a God. Tommy's wearing actual clothes, jeans and a blue long sleeved t-shirt to be exact. I try really hard not to pay attention to the very large part of me that is sorely disappointed that Tommy is still not half-naked. I hate the fact that he looks almost as good in clothes as what I've seen so far of him out of them. I feel my cheeks redden slightly just thinking about it.

He turns as soon as he hears me come in. "Do you always take that long to get ready, Harrison? I guess it explains your customary lateness." He smirks at me and I smile back, grateful he's joking, breaking the tension between us.

"Whatever," I say flippantly.

"Coffee?" he asks. I nod and he pours me a cup, reaching out to hand it to me. Our hands touch as I take the cup and I feel an electric jolt pass between us. As if I haven't embarrassed myself enough in front of him, I pull my hand away quickly and almost spill the coffee.

He looks at me curiously, raising his eyebrows. "You okay, Harrison?"

"Fine," I say quickly, taking a sip. _Other than the fact that I'm resisting the urge to ravage you right now, I'm perfectly fine_.

"When you're done that, we better get going. Do you wanna take my car or yours?"

I look at him puzzled. "Why would we only have one car?"

"Well, why do we need to take two when we can just ride together? You know, Jude, you have to become more environmentally conscious." My brow furrows in frustration. Okay, that's a ridiculous statement coming out of Tom Quincy's mouth. This is the man who has to be constantly reminded at the office to recycle or not waste water or power. He doesn't care about the environment. Besides, he's smirking at me again so I can tell it has nothing to do with that.

I think he's honestly just trying to drive me insane. Which, by the way, he's doing a very good job at. I mean it's not exactly a secret that I want him. I know I haven't done a very good job of hiding that fact. Especially after our little run-in this morning, he has to know. So, to be stuck in a car with him, even for 5 minutes is not an idea I relish.

But then an actual logical thought hits me. Not one I'm particularly excited about. "You know what, okay. I really should spend time with Speed tonight so he can just drop me off here later."

Tommy laughs. "You sound really enthused about that," he says, the sarcasm dripping from his voice.

"You're not Speed's girlfriend," I say honestly.

"You don't have to be either, not if it makes you unhappy," he says, his eyes penetrating mine. The humour is gone. He's completely serious.

We shouldn't be talking about this. Mine and Speed's relationship is none of his business. Even if he happens to be right.

I glance away, looking at the clock. It's 10:00. Then I feel the dread rush through me.

I forgot about Sadie. After all the drama with Tommy last night, I completely forgot about meeting my sister this morning. And she was probably way too pissed to phone me about it.

My expression must have reflected my panic because Tommy instantly asks, "What's the matter?"

"She's going to KILL ME! I overslept…I forgot…How could I forget??!" I ramble, rubbing my forehead in frustration. I pull out my cell phone and dial Sadie's.

"Hello?"

"Sadie!! Thank God! I'm SO sorry. Where are you?"

"I'm at the airport. Jude, what the hell happened?" Sadie's more than annoyed and I don't blame her. I feel like the scum of the earth. Actually I feel like the thing below the scum of the earth.

"I'm so sorry," I plead. Then a thought hits me. "Aren't you supposed to be on your plane by now?"

"Yeah, it was delayed by three hours so we're still waiting to board."

"I can still make it then. I'll be there as soon as I can."

"Jude, that's silly. Don't worr—"

I cut her off. I'm not going to let her down again. Not if I can help it. "I'll be there, I promise." I hang up and almost run for the door, Tommy following.

"I gotta go to the airport. I totally forgot to meet Sadie this morning to say goodbye," I say in a panic, grabbing my shoes and shoving my feet into them.

"I'll drive," he says suddenly.

My head snaps up. "Tommy, you don't have to. Go to work, I'll meet you there later."

"I'll go and say goodbye to Kwest. Besides, I want you alive Harrison and I've seen you drive, remember?" he jokes, the familiar smirk forming on his lips.

"We're taking the Viper?" I ask. I never can turn down a ride in that car.

"So you want me for my car, do you?" he asks. I really don't want to talk about the fact that I want him. I'm a little shocked that he'd mention it, even as a joke.

I laugh it off. I have to. "No. I want you for this killer apartment," I say and walk out the door. How I wish that's actually all it was. How simple my life would be.

As he drives to the airport, I sit in the passenger seat thinking of how I could have possibly forgotten something as important as Sadie leaving.

The answer is simple. Tommy.

He can make me forget just about anything. And with all the bickering with him last night and thinking of him and sleeping in his apartment, my mind was just too full of him to allow anything else access.

I'm obsessed. In a bad way. So obsessed I forget about my own goddamn sister. I suck, big time. So obsessed that I really don't care that I haven't spoken to my boyfriend in two days.

We reach the airport and I jump out of the car ahead of Tommy and run for the departures gate. I see Sadie and Kwest still sitting among the many people waiting to board the plane. Thank God I'm not too late. I run towards her. "Sadie!!"

She hears her name and turns and looks towards me. She stands as I reach her side.

"Hey! I'm so, so sorry, Sadie."

"It's okay, Jude. You're here now." Sadie says, her anger dissipating. "What happened anyway?"

"Some Tommy drama. What's new?" I brush it off. "Are you guys all—"

"Tommy," Kwest says, cutting me off. I peer behind me, where Kwest is looking, to see Tommy sauntering up to us.

Sadie looks at me curiously. "He drove me here," I answered before she even asked. This only increased her curiosity. "Don't ask." I say, trying to infuse some finality into my voice. She'd be less than thrilled to know I'm living with Tommy. Not because she still cares about him. She's just certain that Tommy is not a good idea for me.

As Tommy and Kwest discuss Kwest's new job, I begin to ask Sadie questions about LA in order to distract her from asking me about Tommy. She's still eyeing me questioningly, but luckily for me she runs out of time before she can bring it up again as she and Kwest are called to board their plane.

"I'm going to miss you, little sister," Sadie says, tears in her eyes.

"I'll miss you too, Sades. Call me when you get there, okay?" We're both crying a little. She's my sister and often my best friend. I wave as she and Kwest disappear through the gate.

I feel Tommy put his arm around my shoulders, comforting me. "I guess it's just you and me, Harrison." I glance up at him, feeling the familiar sensation of desire rush through me.

I guess he forgot about Speed. I can't really say much, however, because standing so close to Tommy, feeling his warm arm around me, I forget about Speed too. I forget about everything but him.

By the time we arrive at G-Major, I see Speed in Studio A preparing to lay down the guitar track for "Who Am I Fooling". He sees Tommy and me and rushes out to us.

"I wondered where milady was," he says, kissing me sweetly on the cheek, putting his arm around my waist. I almost laugh at Tommy's disgusted look. I watch Tommy walk away and feel Speed pull me closer. The problem is that I can't stop looking at Tommy. And apparently he can't stop looking at me. Look at your boyfriend, Jude, I remind myself and force myself to do so.

"Speed, we need to talk," I say, grabbing his hand and pulling him towards the hardly used Studio C. I glance at Tommy as we walk away. He is still watching me intently.

I push Speed into Studio C and close the door behind us. I turn around to face him, wondering to myself why I don't love him. He's cute and sweet. He's just not… Tommy. I push the thought as far as I can out of my mind.

"Speed, there's something I need to tell you. But you can't say anything to **anyone**.

"Is it a deep dark secret?" he asks in a mocking tone, grabbing a hold of my hand.

I release my hand in frustration. I really wish he could be more serious sometimes. "Look. You need to know that… I'm living in Tommy's apartment." Like removing a band-aid, it's better to just do it fast and get it over with.

The joke is over. I see Speed's face transform in front of me. He's confused and a little angry, I can tell. "What? Why? I thought you were getting your own place?"

"I know. I mean, I was supposed to. But I put off looking and now it's too late. Look, it's just for a while. Just don't tell anyone."

"Okay. But why Quincy?" He says Quincy's name in a derisive tone. There's never been any love lost between these two. And I imagine this situation is only going to make it worse. Wonderful. Like I need any more tension in my life.

"Well, he offered after he didn't want me to stay at the rehearsal space. And I can't exactly stay with you and your parents," I comment, more harshly than I intended.

"Okay, okay." He holds up his hands defensively. He grabs my hand again. "It's not going to be for too long right? I mean, how long does it take to find an apartment?" I try to shut up the part of me that's screaming that I hope it take a very, very long time.

Speed's moving in closer and I can tell he wants to kiss me. Just as his lips are about to touch mine, Tommy literally throws the door open, knocking over an old piece of recording equipment.

Tommy eyes our closeness with contempt. I can see in his eyes he's not happy about it. Then I remember that due to my stupidity he thinks Speed and I have sex.

Without even apologizing for interrupting, Tommy glares at Speed and says impatiently, "The new sound technician is waiting for you in studio A, Vincent." He motions at the door, dismissing him.

Once he's gone, I say, "What's up with you? Couldn't it wait another five minutes?"

Instead of yelling, which is what expected of him, he walks closer, leaning in towards my ear. He's too close. I can hear my heart pounding in my chest and my knees are getting weak underneath me.

"Is that as long as it takes for you two?" His voice is quiet and contains a mixture of seriousness and sarcasm. I'm completely astounded. Did he just ask me about my sex life with Speed? The one that, in reality, doesn't exist.

I'm almost too stunned to speak. But I feel the overpowering need for him to know the truth. Why I think he deserves to know is beyond me. "Not that it's even remotely your business, but that's not what we were doing now… or ever." My voice drops off a little as I speak the last two words. But as I look into his eyes I know that he caught them.

He's still standing too close. I can hear his gentle breathing, smell his intoxicating cologne. And I can see the joy in his eyes at the news that Speed and I are not sexually involved. I have to admit it's nice to know he cares.

I relish his closeness for a minute longer before he backs up slightly. "Let's get to work," he says simply and walks out the door.

Men. I don't think I'll ever understand them. I don't think I ever want to.

It's another long day of recording and tense moments between Speed and Tommy. By 6:00 pm, Tommy and I are sitting behind the soundboard listening to the nearly completed track. I've got my feet up on his lap as is customary habit among us. He leans over me to reach a button in front of me and pauses. His face is only an inch from mine, our breath mingling in front of us. We eye each other ardently, the longing radiating from our eyes. And instead of moving away he moves closer, his gaze moving to my lips. He leans his head towards me and I can almost feel his soft, full lips on mine.

But before it becomes a reality, we hear Speed laughing loudly from outside the studio, his voice coming closer. Tommy and I both pull back the instant before I see Speed's face pop in the doorway. I feel disappointed, cheated and I see the same feelings mirrored on Tommy's face.

"Jude, you ready to go?" Speed asks. It takes a second for me to avert my gaze from Tommy. Finally, I glance at Speed. What the hell am I doing? Did Tommy and I almost kiss? I'm still reeling.

I pull myself together as much as I can. "Yeah, let's go," I say quietly, getting up quickly and grabbing my bag.

As I head for the door, I hear Tommy's voice from behind me. "Don't keep my girl out too late," he says, and I notice his voice is a little raspy, rife with passion from the moment we just had. Or almost had.

I feel my heart contract at his use of "my girl". I try to calm down by telling myself that he calls me that all the time. But as I turn slightly to look at him before I stride out the door, I notice that something's different about the look in his eyes this time. He's always called me his girl referring to the fact that I'm his artist. Everyone's accustomed to it.

But this time there's something about his look that I can't place. It's like this time he really means it. Like this time when he said it, he meant something more.


	5. Chapter Four

Chapter Four:

Since I hadn't seen or talked to my boyfriend in two days, I figured he'd be taking me out for dinner, at the very least, so we could talk.

No. That's apparently not what Speed had in mind.

I'm at an arcade. Yes, my boyfriend really is that immature. He's enjoying himself playing all the different games while I sit and think about how bored I am.

After two hours of this torture I walk over and ask him to take me back to Tommy's.

He turns and glares at me. "Can't wait to get back to lil Tommy Q, huh?"

I roll my eyes in frustration. "Speed, it's not like that. I'm just… tired," I say, looking for an excuse. Except this one isn't even plausible considering it's only 8:30.

"We can do something else if you want," he says, and in the middle of the arcade he begins to slide his hands under my shirt.

I'm revolted by his lack of tact and push his hands away.

"What's wrong?" Speed asks angrily.

"Look, I just don't want you to do that, okay?"

"We've been going out for months. Don't you think it's time to take things to the next level," he says, his hands on my hips.

"No, actually, I don't," I say and turn to walk away.

He grabs my arm, and I turn back to face him. "What's wrong with you?" he says, loud enough for people to start looking at us.

"Look, just because I don't want to have sex with you doesn't mean there's something wrong with me," I say in hushed tones, hoping to save myself from further embarrassment.

"Well, what does it mean?" he asks loudly.

I hate this. I just want to disappear; I feel trapped, like I'm never getting out of here. "Look, just take me back to Tommy's, okay?" I seethe, my anger rising at his annoying insistence on being a jerk.

"No! I want to know what the hell is going on here. Because I'm your boyfriend and you don't even seem interested in touching me. But you wanna go running back to Tommy? I'm not stupid, you know. I see how you look at him. When are you going to see that you're deluding yourself thinking you can get him, that he really cares about you? He's a model-magnet – that's all he cares about. He doesn't want you!"

I can feel the tears forming in my eyes and my throat begins to tighten. I don't want to cry. Actually I want to sob loudly, but not in public. And I want to die, partly from the embarrassment of this situation and partly because I think that Speed's right. Why is it that I don't feel anything for Speed? He's a perfectly nice, attractive guy. Well, except for the fact that he's being a jerk right now. And as far as what Speed said about Tommy, well Tommy isn't exactly known to be the settling down type or a one-woman man. Why do I think he'd be any different for me? Am I really just deluding myself thinking he even feels remotely attracted to me?

I can't be here anymore. I turn on my heel to walk out and I hear Speed following me. I look over my shoulder and yell, "I'll find my own way home!"

He runs to catch up with me. "Jude, I'm sorry," he says and grabs my arm. I recoil from his touch. "Get away from me!" I yell loudly. He hesitates for a moment, then shrugs his shoulders and walks away. Some boyfriend I've got.

I glance around and see everyone nearby staring at me. Just great. Humiliation. Heartbreak. Self-doubt. What more can I fit into one evening?

I head for the exit and contemplate phoning Tommy to come pick me up. I even pull out my cell phone to call him but I shove it back in my pocket. I keep hearing Speed's words echoing in my head. _'He doesn't want you.'_

Am I the only one who can't see the truth? And the fact is, even if he does want me – what does that mean? It doesn't mean he's not going to hurt me or that he's going to commit. Okay, I need to turn my brain off. I'm starting to get a major headache from all this over-analyzing.

I walk to the bus stop to wait for the next one. It takes over half an hour to arrive and I get on it, only to discover twenty minutes later that I've been going in the wrong direction. Then I have to transfer to another bus, and finally arrive in front of Tommy's building an entire hour later than that. Could this night get any worse?

I take the elevator up to Tommy's apartment and knock on the door. He opens the door and says something that I don't even hear. I'm still stuck in my own thoughts, my own doubts. What the hell am I even doing here with him?

He shuts the door behind me and I begin to walk past him wordlessly, but he grabs my arm, holding me in place.

"Jude? Did you hear me? What's wrong?"

I look into the depths of his concerned eyes. And I begin to crack. I feel the tears that I've been suppressing come to the surface again. "Nothing…I just… Speed—" I broke off as the tears started to escape down my cheeks. I bow my head, not wanting Tommy to see the tears.

"Did he touch you?" he asked immediately, rage filling his voice.

I snap my head up. "No. No, he just—he said some things that were hard to listen to."

"Like what?"

I try to pull away from Tommy. "Honestly, I don't want to talk about it."

"Jude, what did he say?" Tommy gives me that look. The one that means he's not letting me go until I tell him everything.

I sigh, frustrated. "Well, he basically accused me of being frigid." There was no way in hell I was going to tell him the rest, the part that involved Tommy not wanting me.

Tommy smirked. How rude. This is not funny. He let go of my arm but he moved closer. "Jude, you and I both know that's not true, not even close," he says, his voice low and husky.

"I don't know, maybe it is. I mean he's my boyfriend and I feel no desire for him."

"Maybe it's because he's not supposed to be your boyfriend," Tommy says, moving an inch closer still, and running one of his hands down my arm. I feel my breath hitch in my throat. What is he doing?

I ignore his statement. He really shouldn't be saying things like that. "Maybe he's right. Maybe I just can't—"

I'm cut off by Tommy who puts his index finger to my mouth, silencing me.

"Jude, he's not right." He has a predatory look on his face and before I know what's happening, I'm pushed up against the wall and he replaces his finger with his lips. He's kissing me forcefully and I can feel his tongue begging for entrance to my mouth which, of course I allow. His kisses feel so damn good that I start to lose my senses a bit.

And it only gets worse when he starts to move his hands under my shirt. His warm hands burn the skin on my stomach and I suddenly want his hands everywhere.

I also feel suddenly adventurous and move my hands, which are on Tommy's back, to the hem of his t-shirt. As I touch his hard stomach I hear his breathing get deeper, clearly aroused by the sensation.

He pins me completely against the wall, lifting me, and I wrap my legs around his waist. I feel his hands move to support my legs as he walks us over to the couch. He lays me down on it, pinning me beneath him.

Then, suddenly, an overpowering sense of fear washes over me.

I can't do this.

I'm not ready for this.

As much as I want to, I can't. It would only complicate our relationship even more.

I freeze. "Tommy," I say and look directly into his desire-filled eyes. "We can't do this. You know we can't." My mind suddenly goes blank on the reasons WHY we can't.

Think. Think. Oh right – he's older, he's my producer and he's a known womanizer. I love him, but I'm so afraid of what this will mean, what effect it will have after the fun is over.

It doesn't matter anyway because I feel his weight suddenly lifted off of me as he stands up off the couch.

I get up quickly before I lose my ability to resist him. I almost sprint to my room without looking back. I can't look at him. God only knows what he thinks of me now. As I reach my room and shut the door behind me, I lean back against it for a minute, taking a deep breath. I'm such a fucking mess.

I pull the newspaper I picked up earlier out of my purse. I begin to circle different ads for apartments that look promising, or at the very least decent.

Then I hear a knock on the door. I freeze.

I don't want to answer it. After the complete fool I made of myself, I really don't want to face him. But it's not like I have any choice. He knows I'm in here, sitting, listening to him knocking.

I walk to the door and take a deep breath before opening. He's standing there smiling awkwardly. "Hey…"

"Hey." I have no idea what to say. I still feel like jumping on him and kissing him senseless.

"I just wanted to try and…uhm..clear the air a bit. We work together so I don't want things to be strained." He's got to be kidding me. We almost had sex. And he's worried that things will be awkward?! Um, yeah, just a little. He continues, "I'll even go apartment hunting with you tomorrow if you want." He gestures towards the paper lying on my bed. "You know we both have a day off, we might as well put it to some use." He's trying to act as normal as possible and I'm grateful. Honestly, I'm just happy that he doesn't seem to think I'm some kind of tease.

I nod in response. And then there's silence. He looks likes he wants to say something more but he hesitates. Then he smiles and begins to walk away. I start to close the door when I hear him speak again.

"Jude, I'm not sorry," he says, his voice low and slightly hoarse. Then he smiles devilishly and walks the rest of the way down the hall. I stare at him, shocked, for a minute before going back into my room.

Truthfully, I'm not sorry either. I could never be sorry that Tommy and I made out. Ever.

I go back to looking through the newspaper but I'm distracted. All I can think about is how his lips felt on mine and how arousing his caresses were. And how I could be having sex with Tommy Quincy _right now_ if I wasn't such a goddamn coward.


	6. Chapter Five

Chapter Five:

I wake up early after tossing and turning most of the night. I have a splitting headache and I feel horrible. As I head to the bathroom I pray that a hot shower will help me feel better. I see Tommy all the way down the hall walking across the kitchen to the living room. He pauses when he sees me and tilts his head, looking at me curiously.

"You cold, Harrison?" I look down at what I'm wearing. You see, after the uncomfortable run-in outside the bathroom I decided that I'm not leaving the room in those pyjamas. I'm currently wearing sweatpants and a long sleeve sweatshirt. Nothing even remotely revealing. But it is damn hot.

"I'm fine, Quincy," I say, brushing him off and heading into the bathroom. He just has to comment on everything. Since when did Tommy Quincy become so observant? I might add that he didn't look at all flustered because of what happened, and unlike me he looked well rested. Well, I'm certainly glad nothing's bothering **him**.

Honestly, though, I don't get it. After my sixteenth birthday, after that amazing kiss in the rain, Tommy panicked. I mean he like literally freaked out. And now? Only a year later we almost have _sex _and he seems ridiculously unfazed by it. I just don't get him.

I emerge from the bathroom twenty minutes later and go to my room to grab my stuff, readying myself for the hunt Tommy and I are about to embark on. The sooner I find my own apartment, the sooner all this craziness ends. I have to admit that I can't help but wonder whether, deep down, I really _want_ it to end.

As I pick up my cell phone from the bedside table, I notice there are three new text messages and a couple of voicemails. All are from Speed except one that's from my dad. Speed has called a gazillion times since last night but I'm not ready to talk to him yet.

Honestly, I'm not even mad at him anymore. I just don't know what to say. It's time that he and I were over; I just don't want to have that conversation over the phone. Plus, I'm a little scared what effect this is going to have on my relationship with the band, but it's not like I can stay with Speed just to keep the band together.

As I hold the phone in my hand, it starts ringing again. Speed. I put the ringer on silent and shove it in my bag.

I walk out to the kitchen and see Quincy reading the paper. "You know I never took you for a 'reading the paper to inform myself' kind of guy," I joke as I pour a cup of coffee.

He holds up the page he's been reading – the comics. He smirks, "I'm not."

No matter how normal he's acting, I still feel the tension between us. I mean even looking at him, I keep having flashbacks to what it felt like last night when he kissing me and touching me. And he's looking at me differently. I can't exactly explain it. More intense. I get the feeling I'm not the only one replaying the events of last night.

"You ready to go?" I ask, forcing myself to look away from him. I take out the paper with all my circled choices on it.

"Ready when you are," he says. I look at him and nod. Time to get this show on the road.

Apartment hunting is turning out to be more of a disaster than I thought. We're on our way to the seventh place now. Tommy found something wrong with each previous one. Let's see, the first one was too expensive, the second was in a 'sketchy' neighbourhood. The third one he wouldn't even let me go in. He saw the exterior of the building and kept driving. Four to six were just as bad. I mean, some of the stuff he objected to, I agreed with. But some of the stuff he hated was just ridiculous.

As he pulls up the curb outside apartment number seven, I see real hope. The exterior of the building is immaculately kept. There is no sign of drug dealers or dangerous people. We walk into the building and inquire at the desk. The person at the desk says she'll send out the building manager to speak with us.

"Tommy, this one looks pretty good so far," I whisper to him quietly.

"We'll see," he says cynically, looking around as if he's trying to spot something to complain about.

A couple of minutes later the building manager comes out to meet us in the lobby. As he approaches I am completely taken aback. Besides Tommy, I have never seen a better looking man in my life.

"Hi, I'm Mark," he says, smiling as he reaches out to shake my hand, then Tommy's. "So would the apartment be for the two of you?"

"No." I answer quickly. "Just me." I glance over at Tommy and he's rolling his eyes at my apparently obvious attempt to tell this guy that I'm single.

I look back at Mark, who is still smiling. He begins to explain to me all that is included in the rent. "And if you ever need anything, I can give you my personal line and you can give me a call day or night."

Out of the corner of my eye I see Tommy's head shoot up. I glance over and he's glaring at Mark. Oh dear. Men and their territory.

We go up to the apartment, which by the way is beautiful. Big windows, large open rooms. Everything seems clean. Mark is being very sweet and funny. Actually, he's blatantly flirting with me as we walk around the apartment. Tommy is walking slightly behind but I can still see him out of the corner of my eye, looking quite unimpressed.

"Apartments in this building go really quickly. So I don't suggest waiting on it. And if you take it, you can move in immediately," Mark says and I can see Tommy's shoulders tense.

Before I can say anything, Tommy pipes in. "She'll think about it. Thanks for showing us around." Tommy's tone is really dismissive and Mark takes the cue and leaves, waving at me politely first.

I turn to face Tommy. "This place is great! It's clean, it's not that expensive. It's not far from G-Major, either."

Tommy gives me a look of disbelief. "No." He says simply. "First of all, the lobby is not very secure. Second, that guy was way too friendly." He's looking at me, outraged. "He's supposed to be professional and that was nowhere close."

I look at him curiously. Okay, so maybe Mark was friendly and flirty. But he was a nice, polite guy. He didn't seem dangerous in the least.

Okay, maybe the apartment isn't _that_ close to work. And I'm sure I'll find another perfect apartment soon.

Right.

I look at Tommy's who's giving me that pleading puppy-dog look.

And, of course, I give into him. "Let's just go," I say, walking out of the apartment. Why do I find it impossible to resist him, especially that damn look? So he doesn't want me to take the apartment? What the hell does this even have to do with him? I chastise myself mentally as we walk back to his Viper.

As I settle back into the passenger seat I see that we've exhausted the list of acceptable choices. Everything else I see in the paper is too far, too expensive or in a bad neighbourhood. I sigh in frustration. I look at my watch and see that it's 6:30 pm. We've been out all day.

"Let's just go back to your apartment. That's enough looking for one day," I say, wondering what exactly I'm going to do now that there don't seem to be any good apartments available.

He nods and drives back to his place as I ponder silently what to do. I know what I really want to do, where I really _want_ to live, not that I think it's a good idea. But the last time I checked, usually the things you want are the things that are the least good for you.

As we walk into his apartment, he heads to the kitchen to get something to eat and I sprawl out on the couch in the living room. I'm exhausted, mentally and physically. I'm tired of dealing with the drama of Speed and Tommy and the upset of both Sadie and my dad leaving. The weight of dealing with all of it has left me completely worn out. I flick on the TV and flip through the channels until I land on an old black and white movie. It looks pretty interesting and I begin to watch it. Tommy saunters into the living room and joins me on the couch, watching the movie too. He's sitting a few inches away and I have to admit it feels really nice just to be spending time with him like this. And even though today was a disaster as far as finding an apartment, it was kinda fun spending the day with him out of the recording studio.

I feel my eyes begin to get heavy and I attempt to resist closing them.

But it must not work because the next thing I remember is my eyes fluttering open as I feel movement. But I'm not moving myself. I open my eyes slightly to see Tommy's face hovering above mine and I can tell I'm no longer on the couch. In fact, Tommy's carrying me to my room and I feel the bed give under me as he lays me gently down on it. I close my eyes tight, still pretending to be asleep.

"Good night, Jude," he whispers and I can sense his face close to mine. Then I feel his lips kiss my temple. I can feel the warmth of his kiss spread through my body.

After I hear him close the door behind him, I smile widely. Sometimes he's just too good to be true.


	7. Chapter Six

Chapter Six:

The next day I drove myself into work; Tommy was happy to agree to this because I explained to him that I had to stay after work and break the news to Spiederman. As soon as I saw Spiederman that morning I told him I needed to talk to him after work. I felt bad because he actually looked happy about it. Poor guy doesn't know what's coming.

Work was torturous because all I kept thinking about was the pain I was about to inflict on my lead guitarist. And the fact that Darius announced he was holding a party on Saturday, only four days from now, and attendance was mandatory. Great. Just what I'll feel like doing. I hate Darius's little parties. Boring industry people wanting us artists to whore ourselves out for promotional deals. That's my idea of fun on a Saturday night.

And now, at 6:30, everyone has pretty much cleared out of G-Major except for me and Speed. Tommy had been loitering and I got the distinct feeling he wanted to stay in case I needed backup. But I glared at him until he got the message to leave.

I walk out to the lobby to see Speed sitting on one of the couches waiting for me. I feel ready bad. He's cute and sweet (or at least, he can be sweet if you catch him on a good day).

I sit down on the couch next to him, and move away slightly as he tries to move closer to me.

"Speed, we need to talk. About us." I pause, looking for some sort of response. But Speed just sits there looking at me blankly. "It's over…I think we both know that." I say simply, expecting him to rage or yell.

I'm completely taken aback when he sighs, resigned. "I know. I was trying to deny it. But I know."

"I'm sorry," I say. He's been a good friend and I don't want to lose him in my life in that capacity.

He waves my apology off. "Don't be sorry. We weren't exactly steaming up the windows, were we? And I'm sorry I tried to push something more on you. I think I was trying to force something that wasn't there."

I smile, relieved. For once, Speed is actually acting extremely mature. "Friends?" I ask.

"Of course," he says, leaning in and hugging me in a strictly friendly manner. He looks at his watch. "Hey, I gotta go, but I'll catch you later, okay?"

"Sure," I say and watch him walk out. I let out a huge sigh of relief. That went much better than I expected. I'm glad it's finally over. I've known for a while that Speed and I were not destined to continue in couplehood and I'm just relieved that we've made the transition back to friends.

I pick up my stuff and head for the exit. I have more apartment hunting to do. _Sigh_.

As I exit the building, I hear a voice say, "Everything go okay?"

I turn to look and see Tommy leaning casually against the building. "I thought you went home?" I ask.

"Well, I thought I'd wait here, just in case Spiederman tried to kidnap you or something." He's smirking. We both know that's ridiculous.

"Yeah, because that's exactly what he would do. And to answer your question, it went fine. I'll see you back at the apartment later, Quincy."

He raises his eyebrows at me, questioningly. "I found a few more apartments in the paper I thought I'd look at."

"Going solo, Harrison? I wasn't a good enough hunting partner?"

"Umm... the fact that you hated every one of them was a bit of a problem."

He rolls his eyes and waves me off. "Look, let's go get some dinner and then I'll go with you."

"If you must," I say, aloof. Inside, however, I'm getting butterflies at the prospect of spending more time with him.

The next three nights Quincy goes searching with me and none of the apartments are even remotely acceptable. Even I see that; it's not completely in Tommy's head this time.

By Friday night, I'm so fed up I could cry. And honestly I really don't care about finding a place anymore. Tommy and I have had a good time the last few nights sharing dinner and mean comments about the disgusting apartments. It's fun being with him. Even if it is ridiculously complicated and every minute I have to resist throwing myself into his arms. Small price to pay for having a nice place to live.

That night as Tommy drives his Viper away from the last place we looked at, he turns to glance at me and says the words I have been dying to hear. "Jude, why don't you just…stay?"

Umm. YES! HELL YES! Ok, Jude, don't look too desperate. Calm down.

I turn to face him as he looks between me and the road. I can't help but smile as I say, "Okay, Tommy."

"Good. Because I already had a key made for you." He smirks, reaching into his coat pocket and handing it to me. The he turns his attention completely back on the road.

I relax back into the passenger seat. What this means I have no idea. But it can't be a bad thing, can it?

As we get up to the apartment I put on my sweat pants and a t-shirt, preparing for another relaxing night in. The past few nights, after the apartment hunting, Tommy and I have been just relaxing on the couch together, watching movies and laughing. It's been surprisingly comfortable. There's always an undertone of tension, especially since we're sitting on the same couch where we almost had sex. But whenever we feel the tension, one of us makes a joke about something in order to diffuse the situation.

As I relax on the couch, I see that he hasn't changed into his comfortable clothes yet. In fact, I think he's wearing something dressier than he did to work.

When he passes by the living room, I call his name. "Tommy?" He pauses, looking at me. "Are you going somewhere?"

"Yeah, an old friend called me and wanted to go out tonight. They're only in town for a few days so…" his words trail off as I hear a knock on the door. Whoever it is must have snuck past security. Or they're known to be a visitor to Tommy's apartment.

I watch him open the door and move out of the way to let the person in.

My eyes widen as I see one of the most gorgeous women walk into my line of sight. She leans forward and kisses both of his cheeks. What the hell? Who is this woman?

Tommy glances towards me and he guides the woman forward into the living room. "Jude, this is Chantal, an old friend of mine. Chantal, this is Jude, my…roommate. I'll be right back, I gotta grab my cell phone." And I watch as Tommy walks to his room, deserting me in the living room with this woman.

"Hi," I say standing up to shake her hand. She smiles and says nothing in return.

"So, what do you do?" I ask, desperate for something to say.

"I'm a model." Oh dear God. Why a model? Speed's words rush back to me. _He's a model-magnet – that's all he cares about._ Were Speed and everyone else right about him all along?

She's a model who apparently does not like to speak. We stand there in silence as I eye her and she looks around the room in disinterest. I glance up at her. She must be six feet tall and she's wearing the most stunning dress I've ever seen. I feel ridiculously awkward and deficient standing next to her so I sit back down on the couch.

Tommy walks back out and she turns to look at him. "Ready to go?" he asks. She nods in response and they begin to walk out.

Tommy turns, just as they're about to walk out the front door. Tommy's got a devilish gleam in his eyes, like he's playing a game with me. Then he walks out and shuts the door behind him.

I'm left sitting on the couch, wondering what the hell just happened. One minute he's asking me to stay with him in his apartment and the next he's going out with another woman. Can you say mixed signals? I begin to wonder if it just a game for him.

I mean I know Tommy's attracted to me. But Tommy knows I wouldn't be just a one night stand or an affair. Is that all he's really looking for, something tawdry and cheap with shallow bimbos like Chantal? If so, then I don't know him nearly as well as I thought I did.

My phone rings and I immediately pick it up. "Hello?"

"Hey there, pop princess. How are you?" I smile immediately. It's Patsy.

"I'm okay. You?"

"Oh, I'm okay. Look, Andrews isn't going to be back for another couple of days. I wondered if you wanted to go out on the town with me tonight?"

I almost say no, but then I feel immediately riled when I think of Tommy's behaviour. He's certainly not at home thinking of me. "Okay, Patsy, sure."

"Want me to pick you up?"

"Sure, I'm at the Garden Towers building. Do you know where that is?"

"Sure, those really upscale apartments. I'll be there in 15."

I hang up. I love Patsy. She has the ability to take my mind off anything. Usually by helping me consume massive amounts of alcohol.

I run to my room and change into my nicest looking jeans and cute white shirt that has spaghetti straps. I quickly apply some makeup, grab my bag and my newly made key and then make my way down to the road to wait for Patsy.

She arrives promptly and I jump into the car.

"So what's on the agenda for tonight?" I ask. I know with Patsy I always have a good time, even if it's not exactly legal. I think I already mentioned her assisting my underage consumption of alcohol.

She looked at me, grinning. "Well, I wonder how you might feel about crashing some upscale nightclubs. You know, partying with the other half, getting them to buy us drinks. There are a few nearby."

I laugh, "Sure, why not. Except there's one problem. I'm only seventeen."

"Yes, but you're also Jude Fucking Harrison. Celebrity. You think they're going to give you a problem?"

I look at her sceptically but she turns out to be completely right. The first two we clubs we hit let us in immediately. We do just as Patsy said. We dance and drink and then move on. I'm actually having a surprisingly good time. Better than sitting at home alone.

By the time we leave the second club, it's already 1:30 am. I think about telling Patsy to take me home. But she really wants to go to one last club. I give in and again we're admitted immediately. Well, at least my celebrity status is good for something.

A couple minutes after we enter, a cute guy approaches and asks me to dance. Why the hell not?

I nod in agreement and he grabs my hand, leading me to the dance floor. They're playing a dance mix version of Justin Timberlake's "I Think That She Knows." We're dancing and the guy continues to creep a little closer.

I suddenly feel as if I'm being watched. While still dancing I glance around and I'm shocked when my eyes lock with Tommy's. He's staring at me as this guy puts his arms around my back and pulls me even closer. Tommy's only about five feet away, sitting at a table near the bar with a bunch of people including Chantal, who I see is trying to get his attention. I can actually see his lip quivering in rage. His eyes are burning into mine and I force myself to look away.

I'm not going to let Tommy ruin my fun.

Okay, well, he kind of already has. I'm not nearly as excited about dancing as I was about three minutes ago.

My breath catches as I feel this guy's hands begin to explore the hem of my shirt and travel underneath to touch the skin on my back.

Then I feel myself being pulled away roughly as someone grabs my right arm. I turn my head to the right to see Tommy, rage filling his eyes. "Let's go," he yells over the music, his voice full of ire.

Before I can say anything, I feel 'club boy' grab my hips and pull me back. "We're dancing," he yells, glaring at Tommy.

I look at Tommy, who looks completely enraged. But there's also a touch of worry and caring on his face mingled with the anger.

I immediately begin to feel dirty with this other man's hands on me. Tommy's still gripping my arm and I pull myself closer to him. And without a word Tommy hauls me off the dance floor and drags me all the way outside, directing me to his Viper. I don't know what happened to his date or Patsy. All I can see is Tommy, who's visibly trying to calm himself down. "Do you have your car?" he asks.

"No," I say and he releases by arm, motioning for me to get in the passenger side of the Viper.

The drive home is almost painful. He won't even look at me. I can tell he's furious at me. Why I don't know. It's not like I was doing anything inappropriate. But I can feel his disapproval and it hurts.

I just want to go home and have a shower and sleep off the melancholy that's setting in.

As we reach the apartment, I begin to walk down the hall to my room but he stops me mid-stride when he begins to talk. Or should I say yell. "What the **hell** were you thinking?"

I turn to face him. "What?"

"Letting him grope you like that? You're better than that Jude."

I feel my temper flare and I can't help but react. My voice is even louder than his was. "You know what? Save it!! I wasn't thinking for once!! I'm so sick of everyone whoring themselves out but thinking I'm a tramp if I dance with someone! It's not fair and you of all people have no right to judge!!"

His brow furrows and his eyes narrow in on mine. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"You know **exactly** what it means. You get to fuck all the bimbos you want and I'm supposed to sit at home while you play games with my emotions? Well, you know what Quincy. Fuck you!! I don't need your drama or your games." With this last burst of outrage, I storm off to my room. As soon as I reach it, I slam the door and stumble to the bed, collapsing in heart wrenching sobs.


	8. Chapter Seven

Chapter Seven:

At 7:00 am, I creep out of the apartment after showering quickly. I didn't dry my hair or grab anything to eat. I had to sneak out of the apartment early before Tommy woke up because honestly I just couldn't face him. I know - I'm a huge coward. There's pretty much no other reason I'd be sneaking out of the apartment at this time of day before I even had a chance to grab my daily, and very necessary, morning cup of coffee.

I was horrible to him. I mean, I still completely think he overreacted but I never thought I'd ever say what I did. I really wish I could take the whole night back. But I'm not the only one who acted like a jerk. What did he think he was doing flaunting his date in front of me? That was a really insensitive thing to do considering we've been dancing around our feelings for each other. Bringing her to the apartment felt like a giant slap in the face. I'm still wavering between feeling bad about what I said and maintaining my anger at Tommy's ridiculous accusations.

Whatever. I know I need to get over it. After a very long sobbing session last night, I need to just relax and realize that maybe Tommy and I were never meant to give it a shot.

Okay, Jude. Think of the reasons why you and Tommy are a bad idea. First, he is quite a bit older. And he's not exactly the type of guy I ever thought I'd end up with.

The only problem is that I can't get my heart to hate him or dislike him, even a little. Ever since we fought last night I can feel my heart breaking piece by piece.

And what makes matters worse is that Darius's stupid party is tonight. Which means I have to head to G-Major to pick out an outfit and get my hair done. And get prepped by Darius for the tenth time about what I'm supposed to say to these executive types.

G-Major is where I'm headed right now. I don't need to go this early but since I can't bear to stay in the apartment, I figured I'd go pick out an outfit, spend the day pouring my breaking heart into a song and then get ready for the damn party.

Great plan. And the bonus is that I can avoid Tommy all day until the party. I know. I already admitted I'm a complete coward. But I really don't know what I'm even going to say. Should I apologize or not? Should I wait and see if he does? Yeah, I know that's really doubtful. He's not exactly the apology type.

Okay, this is really too much thinking for my coffee-free morning brain.

I arrive at G-Major at 7:30 and I look around to see that Portia is already there setting up the wardrobe area.

"Hey," I say quietly.

She turns around, shocked to see me so early. "Wow. Is that Jude Harrison here at 7:30? What's going on?"

"Nothing. I just couldn't sleep and thought I might as well come in before all the good outfits are taken." I lie, trying to smile but it seems I can't smile when my heart is aching.

She nods, sensing that I'm not really up for a chat. She leaves me to rummage through all the outfits. I find a really pretty blue dress, pretty much the exact colour of my eyes. I glance at the tag – it's my size. This is the one.

I turn and hand it to Portia. "Can you hold this one for me?"

"Sure, okay."

"Thanks." I start to walk away, and then I pause. "Oh, and if anyone comes looking for me, you didn't see me, okay? I'm just going to lock myself in Studio C and work on a song until later."

Portia nods in understanding. I can see she knows there's more going on but I'm grateful that she doesn't push it. I walk to Studio C and, just as I said, lock myself in for the rest of the day.

The problem is that when I work on a song I tend to get really carried away. By the time I emerge from my musical reverie I look at the clock to see that it's almost 6:00 pm. Except for the few breaks I took to eat the snacks I stowed in my bag, I've been working all day on my song. And I have yet to get ready for the party which is set to begin in only a few minutes.

I unlock Studio C and run to the wardrobe racks where I grab the dress Portia has held for me. I run to the washroom and change as quickly as possible. I stop in front of the mirror, doing what I can with my hair and putting on a small amount of makeup, just enough to help the dress bring out my eyes. I take a deep breath and look at the time on my cell phone. It's almost 6:10. I'm late and Darius is not going to be impressed.

I stow my bag among the other employees' possessions and rush into the open area where the party is being held. G-Major is packed with record executives, agents and artists who are trying to get themselves deals. I scan the room quickly until my eyes fall on Spiederman.

Thank God. A friendly face. I walk over to him.

"Hey," he says as I approach. He's standing with Wally and Kyle and they both say hello as well.

"Hey guys. Did I miss anything?"

"Nope, although I think Darius was scoping the room for you," Speed replies. I look around the room again, my eyes betraying me by looking for any sign of Tommy.

"Great. Well, I'll stick with you guys until he hunts me down and drags me off to talk with one of his vulture executive friends."

We begin to chat idly about stupid stuff, just to keep each other entertained, but a flash of colour catches my eye across the room. It's bright red. My eye focuses and I see that it's someone's red dress that I'm looking at. It's a bold shade and a daring design as well, gaping in the front and plunging down the sides. My eyes follow the dress up to her face.

I feel my face fall as I recognize her.

It's Chantal. And she's standing next to Tommy who is talking to one of the record execs. I avert my eyes, thankful he's not looking in my direction.

I feel what's left of my heart smash on the ground. Her again? I guess it wasn't just some stupid fling. I glance back over, attempting to be stealthier as I watch her and Tommy out of the corner of my eye. She's completely comfortable in this atmosphere. She's laughing and talking and I feel my breath catch in my throat when she touches Tommy's arm.

I try to look away but I can't. It's like I'm mesmerized. Finally I see Tommy glance in my direction and as I try to look away again our eyes meet and lock. I can't read his expression from this far away.

He stares at me for a few seconds before turning back to his conversation and Chantal, who is still clinging to his arm. He doesn't exactly seem broken-hearted. Besides, it looks like he's had someone waiting for him all this time.

I realize I've been completely ignoring Speed, Kyle and Wally but luckily they're so caught up in their joking that they haven't noticed.

I see Darius heading towards me. "Hey Jude. There are a few people I'd like you to meet," he says as he leads me towards the other side, farther away from Tommy.

As I attempt to maintain civil conversation with the executives, I keep an almost constant watch on Tommy and Chantal. She keeps touching his arm or laughing. And while Tommy doesn't seem to be as involved in flirting as she does, he's not exactly pushing her away either.

I've had enough of this. I hate these parties and I hate the emptiness I feel when I look at Tommy and Chantal.

As soon as my chance arrives, I excuse myself from the conversation I'm having and quietly sneak out of the room. I change quickly back into my jeans and t-shirt, stowing the dress back in the wardrobe area. Then I grab my bag and rush quickly out the doors.

As I reach outside and the colder temperature of the night, I shiver slightly. I run for my Mustang, praying that no one saw me leave.

I look back and am relieved that no one seems to be following me out. I drive quickly out of the parking lot towards Tommy's apartment.

As I watched Chantal and Tommy at the party I made a choice. And I needed to escape the party, to execute my decision while Tommy was unavailable to interrupt.

I can't live with him. It's that simple. I can't watch him be with other girls. It's too hard. Actually, more accurately, it's torture. Tonight at various moments, watching Chantal interacting with him, I could barely breathe.

I arrive at the apartment and ride up the elevator, which seems to take forever to reach Tommy's floor. I rush into the apartment, as if I feel like he's going to come in at any moment. I grab the few belongings I had brought to Tommy's and scrawl a brief note.

_Tommy,_

_Thanks for letting me stay here, but it's just not going to work._

_Hope you understand,_

_Jude_

I leave the note on the kitchen counter, along with my key and let myself out. When I reach the Mustang, I shove my belongings in the backseat and take off, headed for the place where this whole mess started: the rehearsal space. I should have just stayed there to begin with.

I grab my bag from the car and make my way into the space. I lock the door behind me and drop my stuff on the floor.

I feel like crying. I feel like screaming.

Suddenly I feel an overwhelming sense of exhaustion wash over me. I grab a blanket and lay on the couch, pulling the blanket over me, covering my entire body.

I feel cold, lonely. And stupid, very stupid. How could I have been so dense to think even for one minute that Quincy might want something more from me than just friendship? He certainly never said he did.

But what about the kiss he gave me the other day? And what about the intense attraction? I can't be alone in feeling how special that is. I mean it's not everyday you meet someone and you feel that drawn to them.

I close my eyes, praying for my sadness and heartbreak to go away.

The next thing I remember is waking up to a loud bang. My eyes open immediately. What the hell is that?

I sit up, wondering how long I've been sleeping. I look at my watch. It's only 10:00.

I hear the banging again and it takes me a minute to realize someone is knocking on the door. Actually, they're banging ridiculously loudly. I sit still, a little frightened.

"Jude!! Come on, open the door!" I hear someone yell from the other side of the door. Except it's not just anyone. I recognize Tommy's voice instantly.

I feel all the heartbreak, anger and disappointment from earlier wash over me. I don't want to see him. I don't move, praying that he'll go away.

"Jude, I'll break the fucking door down if I have to!"

Why can't he just leave me alone?

I walk slowly to the door, wondering if he'd actually try breaking it down. Not that I want to find out. I don't exactly want to have to pay to get the damn door repaired.

I lean against the door and I can almost feel him standing on the other side. I unlock it, wanting to get this over with as quickly as possible.

I open the door and Tommy strides in without saying anything. I see Tommy's face as he walks in and I notice that he looks angry, but he also looks frustrated and upset.

I shut the door, turning to face him. He's standing in the open area by the couch. I walk a little closer but I don't say anything. I honestly do not have the energy for a fight.

Apparently he doesn't either. He surprisingly doesn't yell but speaks at a normal volume. "Jude, we've been over this. I'm not going to let you stay here," he says.

Okay, now I start to feel my ire rise. I hate when he does that, when he assumes that he can decide what he's going to let me do.

"You know what Tommy? You can't tell me what I'm going to do or not do." The memories of the past few days, witnessing him with Chantal, suddenly rush over me. I feel the immediate urge to just get rid of him so I can try and sleep off my sadness. "Just go. Please, just leave," I say quietly, but forcefully.

He moves a bit closer, standing only a foot away from me now. "Jude, I don't care what you say. You're not staying here. It's foolish and dangerous. Just come back to my—our apartment."

I shake my head instantly. "No. Didn't you get my note? I can't stay there with you," I say, my voice cracking with emotion. I feel the tears spring to my eyes and I swallow hard, trying to hold them in. "Look, you can't make me do anything, so just go."

He just stares at me, as if expecting me to change my mind. I feel my anger rising and I just want him to leave. Seeing him just reminds me of the hurt I'm feeling. "Look!!" I say, louder, "Just go! You can't make me leave. You not you're my mother, you're not anything!!" I begin to yell, louder than I had intended, "Get out!! Just leave me alone!!!" I try and push him towards the door for emphasis, but instead of moving, he grabs my arms, pulling me closer. We're only inches from our bodies being pressed together.

I look into his eyes and see the desire looming there. I try and ignore it but I feel my knees beginning to grow weak.

"Just go," I whisper, but he just shakes his head silently.

Then, before I can say anything, he quickly pulls me in the final few inches and kisses me ravenously. His lips are hard, bruising on mine. And nothing has ever felt so good.

But this can't continue. I don't want to keep playing this back and forth game with him.

I push against him and break away from his searing kiss. I pull back as far as I can out of his grip. "No, Tommy. Let's stop before we do something we can't take back."

His voice is louder now. "Don't you get it, Jude? I don't want to take it back!" He lifts his hands to the sides of my face and looks deep into my eyes. "I want you! Only you! I have for a very long time," he says vehemently, the passion evident in his voice.

Oh. My. God. I feel myself breathing deeper, both from our contact and from the words he has just spoken.

I stare at him, shocked. Tommy just said he wanted _me_.

As I look into his face, he seems to be waiting for me to make a choice.

The thing is, for me, there's really no choice. I love him. And I want him.

I put my hands on his shoulders, leaning up to place a light kiss on his lips. "It's time."


	9. Chapter Eight

Chapter Eight:

He looks at me with surprise in his eyes, knowing exactly what I'm talking about. "Are you sure that you're ready?"

And this is why I love him. I see in his eyes that he's not pressuring me. If I said no right now, I know that he'd kiss me and tell me that he'd wait.

But I don't want to wait. Not anymore.

I nod, "I'm sure. More than sure."

He smiles widely, his eyes full of desire and anticipation. He breaks away from me for a minute to place a few blankets on the ground.

Then he's back and he pulls me close, pressing his soft lips to mine. He traces the outline of my lips with his tongue, opening my mouth for his tongue to enter. As our kiss deepens, as I feel his tongue enter my mouth, I also feel his hands begin to explore my body. He begins to caress my stomach, placing his hands underneath my t-shirt. It feels so good I think for a second that I might pass out from the sensation.

My mind is screaming at me. I've never had sex before. Will I be okay? I mean this is Tommy who has slept with countless people. Will he be disappointed?

He pulls back for a second, his hands still under my shirt, and looks at me as if he's reading my thoughts. "Stop thinking so much," he says softly, leaning down to kiss my neck.

Think? How can I think about anything when he's doing that? I close my eyes and enjoy the feel of his warm lips on my skin.

He pulls his hands out from under my shirt and I open my eyes. He smirks before pulling my shirt over my head; I lift my arms so he can slip it off more easily. "Gorgeous," he breathes quietly, taking in what's been hiding underneath my shirts all this time.

I begin to feel braver and I reach forward and lift his shirt over his head, smiling. I've seen him with no shirt but never right before we're about to have sex. His naked chest seems so much more seductive in this situation.

I reach forward tentatively and put my palms to his chest, caressing it. I hear his intake of breath and smile, proud that I have an equal effect on him that he has on me.

I take the initiative and kiss his lips again, and he drags me closer, moulding my body to his. I feel his erection through his jeans and the nervousness rises in me.

He reaches between us, without breaking the deep, searing kiss, to unbuckle my jeans. I help him by pushing them down and kicking them off.

My hand shakes as I reach for the snap on his jeans. I can't believe I'm about to take Tommy's pants off.

Tommy's sees my hand shaking and grasps it tightly with one of his. "It's okay. We'll go slowly," he whispers in my ear, kissing my earlobe lightly, seductively.

I continue to move my hands to his pants, undoing them and slipping them down his legs. He kicks them off and I look at the pile of our clothes on the floor beside us.

He takes my hand and leads me to the blankets he's laid on the floor. As we stand on the blankets, he begins to kiss my lips, then my neck, sliding his lips down to my collarbone. I do my best to remain standing. I'm feeling seriously aroused and I'm touching him more familiarly now, caressing his arms, his chest, even reaching around to touch his butt through his boxers.

His lips finally return to mine and our kissing becomes heated as his tongue enters my mouth, our tongues duelling for control. Our hands are still busy exploring, arousing each other even more than we were before. I can feel proof of that as he leans his body into mine. My ability to think about anything but what we're doing is gone.

Moving quicker than before, thanks to our aroused states, his hands move around to unclasp my bra. He slips it off and tosses it across the room. We slip off our underwear and throw them aside as well.

He grabs my hand and we both lay down on the blankets. He's lying on top of me, holding himself from crushing me.

"You're beautiful," he says, his breathing heavy, his eyes dark with arousal.

I feel myself blushing as he leans his head down to kiss the top of each breast. I gasp as he takes one nipple in his mouth, sucking, and then the other one. I've never felt something so wonderful in my life.

I feel myself almost blinded with pleasure as he continues this. Just when I think I couldn't possibly feel any better, he reaches down between my legs and begins to rub my core, finding just the right spot.

"Oh God…" I breathe out, closing my eyes, enjoying the pleasure.

I feel Tommy's erection against my skin and I reach down nervously, touching it. As I rub it experimentally, Tommy moans in pleasure and I feel proud knowing it's making him feel so aroused.

"You're so perfect," he whispers, kissing me lightly.

He pulls away from me for a second to grab a condom from his wallet. He puts it on returns to me.

He positions himself at my entrance, and glances at me for approval before he takes the last, irrevocable step. I nod wordlessly.

"Relax," he soothes, knowing that it will undoubtedly hurt more if I don't.

He pushes himself in slowly and I feel the pain as he passes through my barrier. The pain is excruciating but the pleasure is equally powerful.

A tear escapes my eyes and he kisses it away gently. He stops moving, waiting. "Are you okay?"

I smile at him encouragingly. "Keep going. I need to feel you," I whisper.

He begins to push himself in again. The pain has subsided and now all I feel is pure bliss.

I moan in pleasure; I'm actually unable to believe the sounds I'm making due the pleasure he's giving me.

He begins to thrust faster, and I can feel something forming at the core of me, like I'm going to explode. He keeps thrusting, and within minutes we both climax, screaming each other's names.

He collapses on top of me, before rolling to my side to ease the pressure from my body. I can feel that we're still joined and it's so fulfilling, so comforting.

He kisses me my lips lightly as we both lay panting for air. He reaches down and covers our bodies with one of the blankets. "You're amazing," he says. "I've never felt as good as I do, right now."

"Me neither," I say trying to catch my breath. I turn my face to look at him. "Thank you."

He smirks, leaning towards me to kiss my temple. "You're more than welcome." He pulls me close into his arms and I can feel myself drifting off the sleep.

Regardless of how it started off, it certainly has turned out to be the best night of my life.


	10. Chapter Nine

Chapter Nine:

I can't move.

First, the soreness I feel after our activities last night is pretty severe. I'm not sure it would be a good idea to get up even if I could. But the real reason I can't stand up is that Tommy's heavy arm is slung across my waist, as I lay with my back pressed to his chest. Even in sleep his grip is strong, holding me tightly against him. Which feels completely amazing, by the way.

I have no idea what time it is but judging by the soft light pouring in the window, it's still early. And I'm wide awake trying to lie as quietly as I can so I don't wake Tommy up.

It's not that I don't want him to wake up but I'm scared what he'll say when he does. What exactly does all of this mean for us? I can actually feel my head spinning think of all the possible scenarios that could come about. What if he's not happy? What if he regrets what we've done? What if it didn't mean anything?

Before I can fret any longer, I feel Tommy start to move beside me. I tense, praying that he'll go back to sleep.

I can hear him yawning. I don't think he's going back to sleep. And the waiting is killing me. Good or bad, I need to know what he's thinking.

I turn in his arms to face him. I need to look in his beautiful blue eyes.

He's smiling. Okay, that's a good sign, right?

"Hi," I say quietly, nervously, averting my eyes from him. Why am I so nervous? Last night this man saw literally all I have to offer. Why is his simple gaze driving me this crazy?

I glance back at him to see his head lying comfortably on the pillow. He's still dozing a little and I can't help but notice how cute he looks all dishevelled first thing in the morning. I mean I've seen him in the morning in the apartment, but not when he's _just_ woken up.

There's so much I want to say, so much I want to ask him. But instead I just continue lying there silently, staring at him.

He looks at me curiously, like he can tell something's not right. "Are you alright, Harrison?"

"Fine… I just…"

"You just what?" he asks when I pause.

"It's just I'm lying her thinking all these things. And before I go completely crazy I just need to ask you. I need to know...you know...if you regret it," I spit out before I completely lose my nerve to ask. Unable to bear his gaze, I look away.

Instead of replying, he leans down and places a few kisses on my shoulder. "Regret it? No way, girl. Never." he whispers in my ear. I shiver at the sensation of his breath on my skin. A thought seems to hit him and he pulls back. "Do you?"

"No, not for a second." He exhales deeply as I say this. "It's just I've never—I don't know what happens now and my mind keeps making up all these scenarios that could happen."

He smirks, kissing my neck. "You need to stop over thinking things. I think we need to just let this thing develop on its own. Since your birthday last year when I kissed you in the rain we've been dancing around each other. I kept thinking you were too young which, by the way, legally you still are. And judging by your words the other night, you were thinking I was screwing every bimbo that entered the room. Which, just to clarify, I haven't been. What I'm trying to say is that this is new territory for both of us. And I don't want to ruin it by thinking too much. Let's enjoy it, enjoy each other."

I hesitate slightly. "That sounds great. Except, as you just pointed out, I'm not even legal yet. Doesn't that mean—"

"That I could be in trouble? Yes, you could definitely say that. So until you're eighteen, we have two choices. We either keep this thing a secret or we don't sleep together again until you're of age."

I look at him shocked. "You don't want to see me again, like this, until I'm eighteen?"

He laughs loudly, running his hand slowly up my arm. I can feel my skin tingling under his touch. "No. That's not what I said. That was option B. Which is not the one that I would choose."

I'm not liking option B either.

I give him my most seductive smile. "You don't think option B would be a little difficult?"

He coughs uncomfortably and I stifle a laugh. "More difficult than you could possibly imagine. But I don't want to pressure you into anything you're not ready for. And a sexual relationship is a lot at seventeen."

"You're not pressuring me, trust me. Besides, after last night I can't imagine living with you and not thinking about sex almost every minute." I slap my hand to my mouth and shut my eyes tightly. Tell me I didn't just say that to him. I feel Tommy's hand on mine as he pulls it away from my mouth. I open my eyes and he's trying not to smirk but I can see one forming at the corner of his mouth.

"Jude, since you've moved in, I've thought about little else."

I blush and feel myself grinning shyly. "So, we're in this thing, then?"

He nods in response, leaning in and pressing his lips firmly onto mine. His tongue begs for entrance and I willingly open my mouth for it. Before we get involved too heavily, he pulls back. "As much as I really want to continue this, do you think we could do it at home, in the comfort of an actual bed?"

I have to admit, my back is hurting a little from sleeping on the floor, regardless of how many blankets Tommy put down. "Sounds great."

We both stand up to gather our clothes and I feel instantly self-conscious. I'm standing naked in the middle of a room with Tommy Quincy staring at my body.

"You're stunning," he says, apparently reading the discomfort on my face. He leans in and kisses me quickly before turning to find and pull on his clothes. We clean up hurriedly, anxious to get back to the apartment. I grab my things and we rush out to the Viper.

Tommy drives faster than I've ever seen on the way back to our apartment. It feels weird calling it our apartment. You know what sounds weirder? I'm in a sexual relationship with Tommy Quincy.

I almost giggle at the thought. And I'm not really the giggly type. But this turn of events is just insane. It's amazing, but still completely unbelievable. Keeping it from people is going to be the hardest part. As it is, I have no explanation ready if people ask me where I'm living. I've been so wrapped up with all the drama the past few days that I haven't even given it a second thought.

Tommy drives into his parking spot and as soon as we get out of the car, he grabs my hand and pulls me into the building and quickly into the elevator.

It's vacant. As soon as the doors close he seizes the moment, grabbing me close to him and assailing my lips with kisses. We break apart as the elevator dings, a warning that the doors are about to open. It's not our floor and we have to tolerate a bunch of people loading on the elevator and standing in front of us.

As we ride the rest of the way up, I feel Tommy place a hand on the skin between my jeans and my shirt and slowly slip it underneath my shirt. I can't react because of the people surrounding me so I close my eyes, enjoying the sensation, and bite my lip to curb my moans.

Finally everyone unloads and we soon reach the penthouse floor. We rush down the hall and I grab Quincy's key out of his hand so I can unlock the door quickly.

I enter the apartment, shocked to see Chantal sitting comfortably on the couch.

I stop in mid-stride and Tommy runs into me, almost knocking me over.

He follows my eyes and sees Chantal. As I glance at him I notice he looks both completely shocked and puzzled. "What are you doing here?" he asks, a harsh edge to his tone.

"One of the employees let me in. Surprised?" She's giving him a come-hither look and I feel outraged at her overtly forward behaviour. And she's spoken enough words that I notice her accent is French. Great. An experienced, foreign model. Basically throwing herself at Tommy.

"Yeah, more than a little," he says, raising his eyebrows. "Look, you can't just sneak into someone's apartment. You need to leave," he said, motioning towards the still open door.

She stands up, looking more than a little embarrassed. "But Tommy, you said yesterday that we'd get together today."

"Well plans have changed. I'll call you tomorrow," he says, still holding his hand directed towards the door.

I look at Tommy shocked. I feel my joy plummeting to the ground. He's going to call her. What the fuck?

She seems pleased by this and finally walks out of the apartment, not giving me a second glance. She's confident, clearly, but she's got the looks and the attitude to back it up. How can I compete with someone like that?

Tommy shuts the door behind her as I walk into the living room and sit on the couch. I need to try and process what just happened right in front of me.

As Tommy enters the room I look up at him, shooting him a look of pure disbelief.

"Jude, it's not what you think. She's going to be in the music video for one of the bands I'm producing. That's all." He approaches and sits beside me, taking one of my hands in his.

I feel relieved I do. But what about the last couple of days? And sneaking into our apartment? That woman is not just interested in being in a video. "Has anyone told her that? Because I'm pretty sure she thinks that you're part of her paycheque."

"I will admit to dating her at one time," he says and I roll my eyes. Of course. Another notch on his bedpost. "Hey, that was a long time ago. Besides, since I met you no one's been… right. I could never be interested in her, not now."

I look at him, puzzled. "Why not?"

He looks at me and I can almost feel the desire pulsing from his eyes. And even though I'm sitting I feel myself grow weak.

"She's not…you."


	11. Chapter Ten

Chapter Ten:

Monday mornings have always been my least favourite part of the week. Going back to work, as much as I enjoy it, is always hard on a dreary Monday morning.

Monday mornings are even worse, however, when you've just had a weekend as good as mine was.

After Tommy kicked Chantal out on her Chanel-covered butt, we made good use of the living room couch, and finally made our way into his bedroom. We spent all day in bed and were even late for work this morning because of our bedroom activities. Apparently, now that I've got started I just don't want to stop.

Right now I'm sitting in front of the soundboard beside Tommy. I'm supposed to be listening to what we've just been working on. But I can't. He's rubbing my thigh and all I can do is focus on how good it feels.

I look up to see Darius approaching our studio and I clumsily slide my chair away. Of all the people we know, he would disapprove the most. If he even thought Tommy and I were contemplating taking our relationship to the next level, we'd likely be separated permanently at work.

Tommy and I definitely have to practice being more discreet. We haven't been doing so well with that. This morning on the elevator, he was kissing my neck and apparently he was so focussed on it he didn't stop even when the doors opened. Luckily the person who got on was on her cell phone and paid no attention to us. But something like that could easily get us caught.

As Darius walks in the door, I pull my thoughts back to the present. "T, Jude, how's that song coming along?"

Tommy's more composed than I am and answers quickly. "Good, D. I'm almost finished mixing it."

"Good," he says, looking satisfied with our progress. "When you're finished I want you both in my office so I can hear it, okay?"

We both nod and Darius turns on his heel, striding out.

"Jude, can you grab a tape from the supply closet?" Tommy asks. I stand up and walk over to the closet.

Before I can reach for anything, I feel myself being spun around and Tommy pulling me close for a bruising kiss. "It's hard not touching you…" he whispers, leaning in for another searing kiss, pushing me against the wall of the closet. I open my mouth freely, fully participating as his tongue enters my mouth. I wrap my arms around his back, sliding my hands under his shirt. His skin is hot, just like mine.

I feel Tommy's hand trailing up my leg and moving under my jean skirt.

Suddenly we hear a big crash out in the lobby; the moment is broken and we break apart. "Later…" he whispers seductively, a promise I intend on holding him to.

"We better get back to work in case someone comes looking for us," I say, licking my lips. I can still taste Tommy on them. He watches the motion of my tongue intently and I smile, still amazed at the power I seem to hold with him.

We return to the soundboard and I sit far enough away that he can't reach me.

The song is almost perfect. My second album is coming together so well, thanks to Tommy.

The studio doors bursts open and I see Jamie rush in. "Hey!" I exclaim, jumping out of my seat and hugging him tightly. "How was your trip?"

He's looking at me weirdly and I see him eye Tommy suspiciously.

I can see instinctively that he knows about me and Tommy. _Shit._ The more people who know the harder it will be to keep it a secret.

"Jude, can I talk to you for a second?" he asks, not waiting for a response before he pulls me out of the room. As I'm dragged out, I see Tommy's worried expression. He's, no doubt, worried about the same thing I am.

Jamie pulls me all the way across the lobby and into Studio C.

He begins to pace in front of me. "Jamie, what's going on?" I ask, playing dumb.

He looks up at me. "Don't play that game with me, Jude. I've known you since we were in diapers. What's going on with you and Tommy?"

"What exactly do you know?"

Jamie begins speaking at rapid fire speed. "Well, Patsy mentioned that she went out with you on the weekend and that Tommy went all "caveman" on you because you were dancing with some guy. And then she said she sensed some weird vibes between you two at the G-Major thing Saturday." He paused for a breath before continuing. "And [bthen[/b she mentioned that she picked you up at the Garden Towers. Which, I know for a fact, is where Tommy lives. Do you want to fill in the rest for me, Jude?"

"How do you know that's where Tommy lives?"

Jamie reaches out and shakes me lightly. "Jude, stay on topic. I know that's where he lives because when I helped Sadie out on reception that one day I had to have something shipped to his house. But that's not important. I'm worried about you, about what's been going on while I've been gone."

I sigh. He's my best friend. I just can't keep something this big from him; even though I'm fully aware he's going to hate it. "Okay, look, I'll tell you. But you have to promise me a few things first."

He drops his hands from my arms, and looks at me, assessing my words. "What?"

"Well, first, you must remain calm. Second, you can't tell anyone what I'm about to tell you. And third, you can't physically attack Tommy. Okay?"

Jamie looks at me like I'm a complete enigma. "Fine."

"Okay. Well… Tommy and I are…."I pause, taking a steadying breath before I complete my sentence, "together."

His eyes widen in shock. "There's more," I say.

"Oh great," he mutters.

"I'm living with him."

"What!!!!!???" Jamie yells, and I reach up to cover his mouth, silencing him.

"Shut up!! For obvious reasons, we have to keep the whole thing a secret. Most people who have asked me think I'm living with you and we have to keep it that way."

He shot me a look of disbelief. "So now you're pulling me into yours and Tommy's web of lies?"

I glare at him. "It's necessary. Please, just go along with it. Please?" I plead, giving him my best puppy-dog look. Only Tommy can really pull that look off but I try my best.

"Alright," he says, sighing loudly. "But Jude, have you really thought about this? I mean, have you really considered what you're doing here?"

"Jamie, I've overanalyzed every move I've ever made in my life, even the wrong ones. I'm not doing that this time. I'm just going with where things seem to be leading this time. And it feels good to let my heart lead for once."

"But it's Tommy, the guy who always bre-"

"Always breaks my heart, I know. But I want things to turn out differently this time."

I see him conceding, rather unwillingly. "Okay Jude, for you I won't say anything about you and lil Tommy Q. And I'll pretend you live with me if anyone asks. For you, Jude, not him. I don't trust him, not with my best friend's heart."

I lean forward and kiss his cheek, ignoring his negative comments about Tommy. "Thanks, Jamie. I really appreciate it."

I walk back to Studio A. Tommy looks extremely apprehensive. "Does he know?"

"Well, he suspected so I filled in the blanks. I need him to be my backup as far as where I'm living. If people still think I'm going to be living there then they won't be so suspicious."

"I'm guessing he's less than thrilled," Tommy surmises, a cheeky smile forming on his lips. Men, they're just so damn happy when they can one-up each other.

"That would be an understatement. But he's agreed to go along with everything."

Tommy nods pensively. He suddenly becomes quiet. I mean way too quiet.

I look around to make sure no one's coming and I walk over, sitting myself on his lap. "What's going on in that gel-soaked head of yours?" I ask, placing my hands on the sides of his face.

"It's just… I hate that we have to sneak around. I don't want you to feel like we're doing something wrong."

I run my hands through his hair. "You and I know it's not wrong. That's the important thing." I lean down and kiss his lips lightly.

We pull away and I reluctantly slip off his lap into the chair beside him.

We finish mixing the song by five-thirty and take it into Darius's office. We sit in the chairs opposite D's desk, eyeing each other nervously as he listens. He smiles, which is an excellent sign.

"I love it," Darius says. "I just want you to make the acoustics a little cleaner at the end. But other than that, it's great."

"Okay," Tommy says, "we'll stay and do that tonight."

I am a little surprised he's so eager to stay. We could easily finish it tomorrow.

Darius laughs. "Alright if that's what you want to do. I'm heading out for the night."

We head back to the studio and we watch through the glass as Darius and pretty much everyone else heads out. By 7:00, we're done with the song and we're completely alone at G-Major.

I walk into the recording booth to pack up my guitar and the random pieces of paper Tommy and I have written on during the day. I hear Tommy enter as well. I turn around and notice that he's still looking slightly upset. I don't know where his doubts are coming from, but I'm not sure I have him completely convinced that I'm not going to end up somehow scarred by our keeping this a secret. I don't want to keep it a secret either, but that's how it has to be for now. Just for now.

I make a split second decision, a way I think I can make him feel better. "Ready to go?" I hear him say, and he glances over at me while picking up a few pieces of paper.

I walk purposely towards him and I see that he looks a little surprised by my quick approach. I grab his face in my hands, lifting myself on my toes to kiss him passionately. I feel his lips start to move against mine. I need to remind him why we're doing this. Why, no matter how difficult it might get, it's worth it in the end for us to be together like this.

He begins to take control, pulling me flush against him and spinning us so that he can push me against the wall. We're moving feverishly, tearing at each other's clothes as we remove them, and we fall quickly to the ground. He lands on top of me. I can't kiss him or touch him enough and I can tell the feeling is mutual. He unhooks my bra, throwing it across the room and he leans down to kiss one breast as he caresses the other one. I close my eyes and my back arches, unconsciously reacting to his touch.

He inches down lower, leaving a trail of kisses down my stomach and then my belly button. He slips my panties off quickly, and then strips off his boxers. He returns to my lips, bruising them with him powerful kisses.

He enters me quickly, his thrusting rapid and exhilarating. Our coupling is quick and passionate, like nothing we've experienced together yet. It feels so primal, so real. We're moving together quickly, moaning from the unspeakable pleasure we're creating between us. We're holding onto each other tight, proving to each that we're worth whatever risk is necessary to be together.

I climax slightly before he does and I scream his name loudly as he finishes.

I feel so sated, so relaxed. We're lying together on the floor of the recording studio and the ridiculous thought suddenly hits me that I've never really noticed the ceiling of this room. I laugh audibly at the weird musings of my mind.

"Thank God this booth is soundproof," he says, his breathing still deep. I grin widely. No kidding. I can't believe we just had sex on the floor of the place where I record all my songs.

"I don't know how I'm going to record in here now," I comment, still smiling.

He smirks, turning his head in my direction. "Consider it a new type of inspiration."

I laugh loudly and we help each other up, recovering our clothes. And I secretly thank God that there's no one around to witness our haphazard clothes and hair as we sneak quickly out of the building.


	12. Chapter Eleven

Chapter Eleven:

The great thing about recording is that you can pretty much set your own hours. Like today? Well, Tommy decided that we should congratulate our selves on a job well done by taking a day off.

Sounds great right?

Well, as soon as he mentioned it, I envisioned a day spent in bed, just the two of us lounging together.

Apparently I have a dirtier mind than Tommy. Believe or not. Because when he thought of what he wanted to do today, he thought – grocery shopping.

When he mentioned it I must have looked a little apprehensive. Because he kissed me and told me it would be fun.

Fun? I've never really thought of putting grocery shopping and fun in the same sentence before.

Well, in any case, Tommy won out and here we are walking down the aisles of the local grocery store.

"What about this?" I ask, picking up a bag of salt and vinegar chips.

His raises his eyebrows. "I don't think so, Harrison. Do you know how bad those things are for you?"

I smirk. He sounds like such a girl. "Health conscious, are we Quincy?"

I have learned one important thing so far. Tommy and I don't like hardly any of the same food. Tommy is a very healthy eater while most of my meals consist of junk food. I've been staring at him in amazement almost the whole time, watching him pick out different healthy items.

I have to admit, I am enjoying myself doing something so normal with Tommy. I couldn't say the last time I took a leisurely stroll through the grocery store aisles. In fact, I don't think I ever have. But Tommy's making it a lot of fun, joking around and making conversation. He's so relaxed, I almost can't believe it. And I'm learning a lot about his family. He's telling me all kinds of stories of grocery shopping with his mom when he was a kid. Since he was part of a big family, he volunteered to go grocery shopping with his mom because he knew no one else would. He knew it would be one time that he'd actually get some one on one time with her. Could Quincy get any cuter?

We head down the next aisle and I see that we're in the feminine products aisle. I glance at Tommy, who's not really paying attention to that fact. I smirk deviously. Now, _this_ is going to be fun.

I walk over to the tampons, grabbing a pack off the shelf, and say, "Now do you have a suggestion about these, Quincy?"

He looks at what I'm holding up and I see a horrified expression take over his face. I try to suppress my laughter. What is it about tampons that make men so frightened and embarrassed?

I walk closer to him, still holding the box. I can see he's getting more apprehensive as I move closer.

"Jude, you're on your own on that one," he mumbles, averting his eyes. I drop the package into the cart, laughing hysterically. I'm in the middle of the aisle and I'm bent over, holding my stomach, because I'm laughing so hard.

As I recover, I straighten and see that he's anxious to get out of this aisle. And he's pouting a bit because I've been laughing at him.

I walk behind him, leaning in close to his ear. "The condoms are just down there," I whisper, and point to the end of the aisle. "You might want to stock up." His head shoots up and I give him a seductive smile.

He begins to move the cart, rather quickly, in that direction. I shake my head, still laughing quietly, and follow behind him as I watch him dump at least four packages into the basket.

In ten minutes we're done and we checkout. I have to admit Quincy is right – I had a really good time.

When we get home, we're unpacking our purchases when Tommy's cell phone rings.

"Hello?"…Now? Alright, I'll be right there." Tommy says into his phone.

I turn from unpacking to shoot him a questioning look.

"It was Darius. He needs me to come in."

I scrunch my brow in confusion. "Did he say why?"

"Nope, but I promise I'll be quick," he says, pulling me close for a kiss before I watch him stride out the door.

I finish sorting the rest of the groceries myself and am just about to lounge on the couch when my cell phone starts ringing. Sometimes I just curse the person who invented these stupid things.

"Hello?" I answer.

"Jude, it's Dad." I hear from the other end.

"Dad? Hey! How are you?"

"I'm good. But the important thing is where I am. I'm on my way to G-Major right now. I finished the training for my new job and I have two days off. So I thought I'd surprise you. I thought I'd meet you at G-Major and you could take me to see yours and Jamie's place."

_Oh shit._ "What a surprise, Dad. Umm... I'm actually at home right now. But I'll meet you at G-Major as soon as I can get there, okay?" I try to sound excited, but it's really hard to rid my voice of the panic.

"Alright. I can't wait to see you and your place, Jude. I love you."

"I love you too, Dad."

Oh my God. Oh my God. This is not good.

I run to my room, shove some clothes into my bag and dart out the door. I drive as quickly as I can to Jamie's and I bang on the door. Please, someone be home. No one is answering. Jamie's probably at work. Shit. I'm beyond panicking right now.

Finally I hear the lock turning and see the door open in front of me.

Patsy. Thank God.

"Hey Jude. What are you doing here?" She moves aside so I can enter.

"I have to ask you guys a big favour. I need to pretend for a couple of days that I live here. See, my dad's on his way to G-Major right now for a surprise visit and he wants to see where I'm living. And he thinks that I'm living here." I'm beginning to hyperventilate I'm speaking so quickly.

"Jude," Patsy says, reaching out to grab my arms. "Calm down! It's fine. Just go put your stuff in the spare bedroom. Jamie already told me we have to pretend you live here."

I release a sigh as Patsy shows me to "my" room. I take some clothes out of my bag and throw them around the room. I'm not neat by any stretch and my dad might suspect I don't live there if it's not at least a bit messy.

"Thanks, Pats. You and Jamie are saving my life here. And Tommy's."

"Well, I'm glad you and your ex-boybander will live to see another day." Patsy reached into her pocket and grabbed her keys. She took a key off and handed it to me. "The house key. You'll need it."

"Okay, I've got to go meet my dad. Thanks again. I'll try and fill Jamie in if I see him."

She waves me off. "Don't worry about it. I'll call him."

"Okay." I spontaneously hug Patsy, which she hates by the way. She stands rigidly while I'm doing it. "I've got to go, I'll see you later."

I drive as quickly as I can to G-Major. As I walk into the lobby, I look around but I don't see Dad. I don't see Tommy or Jamie either. Finally I hear my Dad calling me from behind me.

"Honey!" I turn to face him. He's smiling widely. And I really am glad to see him. I'd be ecstatic if I didn't have to cover my major web of lies before I could relax a bit.

As I hug him, over his shoulder I notice Tommy exiting Darius's office, looking less than impressed. I look around and see a sound engineer sitting in Studio A, and I pull my dad in that direction.

"Hey Chris," I say as we enter the studio. "Are you busy at the moment?"

"Not at the moment, I was just going to set up for the next artist but I have a few minutes."

"Great. Could you do me a favour? Tommy and I just finished mixing a song yesterday and I was hoping we could play it for my dad."

"Sure, let me see if I have it here," Chris said as he began flipping through tapes.

Through the glass, I notice Tommy still in the lobby. "I'll be right back; I just have to take care of something quickly." My dad is too interested in hearing my new song to care where I'm going.

I rush out to the lobby and grab Tommy's arm, pulling him into Studio C.

He looks at me surprised.

We both begin to speak at once. "We've got a problem," we say simultaneously.

He asks immediately, "what's the problem?"

"My dad. He's here. So, I've got to pretend that I live at Jamie's for the next few days. Why, what's the problem you've got?" I ask, looking at him worried. There is a look of nervousness and tension on his face. Coming from Tommy, that's never good.

"Someone saw us."

"WHAT?" I ask loudly. I feel my eyes open widely in shock.

"Last night. I guess we're not as stealthy as we thought."

"Who? Is that why Darius called you in?"

Tommy laughs wryly. "No, if Darius knew I'd be dead."

"Then who?"

Tommy takes a deep breath before saying, "Chantal."


	13. Chapter Twelve

Chapter Twelve:

Oh God.

I actually feel my jaw drop. This can't be good. Why Chantal of all people? My eyes drops to my shoes as I try to process the news.

I still feel Tommy's eyes on me and I look back up at him. "What exactly did she see?"

"Everything." He states, his face serious. Tommy's worried. That's definitely not a good sign.

"But I thought your meeting was with Darius this morning?" I ask in confusion.

"It was. Chantal caught me when I was coming out of his office. During our meeting D asked me as a favour to the company if I would take Chantal out because apparently she's been hinting around about it."

I stare at him in disbelief. Tommy continues, "She's in town longer than expected – she's now here for about two weeks and apparently there's not enough here to 'entertain' her. D didn't order me to do it but I think he was strongly suggesting. Regardless, I had planned on telling her to go to hell. But as I was leaving his office, Chantal asked to speak to me in private. She told me she knew about us," Tommy says, gesturing to both me and him. "I tried to call her bluff but then she explained that she'd seen us _in the act_. And now, she's going to tell Darius unless I see her for the next two weeks."

Tommy looks drained. He's pale and I can tell that he hates this just as much as I do.

I ask the question that my mind is begging of me. "What _exactly_ does she want to see?"

I see Tommy shake his head vehemently. "I'm not going to sleep with her if that's what you're asking." He looks at me pleadingly. "I hope you know I would never do that to you." He runs his hands through his hair, frustrated. "This just seems like one big game to her."

Great. Just great. "And, now my dad's here. So we have to be even more guarded."

Tommy's attention visibly changes. "When did your dad get here?"

"Just a couple of minutes ago. A surprise visit. Well, surprise!!!" I say, feigning excitement.

Tommy walks behind me to caress my shoulders, attempting to work the stress out. "Looks like today is just filled with surprises."

I turn to face him. "You're going to do it, aren't you?" I ask, resigned. I already know the answer.

"Jude, I don't really have a choice. If she tells Darius we're both in big trouble."

"So, what are we going to do?"

He touches my arms lightly, running his hands slowly up and down. "Play along. For your dad and Chantal. And in a few weeks it will all be over."

Why did I really doubt it would be that easy? Oh right, because with Tommy and I nothing is ever easy. That is one of the only guarantees in life.

The rest of the day passes slowly. Chantal hung around the studio all day fawning over Tommy as he tried to work, before inviting the core G-Major staff, including me and my dad, all out for dinner at a trendy new club. To my great disappointment my father actually wanted to go. Wonderful. As if watching Chantal flirt all day with my secret boyfriend or lover or whatever the hell Tommy is exactly, now I have to watch it all evening as well.

A couple hours later we're all sitting around a big table at the club, drinking and laughing. Okay, everyone else is drinking and laughing. I'm simply miserable. I'm listening to my dad talk to me, and miraculously managing to respond appropriately, as I watch Tommy all the way over on the other side of the table. Chantal's flirting with him and he's responding. I know it's not real; he's not really enjoying it. But the problem is that Tommy is so good at the flirting game that I wonder if he's ever really genuine, even with me. I can feel all my insecurities creeping back in.

I tense every time she touches him and my dad keeps asking me what's wrong.

My life. That's what's wrong.

I feel a tap on my shoulder and I'm forced to look away from Tommy towards whoever tapped me.

I glance around to see Mark standing beside my chair. The gorgeous apartment manager Mark. "Hi!" I say shocked. I am genuinely floored. I really never thought I'd see him again.

"Hey Jude. I was over there and saw you and I had to come say hi! Did you find a place to live okay?"

"Oh, yeah, I decided to stay living with a friend after all," I say quickly, covering up why I was looking for a place. "This is Stuart, my dad," I say, politely introducing them. They begin to talk about sports and I smile, pretending to be interested. As I watch Mark talk to my dad I wonder why I can't be interested in _him_. He's cute and polite and my dad actually seems to like him. He's everything except the most important thing.

He's not Tommy Quincy.

I try to keep focused on Mark and my dad but I feel my gaze being pulled back to Tommy.

Resist.

Resist.

I can't. I look and I see him still talking to Chantal. I'm getting so sick of this and it's only been one day.

"Do you want to dance?" I hear being spoken near me and it breaks through my reverie.

I look back towards Mark to see that he's looking at me expectantly.

Oh God. I think Mark just asked me to dance.

I look towards my dad. "Go, have fun," he says, pushing me off my seat and almost into Mark. As Mark pulls me onto the dance floor, I see Tommy finally glance in our direction. I see the shock on his face when he recognizes Mark. Then I see the barely concealed anger.

I watch over Mark's shoulder as Tommy leads Chantal to the dance floor. Apparently he wanted to keep a closer eye on me or Mark or both of us. Just as they reach the floor, the song changes to a slow, sexy one.

Great. Sometimes I swear God just hates me.

Mark and I are swaying to the music and he's being very gentlemanly, not touching me in any inappropriate way. Which is good for him because Tommy looks angry enough. I can tell Tommy is keeping Chantal as far away as he can without looking ridiculous. And he's glancing at me, just like I'm looking at him.

I hate this. Here we are, staring at each other across the floor, dancing with other people. It's all just such a lie. A lie I've definitely had enough of tonight.

I excuse myself politely from the dance, smiling courteously at Mark. I rush over to find Dad and tell him I'm really not feeling well all of a sudden. And it's the truth. I think everything is just hitting me and I can't deal with it. All the deception and lies and hiding. I can't watch him anymore tonight. When I see Tommy with someone else it feels like the last few glorious days never even happened. Like we were never together at all.

I drive Dad to his hotel and make my way over to Jamie's. I let myself in and head straight for the guest room. I just want to forget this awful day ever happened.

I change my clothes and lay down on the bed. I can feel myself drifting off slowly; the pain of the day is finally wearing away. I'm ripped out of my peace by the sound of knocking on the front door, loud enough that I can hear it even in the spare room at the back of the apartment.

I sleepily head to the door and look through the peephole.

It's Tommy.

I unlock the door and open it in disbelief. "What are you doing here?"

Tommy pushes by me and I shut the door behind him. As I turn around to look at him, I noticed the confused look on his face. "What do you mean? If you're pretending to live here, then I'll have to sneak in to see you."

I sigh. "Tommy, that just doesn't make sense—"

"Why?" He interrupts. "Your dad's not here, is he?"

"No. What about Chantal – if she finds out or sees you here—"

Tommy moves closer, grabbing my hands with his. "Look, I'll just say I came to see Jamie or you or even Patsy about G-Major business."

He reaches a hand up to caress my cheek, "Face it Harrison, you're stuck with me."


	14. Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Thirteen:

Stuck with Tommy Quincy? I certainly hope so.

He smiles at me devilishly. "Which room is yours?" he asks, looking around.

I point towards the back of the apartment. He grabs my hand and pulls me towards the guest bedroom. He pushes me in and locks the door behind him, turning around to face me.

And before I know what's happening, he's crashing his lips onto mine, penetrating my mouth with his tongue almost instantly.

His hands roam down my body and he pulls me against his own. His lips trail down to my neck, leaving my skin hot beneath his ministrations.

"Do you know what it does to me, seeing you with someone else?" He breathes between kisses. He pulls his head back, keeping our bodies close. "When he touched your hand, I wanted to rip his off so he'd never do it again. And when you smiled at him, even politely, I wanted to make him blind so he'd never see that beautiful sight again. And when you were dancing with him and he was holding you close, I wanted to kill him. Or at least break every bone in his body so that he'd never think of dancing with you again. You're mine, Harrison. No one else's."

He leans down and continues his assault on my senses by kissing my collarbone.

I feel my legs weaken beneath me. I should be really offended by his statement, but I'm not.

Because it's true. I am his. Completely and unconditionally, I belong to him.

"Well, Quincy, it wasn't exactly fun watching you flirt with _her_ either," I say, my voice weak from desire.

He brings his lips to my ear, nibbling on it. "You're mine and I'm yours. And that's all that matters," he whispers.

And suddenly we're unable to wait any longer. We pull each other's clothes off quickly and they scatter across the room as we throw them away in haste. We need to be united; we need to prove that we do indeed belong to each other. No matter what other people think, I can survive if Tommy and I know the truth.

Tommy lays me on the bed softly and covers my body with his own after putting a condom on. We move slowly, lingeringly. Over the next few weeks, moments like this will be sparse. So we must take the time to enjoy each other when we can.

He presses his lips to my breasts, my stomach and my core and I think for a moment that I will faint from pleasure. I pull him up, needing him to fill me, needing to feel him inside of me. He enters me and, like every other time, it's exhilarating. He starts moving slowly, unhurried. But it's not long before the need is too great between us and he's thrusting quickly. I feel myself climaxing beneath him and within moments, he collapses on top of me.

He moves beside me, pulling me flush against his chest and kissing the side of my face. "Good night, Jude."

"It certainly has been," I say, smiling contentedly as I drift off to sleep.

I wake up hearing Jamie talking really loudly just outside the door. I sit up quickly, slightly frightened by the sound. I feel Tommy's heavy arm and leg strewn across my naked body.

"I don't think she's awake yet, Stuart. I'll go check!!" I hear Jamie yell and I look down at Tommy's sleeping form.

I begin to shake him, whispering as loudly as I can without being heard, "Tommy! Tommy!! You've got to hide."

He finally rouses, staring at me in confusion. Then I see his features grow panicked as he hears for himself what Jamie's saying just outside the door. He rubs his eyes quickly and we both rush around the room getting our clothing on. I kiss Tommy quickly before pushing him into the closet and shutting the door.

I sigh, taking a deep breath as I open the bedroom door. Jamie's standing right in front of me, lifting his hand like he's about to knock.

"Hey Jude!" he says loudly, smiling apprehensively at me. Then he lowers his voice to a whisper, "Is Tommy here?"

"He's hiding in the closet," I whisper. "I'll get Dad out of here and you let Tommy know when it's okay to leave, okay?"

"You two are going to give me an ulcer," he says, leading me out to where Dad's waiting.

"Hey Dad," I say as he gets up off the couch to hug me. "Do you want to take your caffeine starved daughter out for her daily fix?"

"I'd love to," he says and leads me towards the exit. I look back and wink at Jamie. He just rolls his eyes in response.

As Dad and I are walking towards the local Starbucks, I feel Dad stop walking all of a sudden. I look back at him in confusion.

"Is that Mark over there?" he asks, looking across the street. I spin my head to look. I think it is him. Oh God. Considering how much my dad liked him last night, Mark is the last person I wanted to run into today.

"I don't think so, Dad. Let's just get going, okay?" I say, continuing to walk. But Dad's not moving. Oh no.

"I'm pretty sure it's him, Jude," he says, still staring in Mark's direction. "Mark!!! Mark!!" He yells across the street. I want the pavement to open up and suck me right down. Besides being incredibly embarrassed by my father's actions, I just really don't want to deal with Mark. I don't want to lead him on and make him think I'm interested.

I pray that Mark doesn't hear Dad. Please God. Please.

Then like a scene from my very own horror film, Mark turns, recognizes us and crosses the street towards us.

"Hey Jude, Mr. Harrison." Mark says, as he approaches.

"Please, call me Stuart. What a coincidence meeting you on the street this morning."

"It is. I live around the corner and I was just heading to work at the building I manage. Are you feeling better this morning?" he asks sincerely, shooting me a very nice smile.

It takes me a minute to remember what he's even talking about. Right. I was _sick_ last night. "Oh, much better, thank you."

"Do you want to join us for coffee?" Dad asks, looking really pleased with himself. I want to kill him. If he wasn't my father, I might actually do it. The sad part is he thinks he's doing me a favour, trying to set me up with Mark.

I have to feign a smile as Mark agrees to come with us. This is just great.

We sit in the coffee shop as I pretend to be interested in the conversation my dad and Stuart are having about the economy. I'm sitting, staring out the front entrance of the shop and I see Tommy strolling by. I feel my eyes widen. Keep walking, Tommy. Keep walking. The last thing I want is for Tommy to see me here with Mark.

It feels like Tommy's walking in slow-motion. I look down at the ground, praying he won't turn his head and see me.

I hear the bell ring, signalling that someone has entered the store. I'm still looking down, praying that it's not Tommy, when I feel someone approach the table.

"Tom! What a surprise!" I hear my dad say.

NO.

I look up and see Tommy staring at Mark.

"Hey Mr. Harrison, Jude. Mark, right?" Tommy says. I can tell he's being as polite as he can manage.

"Yes, it is." Mark says, oblivious to Tommy's barely concealed hatred.

"Do you want to join us for coffee, Tom?" my dad asks. Oh God. I can feel the thick tension that my dad is apparently unaware of.

"Actually I was hoping I could steal Jude. We have a lot of work to get done today," Tommy says, raising his eyebrows at me, prompting me to agree.

"We do have a lot to do. Dad, you're more than welcome to sit in." I say, beginning to gather my stuff.

"Mark, do you want to come, keep an old man company for a while? Once these two start working, they'll forget I'm even there." I glare at my dad, dumbfounded. He can't be serious.

"I'm sure Mark has to get going to work," I say, trying to prevent this from becoming a disaster.

I look over to see Tommy and Mark glaring at each other. Apparently Mark has finally caught on.

"Actually, I'd love to come," Mark says, a smug look on his face.

Great. As if things couldn't get more complicated.

I look up at Tommy. "Let's go," I say, motioning him to go and I follow after him, and we're trailed by my dad and Mark.

"What's going on?" Tommy seethes through his teeth.

"Apparently all hell has broken loose," I say, sighing loudly.

With a start like this, I really don't even want to know what other disasters this day will hold.


	15. Chapter Fourteen

A/N: I don't own the song "In Your Room" by the Bangles, which is featured in this chapter.

Chapter Fourteen:

As I drive in my Mustang with my dad and Mark over to G-Major, I can't help but think that my life really is turning into an episode of the Twilight Zone. First, the fact that Tommy and I are even together is crazy. It's something I never even dreamed would happen. And now, Tommy has to pretend to date Chantal, which is driving me insane. And if things couldn't get any crazier, my dad has all of a sudden become interested in who I'm dating and is trying to push Mark on me. Which is driving Tommy insane. I can't wait until the day Tommy and I can just be together. Simple. But then, nothing that involves Tommy and I is ever simple so I don't know why I expect it to be.

When we arrive at the studio, I'm even more dismayed when I see Chantal sitting in the lobby talking to Tommy, who has clearly arrived before us.

I groan inwardly. There's only so much Chantal I can take in one day. And she seems to be at G-Major all the time now to cosy up to Tommy.

I enter G-Major, with my dad and Mark in tow, and stride directly past Tommy into the studio. Although Tommy says all these amazing things to me when we're alone, when I see him with Chantal, who he appears to enjoy talking to, I can't help doubting him just a little. I love Tommy and I don't want to believe that he's playing me for a fool.

He wouldn't.

Would he?

I try to shrug off my doubts as I turn to face Dad and Mark. "You guys can just make yourself comfortable in here. I'm just going to set up in the recording booth until Tommy gets here."

I adjust the microphone and open the notebook I brought with me. Since Tommy and I just finished a song, I flip through my lyrics deciding which song I want to work on today.

As I'm turning the pages I pause when I reach lyrics that I wrote only a few days. I was relaxing in Tommy's bed while he had a shower and an idea struck me so I wrote it all down.

It is perfect. There will be no doubt that Tommy will understand the song is meant for him. But no one else will know.

As if timed perfectly, Tommy waltzes into the studio and sits behind the soundboard, purposely ignoring Mark's presence.

"Okay Jude, do you know what you want to work on today?" he asks through the microphone.

I smirk. "I do actually," I say, grabbing my guitar and plugging it in. "It's called 'In Your Room'."

I see his eyebrows raise and I shoot him another smile, one meant just for him. He smirks back, and nods knowingly.

I begin to strum on my guitar, suddenly nervous about laying all my thoughts about our relationship thus far out into the open. Even if only Tommy and I know that the song is about our relationship.

It's too late to go back now.

I open my mouth and begin to sing, my eyes locking with Tommy.

_I love it in your room at night  
You're the only one who gets through to me  
In the warm glow of the candlelight  
Oh, I wonder what you're gonna do to me_

In your room  
I come alive when I'm with you  
I'll do anything you want me to  
In your room 

Tommy's frozen, just staring at me. I can see a slight gleam of something inexplicable in his eyes, like desire and passion and something more all mixed together. The expression on his face is so intense it's actually giving me goosebumps.

_I love it in your room all day  
When you're gone I like to try on all your clothes  
You won't regret it if you let me stay  
I'll teach you everything that a boy should know _

_In your room  
I'm alive when I'm with you  
Gonna make your dreams come true  
In your room_

I feel good in your room  
Let's lock the world out  
Feels so good when we kiss  
Nobody ever made me crazy like this

I'll do anything you want me to  
I only want to be with you  
In your room  
In your room 

As I finish playing the song, I glance into Tommy's clearly approving eyes and watch as he tries to switch back to my producer instead of my lover listening to the song.

Before either of us can break eye contact, the moment is ruined by my father and Mark rushing into the booth.

"That was great, honey," my dad says, hugging me.

"It was beautiful, I loved it," Mark adds sweetly.

"Thanks," I say, smiling at him. Then I suddenly remember Tommy's comment about hating when I smiled at Mark and my expression immediately sobers. I glance back at Tommy, who's clearly sulking.

I sigh softly. I just poured my heart out to him in song and he still manages to sulk about something.

"Jude," Tommy's voice says, coming through the microphone, "I don't want to interrupt your important conversation but we need to get working on perfecting the song, okay?"

I feel a bit hurt, I have to admit. I mean, I thought I saw in his eyes that he liked and understood what the song meant but he didn't even say anything. No "great song, Jude"; just nothing.

I try to push the hurt aside as I turn back to Mark and my dad.

"Do you guys still want to watch or do you want to go grab something to eat?" I ask, hoping they'll go so I can talk to Quincy in private.

"I want to watch if you don't mind. This is fascinating," Mark says.

"Sure," I say, feigning a smile.

The rest of the morning, Tommy has me working on laying down the vocal track. In between takes, Mark and dad, and sometimes just Mark, come in and chat. Mark's being really nice and I can't help but be polite back. I can see Tommy's mood growing more and more foul as the morning progresses.

When we finally break for lunch and I think I am going to get a chance to talk to Tommy at last, Chantal appears out of nowhere and dashes off, Tommy on her arm.

My dad walks up to me, a familiar gleam in his eyes that usually means he's up to something. "I have to go see an old friend while I'm in town but I told Mark to stick around and have lunch with you. I like him, Jude. He's a nice upstanding guy. So different from the heartbreakers and musicians like Tom and Spiederman. Go, have fun." And I watch my dad walk away without another word.

I can't take much more of this. Really.

But I do need to eat. And I don't want to be blatantly rude to Mark. "Ready to go?" he asks as he walks up to me.

"Sure, let's go."

Mark picks a local restaurant, a little Italian place that serves excellent lasagne. I'm starving so I couldn't be more thrilled. Mark orders a bottle of wine and convinces me to have a glass as well. Maybe it will help me relax a little.

Yeah, I'll keep deluding myself.

Mark begins to tell me a story and I lean forward a little. The volume of the really busy restaurant makes it hard to hear anything. The story is hilarious and I can say that, even though I'm not interested in Mark as a boyfriend, I am having a fun time. As I rock back and forth with laughter, I see a flash of someone out of the corner of my eye. It's Chantal. And she's sitting as close as possible to Tommy, almost draping herself over him.

I feel my face fall immediately. Mark notices the change in my expression and turns around to look at what I've seen.

He sighs, turning his head back around. "He doesn't deserve you."

"Excuse me?" I say, slightly shocked by his statement.

"That guy. Tom Quincy, or whatever his name is, he doesn't deserve you."

"You don't understand—" I say, beginning to defend Tommy.

"I know what I see. He's over there with someone else when he should be here with you. And this morning when you sang for him, he didn't say a word. Does that sound to you like someone who deserves you?"

I'm caught completely off-guard. Apparently I'm ridiculously transparent. "How do you know I sang—"

"It was written on your face when you were looking at him. Jude, I like you and I'd like to be your friend. And I don't know exactly what's going on. But what I do know is that it's making you miserable. But it doesn't seem to be making _him_ all that upset," Mark said, motioning to Tommy, who, still unbeknownst to our presence, was talking intently and laughing with Chantal.

I start to feel sick, all my insecurities regarding Tommy washing over me. I take a sip of my wine before asking Mark, "Can we go?"

"Sure," he says sympathetically, pulling out his wallet and leaving a few bills on the table.

We stand up and he begins to usher us out, placing a hand on my lower back.

I stop in my tracks when I hear Tommy's voice behind me, dripping with sarcasm. "Going so soon?"


	16. Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Fifteen:

I turn slowly to face him. He's angry, I'm upset. This is not a good combination.

"Tommy, I'll talk to you later," I say and I try to turn back around to leave but he grabs my arm.

"Leave her alone," Mark interposes, standing between Tommy and I. I wince, knowing this will likely not end well. "If you'll excuse us, we were just leaving," Mark says, attempting to continue to guide me out.

"Excuse me," Tommy counters, "don't pretend that after only a few days of knowing Jude that you know what's best for her."

"And you do? It doesn't look like it," Mark says, motioning towards where Chantal is sitting, watching the show unfold with a grin on her face.

I look around to see that everyone in the restaurant is staring at us and immediately feel completely horrified.

"Enough!!" I yell, and then I turn towards Mark. "Let's just go," I say, leaving without another backwards glance.

I don't know what's happening.

I feel my head spinning.

How could things with Tommy and I be so good one minute and be falling apart the next? We seemed so strong but now we seem to be self-destructing.

Who am I kidding? We were seeing each other for like a week. That's not a relationship – if we can't make that work, how would we ever make a real relationship work?

As Mark leads me back to his car, I feel my heart breaking. Tommy and I are not working. These games, the sneaking around, the fighting. I don't think I can do it anymore.

Mark drives me back to the studio and I ask him, politely, not to come in. Thing are complicated enough.

I walk in the doors of G-Major and notice my dad waiting in the lobby.

"Hey, honey. How was lunch?" he asks, the matchmaking gleam in his eye.

"Dad, look, I appreciate you looking out for me but Mark and I are just friends. That's it." I feel relieved having set at least one part of my life straight.

My dad's face falls a little. "Alright. I just want what's best for you, what makes you happy."

"I know, Dad, and I love you for it," I say, hugging him tightly.

He releases me. "Well, I'm afraid I have to get going to the airport."

"You're leaving?" I ask, shocked.

"I'm afraid so. I'm going to L.A. to visit your sister before I head back to New York."

I feel the tears begin to build. When my dad arrived, I just wanted him to leave. But now that my life is falling apart, all I really want is to hold on to him and never let go.

"What's the matter, honey?" he asks, lifting my chin so he can looking into my eyes.

"Nothing," I say, lying for his own good. He'd only worry if he thought I wasn't okay. "I'll just miss you, that's all."

He smiles mischievously. "Hey, I've got an idea…"

The note is hard to write but it feels necessary. As much as it hurts, I need to do it.

_Tommy,_

_We need to stop this. The games, the lying, the deceit. I love you and I always will but I can't do this anymore. We're hurting each other already and I can't stand it. I never wanted that for us._

_I'm sorry. More than you could ever know._

_Love,_

_Jude_

As I sign the note, "Love", I can't help but think, ironically, this is the first time I will have told Tommy that I love him. I tried to show him in every way possible, through giving him my virginity and writing him the song. I can't help but wonder how Tommy feels, if any of it meant anything to him? I mean, he's told me that he 'wants' me, but that's a lot different than love.

My brain is so muddled. I look back at the note. I need to focus on the task at hand.

I need to do this. For my sanity and for Tommy's. The way this situation is progressing, Tommy and I will hate each other by the end. And I couldn't bear that.

Within minutes the door to Studio A bursts open and then slams. I look up from the note I've just finished to see Tommy fuming. And honestly, all I can think is that, although I love him, his behaviour is getting old. He gets so mad when he sees me with another man, I wonder if he trusts me at all.

"What the fuck was that about?" Tommy yells.

"You know what, Tommy, I'm not in the mood for this, okay?" I say, sighing loudly, returning to my note.

"Jude—"

"No!" I yell, looking back at him. "I'm not going to sit here and listen to your lecture about Mark, while you were in that restaurant enjoying your lunch with Chantal."

"There's a big difference. She's blackmailing me!" Tommy yells, indignant.

"Well, do you have to enjoy it so goddamn much!!??" I shout. "I'm supposed to watch you with her but I'm not supposed to even talk with another man? That's called hypocrisy, Quincy. I'm sick of the games and this bickering. This… it shouldn't be this hard," I say looking down, my voice trailing off. I stuff the note in an envelope and seal it.

I stand up and begin to gather my stuff. "I'm going with my dad to visit Sadie. I need to get away, clear my head. Read this," I say, handing him the note. "It will explain everything. We both need time to think things over. I'll be back on Saturday night and we can get back to work next week."

He grabs my arms, making me face him. "I don't need 'to think things over', Jude. You can't leave. What about your song?"

I feel tears spring to my eyes and my body stiffen at his mention of the song. The song that he didn't even care about. I pull myself firmly out of his grip and grab my bag. I head towards the door purposely, turning back to say, "Trash it. Apparently it didn't really mean anything anyway."

I rush out the exit and down the steps in front of G-Major towards my car. I can hear Tommy calling my name behind me. I run the final few feet and jump in my car, squealing my tires as I peel my car out of the parking lot.

I don't even realize I'm crying until I can't see through the tears clouding my eyes. I pull over to the side of the road, and I'm just able to stop the car before I explode into sobs.

Oh God.

I think Tommy and I are over. Before we ever really had a chance to start.


	17. Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Sixteen:

The next few days were, without a doubt, the hardest of my life. Was I too rash? Was I being stupid? Did I make a big deal out of nothing? I know I tend to act on emotions and I felt like ending it with Tommy was what needed to be done. But now? I feel like I'm going through withdrawal.

Tommy withdrawal.

He's called about fifty times in the past three days and left a constant stream of voicemails, none of which I've listened to. I can't. Hearing his voice would make me want to jump onto the next plane and into his arms.

So here I sit on this lovely Friday afternoon with Sadie in her living room as she keeps trying to pry information out of me. Since I arrived on Wednesday she has suspected something is wrong. I have to admit it was a dead giveaway when she mentioned Tommy's name and I burst into tears.

Smooth, Jude. Very smooth.

Dad left yesterday and ever since then, she's been bugging for me to open up to her.

"Jude, you need to talk about whatever it is. You'll feel better. What did Tommy do?"

"Sadie, I don't need to talk, okay?" I say, but she's clearly not buying it.

"Look, first, you _need _to talk. I can tell whatever is happening is eating you up inside. It really will help if you let it out."

She's right. I know she's completely and annoyingly right.

I had cried myself to sleep the past two nights thinking of Tommy. I really do need to talk to someone.

"Okay," I say finally. "I better start at the beginning…"

Sadie listens with bated breath as I tell her the whole sordid tale, starting with Tommy and ending with…well… Tommy. I swear to God, everything in my life begins and ends with that man.

As I tell the story, I realize how much this sounds like a soap opera. And that is just embarrassing.

After I'm done, Sadie just stares at me, dumbfounded. "You and Tommy—"

"Had sex?" I finish for her. "Yes."

"Wow." She's still staring at me, completely at a loss for words. And that is saying something for Sadie.

"Yeah, you're not kidding," I reply, fiddling uncomfortably with the seam of my shirt. I had not planned on telling her about the sex part. But it all just came flowing out as soon as I started talking. "I just wish I knew how it all got so messed up. We were doing okay for like two days. A week at the most! That sounds pathetic!" I say, hiding my head in my hands from embarrassment. I look back up at Sadie, pleading with her to understand, "But, Sades, when we were together it was better than I could have even imagined. It was like I was the only person he ever really cared about it, the only person who ever really knew him."

"That's because you are the only person he cares about and the only person who knows who he really is. That's how it's supposed to be when you love someone. Look, when I was with Tommy, I **never** felt that way. But with Kwest, it's right."

"But Sadie, you and Kwest can just be together. It's not like that for Tommy and I. First, my age, then the blackmail, and Darius. It's just….when is everything just too much to deal with? When do you say, there's no way we can make this work?"

Sadie laughs and I glare at her. "Jude, relationships are complicated. And they're hard. I will admit, you and Tommy have it more difficult than most. Just be honest with yourself. At the end of the day, can you see yourself with him? Do you love him enough to fight for whatever chance you two have?"

Yes.

Yes, I do. Without a doubt.

So, what the fuck am I doing here?

Oh God. I basically told Tommy that we're over. How do I take that back?

I stand up and begin to pace the room. "What the hell do I do now? I've messed it up. I pretty much ended it with him."

Sadie laughed again. I really wish she'd stop doing that.

"Do you think that's going to matter to Tommy? As long as I've known Tommy, I could tell all he's really wanted was you. Just call him, talk to him."

I pull out my cell phone, and begin to dial his number. I shut the phone again.

"No. I can't do it over the phone. This has to be done in person. I'm going to the airport," I say, laughing as I run to the spare bedroom to grab my stuff. And I suddenly realized I had just laughed for the first time in three whole days.

I'm going to get my man back.

The only flight I can get on in such short notice is an overnight one. As I'm waiting at the airport, I finally listen to all of Tommy's messages. Most were pleading ones, asking me to call him. But one of them, the last one was different. "Hey Jude," he'd said, "look, I know you said you needed time to think. I know you said in the letter that you think we can't do this anymore, that we're hurting each other. But I just want to tell you I'm not giving up on us. And I won't let you give up either. You mean more to me than I ever thought anyone ever could and I'm not going to let that slip away. I know I've been acting like a jerk, it's just this hasn't been easy on either of us. The song you wrote was beautiful, it was incredible. It means more to me than I could ever express. I'm sorry I didn't tell you that at the time, but people and things seem to always interfere." I hear him take a deep breath, "Girl. I'll be at the airport on Saturday night, waiting for you to come home. Just come home to me. We can work this out. I'm rambling I know, but I just need you to know all of this. I might act like an idiot sometimes but it doesn't change how I feel. Or the fact that you're the only one I want. Okay… well… I'll see you Saturday night."

His message makes me feel like such a coward for running. Because he's obviously feeling as bad as I am about the whole situation. But instead of talking to him, I run.

I can't wait to see him. I contemplate phoning him on the airplane, even though it's the middle of the night, but I resist the urge. I want to surprise him.

The flight is excruciatingly long. When we finally land, I almost run to my car and drive as quickly as I can to our apartment. I didn't move out, so I still like to think of it as "our" apartment.

When I finally reach the apartment building, I make a mad dash from my car to the building, slipping in the elevator just as it's about to close.

I'm minutes away from seeing Tommy. I can feel my heart beating quickly, partly from running and partly from anticipation of seeing him.

I swear the elevator stops at every single floor on the way up. Finally the doors slide open and I begin to walk towards the apartment.

But I stop in mid-stride, completely taken aback by what I see in front of me. Chantal closes the door to Tommy's apartment behind her and she begins to walk towards the elevator. She's wearing a slightly ruffled dress and on closer inspection, it looks like she must have been wearing the dress for a while.

Like since last night.

I feel my jaw drop as I begin to put pieces together in my mind.

It can't be.


	18. Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Seventeen:

He wouldn't.

Chantal just smiles smugly and walks past me.

I remain standing paralyzed in the hallway, just staring at Tommy's door.

I don't know what to do, whether to run or confront him. Do I have the strength to confront him?

I have to know what's going on.

I walk the rest of the way down the hallway. I can feel my body shaking and I see my unsteady hand as I insert the key into the lock.

I unlock the door and push the door open. I notice immediately that the apartment is a mess. There are beer bottles and the remaining bottles from all kinds of other alcohol strewn across the room.

I don't see Tommy yet. I look down at my watch; it's only 9:00 am. Tommy's not exactly a morning person.

I meander down the hall, pausing in front of Tommy's half-closed bedroom door. I push it lightly, opening it and immediately see Tommy's half naked body lying across his bed. He looks passed out. If the bottles are any indication, I would guess he's sleeping off one heck of a hangover.

But what about Chantal? I try frantically to think of other reasons that she would be leaving the apartment, other than the obvious one.

But with the type of girl Chantal is, there is no other reason.

I need to talk to Tommy.

I walk the final few feet inside his room and sit down on the bed, next to where he's laying.

"Tommy… Tommy…" I say softly, shoving him lightly. Nothing. "Tommy!!" I yell, right into his ear.

That does the trick. His body jolts up, as if he's been frightened. He's holding his head in pain. I think I was right about that hangover.

He turns his head towards me and I see recognition and joy flash across his face. "Jude…" he says softly, reaching forward to caress my face lightly. He's so bleary, I almost wonder if he's still dreaming.

"Tommy, I need to know what you did. Just be honest with me," I say, resigned to hearing the worst.

Confusion flashes across his face. "Jude, what are you—"

"Chantal." I say bitterly. "She was leaving the apartment when I came in." I can feel the tears starting, even though I'm trying to push them away. I wanted to be strong, to confront him without emotion but I can't do it. All the anger and doubt and insecurities I feel when it comes to Tommy rush back and cancel out any rationality and hope that I had.

"I guess I really didn't mean anything if you can jump back into bed with _her_," I spit out angrily.

He goes back to cradling his head in his hands, wincing from the pain of his headache. "Jude, no, it's not like that… She was here. She came by because I hadn't left the apartment since you went to Sadie's. We drank. A lot…" He's mumbling and his words trail off.

"So that's your excuse? You were drunk?" I ask, getting up and heading towards the door.

"Jude, we drank but we didn't do anything," he says, but there's something about his voice that sounds confused and unsure. Like he's just telling me what he needs to in order to pacify me.

"You mean anything you remember," I counter.

Tommy tries to stand up, but I can see he's wobbly. "No, Jude, I remember everything. When I crashed in here, she must have slept in the living room."

I pause, taking in what he's saying. My mind is so cloudy and my heart is racing. I suddenly feel like the walls are enclosing around me. I need to get out of here. "You know, forget it! I came back here because I regretted the way I acted on Wednesday and I wanted to see if we could make it work. Your message – you sounded so sure that we could. If you wanted her, why didn't you just tell me? I know I'm seventeen and I'm inexperienced… but this… this is just… cruel." I stutter out through my tears and move towards the door again. "I gotta go. I'll come and pick up my stuff later…"

As I walk out of his room, I hear him yelling my name and I see him stumbling to his door. In his inebriated state he can't chase after me so I make it to the front door without hassle.

I run to the elevator and luckily I don't have to wait for long. I rush in and press the button for the main floor. I breathe a sigh of relief when the doors slide shut. I feel my body collapse against the wall behind me.

My body feels heavy, exhausted. I just need to go somewhere where I feel safe.

The problem is that the only place I ever really felt safe, the only place I ever felt like I belonged, is the place I just left.

I breathe deeply as I run to my car and jump in. I'm holding up miraculously well. And I continue to hold myself together until I arrive at Jamie's door. It's the only place I can think to go.

I bang on the door and, finally, he opens it. I can tell he's been sleeping.

"Jamie, I'm sorry to come so early," I say, brushing away the tears that are beginning to fall again. I can feel all my sadness bearing down on me. I can't hold it in much longer.

Jamie is shocked by my upset appearance, I can tell. "Jude, what happened?"

I can't respond. I can't do anything but cry.

He pulls me inside and into his comforting arms. "It'll be alright," he says, soothingly.

And I really pray that he's right.


	19. Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Eighteen:

"Jamie, I don't know. I don't know what to think, what to believe. He says he didn't… but…" I ramble.

Jamie pulls back, holding me at arm's length. "Okay, Jude. Start at the beginning." He leads me to his living room couch and sits beside me, putting a supportive hand on my arm. Pasty ambles out from their bedroom, looking for the source of their Saturday morning wake up call. She glances at me and her expression immediately changes to one of worry.

"What's wrong, blondie?" She asks, sitting in the chair across from the couch.

"It's Tommy…" I say, my voice hoarse from crying. "We had a fight on Wednesday and that's why I left to visit Sadie. I needed to get away, think about what I really wanted. Whether I could be with him or whether it would be better to just end it." I wipe a few stray tears off my face. "I thought about it and I talked to Sadie. I decided to fight for what we have, dysfunctional as it is. So I flew out on the earliest flight I could get to surprise him this morning. Well, I was the one in for the big surprise. I caught Chantal leaving his apartment."

Jamie and Patsy both stare at me with shocked expressions.

"I went in and he was drunk. Or more correctly, he was hung-over from being drunk last night. When I asked him about her he said he didn't know what she was doing there. How stupid does he think I am?!?" I yell, feeling my fury bubble to the surface.

Jamie and Patsy are still staring at me, completely stunned. Finally Jamie breaks the silence. "Jude, are you sure that anything happened? I mean, I've never been a fan of Tommy's, you know that, but I don't know… Cheating on you? All he's ever wanted is to be with you. He's not exactly careful about hiding that. I think Darius even secretly knows. Why would he risk losing you?"

Patsy looks angry, almost angrier than I am. "Do you want me to kill him? I know people who could make it look like an accident."

I break out laughing. I never thought I could laugh at a time like this but that's just ridiculous. "No, I don't want him dead. I love him, whether I should or not. I just don't know what to believe."

"Well, Jude, you know you can stay here as long as you need to. Maybe that's what you should have done from the start," Jamie says, shrugging his shoulders.

"Thanks Jamie, Patsy," I say, hugging each one and getting up to walk to the guest room. I think about Jamie's words. I can't say that I wished I'd moved in here to begin with. I can't say I regret what Tommy and I have shared. I never will.

My heart and my body are both aching. I feel on the verge of more tears and I blink furiously trying to hold them off.

I need sleep. Maybe I'll wake up and miraculously have all the answers.

Yeah, right. That would be nice, but way too easy. Nothing's ever easy where Tommy and I are concerned. I can't help but think that maybe that's what makes the few good times all that more fulfilling.

I need time to sort this whole mess out without seeing Tommy. Thank God it's the weekend. It's work on Monday that's going to be the problem, especially collaborating as closely with him as I do.

I flick the radio on and lay down on the comfortable bed. I'm dozing off when I hear a familiar sound.

It's me. On the radio. But it's not just any song.

It's "In Your Room."

How the hell did they get the song done in two days?

I jump out of bed and rush back into the living room.

"Jamie?" I call, seeing no sign of him.

"Jude?" he says, popping his head out from the kitchen.

"How did D get "In Your Room" sent out to radio so quickly?"

He sipped his coffee before saying, "Oh, he had Tommy work on it all day Wednesday after you left. He said he loved it and wanted it sent out to radio that night if possible."

Usually these things take weeks. Why, in this case, did it only take days?

I bury my head in my hands. Just another reminder of how God despises me.

I walk back to the guest room to hear the rest of the song.

It's really good. Like insanely good. Even though I'm furious with Tommy and hurt, I have to be honest about his mixing abilities. It's catchy and light, and romantic. Which is exactly what I wanted it to be.

And I only hurt that much more hearing it. It's a reminder of everything I thought Tommy and I had. Everything I felt, and still feel, about him.

But if he slept with Chantal, then the song was based on a lie.

But what if he didn't?

I feel myself becoming overwhelmed with it all and I slam the radio off. I lie down again and pull the covers over my head. I just want the world to go away.

I spend the rest of the weekend lounging around the apartment with Jamie and Patsy, who are doing everything in their power to cheer me up. It's not working, but I love them all the same for trying. Patsy offers about five more times to have Tommy "off-ed," which, of course, I politely refuse.

Tommy calls my cell many times and is apparently smart enough to realize where I am. He comes by a few times, begging to see me. Each time I hide in the guest room until Jamie gets rid of him.

I wake up Monday morning, completely unprepared to face him. Although a moment hasn't gone by when I haven't thought about Tommy and what the hell is going on with us, I still don't know what to do. Or what to believe.

So, like the coward I am, I call in sick to work.

After Jamie and Patsy leave, I feel myself going a little stir crazy. I haven't left their apartment since Saturday morning. And that just can't be good for a person. So I decide to go and pick up some movies to distract my brain from thinking about Tommy for at least a couple of hours out the day.

I make my way to the local Blockbuster video store and am browsing the shelves for the sappiest chick flicks. I need to watch them so I can still believe that relationships and love can work for some people, even though they don't seem to work for me.

I pick up "The Notebook" and begin to walk down the next aisle when I see him coming.

It's Tommy.

How the hell did he track me down here?

I look left and right and quickly realize that there's nowhere to hide.

He strides purposefully down the aisle and stands directly in front of me.

"We need to talk," he says, his voice low.

"No, we don't," I say, beginning to walk by him. Of course, as I should have expected, he grabs my arms holding me in place.

"Yes, we do. By the way, you look surprisingly well," he says sarcastically.

I shoot him a confused look. "What?"

"Well, you are sick today, right?"

I roll my eyes and glare at him. "Look, just say what you need to say."

"You think I slept with her, don't you?" he asks.

I stay silent. Apparently that's an answer enough for Tommy.

"Jude, I didn't sleep with her," he says, shaking me slightly for emphasis. "Chantal is using every opportunity she can to tear us apart. This, us fighting, is exactly what she wants. Don't you get that? But, Chantal, Mark, whoever, couldn't rip us apart unless there was already a problem. That's what scares me the most." He releases my arms, and gestures his hand between us. "Only you and I can keep us together. I **swear** I did not do anything with Chantal. After I got home Wednesday night, I was mad and worried and scared that I was losing you. So I drank. A lot. And I kept drinking. And when Chantal came, I shouldn't have let her stay. But I was upset. I thought you were really ending it between us. And that's the last thing I ever want. I may have been stupid to let her stay, but I promise you, nothing happened. **Nothing**."

He takes a breath, pausing. He looks really sad and upset, just like I feel. I want to reach out to him, but I stop myself.

"Jude, I need you to believe me. For us to even have a chance of working, I need you to trust me, believe in me and stop running every time something goes wrong. Since we've been together, even before that, I haven't even thought of another woman but you. You're the only one I want."

I still get shivers running up my spine when he says that.

He pulls the note I wrote him out of his pocket and holds it up. "In this letter you wrote that you love me. Did you mean it? Or were they just words to you?" He asks, emphatically, not even giving me a chance to respond. "Because part of love is trust and faith, and I need you to trust me and have faith in me." He pauses, putting the letter back in his pocket and taking my hands gently in his. His eyes are penetrating mine as if trying to detect the truth and depth of my feelings.

"I trust you. And I have faith in you." He pauses momentarily, taking a deep breath. "I love you, Jude. I've loved you all this time."

I feel my jaw drop and he studies me for a minute longer. Then he drops my hands and walks away, leaving me to wonder if I've just been a self-righteous idiot all along.


	20. Chapter Nineteen

Chapter Nineteen:

I'm in shock.

Did that really just happen? I glance around to see the store clerk staring at me in disbelief.

Okay, so I'm not dreaming. Tommy really did profess his love for me in the "Drama" section of Blockbuster.

He said a lot of things and it's taking me a minute to process all of it.

My first instinct is to run after him and make up with him.

But, can I do that? It means returning to the life of secrets that we were living before.

Here I am, standing in the middle of Blockbuster, mentally fighting with myself.

He said he loves me. I'm still reeling from that. And could he have been more romantic about it? Gee… I didn't realize Tommy had that in him.

But he also confronted me about the part I have played in our problems, which I realize is exactly what I needed.

I feel like I'm having an epiphany; Tommy's right, completely and unequivocally right. I've been putting all the blame for everything on him. But the truth is that a big part of the problem has been me. I wasn't fully investing myself. I've been holding myself back and not trusting Tommy. I've been allowing my stupid insecurities regarding Tommy's track record with women get in the way.

I feel embarrassed when I think of how many times I've run from him instead of just facing everything head on. It just reminds me that I'm a seventeen year old with a lot of growing up to do.

I immediately feel awful. Why would Tommy want anything to do me?

So, what do I do?

Come on, Jude…

Should I do what I want to do, or should I do what would be smart for both of us? Because the smart thing to do would be to leave Tommy alone, to try and get our relationship back to some sort of friendship.

Then again, I don't remember anyone ever accusing me of being all that smart.

I shove the video back on the shelf and run out the door.

There's no sign of him anywhere. God, he made a quick exit. Did he not think I might run after him??

The only place I can think to go is his apartment, or what used to be "our" apartment. Maybe, if I'm lucky, he still considers it our apartment.

I run to my car, feeling a sudden urgency to reach him.

I need to tell him I really do love him. And trust him. And believe in him.

And I do. I realize that I have all along, but I let all the chaos around us interfere with what really matters.

The trip to the apartment passes in a blur. I am so focused on getting there, on talking to him. I'm lucky I don't get in a car accident I'm so frazzled and panicked.

Before I know it I'm in the elevator, riding up to the top floor.

I'm the only one in the elevator and the long ride up allows me a lot of time to stare at my reflection in the floor-length elevator mirrors.

I don't like what I see.

I've been childish. Unfair. Stupid. A complete idiot. And a lot of other colourful adjectives. I'm incredibly ashamed of the way I've acted.

The doors slide open in front of me and I walk towards his door, praying that he's home.

Instead of letting myself in, I knock lightly on the door. I don't want to take for granted how welcome I'll be.

I hear the door being unlocked and I take a deep breath.

He opens the door and I try to interpret his inscrutable gaze. I'm pretty sure I detect happiness and relief flash across his features. That's a good sign, I hope.

Now that I'm standing in front of him, I find myself at a loss for words. There is so much I want to say. But looking at him, I can't remember any of it.

Then again, maybe words aren't necessary after all.

I bridge the small distance between us and lean my body into his, kissing his mouth softly. I feel his lips begin to move against mine, and I wrap my arms around his neck. I feel his arms reach around my back, and he begins to move backwards, leading me into the apartment without breaking the kiss.

I hear him kick the door shut as he continues to guide me into the living room.

We break from the kiss, gasping for air. I lean my forehead on his and stare into his eyes.

"I'm sorry—" I whisper, wanting to apologize for everything. Tommy stops me from speaking any further by placing his forefinger gently on my lips.

He begins a seductive assault on my lips and I feel my world spinning. He moves his lips to my neck, and then my collar bone.

I reach for the hem of his t-shirt and lift it up, over his head. I can not resist leaning my head down and kissing the warm skin on his chest.

I feel his hands reaching under my shirt, and he quickly removes it, throwing it across the room. He caresses my upper arms, trailing his hand across to my collar bone and then down to my breasts. He reaches around and unclasps my bra, gently sliding it off my arms.

He gently kisses the top of my left breast. His caress is light and teasing and I can feel my knees growing weak.

I'm not sure how much longer I can remain standing.

He takes the nipple into his mouth, sucking gently. I unconsciously arch my back, pushing my body even closer into his. He continues his assault on my senses by moving to my right breast and repeating his potent ministrations.

I reach down and begin to rub circles on his chest, and then I lean my head down and nip at his neck.

His head snaps up and I can see I'm not the only one reaching the peak of arousal. His eyes are dark, full of passion. For me. It's almost too good to believe.

As much as I'm enjoying this, my body is urging me to take things to the next level.

I reach down and unbuckle his belt and begin to unzip his pants. He reaches down and removes them and his boxers, as I kick off my own pants and panties.

He pulls me to the ground and I end up falling on top of him, straddling him. I see him reach into the drawer of one of the end tables and pull out a condom package.

I begin to laugh, wondering why the hell he would have a condom in the end table in the living room.

He grins at me, "Since you moved in, I've had to put these things all over the place. I never know when the mood is going to hit you," he says, laughing as I punch him playfully.

"Sure, it's all me," I say, rolling my eyes.

"Okay, it's not _all_ you," he says jokingly, ripping open the condom package and putting it on. "It's a good thing we stocked up on these," he says and I remember that day we went shopping and he nearly bought the whole section of condoms.

I lean down and kiss a trail from his chest up to his lips.

He lifts my hips, placing me above his erection. I nod and he pushes me down onto him.

He moves slowly inside of me, and I grind my hips against him, urging him on.

Before I realize what's happening, he's flipping us over. He's taking control, thrusting faster and faster.

It feels so good, and I can feel my fingernails uncontrollably digging into his back.

He continues to thrust roughly into me, filling me with the most incredible feeling of satisfaction.

We finally find almost simultaneous release and he collapses on the floor beside me.

We're both still panting loudly, trying to catch our breath. Tommy reaches up and pulls a blanket down off the couch, covering our slowly cooling bodies.

As I begin to catch my breath, I turn my head in Tommy's direction. We're both sweaty and his perfectly styled hair is now unkempt from my running my hands through it.

"That was amazing," I breathe. I now truly believe the people who say that the best kind of sex is makeup sex.

"Amazing doesn't even come close to describing how I feel right now," he says, turning his body towards mine.

I nestle my body as close as humanly possible next to him and he begins kissing me again, probing my mouth with his tongue.

I break away suddenly. He looks at me puzzled. "I haven't even done what I came here for."

He smirks. "You didn't come here for this?" he asks, gesturing at us, lying in the middle of the living room floor.

I laugh. "Actually no. Although, this is a nice bonus." I look up at him. I want to see him when I say it. "I trust you. I believe in you. And love you. I always have." I say, mirroring his speech from earlier today.

His face softens and I can see his eye shining with unshed tears. "I love you too, Jude."

He tightens the grip of his arms, holding me firmly against his body.

"I do have one complaint, though, Quincy," I say, teasingly. "You say you trust me but you jump all over any guy who gets within five feet of me."

He reaches up and brushes a piece of hair out of my face. "That actually has nothing to do with you. I trust _you_. I don't, however, trust them and I certainly don't want them anywhere near my girl."

"Ahh… I see…" I see, finding it hard to concentrate on anything as he begins to plant soft kisses on my shoulder and upper arm.

He stops abruptly. "That reminds me. Before I took off from work today to come find you, D announced that he's holding a big fundraiser gala in town on Saturday. And he also announced our mandatory attendance. He told me to tell you to bring a date."

"Oh really?" I say, cheekily. "Well, it will be a chance for you to test out your ability to resist strangling every man that speaks to me," I joke.

He rests his head on my shoulder. "Actually I already took the liberty of finding a date for you."

"What?" I ask, laughing. "Who?"

He lifts his head to look at me. "Mason."

"Mason's touring in LA."

"Yes, and he'll be back on Friday, just in time to go to the fundraiser on Saturday."

"Wait, why would you want me to go with Mason? I kissed him, remember?" I ask, raising my eyebrows at him.

He doesn't seem the least bit concerned about Mason. "He's gay," he states simply.

"He told you??" I spit out.

"No. I just… knew," he says, reaching up to play with a strand of my hair.

"So, you've thought this all through, huh?" I ask, smirking at him, playfully.

"Anything to avoid watching Mark or Speed or any other man pawing at you all night. Yeah, I definitely thought about it," he says, trailing one finger from my upper arm down to my palm, where he kneaded invisible circles with his thumb.

"I see. So, what about you? Is the lovely Chantal still going to be in town on Saturday?"

"I certainly hope not," Tommy says, sighing in frustration. "She's supposed to be done shooting her video on Thursday. Hopefully someone will need her services elsewhere."

I smile. Things are finally good. We're on the same page again.

But I need to get everything out in the open before we can officially move on from all this drama.

"Tommy," I say, waiting to speak further until he's looking at me. "I really am sorry. I've been acting like a childish drama queen. I'm surprised you didn't get sick of it and kick me to the curb." I look away from him in shame.

"Hey," he say, reaching his hand and tilting my face towards him again. "I understand. Things have been hectic. And crazy. And we've both made our share of mistakes. But no more. If you're upset, don't run. Come talk to me and I'll do the same. And I'll try not to rip the heads off all the men you talk to. But I do reserve the right to kill them if they try anything," he says, intertwining his fingers with mine.

I watch as a thought suddenly hits him and he reaches back and grabs the remote for the CD player from the nearby end table. He pushes play and I hear "In Your Room" reverberate through the room. I sit up, shocked at the sound.

He squeezes our intertwined hands and stares deeply into my eyes. "I love the song, Jude. I'm sorry I didn't get to tell you at the time. Every word, it's beautiful and….inspiring…" he says, his voice trailing off as he begins to kiss me.

He pushes my body back to the floor, covering it with his.

"Round two," he growls seductively before returning his lips to mine again.


	21. Chapter Twenty

Chapter Twenty:

As I rouse myself from sleep and look around me, I realize that I'm in Quincy's bed. That may sound really funny considering we're together; I should be used to waking up in his bed. But every time I wake up and his arms are tightly around my waist holding me firmly against his chest, like they are this morning, I almost can't believe it's true.

I blush slightly, remembering how we spent the rest of the day yesterday, reaching round three on the floor in the living room, before stumbling into his room late last night to sleep.

I glance at the bedside clock to see that it's already 10:00 am.

Oh great; we're going to be late for work. Correction, we _are_ late for work.

I turn my body slightly and kiss Tommy's cheek. "Tommy," I say. "Tommy!!"

His eyes open slowly. "Good morning," he says, lazily rolling on top of me.

He's kissing my neck lightly and, as much as I'm enjoying this, if I let it continue we won't be making it into work at all today.

I slide myself out from underneath him, laughing as he tries to pull me back. I sit myself on the edge of the bed, just out of his reach.

"Tommy, it's 10:00. We have to get to work. Like an hour ago," I say, getting up and looking in his closet.

I can hear Tommy laughing behind me, and he calls at me from the bed, "No one expects you in the studio before 10:30. Believe me, they're used to it."

I turn around, feigning shock. "Me?? Late? Whatever are you talking about Mr. Quincy?" I tease him. Okay, so I'm chronically late. A girl has to have one flaw, right?

I turn back to rummage through Quincy's closet and I hear him get out of bed and walk over to stand beside me.

"What are you doing, Harrison?" He asks.

"I'm looking for something to wear."

"Girl, I think you're in the wrong closet," Tommy said, watching me curiously as I continue to rummage through his stuff.

This may be crazy, but I want to wear something of his.

We have to hide our relationship from everyone at work and I want to wear something that belongs to him to prove to myself, and him, that I belong to him too. It's girly and overly sentimental and I have to admit I'm a little embarrassed that I'm so sappy.

I pull out the pink and grey shirt he wore the day I was trying to record "Not Standing Alone," the same day he made me stand on my head in the recording studio. I smile just looking at it, remembering what a good time I had with him that day.

I pull my shirt off and replace it with this one. I look in the mirror. It's a little big, but it's not a horrible fit. And it smells of Tommy. Not his cologne or aftershave but Tommy, the natural smell of his body.

It will definitely work.

"You're going to wear that?" Tommy asks, his eyebrows rising in puzzlement.

"Yes, I am," I say proudly, modelling it for him.

He shakes his head, laughing softly. "Alright, Jude. But I'm going to want it back, later," he whispers seductively in my ear.

I laugh and wander off to get ready for the day.

We walk into work at 11:00 and, surprising, Darius looks extremely happy to see us even though we're so late.

"Congratulations, Jude," he says.

I look at Tommy, beyond puzzled.

"What's up, D?" I ask, turning my attention back to Darius.

"The feedback on "In Your Room" has been great. It's getting all kinds of airplay and it's only been out for a couple of days."

I smile widely. "That's great!"

"I'm so proud of you, Jude. This is amazing news." He pauses and I see a thought come to him. "Oh, you need to get a dress for the party on Saturday," he says, quickly changing the subject.

"I'll go see Portia and we'll figure something out."

"No!" Darius says, suddenly, and he has that 'I just got an amazing idea' look on his face. "I want you to get something more upscale than we have in wardrobe. I'm sending you on a field trip to buy a new dress. And whatever else you need to go with it."

I look at Darius in shock. He's never usually this generous.

"Go on. Take the day off and get it done." Darius looks at Tommy. "And you go with her. You know what looks good on women. I'm putting you in charge of making sure Jude looks killer for that fundraiser. The fundraiser where she's going to sing her new single live for the first time."

A new dress and a swanky gig? Wow, this day can't get much better. Oh wait, it does get better. I believe Darius just gave Tommy and I explicit orders to spend the day together. Away from work.

"Have fun," he says as he hands me the company credit card.

I stare blankly at Tommy. "Can you believe this?"

Tommy grins. "D has no idea what he's just done."

"I know. He must be feeling really good today."

"He's happy about your new single."

I smile. "I can't believe it's doing so well already."

"I can. It's about me," he says with Quincy's characteristic modesty.

I laugh. "Of course," I say. "Guess that explains all of my success." Actually, it pretty much does. Since pretty much all of my songs are about him.

"Do we really have to go shopping?" He asks. "We could just go home…"

"We really have to go shopping. Unless you'd like me to go naked to this party."

I see Tommy's eyes burning, at just the mention of my nakedness. He leans in to whisper in my ear. "As appealing as that sounds, we'll save that for _after_ the party."

"Shopping it is, then," I say as I grab his hand and drag him out of G-Major.

We browse through a lot of high end clothing store in pursuit of the perfect dress. I can tell he's actually having fun watching me model all kinds of dresses for him. And I know immediately if he likes them or not, just by looking in his eyes.

I walk out of the dressing room in a short, tight fitting, red dress, showing an ample amount of cleavage that I didn't even know I had. I watch in amusement as his jaw actually drops.

"Well, I think I've found the winner," I say, standing in front of him, just outside of the dressing rooms.

He laughs and gets up from the chair he's been sitting in. "No," he says simply. "You can buy it but you have to wear it only at home."

"You don't want me to look good at the party?" I ask. He's still looking me up and down in this dress.

"Good, sure. You always look good. But looking **that** good," he says, motioning to the dress I'm wearing, "is reserved for my eyes only."

"I see…" I say, smirking helplessly and I head back to my dressing room. I reach behind me to unzip the dress but the zipper won't move. It's stuck.

I peer my head outside the dressing room door, looking for the sales associate, but she's nowhere in sight.

"Tommy?" I call quietly, trying to keep my voice as low as possible. I hope he can hear me.

Finally, after looking both ways to make sure the coast is clear, he walks down the hall towards my dressing room.

"My zipper is stuck," I say. He motions for me to let him in and I close the door behind us.

I turn around and I feel him unzip the dress easily. Then I shiver as he begins to stroke my back.

I unconsciously release a moan and I smack my hand over my mouth before Tommy spins me around, pinning me against the wall of the fitting room.

He reaches his hand up and removes my hand from across my mouth, replacing it forcefully with his lips. His lips are bruising and thorough and I feel the world spinning around me. He licks my bottom lip, asking for entrance to my mouth, which I willingly give.

He begins to push the straps of my dress off my shoulders and it falls to the ground at my feet.

He kisses a trail across my collarbone and I bite my lip roughly, trying desperately not to moan in pleasure.

As he puts a finger under the strap of my bra to push it down, I hear a knock at the door.

Tommy freezes and I put my hand over his mouth. "Yes?"

"How are you doing, Miss?" I hear from outside the door.

"Just great," I yell. "I think I found the one," I say quieter, gazing at Tommy warmly.

He smiles, and I know he realizes I'm not talking about the dress.

I hear the sales associate walk away and I remove my hand from over Tommy's mouth.

We both spontaneously begin laughing at the situation, and I collapse against him in hysterical laughter. Not one of our subtler moments, making out in the dressing room.

When I recover, I wipe the tears of laughter off my face, and peer outside the door. "You've got to go," I whisper and push him out the door.

I close the door and get dressed. I pick the red dress off the floor and look at it approvingly. I have to buy it.

I pick a green one that I had previously tried on to wear at the fundraiser. I grab the two dresses and exit the dressing room, heading for register.

Tommy's standing by the exit waiting, smiling widely, and I almost break into laughter as I offer D's credit card as payment.

When I'm finished paying for the dresses, I walk over to meet Tommy by the exit.

"Home?" he asks, hopefully.

"Nope,"I say, grinning widely and holding up D's credit card. "I hear the shoe stores calling my name…" I laugh, ignoring Tommy's panicked look, and grab him with my free hand.

After a long day of shopping, Tommy and I arrive back at the apartment.

We drop the bags on the floor and head for the couch, both collapsing onto it.

I'm exhausted.

I love shopping, and I'm exhausted. I can't imagine how Quincy's feeling. I glance at him sympathetically as he yawns loudly.

He wordlessly flicks on the television and turns it to an old movie. We sit together watching it, just like we used to do when I first moved in.

I lay my head on his shoulder and he absently begins to run his hand through my hair.

I feel my eyelids becoming heavy and I don't fight it. I nestle my body close to his and he pulls me in tightly under his arm.

"I love you, Quincy," I say softly.

I can feel him smiling. "I love you too, Harrison."

And I'm comforted by the fact that, no what happens in the upcoming days and regardless of the fact that no one can know about us, we'll be able to end everyday together, just like this.


	22. Chapter Twenty One

A/N: In case I haven't already mentioned it, I don't own the IS characters, etc. And I don't own the song "In Your Room" by the Bangles.

Chapter Twenty-One:

It's the day of the fundraiser and I'm resigned to the fact that I won't be seeing much of Tommy today. Darius has commissioned all of us to help with getting ready for the benefit so, although we're starting off the day together, as soon as we arrive at work we'll be pulled in different directions. Portia and I are in charge of decorations and Tommy is in charge of setting up the sound system at the hall.

Tommy and I arrive at G-Major to meet everyone before heading over to the hall, and we find Chantal waiting in the lobby.

"Tommy," she says, getting up to kiss his cheek. "I've got fabulous news. I was able to push back my next modelling gig in order to stay in town and attend tonight's fundraiser with you. Isn't that great?" she asks, smirking at me, not Tommy.

I don't understand what is wrong with this woman. All the cocaine she's taken in her modelling career must have damaged her brain cells. She hasn't won Tommy; doesn't she realize she never will?

Tommy doesn't reply and just stands awkwardly looking between Chantal and I. He knows he can't anger Chantal off because of the blackmail.

Chantal is glaring at me. It's only 10:00 am and I've already reached my Chantal quota for the day.

"I've got work to do," I say, walking off towards Studio A. I've got to grab my favourite guitar for my performance tonight.

Within a couple of minutes, Tommy walks in and shut the door behind him. He grabs my hand and pulls me away from fiddling with my guitar. "I'm sorry, she's—"

I reach my hand up and place two fingers on his mouth, stopping him from talking. "Not important," I finish for him. "I'm not mad or jealous or self-conscious. I just don't want to even deal with her. What's she doing to us is ridiculous and I just don't want her to think she's achieving her goal of driving me crazy."

"Actually, I think her goal is winning me back," Tommy says, grabbing my hips and pulling me closer.

"Well, she's not achieving that goal either," I say, caressing his upper arms through his t-shirt.

"Save me a dance tonight," he says, partially a question and partially a statement. He knows I will.

"I wish you could have them all."

"Me too," he whispers, bringing his lips down to mine.

"Quincy?" I hear from the doorway. I instantly recognize the voice.

It's Speed.

Oh God, no.

Tommy's body is shielding mine from view but it will only be a second before he sees me. I shut my eyes tightly. Tommy and I are both frozen.

"Jude?" Speed says, sounding surprised. Oh God.

Okay, it's official. There can be no more kissing at work. Because apparently Tommy and I are incapable of pulling off being stealthy.

I walk out from behind Tommy to see Speed's furious face. He turns and walks out the door without another word.

I follow behind him, needing to explain. I know I'm not his girlfriend anymore, but we haven't been split up for very long. And he deserves to know the truth.

He heads for Studio C and I shut the door behind us.

He spins around to face me, "So you're not just living with him anymore, are you?"

I blush at the nature of his question. Which is answer enough for him.

"Jude! It certainly didn't take you and Quincy very long, did it? You and I were together for a long time and we never enough got close to having sex. And you're with Quincy for like a week?" He's mad, which is unusual because Speed is very relaxed normally. That's how I know that this has hurt him deeper than he'd let on.

"Speed, I'm sorry. I never meant for you to find out like that. But you know Tommy and I. We're connected. We always have been. And we're planning on telling everyone when—"

He cuts me off, "You're legal? When Quincy won't be in big trouble for what he's doing to you?"

"Speed, please. I know you don't like it or understand, but please, I need you to keep it quiet."

I can tell he's thinking about it. He's mad, and hurt. And I can imagine he doesn't want to do either Tommy or I any favours right now.

"Fine," he says, pushing by me to leave the studio.

"Speed, I'm honestly sorry. I never meant for you to get hurt," I say, and he pauses, looking at me.

"Whatever…" he says, throwing the door open and walking through it.

I sigh loudly. Great start to a morning. I really do feel bad for hurting Speed. I mean, looking at this whole situation from his perspective, it really does suck. We're broken up for no time at all and he catches me making out with someone else. And he knows there's more to it than just making out.

And now, there's just one more person that knows about Tommy and I. The stress of this secret liaison and the hurt it just caused Speed are hard to deal with. But, unfortunately, I just have to accept it if I want to be with Tommy.

And I do. More than anything.

I make my way back to the studio and see Tommy packing up my guitar for me. "Well, there's another person who knows. And he's not at all happy about it."

"He'll get over it," Tommy said continuing to pack up the guitar, surprisingly nonchalant about Speed knowing. "He's just mad that you're not with him anymore. But Vincent is not one to hold a grudge, especially against you."

"If you say so."

He hands me the guitar case. "I do. Don't worry," he says, planting a quick kiss on my temple.

Even that small gesture calms me down. It reminds me, yet again, why we're doing all of this. Our relationship is not all about the big moments or the sex. Although those are great, the things I love most about Tommy are the little things. Like when he kisses my forehead or brings me my favourite coffee. Or when he used to call me, sometimes in the middle of the night, to tell me something exciting or cool that he'd heard because he knew I'd want to know too. Now he doesn't need to call, he can just turn over.

We walk out of the studio towards the group of people congregated in the lobby.

As we approach the group, Jamie's eyeing me and Tommy oddly and I realize that I haven't filled him in on what happened. I mouth "Later" to him and he nods in agreement.

"My, my. If it isn't Jude Harrison," I hear from my somewhere to my left and I turn immediately.

"Mason!!" I exclaim, rushing to give him a big hug.

"Hey, it's good to see you too," he says, laughing at my excited response to seeing him.

I love Mason. We haven't known each other that long but he and I totally get one another. The music. The drama of the life we lead. We just click.

"So what's new, Miss Harrison?" he asks. I turn back to look at Tommy. He winks at me before heading off to talk to Darius.

I begin to laugh as I turn my attention back to Mason. "You're not even going to believe it. You're helping me with the decorations because we need to talk," I state simply.

"Sounds great. I always wanted to be a party planner," Mason says sarcastically.

I notice Tommy heading back over to me. "Welcome back, Mason," he says, shaking his hand before turning to me. "I'm heading over to the hall with the sound guys. I'll see you later, okay?"

I nod and watch him walk out of G-Major.

"Hmm… This is very intriguing." Mason says, smirking devilishly.

"What is?" I ask in mock surprise.

"Don't play dumb with me, Jude. I know you better than you know yourself."

I laugh. "Like I said, we've got a lot of catching up to do," I say, pulling him towards the door. "The sooner we start on those decorations, the sooner I can tell you everything."

"You're kidding me," Mason says after I spill the whole story. We're in a corner of the hall far from everyone else who's setting up. He drops the streamers he's supposed to be hanging.

"Do you think I could make something that crazy up?" I ask, looking at him questioningly.

"Yeah, you're right. It's crazy. Even for you," he concedes, refocusing on hanging the streamers. "So, what are you guys going to do? Just keep it a secret and then pretend you're just starting to date after you're eighteen?"

"Honestly, we haven't even thought that far ahead. I'm not eighteen for another 5 months. So, we have a while to go."

"Don't you think someone's going to catch you, especially living with him? The press is pretty good at finding things like that, "Mason says, seriously.

"Well, I've got my mail going to Jamie's. So, there's no paper trail. And unless someone following my every move, which so far no one has done, they're not going to know. Besides, the press made stories up about Tommy and me before we were actually together. It bothered us before, but now it's actually working to our benefit. People are used to stories about us. It's nothing new."

"Well, I certainly wish you two luck. It's certainly going to be a bumpy ride."

"Yeah. But that's what makes it kinda fun."

By 7:00, nearly everyone has arrived. I had dumbly forgotten to bring my dress so Mason accompanied me back home at 5:30 for me to go get dressed. As I pulled out the purchases I made that day with Tommy, I contemplated wearing the red dress just to tease him. But I decided against it. I'm saving that for something special. What, I don't know. Someday, I'll know the right time to wear it.

At 6:30, Mason and I rush back and arrive just in time to walk in together, looking like we were arriving perfectly on time.

I immediately notice Tommy across the hall talking with some record executives. Chantal, of course, is glued to his side. Bitch.

"Mason, Jude. You both look great!" I turn my head to see Darius standing in front of us.

"Thanks."

"You ready for your performance tonight, Jude?" He asks seriously.

"Absolutely," I say with complete confidence. Out of the corner of my eye I notice Tommy approaching, alone.

"That's my artist. Well, have a great time tonight," he says before rushing off to schmooze with his guests. The fundraiser is for a children's charity and Darius knows the more schmoozing he does, the more money the charity will make. He can be a pretty great guy when he wants to be.

"Hey. Mason," Tommy says, "can I steal your date for a minute, to go over the music?"

"The music… Right," Mason says, jokingly. He's got a gleam in his eye and Tommy looks at him curiously. "Sure, she's all yours."

Tommy takes my hand and leads me backstage. As soon as we're safely out of sight, he kisses me thoroughly.

"You look amazing," he says, still breathless from the kiss.

"Thanks," I say, still reeling from the intoxicating effect of his kiss.

"Oh, you can thank me properly later," he whispers in my ear as his hand travels up my thigh, under my dress. I shiver at his seductive tone and the effect of his touch on my skin.

Then we hear the sound of someone approaching. Tommy removes his hand and moves back from me.

I look over to see Jamie coming around the corner. "Okay, I'm going to pretend I don't know what you two were probably just doing," he says, shaking his head in disgust. "D's looking for both of you. It's almost time for your performance."

"Thanks Jamie," I say and he disappears around the corner, still shaking his head in revulsion.

"Remember to save me that dance," Tommy says, smiling as he walks away to take his position behind the sound controls near the back of the room.

I take my position on the side of the stage, ready to come out when Darius introduces me. I'm not nervous at all. I don't get nervous. Not when I'm confident about my song. I've got my top supporter at the helm of the sound system. And I've got more than a few friendly faces in the audience: Jamie, Patsy, Darius and Mason.

I see SME taking their places and getting their instruments. Speed is avoiding looking in my direction. I guess he's still mad. My heart falls a little because Speed and I have always gotten along and connected musically. I don't want to lose my friend or my lead guitarist.

I hear Darius announce my name and I head out on to the stage.

I feel the same exhilaration I do every time I hit the stage. It's indescribable. And as I begin to sing, the joy of the song and the music spill out of me.

I make eye contact with Tommy as much as I can, without looking too obvious. He's smiling proudly at the secret message that the song holds for us.

As I reach the end of the song, I can't help staring solely at him.

_I feel good in your room  
Let's lock the world out  
Feels so good when we kiss  
Nobody ever made me crazy like this_

_I'll do anything you want me to  
I only want to be with you  
In your room  
In your room_

As the music ends and I concentrate back on the entire crowd, the audience of record execs and music industry people are all on their feet cheering.

The song is a hit. And this is an important crowd to impress.

I can't stop beaming. I feel like I'm on top of the world.

As I leave the stage, I'm bombarded with people talking to me, complimenting me on the performance and the song.

And out of nowhere, a hand appears in front of me. "Can I have this dance?"

I look up at who the hand belongs to and smile. "I'd love to, Tommy."

Tommy ushers me to the large dance floor, which is packed with people. They're playing "Your Eyes," over the sound system and couples have flocked to the floor. I find it kind of strange dancing with Tommy to my own music. Especially a song, like almost every other one, that was inspired by him.

We're lost in the large crowd and he takes the opportunity to hold my body closer than he should.

We're not speaking, just enjoying the feel of holding each other close in public. Something we won't be able to do again for a long while.

Near the end of the song, he whispers in my ear, "Having a good night?"

"Yes, definitely. You?" I ask, looking deep into his blue eyes.

He smiles. "Right now," he says, pulling me closer still, "I'd definitely have to say yes."

The song ends and we're forced to pull away. We both know we have to go our separate ways now. We both have our duties as G-Major employees to schmooze with the guests.

"10:00?" He says quietly, still holding on to one of my hands.

I look at him curiously. "10:00 okay with you to head home?" he asks, clarifying his question.

"I'd go home now if I could," I say, nodding and tearing myself away from him to talk to some of the other guests.

As I talk with the guests, I smile and nod appreciatively while keeping a watchful eye on the clock. At 10:00, I excuse myself from whomever it is I'm talking with and head towards the door. Mason had already left, feigning exhaustion, but had checked to make sure I didn't need a ride home before leaving.

As I approach the exit I see Tommy standing waiting for me. "Where's Chantal?" I ask, the thought suddenly hitting me.

"She's otherwise engaged. I think she found another music business person to idolize," he says smirking, pointing towards Chantal, who I see is fawning over a record executive. I laugh and Tommy puts his hand on my back to usher me out.

The ride home is peaceful. Tommy put the top down on the Viper and the air rushing through my hair is invigorating.

It's a beautiful night. My music is a hit. And I've got Tommy. My life could not get better than it is right now.

We make our way quickly into the building, and barely make it into the apartment before we're kissing furiously.

My cell phone interrupts us, ringing loudly in my purse.

"Leave it," Tommy whispers, kissing my neck and pulling me close.

I take the phone out of my purse and see on the display that it's Sadie.

I instantly get a bad feeling. She wouldn't phone this late unless it was important.

"Hold that thought," I say to Tommy, pulling away and putting the phone to my ear.

"Hello?" I say, but all I hear is sobbing. I feel my heart plummet to the ground. "Sadie, what's wrong?"

And the words she manages to spit out rock me to the core, causing me to drop the phone and fall helplessly to my knees.


	23. Chapter Twenty Two

A/N: Thanks for all your amazing reviews! I'm glad you're all enjoying the story! I just want to warn that the story is about to take a serious turn. Hopefully you'll stick with me and the story. :)

* * *

Chapter Twenty-Two:

I can't breathe.

I stare blankly at the phone lying beside my knees on the ground.

Tommy rushes to my side and I feel him kneel beside me, grabbing a hold of my hands. "Jude, what's wrong?"

I can't say anything. To utter the words would make it true. And it can't be.

I lean my body into his, turning my head into his chest. He feels strong beside me. I need that.

Tommy picks up the phone. I can hear sobbing still coming from the phone. "Hello? Sadie, can you put Kwest on, please?" he asks, sweetly.

"Kwest, man, what's going on?" he asks.

Tommy's expression changes into one of horror. They talk in muted tones for a few minutes before Tommy says, "Okay, Kwest. Thanks, I'll call you later." He hangs up, dropping the phone to the ground.

"Oh, Jude, I'm so sorry," he whispers, pulling me firmly towards his body. He's brushing a hand through my hair soothingly.

But I can't feel anything. I'm numb.

"My dad's dying," I whisper, verbalizing it for the first time.

I haven't cried yet but I can feel the tears behind my eyes, begging for release.

Tommy doesn't say anything. As we sit on the floor together, he continues to hold my body close, rocking it back and forth slightly.

"How much was Sadie able to tell you?" he asks.

I pull back a little, looking into his sombre expression. "Just that he's dying. That's he's got cancer…." My words trail off as I can feel the emotion building in my throat.

"Kwest told me that he's got a brain tumour. That he went to New York because the specialists there are the best." Tommy's speaking quietly, treading lightly. He knows he has to tell me everything he knows, as painful as it is.

My eyes widen in shock. "He's known that long?? Before he left Toronto, he knew??" I ask, exasperated.

I feel Tommy nod. "After he told Sadie, she broke down. So your dad was talking to Kwest about his condition. Kwest told me that your dad was hoping to get the doctor's treatments and then tell you both after it was all over. Your dad didn't tell anyone until today. Until the doctors told him that…." he pauses, his voice, rough with emotion, lowering considerably as he says, "it's terminal."

I shut my eyes tightly against the truth and burrow my head in Tommy's shoulder. "How come he didn't call me tonight?"

"Once he reached Sadie, your dad was pretty emotional. Kwest said that he and Sadie would phone you."

I don't know what to do. This is too much to absorb. I almost feel like I don't understand it. I wish I didn't.

My limbs feel heavy as I lean into Tommy, like I can't move. Like they're too heavy for me to even pick myself up off the floor.

I'm seventeen years old and my dad's dying. And I don't know what to do with that. How to even begin to process or deal with it.

"How long?" I say suddenly. I need to know how long I've got left with my dad.

"About three months," Tommy says quietly.

I begin to feel panicked. Like every second is one that I'm wasting. I can almost hear the clock ticking on the wall, counting down the time that my father has left on this earth.

My heart begins to race and I push myself away from Tommy, standing up unsteadily. I begin to walk around the living room, as if looking for some sort of answer in the surrounding walls or furniture.

"I have to go," I say, "I have to go to New York. Be with him."

Suddenly Tommy's standing in front of me. "Of course. I'll call Darius and leave him a voice message that we'll be gone indefinitely."

I look into his caring face. "No, Tommy, I should go alone—"

"Trust me, Jude," he says, cutting me off and grasping my shoulders gently with his hands. "You don't want to be alone."

I look at him curiously. He's got a sad gleam in his eye, like this situation is all too familiar.

He leads me gently to the couch and forces me to sit down. He takes a seat next to me, looking at me intensely. "About five years ago, in the midst of the whole Boyz Attack craze, my mother was diagnosed with leukemia. She died within six months." A lone tear slides down his cheek and I can feel my tears still demanding release behind my eyes. I breathe deeply, trying to hold them back.

"I had no one, Jude. Portia and I were getting divorced and I didn't even tell her. It was the single loneliest time in my life. There's no way I'm going to let you go through this alone."

"Okay, Tommy," I say and he hugs me tightly. The comfort he's giving me is forcing my guard down, and I feel my tears beginning to give way.

And before I know what's happening, I'm sobbing loudly, hysterically as Tommy holds me tightly, stroking my back.

"I just don't know what I'm going to do," I mumble breathlessly between sobs.

Tommy squeezes my body firmly and whispers in my ear, "You're going to hold on to me. And I'll get you through, no matter what I have to do."

As my sobs subside, Tommy kisses my cheek lightly and pulls his body back.

"I'm going to call Darius. You go pack a few things and we'll leave right away, okay?" He wipes a tear off my cheek with his thumb.

I nod and begin to mindlessly walk down the hall to my room. I'm so lost in my own world that I almost bump into the wall as I near the bedroom door.

I stand in the doorway for a minute, just looking at everything. I'm not looking at anything in particular; I just feel paralyzed. I numbly grabby my duffle bag from the closet and aimlessly shove some of my clothes into it.

My dad's dying.

The thought keeps hitting me, robbing me of air.

I feel like I'm hyperventilating. I stumble to the bed and sit down. I'm weak and nauseous.

I sit on the edge of the bed with my head between my knees, trying to breathe and attempting not to throw up.

I don't hear Tommy enter but I feel the bed dip under his weight as he sits beside me and begins to rub my back soothingly.

"Breathe," he whispers, softly, "just breathe. One breath at a time, one day at a time."

"I don't know if I can do any of this," I whisper, so quiet I'm not even sure it's audible.

"I do. You're a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for, Jude."

My breathing begins to even out, his presence a stabilizing force for me. I don't know what I'd do without him.

I look down at myself; I'm still wearing the dress from the party.

As if reading my mind, Tommy walks to my closet and picks out a shirt and jeans.

I stand up and he turns me gently, unzipping my dress and helping me out of it. I spin back around and Tommy begins to dress me like someone would dress a child. He slips the shirt over my head and pulls my arms through the holes. Then I lean on him as he slides my jeans up my legs and buttons them at my waist.

Each touch is so gentle and caring. He's looking after me in a way that no one else has ever done, even my own mother.

He grabs my haphazardly packed bag from the bed and takes my hand, pulling me towards his room. I sit on his bed, watching as he quickly changes from his suit into street clothes and stuffs some of his clothing into a bag.

Once he's done, he stands in front of me, smiling sympathetically. "Ready to go?"

I nod and he takes both of our bags and my hand, gently leading me out of the apartment. As he's locking the front door behind us, I stare at him, thinking what an amazing person I've found in Tom Quincy.

"Thank you, Tommy," I say simply. He turns his head to look at me.

"No problem, girl. I love you; I'd do anything for you." He kisses me quickly, trying to infuse all the support he can in that small gesture. Then begins to lead me down the hall towards the elevator.

Some day I'll find the words to thank him for everything he's just done, for everything I know he will do in the months to come.

We arrive at the airport and Tommy makes all the arrangements for our flight. It's late and the airport isn't as busy as it would normally be. There are still a few fans that approach us as we wait to board and Tommy handles the situation by smiling and talking to them so that I don't have to.

I'm still feeling completely disoriented. I just want to see my dad.

I want him to tell me it's not true.

I want him to tell me that he'll be around to give me away at my wedding. To see his grandchildren.

I want him to tell me that he's going to live.

I collapse into my seat on the plane and just stare out the window. I never thought I could feel pain like this. I just want things to go back to the way they were a couple of hours ago. I feel like my world is falling apart and there's nothing I can do to stop it.

Tommy's hand touches mine, his fingers lacing with mine. I turn my head towards him, and I see him moving the arm rest up, out of the way. He pulls me towards and I nestle my body into his.

He wants to shield me from all of this. I know he does, and I love him for it.

With all the exhaustion I feel from the events of the day, and the effect of Tommy's warm, comforting body next to mine, I feel myself drifting off to sleep. And I allow my eyes to close, hoping that sleep will bring me some escape from the pain.


	24. Chapter Twenty Three

Chapter Twenty-Three:

"Jude."

I open my eyes, feeling groggy and disoriented.

"Jude," I hear Tommy whispering in my ear. I feel his warmth beside me and close my eyes again. This feeling is too good to let go of.

But swiftly the memory of why I'm here comes rushing back. And I feel the tears threatening.

I sit up, moving away from him slightly as I wipe the sleep out of my eyes. I look over at Tommy. He looks exhausted. I don't think he slept at all.

"We're here," he says quietly. I look around to see people gathering their belongings.

I nod and unbuckle my seatbelt. I'm not exactly queen of verbal clarity when I wake up. But especially now, as the weight of my dad's diagnosis hits me again, I can't say anything. Because if I try I know it will quickly progress into tears.

After Tommy grabs our bags from the overhead compartment, we shuffle down the small plane corridor and make our way out of the airport.

Tommy hails a cab and gives the driver my dad's address.

I still feel like this is all a dream I'm just floating through.

Actually, it's more like a nightmare.

I sit staring aimlessly out the window when a thought suddenly hits me.

"I need to tell him." I say abruptly, turning my head towards Tommy, "About us."

I have to be completely honest with my dad. It's the only way I know to honour the close relationship we have always had.

Tommy nods in understanding. "Of course." I can tell in his expression that he's worried about that, and to tell you the truth, so am I. I think my dad has always suspected that there's more between Tommy and I, and I know he would not approve. Dad's always made the odd comment about Tommy being a good producer but not reliable personally. Not exactly a great sign.

I turn back to the window and feel Tommy's arm wrap around my shoulders. I nestle into it. It's so nice to know I'm not alone.

We arrive at the townhouse my dad is renting and I step out of the cab onto the curb. As Tommy settles the tab with the driver I glance around me. It's a nice neighbourhood, much like the suburb that I grew up in.

And it suddenly dawns on me why my dad is just renting - he didn't want anything too permanent, in case… in case, something like this happened.

I brush a few tears away that escape my eyes. I need to be strong when I see him. At least I want to be.

Tommy joins me on the sidewalk and I take a deep breath as we walk the few steps to the townhouse door.

I knock and almost instantly the door swings open.

My dad is standing in the doorway, clearly a little surprised to see us. "Jude, honey…" he says, holding his arms open.

I walk into them and feel his arms wrap around me. I'm lost in his embrace, and as he hugs me tightly I try to memorize exactly how it feels. I wish I could bottle it up and keep the amazing feeling of my dad's embrace with me forever. He was the first person who ever made me feel safe and loved. My mom was too busy doting on Sadie to notice I was there most of the time. But my dad and I, we were always like two peas in a pod. Whether it was music or television or sports; it really didn't matter. We'd do or talk about anything just to spend time together.

As I stand still, closing my eyes, I feel the guilt hit me. Over the past two years, since I won the Instant Star competition, especially since I've begun to spend most of my time with Tommy, I've made less and less time in my life for my dad. And now I regret every moment that I chose to spend time with someone other than him. Because soon there won't be any more opportunities to laugh or talk with him.

He releases me reluctantly and I look up at his face. He's crying, not even bothering to wipe away the tears. And I can feel my own sobs building.

My dad glances by me and finally notices Tommy standing there.

"Hello Tom," he says, surprised.

"Mr. Harrison," Tom says sombrely.

"Stuart, please. Come in," he says motioning for us both to enter. As we walk by and he closes the door behind us, he adds, "I just talked to Sadie. She and Kwest are coming tomorrow."

Tommy and I drop our bags by the stairs and we all walk into the living room. As I take a seat near my dad, I say the only thing I'm thinking. "Why didn't you tell me Daddy?"

"Oh, Jude," he says, reaching over to grab my hands. "I wanted to protect you from it as long as possible. I was hoping if I had to tell you, it would be under better circumstances." He squeezes my hands, "Do you understand now why when I came to Toronto I was pushing you to get your life settled, pushing Mark on you? I want you to have someone amazing to hold onto when I'm gone."

I can feel myself blushing. "You already do, don't you? Did you rethink your relationship with Mark?" he asks. He looks so excited, so happy.

"No, dad. Mark and I are just friends. Really barely even that."

"So, there's someone else?"

I glance quickly at Tommy. "Yes. There is, actually. And we definitely need to talk, but not now." Tommy shoots me a surprised look, but I can't help but notice he looks a little relieved.

I know I need to tell Dad. But right now I'm just too exhausted to face that conversation. And I don't want to just throw it at him the minute I get here.

Soon. I'll tell him soon. I just need to build my own courage a bit.

"What can be done for you, Daddy?" I ask, hoping that there's _something_.

"Nothing, honey," he says, resigned. "I've been going through treatments, first in Toronto and then here in New York. But nothing's been working. The tumour's getting bigger." He swallows, and bows his head. "I have three months, at the most."

I feel so damned helpless. This is a man who has sacrificed everything for me. He would have sold his soul to buy me my first guitar. And now I have to sit back and watch him die right in front of me?

I feel the sadness rising within me, overwhelming my capacity to hold back the tears.

I don't want to lose it. Dad's going through enough. He doesn't need to see me breakdown.

But as I look at him, I slowly feel my control slipping.

I swallow, trying to get rid of the lump forming in my throat, but it only gets worse.

I feel the first warm tear slip down my cheek and I swipe at it quickly, hoping he won't see it.

But he does. He lifts his hand to my cheek. "Jude," he whispers. "I'm so sorry you have to go through this."

And listening to him apologize, once again trying to look after me instead of worrying about himself, I can't hold it back anymore.

I feel myself begin to shake with silent sobs that I can't suppress. I can hear myself getting louder, more hysterical, as my dad grabs me close in a tight hug.

It's a hug of mutual support. We're both trying to help each other, while also needing the comfort ourselves.

Tommy's sitting in a chair across from the couch and through my own tears I notice that he's wiping away a few tears of his own.

As my sobs subside and I pull away from Dad, I notice he's looking slightly ill. "Are you alright, Daddy?"

"I'm okay, honey. I just get awfully tired and worn down these days."

I stand up, pulling him with me. "Go rest, Daddy. We'll be here."

"I love you, Jude."

"I love you too, Dad," I say softly, pulling him into a hug. I watch him walk up the stairs towards him bedroom.

This is hard.

Unbelievably cruel.

There are a lot of sad, horrible things in the world, but I never imagined anything as awful as this would happen to me and my family.

My dad has been such a constant in my life. Really, one of only a few. Over the years when the world seemed like it was completely dark around me, he was always there to light my way, show me that I wasn't lost.

I'm lost in thought, still staring at the place where my dad had just walked up the stairs. I suddenly feel warmth around me as Tommy places an arm around my waist, pulling me flush against his side.

"I wish I could fix all this. I would do anything to make this better for you and your dad," he whispers in my ear.

I turn into his arms, moving my arms around to his back. "I know," I say, closing my eyes tightly.

I feel his love surrounding me. And even though I'm going through hell, the only thing that helps is that I know Tommy's here. He's the only reason I'm still standing; he's holding me up when all I feel like doing is falling to the ground and screaming in agony and defeat.


	25. Chapter Twenty Four

Chapter Twenty-Four:

As my dad's sleeping, Tommy and I find our way around the house, finally making our way into the kitchen.

I'm starving. Now that the initial shock and horror has passed, I realized I haven't eaten since before the party yesterday.

"Can you cook, Quincy?" I ask. We've been living together but neither one of us has really cooked. Even though Quincy likes grocery shopping so much, we've still ordered in most of our meals or eaten them at the studio.

"Sure, Harrison," he says, opening the fridge. "Can't you?"

"Uhmm.. No."

He turns and gives me a curious look. "Nothing? Grilled cheese? Kraft Dinner?"

"Uhmmm.. No." I say. I didn't realize this was odd, but clearly from the way Quincy's trying to hold back the laughter, it can't be good.

"Well, I'll just add cooking to the list of things I need to teach you," he says teasingly, pulling some eggs, cheese and vegetables out of the fridge and placing them on the counter.

My ears perk up. "What else is on this list exactly?"

"Oh… well, most of it I can't say in a house where your father is present," he says smirking at me.

I laugh and almost instantly I sober.

Tommy notices and walks towards me, taking my hands in his. "Jude, you can't stop laughing. You know your dad's going to want to be happy in the next couple of months. And I know it's going to be hard, believe me. There were times I had to sneak away from my mom and just let the tears and the screams out. And she knew; I wasn't stupid enough to think she didn't. But I knew that I had to make her last few months as special as possible. So, I did the best I could to have fun with her, talk with her. And cry with her when she wanted to cry." He reaches up and wipes a tear off my cheek. "Just start thinking of stuff you want to do with your dad. And we'll make them happen."

He squeezes my hands supportively before returning to the food he has set on the counter. "Omelettes?" He asks.

"Sounds great," I say, walking over to help him.

We begin to joke around as we cut the vegetables, Tommy trying to get me to taste a green pepper, which I stupidly tell him I don't like. "Have you even tried one?" he asks, holding a piece near my mouth. If I open my mouth to answer the question, I have no doubt he'll shove that pepper in my mouth.

I shake my head and try not to laugh.

"Well, something smells good."

We both turn our heads in surprise to see my dad entering the kitchen.

"We're making omelettes," I state proudly.

"We?" Tommy asks, raising his eyebrows at me.

"Okay, so Tommy's making them. And I'm _assisting_."

Tommy just smiles and returns to his vegetables.

"Tommy, I wanted to thank you for bringing Jude here yourself, making sure she arrived okay. That was far beyond the call of a producer," Dad says, his eyes narrowing slightly. While being polite, there's also insinuation in his tone, like he suspects Tommy of something.

"It was nothing," Tommy says, glancing quickly at Stuart before returning his gaze to the food in front of him.

"Are you planning on staying with us long?" he asked. Again, there's something indescribable in his tone. It's the tone I've heard him use on Shay and Speed.

"As long as Jude needs me," Tommy answers simply, turning to crack the eggs into the pan.

I see my dad nod in agreement and begin to open his mouth again. "Dad, I was thinking we should try and get tickets for a baseball game. For all of us, once Sadie and Kwest arrive," I spit out the first thing I can think to say, trying to avert the heat of questioning off Tommy.

"Sure sweetie. That reminds me. I bought you that Yankees hat you asked me for. It's upstairs somewhere."

Tommy turns, raising his eyebrows at me. "A Yankees fan, are we Jude?" Tommy asks sceptically. He's smirking.

"Oh, you know," I mumble.

"Yeah, I do," he says, smirking still. And he does. He knows I only wanted that hat to bug him.

Tommy returns his attention back to the omelettes and I begin a conversation with my dad about the progress of my second album.

All three of us have a really nice lunch. Dad seems happy, despite the dreadful news he's received. And he and Tommy are talking about sports and Canadian politics (Tommy knows about politics – crazy, huh?). They're actually getting along, which makes me smile.

Suddenly dad looks at his watch and gets up from the table. "Oh, I have to go out for a bit. I have a doctor's appointment at 1:30. At this point, they're just monitoring the change in the size of the tumour and giving me the meds to make me comfortable." He puts his plate in the dishwasher. "Thanks Tommy. That was excellent."

Tommy nods in acknowledgement. "Do you want me to go with you to the doctor?" I ask.

"No, honey. You're tired. You stay here; I won't be long, I promise." He kisses my forehead, and strides out the front door.

Tommy and I sit idly on the couch, trying to relax. We're both exhausted and worn out emotionally.

But when I say we're trying to relax, trying is the operative word.

I can't relax.

I've been fidgeting madly, periodically pushing myself off the couch and pacing in circles around the living room. Then I sit back down and Tommy puts his arm around my shoulders, trying to force me to stay in one position for longer than thirty seconds.

But I can't settle myself. I keep repeating the same pattern, getting back up and finally, sitting back down. I can tell it's driving Tommy crazy, but he's trying to be tolerant of my idiosyncratic tendencies with everything that's going on.

Until I finally tell my dad about Tommy and me, I won't be able to settle myself. And I know it's something I have to tell him today. Clearly, he's already suspicious of Tommy's presence here.

Telling my dad is a conversation I'm dreading. I actually don't know how he's going to react. I have all these conflicting feelings going through my mind. I wonder if the fact that he's dying will change his opinion of my relationship with Tommy. And then, I feel an immediate onslaught of guilt for worrying about anything that has to do with me right now.

I know my dad would want me to be honest with him. I can't keep lying to him, not now when he might not be alive to see me turn eighteen, to see Tommy and I go 'public'.

I suddenly realize what I've just thought to myself – my dad might not be alive by my next birthday.

Oh my God.

And it finally begins to hit home what his diagnosis really means. It means that besides not being there for the big events in my life, he won't be there for the everyday phone calls or the commiseration over bad days and celebration over good ones. Nothing. He'll just be…. gone.

I mean, I knew all of this. But until something starts to really settle in, you don't realize the magnitude of its impact.

Keeping with the pattern I've set, I stand up and begin to pace my way around the living room. Tommy's staring at me, barely able to keep his eyes closed.

Poor guy. He's done nothing but look after me since we found out about my dad.

"Why don't you lie down, Tommy? You look beat." I approach him, standing in front of him as he remains seated on the couch. He leans forward, wrapping his arms around my waist and resting his head on my stomach. I brush my hand through his hair and place a soft kiss on the top of his head.

He pulls back, rubbing his eyes furiously, trying to pretend he's not tired. "I'll be okay," he says simply. "I don't want to leave you awake by yourself."

"Tommy, you need to sleep," I say, pushing him into a lying position on the couch. "Don't worry about me, I'll sit right here while you sleep," I say, perching myself next to his torso on the couch.

He nods but I see him still trying to fight sleep. He's trying to be so strong for me, but I have to remember he's only human. I caress his face gently, tracing my fingers up to his eyelids, brushing them closed. I begin to sing quietly, "I was adrift on an ocean all alone. You came and rescued me when I was far from home," I can't help thinking how amused Tommy would be, if he was completely coherent, at the fact that I'm singing a Boyz Attack song to put him to sleep. His breathing is becoming deeper and I can tell he's well on his way to being asleep. "Rush of love around my heart, just as I fell apart. Nobody cared as much for me; nobody's touched my heart and healed my pain. You picked up the pieces and put me back together again." And that's exactly what he's been doing for me. I fear how much I'm going to depend on him to do it over and over again over the next few months.

I finish singing and look down to see that he's in a deep sleep. I remain in the same position, just staring at him. I'm enjoying the simple pleasure of watching him, forgetting all the bad stuff for a moment.

And then I hear a cough, a deliberately loud one, coming from the doorway. I spin my head and my heart plummets. My dad is standing in the doorway of the living room, his eyes fixed on us, with a questioning, and also worried, look on his face.

I stand up, careful not to disturb Tommy, and walk towards my dad. "We need to talk," I say, leading him into the sparsely decorated family room down the hall.

"It's Tommy, isn't it?" he asks before I can say anything.

"Excuse me?" I ask, caught off guard by his directness.

"The 'someone' you are with. It's Tommy?"

"Yes," I say, nodding affirmatively.

He sighs loudly. "I was afraid of that. This is exactly what I didn't want for you," he says, his tone decisively disapproving.


	26. Chapter Twenty Five

Chapter Twenty-Five:

I can feel my face drain completely of colour.

This is exactly what I was afraid of.

My dad begins to pace, his face full of apprehension. "I always feared this would happen. I saw you two interact and I should have known this would happen."

"Dad…. You don't understand." I say, walking towards him, pleading for him to listen.

He looks at me knowingly. "Jude, I'm familiar with Tommy. I know his type. I'm not even sure he has his own life straight. Whether either of us wants to admit it, I'm not going to be here to look after my baby girl in a few months. And I don't want to die thinking that you're alone, or hurting. It wasn't so long ago you were crying over him for the millionth time. He hurts you at every turn of the road." he says, putting his hands on my shoulders.

"Tommy's not going to hurt me," I state emphatically. "I know he has in the past. I know. But things are… different now. Look, I know Tommy's not a normal guy. But, dad, I'm not exactly a normal girl myself."

My voice becomes hoarse with emotion and I look directly into my Dad's eyes, emphasizing the next words as powerfully as I can. "I need him Dad. It scares me to admit how much. He's holding me together right now, don't you see that? If he hadn't been with me every second since I found out, I would be lying curled in a ball on the floor right now, gasping for the air just to take another breath."

My dad puts a finger under my chin, tilting it upwards so that he can look me in the eye. "I know this is hard, Jude, believe me. But Tommy could end up making things worse. Every time he's hurt you, I've seen you lose a piece of your heart, yourself. What if that happens again?"

"It won't!!!!" I yell, and my Dad shoots me a sceptical look.

"Jude, have you even thought this through? You're beautiful and impulsive and can act pretty crazy at times. Have you really given this thought? What about the fact that he's much older, and you're only seventeen years old? Are you really ready to be involved with him?"

I roll my eyes, frustrated. "Dad, tell me you're not going to harp on the age difference. I know that you've got to understand that age is just a number. And whether you like it or not, Tommy's the one who holds all the pieces of my heart. He makes me happy. Happier than I've ever been. Happier than I ever thought it was possible for me to be. I need you to understand that. And, hopefully, accept it." I grab his hands, holding them in mine, shooting him a pleading look.

Does he not understand how important it is to me that he recognizes our relationship?

"I'm not sure I can do that, Jude. I want what's best for you, and I'm not sure what you can say to convince me that what's best for you is Tommy." I feel my heart plummeting.

"That's fair," a calm voice says from the doorway.

My dad and both turn to see Tommy standing there, bleary-eyed. He's clearly just woken up, probably because of the yelling I've been doing.

Before either of us can say anything, Tommy begins to speak again, looking directly at my father. "Stuart, I know I'm probably the last person you would ever choose for Jude. Believe me, I understand that. And all the bad stuff you would accuse me of, most of it's probably true." He sighs in self-disgust before continuing. "I'm not proud of a lot of things I've done. But, in all honestly, Jude has changed me because she's different. Jude's not just another girl or just any girl. She's **the** girl. The only one I care about. The only one I want. The only one I love." Tommy said sincerely, still standing in the doorway.

My dad stares at Tommy thoughtfully, not saying anything. I'm really not sure whether that's a good or bad sign.

I move to stand by Tommy's side, and I take his hand in mine, intertwining our fingers. I want my dad to know I'm serious about this relationship. Tommy looks down at the gesture and I see a smile forming on his lips.

My dad grimaces and begins to open his mouth. I hold my breath, positive that I'm not going to like what he says. I feel Tommy squeeze my hand supportively. We're in this together, no matter what.

"I know I don't have a lot of it, but this," he says, motioning to Tommy and I and our joined hands, "is going to take some time to get used to."

"Oh, daddy!" I exclaim, rushing to him and hugging him.

He pulls away quickly. "Now, I'm not saying I accept this yet. But I'm not rejecting the notion either. Give me some time, okay?"

I smile happily. "Thank you, Dad."

I couldn't hope for much more. It would have been completely unrealistic to expect him to accept Tommy and me right away. But at least he's going to give us a chance to prove to him that we're for real.

He looks towards Tommy, the grim expression still fixed firmly on his face. "There are a few things I want to say. I don't want to know whether you have or have not shared a bed. But there will definitely be no sharing of beds here. This goes for Sadie and Kwest as well. You'll be sharing a room with Kwest," he says to Tommy, "and you'll be sharing with your sister. There are some things you'll just have to endulge your old-fashioned father, okay?"

I nod in agreement. Realistically, I know that there's no way Tommy and I can go without sex for months. But honestly, that's something my dad would be better off not knowing.

"On a more positive note, I want to thank you both for being honest with me. You took a real risk telling me, and I respect that," he said, reaching his hand out to shake Tommy's.

Tommy, looking very surprised, reaches his hand forward and accepts the handshake.

"Now, I think that's enough on the subject for now. Can we just see how things go from here?" Dad asks.

I nod, and the reason why he was out suddenly hits me. "How was your doctor's appointment?" I ask.

He brushes off the question. "Fine. No real change. She gave me a few prescriptions in case the pain worsens."

"Is it bad?" I ask, finding it very difficult to deal with my dad being in pain. Before giving him a chance to respond, I walk towards him, pushing him gently in the direction of the couch. "You should sit down, relax."

My dad glares at me. "Rule number one. I want to spend my last few months as a regular person. I'm not an invalid and I want no one to treat me like I am one. Got it, honey?"

I nod. It's hard not to fuss. I mean, I feel like it's the only thing I can do.

I can't save him.

I can't make the tumour go away.

I just want to help him in some way.

"Honey," he says, sitting on the couch and gesturing for me to sit next to him. "I want to spend the next few months having fun with my girls. Not worrying or talking about things that can't be changed." He reaches for my hand, "I'm dying. This is something that can't be changed. It's hard to accept, I know," he says, brushing a tear off my face that I hadn't even realized I had shed. "But we can make the next few months as happy and fun as possible. That's what I want."

I brush the rest of the tears off my face. "Then that is what you will get," I state emphatically.

The rest of the day, we begin to enact our "all fun-all day" policy. We go to a movie that my dad wanted to see, and then out for a nice Italian dinner.

When we returned to the house, my dad was clearly exhausted. "I'm heading to bed," he said. "Now you know where your **separate** bedrooms are, right?"

I look at Tommy and notice that the left side of his mouth is turned up in a smirk. "Of course, Daddy. I love you," I say, kissing him softly.

"I love you too, Jude," he says, hugging me tightly. "Good night, Tommy."

"Night Stuart."

We watch him walk up the stairs and head into his bedroom before proceeding into the living room and collapsing on the couch.

My body is leaning into Tommy's and his arm is wrapped around my side, tucking me close to him. He's brushing a hand through my hair, and I close my eyes, enjoying the sensation of his simple touch.

It's been a long day. I know I have to keep up the positive attitude for my dad. But sometimes I just want to scream and cry. I feel drained from suppressing my sadness.

"How are you holding up?" Tommy asks.

"Honestly, I don't know. Different emotions keep hitting me at different times. One minute, I'm happy and laughing and the next minute I feel paralyzed, like I can't deal with what's happening. Right now, I just feel numb."

He kisses the side of my face lovingly. "I'm so sorry for all of this."

"I'm just so…tired," I say, closing my eyes.

All of a sudden I feel Tommy standing up. I open my eyes and see him on his feet in front of me, holding his hands out to help me stand up too.

"Bed time for you, Harrison."

I nod and take his hands, feeling him pull me to my feet. We shut all the lights off and he drapes his hand around my waist as we walk up the stairs.

He walks me to my door. "Good night, Jude," he says, kissing me lightly.

"Good night, Tommy," I say watching him walk down the hall a bit to his room. I wave as we both step in to our respective bedrooms. I close the door behind me and look around at the empty space. My dad didn't buy much furniture considering he knew this wouldn't be a permanent arrangement.

I lean back against the door, closing my eyes on the encroaching pain and sadness.

I open my eyes and move away from the door slowly. I need to move, keep my thoughts away from reality.

I change quickly into my pyjamas and get into bed.

It's cold. And lonely.

I miss Tommy.

I close my eyes, trying to sleep without the warmth of his body next to mine.

I can't. I toss and turn for what feels like hours. I look at the bedside clock to see that I've only been in bed for thirty minutes.

"Oh God…" I say, sighing audibly.

I can't do this.

I sit up, swinging my legs over the side of the bed. The hardwood floor is cold underneath my feet as I step out of the bed and walk to the door.

I open the door a little bit, peering out into the hall.

I push the door open all the way and walk through, shutting it behind me. I creep cautiously down the hall, pausing whenever the floor makes a noise under my feet.

I keep glancing at my dad's bedroom door, praying that it won't open.

I finally make it to Quincy's door and open it quickly. I rush in and shut it quietly behind me.

I turn around to see him sitting up in bed, staring at me amused.

"I couldn't sleep. Not without you," I say simply.

"Come here," he says softly. I walk towards the bed, getting under the covers beside.

I snuggle up against him, and he puts an arm around my waist, pulling me even closer.

"I couldn't sleep either," he whispers, placing a kiss in my hair. "I've barely slept in two days, but without you beside me I couldn't settle myself."

I smile. It's nice to know I'm not the only one completely dependent. He's like an addiction. My own private heroin. Except he's a good addiction.

"I love you, Tommy," I say, closing my eyes as the warmth and comfort of his body begin to lull me to sleep.

"I love you, Jude," he says, kissing my cheek. And as I feel myself drifting off to sleep, I hear his breathing deepen.

We fall asleep in each other's arms, the only place either one of us attains solace and love; the only place either of us truly feels at home.


	27. Chapter Twenty Six

Chapter Twenty-Six:

As I slowly rouse myself from sleep, I feel Tommy's strong arms holding me tightly against him. I'm facing him with my head resting on his chest and I lift my head to look at his peaceful face.

He takes my breath away. I don't know how I ever got so lucky that he fell in love with me.

Out of the corner of my eye I notice the neon green of the display on the bed side clock.

7:30.

I feel myself beginning to panic as I realize where I am. I'm exactly where my dad told me not to be.

I kiss Tommy's temple softly and I see him stir, but he settles back into sleep almost instantly.

I slide out of the bed as quickly as I can. I open the door a fraction, looking and listening for any sign that my dad is awake.

Silence.

I rush out of Tommy's room, shutting the door quietly behind me. As quietly as possible, I dash for my door which, although it's really only a few feet from Tommy's, feels like it's miles away.

Finally I feel the metal doorknob under my fingers and I pull it open, throwing myself into the room.

I lean against the door and let out a deep breath as I feel the door shut under my weight.

I lie down on my bed, hoping that sleep will come again, but my mad dash has my adrenaline pumping and my heart racing. I toss and turn, my brain as unsettled as my body. My thoughts keep travelling from Tommy to my dad to Sadie to everything else I have going on right now in my life. Some parts of my life finally seem to be coming together, like my relationship with Tommy and my career. I've got a loving boyfriend and a hit single. But then, on the other side of my life, my Dad is dying. And whenever I allow myself to dwell on that it takes the wind out of my sails, deprives me of any happiness I had been feeling.

I jump out of bed and head to the bathroom, turning the shower on high heat. I undress and step in, letting the deluge of extremely hot water beat against my body. Sometimes with all the conflicting emotions I'm experiencing, I begin to feel numb. Feeling the pain of the water striking me is better than not feeling anything at all.

I stand under the steady stream of water for a long time before scrubbing myself clean and washing my hair. I jump out of the shower and dress quickly. As I'm about to head downstairs, I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror. Staring at my visibly devastated reflection, I take a deep breath. "One day at a time," I say quietly, before glancing away and walking out the bedroom door and down the stairs.

As I walk towards the living room I grab a few sheets of scrap papers, thinking maybe I can sit down in the silence and work on some lyrics. But as I sit on the floor, humming a chorus I'm working on, I hear a soft knock on the door.

I stand up quickly, heading for the front door. I open it, revealing Sadie and Kwest standing on the front steps.

"Hey," I say, genuinely happy to see them. As they enter, I hug both of them in turn.

"How are you holding up?" Sadie asks and I feel my lip begin to quiver, trying to hold back tears. Asking someone how they are is like an invitation for a rush of emotion.

"It's okay," Sadie, says opening her arms towards me. We hold on tightly to each other for many minutes, crying and consoling each other, taking and receiving comfort from the embrace.

We slowly pull away from each other. "I guess that answers your question," I say, brushing the tears roughly off my face.

"You're allowed to feel sad, Jude. We all are," she says, squeezing my shoulders. "Where is Dad?"

"He and Tommy are still sleeping."

"Tommy?" I hear Kwest ask from behind me.

I glance at Sadie, surprised. "You didn't tell him?"

She shakes her head. "Last time I talked to you everything was still up in the air. I didn't want to jinx it for you," she says, smiling optimistically.

I turn to face Kwest and I watch his expression change as he pieces everything together. "You and Tommy?" he asks, raising his eyebrows in shock.

"Yep."

"I need to sit down," he says, heading for the living room couch. "I mean I always knew there was something between you two, but I never thought Tommy would go for it until you were legal. We even had that conversation once."

"Oh really?" I ask, my interest piqued.

"Yeah. On your sixteenth birthday," Kwest continues before realizing he's probably told me too much. "Anyway, I'll let Tommy finish that story."

"It's good to see you Kwest," I say. I do honestly miss him. He was always a good friend to both Tommy and I.

"I just wish it was under better circumstances," he says, bowing his head sadly.

"I know," I say, taking a seat in a chair across from him as Sadie joins him on the couch. "I mean one day everything is amazing. And the next… Poof. Everything changes."

"Believe me, I understand that," Sadie says, and I know that she does. Besides Tommy, if there's anyone who understands what I'm feeling it's Sadie.

"Did you try and reach Mom?" I ask, wondering suddenly if she knows. It shows how disconnected I am from my mother that I hadn't thought of her sooner.

Sadie shakes her head. "I tried, but I don't know where she is anymore."

I feel my defences rising, like they do every time my mom is mentioned. "Well, he doesn't need her. And neither do we," I state emphatically.

Sadie doesn't look convinced. But then again, she was always a lot closer to our mother than I was.

The stairs begin to creak and I turn my head to see Tommy just reaching the bottom step and moving towards the living room. I smile automatically, thinking of last night, and I stand to greet him at the doorway.

"Hey," he says, pulling me into a hug and kissing my temple. He stiffens, finally noticing that we have an audience.

"Hey Sadie, Kwest," he says. Kwest is staring at us oddly, while Sadie is smiling happily.

"Okay, that's going to take some getting used to, seeing you two like that," Kwest says, getting up to hug his long time friend.

Tommy laughs, hugging him. "Believe me, most days I can't believe it myself."

As Kwest and Tommy begin to get caught up, Sadie and I talk about what we know of dad's condition. "He says there's nothing that can be done. That he just wants to be happy and have a good time until he dies," Sadie says.

"That's exactly what he told me too," I reply.

My ears perk as I hear movement from upstairs. "I think I hear him moving around. We should probably get breakfast started."

"Did someone say breakfast?" Kwest asked. "T and I have that covered," he states proudly and they walk off towards the kitchen.

I glance towards Sadie. "They're just full of surprises, aren't they?"

"You have no idea," she says, laughing.

"That's what I want to see," Dad says, suddenly appearing in the doorway. "My two girls laughing together."

We simultaneously turn towards him. "Hey Dad," Sadie says, getting up to give him a hug.

"How are you feeling this morning?" I ask, standing up to give him a hug too.

"Just fine," he says, brushing off the question.

"So once Sadie and Kwest get settled in, what do you want to do today?" I ask, sitting back down on the chair.

"I was thinking of a movie day, like we used to have whenever one of us was sick when you kids were younger. Do you guys remember that?" He asks, taking a seat on the couch.

I smile nostalgically. "Of course. If one of us was sick, you'd run to the movie store and grab a few movies and we'd all camp out on the couch, eating junk food and laughing. Until the person that was sick couldn't even remember that they were." My face falls as I recount this story.

There's no way I can ever forget that Dad's sick. I wish I could.

Dad sniffs his nose in the direction of the kitchen. "Is someone making pancakes?" he questions, getting up and moving towards the kitchen.

Sadie and I follow behind and I see instantly that Tommy and Kwest are indeed making pancakes.

"Hey Mr. Harrison!" Kwest says, waving.

I almost cannot hold back the laughter as I take in the scene in front of me. Tommy and Kwest are both dusted in a light covering of flour.

"Did you guys have a problem with the flour?" Sadie asks, amusement in her tone.

Tommy waves off the question. "We know the Harrison family has an obsession with letter shaped pancakes. So, voila!" he says, presenting the three plates in front of him. Each held a deformed shape that apparently was supposed to be a letter. I could vaguely make out the 'J' and the two 'S's.

They are so sweet. I can't help smiling at Tommy, and he returns the gesture, smiling his most adorable grin back at me.

"Sit, sit!" Kwest says, ushering us towards the dining room table and placing the plates in front of us. "Eat up."

We begin to eat and are soon joined by Tommy and Kwest and their deformed 'T' and 'K' shaped pancakes.

"That's a K?" Sadie asks, laughing at Kwest.

"K is a very difficult letter to make with pancake batter, okay?" Kwest says with mock indignation.

Everyone at the table looks around at each other before we all break out laughing. I haven't laughed this hard in a very long time. I feel the tears of laughter running down my cheeks, and Tommy, who is sitting beside me, is doubled over with his hands covering his face and his laughter.

I just wish we could stay this happy forever.

After breakfast, we pile into Dad's SUV and journey to the movie store. It's quite a cramped ride; My dad is driving and Kwest calls shotgun on the way to the car. That leaves Tommy, Sadie and I in the backseat. And. being the smallest, I am stuck in the middle.

Tommy takes advantage of the close quarters to pull me as close as possible, intertwining his fingers with mine. I lean into him, closing my eyes, enjoying the sensation of his body close to mine.

As we finally pull up to the movie store, I look out the window, noticing immediately that it's a "Blockbuster".

I choke back my laughter as I think of the last time I was in 'Blockbuster'. Tommy smiles knowingly as he steps out of the car and holds his hand out to help me crawl out.

"Don't you just love Blockbuster?" he whispers in my ear as he pulls me out of the back seat.

"Oh, definitely," I say, beaming.

"What's up with you two?" Sadie asks as Tommy and I walk, smiling and laughing, towards the rest of the group.

"Nothing. We just _love_ Blockbuster," Tommy states simply, gently swinging our intertwined hands between us.

The other three look confused, but brush off the thought as we walk into the store. We all take off, looking in different directions.

"What do you think we should get?" I ask Tommy.

"Hmmm… Something that will make him laugh."

"Comedy, it is," I say, pulling him towards that section. As we pass the "Drama" section, we share a look as we remember Tommy's love confession that occurred in the middle of the drama section in the Blockbuster back home.

"I love you," he whispers in my ear as we pass the section, reminding me of the words he said that day.

I stop walking and turn towards him. "I love you too," I say, pecking his lips lightly with mine. I feel many pairs of eyes begin to stare at us before I shake my head in laughter and drag Tommy off towards the comedy section. Apparently we can't help but attract attention at Blockbuster.

Within twenty minutes we all meet back up and narrow down our selection. Tommy insists on paying for them, and we head home, stopping to pick up Chinese Food and some junk food on the way.

We spend a really great day together, laughing and eating. And eating some more.

I'm sitting on Tommy's lap on the chair as we finish the third movie, and unexpectedly, I feel a wave of sadness and anxiety hit me. I start to feel like I can't breathe.

I jump up, and everyone turns to look at me.

"I'm feeling a bit restless. I'm just going to go for a walk," I spit out as cheerfully as I can before rushing towards the door.

"Jude, wait." I turn to see Tommy following me. "I'll come with you." He looks worried. I can tell that he can see it, the panic, and the sadness.

"I'll meet you outside," I say, needing to breathe in the cold night air. I turn and dash out into the night.

He joins me outside only a moment later. "What's going on?" he ask, the concern evident in his voice.

"I don't know. I just…" I begin to stammer. "I just needed to get out of there. I felt like I was drowning, like all of a sudden I was being suffocated with the truth."

"Let's walk. It'll help," he says, reaching down to take my small hand in his strong one.

We walk silently for a few minutes. I know he's waiting until I'm ready to talk. And I want to tell him, I'm just not even sure what's happening to me.

"It was really fun. The whole day, I had a really good time. But every so often, I would feel a twinge of sadness. The breath would catch in my throat and I'd take a deep breath and then I'd be okay. But just then, when I got up, I began to feel overwhelmed by sorrow. Sometimes I just feel like we're avoiding reality instead of just dealing with it."

He squeezes my hand supportively. "I think your dad just wants to live the next few months without constant sadness. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't talk to him about what's happening. You need to talk to him in order to deal with it yourself, in order to come to some sort of peace about it."

As we walk, I begin to feel my heart rate calm down. I breathe deeply, enjoying the beautiful night surrounding us.

I turn my head towards him. "Thanks, Tommy. I really needed this." My voice begins to crack. "I really need you."

He stops, halting both of our steps. He turns his body completely in my direction, reaching his hands up to caress my face. He leans slowly, his body coming into complete contact with mine and I can feel the heat radiate from his body to mine. He begins to kiss my lips gently, then more intensely. He pulls away, rejoining our hands. His hands are warm and comforting, just like the rest of his body.

He's looking down at me, his piercing blue eyes brimming with emotion. "I'm here Jude. Always."


	28. Chapter Twenty Seven

Chapter Twenty-Seven:

Tommy and I walk for a while, enjoying the freedom of the night air before turning back towards the townhouse.

"Tommy?" I ask suddenly, turning my head up to his. "What did you tell Darius when you called him the other day? I mean, doesn't he wonder why you're here?"

"Well, I just told him that you needed a friend right now. And Darius isn't completely stupid; he knows that I care about you and would want to be here with you."

"What about work?"

"Well, yours is the only album I was working on. I was scheduled to work with Mason now that he is back in Toronto. But someone else can easily take that over."

I feel a surge of love for him. He's forgoing everything else for me. "I don't think I've thanked you yet, Tommy," I say. "I mean, I'd be a mess without you. Okay, we'll I'm a mess anyway," I joke. "But I would be even more of a mess if you weren't here."

As we continue to walk, he squeezes my hand. "There's nowhere else I'd be."

I smile helplessly. When he says things like that, how can I not? I can't help but think how much Tommy seems to have changed since we became a couple. Even in these few short weeks, Tommy has been so perfect, doing and saying everything I need him to. I mean, let's be honest. Tommy has a track record of being a complete jackass at times. But it seems he has turned into a complete gentleman. Hey, I'm definitely not going to complain. I just can't help but marvel at the difference in him. Maybe crisis really does bring out the best in some people. Or maybe it's love that does it.

I walk into the townhouse first, noticing immediately that the living room is empty. I hear noises from the kitchen, and find Kwest and Sadie cleaning up the mess from dinner and all the junk food we had been eating.

"You alright?" Sadie asks, seeing me come in.

"I'm fine," I say, smiling reassuringly. At least I'm trying to be reassuring. Sadie needs to focus on dealing with everything herself. I don't want to put all my sadness on her too. "Where's dad?" I ask, looking around.

"He headed off to bed. He said to say goodnight to you two," Kwest says, putting some plates back in the dishwasher.

"So…. About this sleeping arrangement…" Sadie begins, smirking.

"Kwest, I'll meet you in the hall in half an hour. Just be quiet. Dad should be sleeping soundly by then," I say, taking the initiative to plan out our bedroom swap.

"My, my, Harrison. All this sneaking around we've been doing has inspired you, huh?" Tommy jokes, standing behind me and wrapping his arms around my waist.

"You're corrupting me, Quincy," I say and he begins to kiss my neck.

"And it's been my pleasure," he whispers in my ear, so low there's no way that Sadie and Kwest could have heard him. I feel my body shiver unconsciously at the seductiveness of his tone.

I pull away before Sadie and Kwest see more than they bargained for. "I think it's time for bed," I say, and I notice Tommy's eyes are sparkling.

"You're right. The rest of this mess can wait until tomorrow," Sadie says and we tour around the house turning off all the lights before heading upstairs.

"15 minutes?" Kwest says to me, before we split to go to our separate rooms. I could have sworn I said half an hour. I almost can't help but laugh. Glad someone else is anxious other than Tommy and me.

I nod and rush into the bedroom to get ready.

I pull out my boxer short and tank top pyjamas and change into them quickly.

Thirteen and a half minutes left.

I meander into the bathroom and brush my teeth to kill some more time. When I'm done, I look at the clock. Thirty seconds?? That's all the time it took for me to brush my teeth? I sigh loudly in frustration.

Why is it when you want time to pass quickly, it seems to last forever? I can waste an hour doing absolutely nothing and the time flies. But when I'm anxious to get somewhere, specifically into Tommy's arms, the time is passing in slow-motion.

I hear a quiet creak in the hallway and my ears perk up. I walk to the door and open it just a crack.

I almost start to laugh again when I see Kwest loitering out in the hall.

I open the door all the way and motion for Kwest to hurry in.

I can tell he's trying to hold back his laughter as well at the ridiculousness of this situation.

I wave a small goodbye at Kwest and Sadie and close the door quietly as I begin to creep down the hall.

I'm almost at Tommy's door when I hear a loud creak underneath my feet. I freeze in mid-stride, praying that dad won't hear it. I almost run the last few feet and slip in the door, panting from the adrenaline that shot through my body at the prospect of getting caught. I lock it quickly and relax my body against it.

How long can we really do this without getting caught?

Tommy laughs silently. "Dear God, Harrison. For someone who weighs 110 pounds soaking wet, you sure make enough noise walking down a hall."

"Well," I say, swaying my hips purposely as I slowly approach the bed. I can barely hold in my laughter as I watch Tommy intently eyeing my barely clothed body. "I could have stayed in my own room. If that's what you really want, Quincy."

I walk down the right side of the bed until I reach Tommy, who's lounging comfortably, wearing only a pair of boxer shorts, against the headboard.

"I could always just go… Kick Kwest back out…" I begin to say and he grabs my hand, pulling me swiftly onto the bed and rolling us until I am pinned underneath him.

He's smirking and as he begins to trail his hand down my arm, he says, "I don't think so, Jude. I like you just where you are."

He leans down, bringing his lips to mine and I kiss him back with all the strength and emotion I have. He deepens the kiss quickly, penetrating my mouth with his tongue.

His hands move under my tank top, and the feel of his hands on my skin is intoxicating. He begins to scrunch the material, pushing it up. He pauses suddenly, pulling away.

His expression is serious. "We don't have to, Jude. I know you're going through a lot," he says, bringing his hand up to caress the outline of my cheekbone lightly, lovingly. I love him for always thinking of my needs first. He really is too good for words.

I don't even need to contemplate what I want to do.

"I need you, Tommy. I need to feel that even though the rest of the world is falling apart, that we're still us, we're still here and we're strong," I say, putting my hand firmly over his heart and feeling its steady beat under my fingers. I grab his hand and place it over my heart. "I need to know that what's between us is real and lasting."

No more words are necessary as he begins to kiss me again and we both become lost in each other.

He reaches down and lifts my tank top over my head, making short work of my pyjama shorts as well. I slip his boxers off, throwing them across the room.

He covers my body with his, touching mine lovingly, then kissing the spot that he's just touched. He starts with my shoulders, my arms, hands, and continues down my legs as well. He's lavishing attention on every part of my body, knowing me in a way that no one else ever has. That no one else ever will. I feel the heat of his hands on my skin, which is then replaced by the moisture of his lips. I writhe under his touch, becoming impatient for us to be joined.

His hand ascends towards my core, and I feel my body jolt as he touches my centre. My body forces my eyes closed and I can feel myself unconsciously arching towards him.

Compared to Tommy I'm still a relative newcomer to this sex thing, and I'm still completely amazed at how good some things can feel.

As if realizing my need for him, he kisses his way up my stomach towards my chest. He dotes lovingly on each breast, suckling each nipple in turn, squeezing the other breast lightly. Even though I'm lying down, I can feel my knees becoming weak from the power his touch holds.

He finally inches his mouth back up to my lips, taking time to detour to my collarbone and neck first. My body is humming from all the attention his lips and hands have paid to it.

His mouth attacks mine again, his tongue exploring the depths of my mouth. He breaks away and I can feel him positioning himself at my entrance. I smile invitingly and as he plunges into me fully, I hear myself gasp. He begins to set a slow, seductive rhythm, lifting my hips to allow himself fuller access.

He thrusts more quickly and I can feel myself coming close to the edge. I have had to cover my mouth to stop myself from moaning loudly quite a few times. But as I reach my climax, I can feel a scream beginning to rise in my throat. In order to silence the scream he must see coming, Tommy presses his lips onto mine, covering the sounds of our collective moans. Still breathing heavily, we collapse together exhausted.

I hear the steady sound of his breathing as his head rests on my shoulder. His left arm and leg are slung over my body, keeping me locked securely beside him. The weight of him partially covering my body is so comforting. With him I feel alive, protected and strong, like I can face anything.

I allow my tired eyes to close, smiling as memories of our love making lull me into a peaceful sleep.


	29. Chapter Twenty Eight

Chapter Twenty-Eight:

My body is jolted awake by the sound of someone knocking softly, but repeatedly on the door. I look beside me to see Tommy still fast asleep, completely oblivious to the knocking. As I shift my attention back to the door, and the sound coming from the other side of it, I notice the time on the alarm clock and I almost fall out of the bed.

It's 9:00. Oh, shit.

Dad's an early riser. He could be awake right now for all I know.

I lift Tommy's arm from around my waist and jump out of bed, holding the sheet loosely around me, approaching the door. I can't just answer it considering I'm not supposed to be here and I can't ask who's at the door in case it's my dad.

"Tommy, it's Kwest," I hear whispered from the other side. I breathe a sigh of relief and open the door enough for Kwest to file in.

Kwest rushes in and as he turns to look at me, he instantly slaps his hands over his eyes. I look down and notice that the sheet I'm holding up has been sliding down, and subsequently, Kwest almost gained full exposure to part of me that Tommy would kill him for seeing.

"Help me find my pyjamas," I say anxiously to Kwest. I begin to frantically search for my lost PJs on one side of the bed as Kwest searches the other side.

I glance over to see him still partially covering his eyes, just in case I reveal anything he shouldn't see. Poor guy, he'd have both Sadie and Tommy on him if that happened. I would laugh at the hilarity of the situation we're in if I wasn't in such a panic.

Major distress sets in as my search turns up empty. My heart begins to race with a mix of adrenaline, panic and frustration. I have to get back to my own bedroom before my dad leaves his room. Or maybe he's already downstairs. That's why I need my damn pyjamas. If my dad sees me in the hall in just a sheet, he's going to know something's going on. Pyjamas look ten times less suspicious than nakedness under a sheet.

"Do you know where my dad is? Is he still sleeping?" I ask Kwest.

"I'm not sure. I just rushed here as quickly as I could when I realized the time," Kwest says, glancing in my direction, before remembering my attire and quickly spinning his head back around, averting his eyes. I notice a slight blush creep on to his cheeks. The sheet is sliding down and I pull it up again as much as I can manage while still frantically looking around the room.

Where the hell are my pyjamas?

I shove Tommy roughly. "Wake up," I say loudly in his ear.

His eyes shoot open and his body jerks up into a sitting position. "What's wrong?" he asks sleepily. His gaze moves around the room and he immediately notices Kwest, acknowledging him with a nod. And I see the instant when the impropriety of my mostly naked body in Kwest's presence dawns on him. He grabs his boxers which are conveniently lying on the floor right beside the bed, and puts them on under the cover of the duvet he's still lying under. He stands up, blocking Kwest's view of my body. They're best friends and all, but I can see in his eyes that my naked body is still the last thing he wants Kwest to see.

"I can't find my pyjamas," I say, stating what he should have figured out by now.

"I assume this is yours," Kwest says, stretching out his arm towards me and holding up my crumpled tank top between his thumb and forefinger. He's looking at the complete opposite side of the room from where Tommy and I are. I can tell the poor guy is so uncomfortable with this situation.

Tommy grabs it from him and hands it to me, covering me as I put it over my head.

But my shorts are nowhere to be found. How can pyjama shorts just disappear??

Oh, fuck it. As my heart begins to beat even faster from the panic, I decide that I'm going to have to make a run for it down the hall.

I stand still for a moment with the sheet wrapped around my bottom half and watch with amusement as Tommy and Kwest both continue ripping the room apart.

"Okay, stop." I say suddenly and both of their heads shoot up and look towards me. Kwest looks considerably less flustered now that I have a tank top covering my chest. "It's late and I can't wait anymore. I'm gonna run for it with the sheet," I say, grasping the sheet tighter around me for emphasis.

Tommy walks to the door and opens it a crack so he can peeks out. "The coast is clear," he whispers. "I don't hear or see any movement from downstairs or your dad's room."

I join him by the door, kissing his cheek quickly. "Wish me luck," I whisper before scooting out the door.

The hallway suddenly seems endless. As I run for the bedroom door I'm holding the rumpled sheet as tightly as I can around my waist and trying to be careful that I don't trip. The floor is cold and I wince every time I hear creaking under my feet.

I open the door and literally fall in, closing it as quietly as I can behind me. I stand leaning my back against the door, catching my breath from my dash down the hall. Within a minute, from my position just inside the room I hear my dad's door open and his melodic whistling fills the silence of the hallway as he begins to descend the stairs.

"That was close," I comment breathlessly to Sadie who is trying not to laugh at the sight of me.

"Lose something?" she asks, gesturing towards the sheet.

"Shut up," I say, glaring at her as I push myself off the door to head towards the bathroom. And the last thing I hear before I close the bathroom door is her laughter pervading the room.

Within half an hour, I walk down the stairs feeling refreshed and relaxed, having recovered from the close call. We really do have to be more careful because that was ridiculous. I still wonder where those damn pyjama shorts got to.

Boisterous laughter fills the kitchen as I enter, and I glance around at all the smiling faces in puzzlement.

"Care to share?" I ask, looking at Tommy who is wiping tears of laughter from his eyes.

"Your dad was just filling us in on some of yours and Sadie's finest moments," he replies, his amusement beaming from his eyes.

I turn my head towards Sadie, and I feel my cheeks turning red from embarrassment. "Oh wonderful."

Tommy approaches, placing his arm around my shoulders. "My favourite is your grade one solo performance at the Christmas concert. I can't believe you ran screaming from the stage when you were supposed to sing." He's still smirking and chuckling softly.

"She didn't just run off the stage," my dad adds between his bites of toast. "She ran down the side stairs and along the aisle between the seats in the gymnasium. So absolutely every parent got a good look at her screaming and running frantically away."

"Ha ha," I say sarcastically. "I was nervous, okay?" I can't help but smile at my own embarrassing childhood memory. I have to admit it must have looked really funny.

"Yep. Right in the middle of a solemn, beautiful version of "O Holy Night," my daughter, the most talented singer with the most important solo of the song, runs screaming off the stage. I remember laughing so hard I couldn't even see," dad says, clearly enjoying the chance to share this embarrassing moment from my past.

I smile at his happiness. "Well, I'm glad you're all getting such a kick out of it," I say, looking around at everyone. I notice that Kwest still hasn't looked me straight in the eyes yet. Poor guy.

"Anyway," I say, changing the subject, "I was thinking and I wanted you ask you something, Daddy. I don't know how you feel about this city or what you want to do. But… what do you think about going home?"

He looks serious, and I'm instantly sorry that I mentioned it when everyone was having such a good time. Then he smiles widely and I release my breath.

"Actually, I was going to mention it to everyone. I was thinking about this same thing last night. And I decided that I want to go back to Toronto. I want to see my hometown again." His voice lowers considerably, "And I want to die and be buried there."

Tommy squeezes my shoulders supportively, knowing the effect any direct mention of his death has on me. "Alright. Then that's what where we'll go," I say. "Since our house sold, you won't be able to go back there. But we'll find you a nice place. A comfy condo with all the amenities and luxuries a person could ever want," I say, my mind already thinking of such a place. One that I found when I was doing my own apartment hunting.

"Sounds wonderful," he says. "But how are you possibly going to find a place like that on such short notice."

"I know who can help."

"Who?" Tommy asks, looking at me puzzled.

"Mark."


	30. Chapter Twenty Nine

Chapter Twenty-Nine:

I feel Tommy's body tense beside me immediately. He removes his arm from around my shoulder and turns to look at me in disbelief. "You've got to be kidding me." His exasperation resonates in his tone.

I smile at dad, who's watching us curiously. "Excuse us for a minute." I grab Tommy's arm and drag him into the living room.

"Mark?" he asks, raising his eyebrows in confusion and irritation.

I reach for his hands, stopping him as he begins to pace. "Tommy, do you remember what Mark does for a living? And do you remember the amazing he apartment he showed me?"

"And do you remember the way he flirted with you? Pursued you even though he knew something was going on with us?"

I have to admit Tommy's jealousy is kind of endearing and cute. But it's also a pain in the ass sometimes.

I sigh loudly. "Tommy, remember what we agreed. That you would try and not kill every man that I talked to?" Tommy nods reluctantly in agreement, but he's pouting. Like a five year old child, he's actually pouting.

"Look, Mark has the connections we need to find dad an apartment this quickly."

"Fine," he grits between his teeth. But I can tell he's not the least bit happy about it.

"Tommy, what's this really about?" I say, lifting my hands to cradle his face, "Because you have to know by now that you're the only one I want. Mark's a friend, and that's all he'll ever be."

He sighs, visibly melting at my words. "It's just…going home. It means returning to all the pretending. No one really knows who we are here. Or they don't care. Last night, we walked and talked like a normal couple. And for once it was simple." He lifts his hands to my arms. "I'm going to miss it here. I'm going to miss not having to pretend I don't love you. But I feel incredibly selfish even thinking about what I want right now when your dad is…." His words trail off and I know that, for my sake, he's not verbalizing what's happening to Dad.

I lean my body into his, kissing his lips softly. I pull back a bit, our noses still grazing. "You're not selfish. You are the farthest thing from selfish. Believe me; I know it's going to be hard going back. We have to go back to hiding from Darius and the press. And it sucks. But we'll manage."

He plants a kiss on the bridge of my nose. "When did you become so wise, Harrison?"

"I was born smart, Quincy," I say, breaking out into laughter as he begins to kiss my neck. I evade his caress, knowing that the others are going to start wondering what's happened to us. "We have to get back. Start making the arrangements for going home."

"Alright," he says, sighing exaggeratedly. "We'll continue this later."

"You better believe it."

"Mmm…" he says, raising his eyebrows teasingly. "Assertive Jude. I like it."

I shake my head with laughter as I wordlessly lead him back into the kitchen.

I notice that the others are done eating breakfast and are sitting around the dining room table chatting. They all turn when they hear us come in.

"Okay, so I'm going to call Mark and see what he can do for us," I announce to everyone, pulling my cell phone and heading to a quieter part of the house.

I dial his work number, which luckily Mark had forced me to take during all of the drama with Tommy and Chantal.

After three rings, I hear his cheery response on the other end. "Mark Anderson?"

"Hi Mark, it's Jude."

"Jude, it's so nice to hear from you!!" His voice brightens considerably at the mention of my name. I think I'll leave that part out when I tell Tommy about the conversation.

"I actually have a huge favour to ask you." I take a deep breath, knowing I have to verbalize the truth about dad. "I'm in New York right now with my dad. He has been diagnosed with terminal cancer," I spit out as quickly as possible, "and I'm looking for an apartment to rent for him in Toronto for his last few months."

"Jude, I'm so sorry. Of course, I'll be glad to help. Actually I have a wonderful condo available. The previous owner left a lot of the furniture so Stuart won't have to worry about that." His voice is warm and sympathetic.

"Thank you so much. If we possibly can, we'll be arriving tonight."

"Well, I'll stick around late tonight. You just give me a call and let me know what time you'll be arriving. I look forward to seeing you both. And Jude, if you need anything at all, to talk or anything, I'm here."

"Thanks, I appreciate that. Bye, Mark." His offer to be there for me is very sweet, but it's another thing Tommy would likely be unimpressed with.

I make my way back to the kitchen. "It's set. He says he's got a place," I announce, approaching the dining room table. "All we've got to do is pack everything up and arrive."

My dad's face is beaming. I would do anything to make him happy. And clearly moving back to Toronto is doing just that.

"Let's get started while I still have the energy today," he says, standing up. "There's really not that much to pack up. Most of the big stuff either got sold with the house or is in storage in Toronto. So it really shouldn't take that long. I'll just have to call the owner of the condo and cancel my lease. And return the rental car I've been using."

"Well, I'll phone the airline and book us five seats for tonight if possible," Kwest adds, taking out his cell phone.

"Alright. Well, let's get packing." I grab Tommy's hand and we head up the stairs, followed by dad and Sadie. We split up to our respective bedrooms and begin packing our clothing. I'm almost done when I realize I still don't have my pajama shorts.

I head down the hall towards Tommy's room and stand in the doorway. I watch in amusement as Tommy shoves his clothing in his suitcase. "So men really don't know how to pack, do they?"

"Ha ha," he says, turning his head to glare at me. "It may not be the neatest way, but it is the quickest. And why waste time when tonight I'm just going to be unpacking the clothes again?"

"Alright," I say, holding my hands up defensively. "I didn't mean to offend anyone. Just making an observation." I can't help but smirk. "Anyway, the reason I came was not to harass you, but to find my pajama bottoms."

"I still haven't seen them yet," he says, continuing to throw his clothing into his suitcase.

"Where exactly did you throw them last night, Quincy?"

I see his familiar smile forming in the corner of his mouth. "I was a little too preoccupied to notice."

As we both begin looking for them, I hear dad calling my name in the hallway. "Dad, I'm in here talking to Tommy." I straighten up and distance myself from Tommy. I don't want it to look like we were doing anything other than talking.

As I'm backing up, I catch a glimpse of pink from behind where Tommy's standing. The same pink color as my pajama shorts. As I focus my vision, I see that, in fact, my pajama bottoms are hanging off the lampshade beside the bed. Which is clearly visible from the doorway. How the hell did we not notice them before? We were so focussed on looking for them on the floor, we must not have looked any higher.

I begin to point frantically as I hear dad approaching.

"Jude …" Dad begins, making his way through the doorway.

Tommy's eyes widen with panic as he stumbles to grab my pajama bottoms before my dad notices them. He shoves his hands behind his back, hiding the shorts from my dad's view.

My dad continues speaking, eyeing Tommy's quick movements suspiciously, "I was wondering if you had any room in your luggage. There are a few things I don't have room for in mine."

"Sure, just leave them on my bed. I'll stick them in my suitcase," I respond as calmly as I can.

"Is something wrong?" he asks, watching us both oddly.

"Nope, nothing," I say quickly. Tommy's shaking his head, staying smartly silent.

"Okay," Dad says, still looking at us suspiciously as he heads out the door to continue packing.

I release a deep breath as I hear him make his way all the way down the hall to his room.

"Do you know how many times we've almost been caught?" Tommy asks, laughing softly. "With our lack of stealthy skills, we're lucky the entire world doesn't know about us."

He walks forward, holding out the shorts. "I believe these belong to you. I think they're a bit small for Kwest or I."

"Thanks." I grab them and I begin to head back out the door to finish packing. But not before Tommy pins me against the wall and crashes his lips onto mine. His lips are moving slowly, sensually, and as his tongue inches along my lips, we hear my dad calling "Jude!" from the hallway.

Tommy backs away, smirking. "Later," he mouths and, although weak from his kiss, I somehow find the strength to push myself off the wall to go find my dad.

Within three hours, we are packed, we have booked seats on a 5:00 flight and I've arranged for Mark to stay late at the apartment building so that Dad can see the condo tonight.

I'm throwing the last few things in my suitcase when I hear a soft knock on the door.

I spin to see Tommy leaning in the doorway. He walks in and moves towards the bed to sit beside my suitcase.

"Ready to go home?" he asks. We both know what this means for us. A departure from the anonymity of New York back to actively hiding what we mean to each other.

I sigh loudly and he takes a hold of my hands, gently caressing my palms with thumbs. "Ready as I'll ever be."


	31. Chapter Thirty

Chapter Thirty:

I shuffle down the aisle between the rows of plane seats, Tommy following closely behind me. Sadie, who is traipsing down the aisle in front of me, suddenly stops and in my tired state, I almost run into her.

"We need to talk about Dad's birthday. As soon as we can steal some time without him," she whispers.

I nod in response and she continues to walk towards her seat.

I feel immediately guilty and negligent; I had totally forgotten that dad's birthday is in a week. I can't believe I actually forgot. Although, with all the chaos in my life I shouldn't be surprised.

We settle into our plane seats in the row directly behind where Sadie, Kwest and Dad are sitting. I have to admit I'm really glad we're sitting [ibehind[/i them so I don't feel like dad is watching Tommy's every move. Although in the span of the first five minutes, I do see him turn around a few times to look at us. This doesn't stop Tommy from reaching his arm around my shoulders and pulling me tightly against him. And, oddly enough, my dad doesn't look upset. He looks… content.

I close my eyes and settle my body completely into Tommy's side. I want to relax and, even just for a minute, forget that not all is right with the world.

* * *

I jolt awake from the horrifying visions of my dream, pushing myself away from Tommy into a sitting position. I bury my face in my hands, trying to rid my brain of the nightmare. It was devastating. Dad was dead and I was sitting in the church at his funeral. And as if that wasn't awful enough, everyone around me started to disappear. One by one, Kwest, Sadie, Speed, Jamie, Mason, and even Tommy, all stood up and walked out of the church leaving me completely alone. And now that I'm awake, I'm finding it difficult to get rid of that frightening feeling of being abandoned. 

Tommy's hand begins to rub my back in a soothing, circular motion. "Are you alright?" he whispers in my ear.

I lift my face, trying to plant a smile on it. "Fine. Just a bad dream."

"Jude…" he says, and I can see that he's thoroughly unconvinced that I'm okay.

"I'm alright, really. It was just a nightmare. It takes a few minutes to recover from bad dreams." I undo my seatbelt and begin to shuffle by him. "I have to go to the washroom," I say, pecking his cheek quickly before heading towards the front of the plane. The nightmare has left me feeling slightly claustrophobic and nauseated.

I need fresh air. Which is impossible to get on a stuffy airplane.

I step in the cramped airplane bathroom and slide the door shut behind me. I can't help but stare at my weary reflection. "It's not reality. You're not alone," I repeat to myself.

The truth is that the nightmare hit me a lot harder than I let on to Tommy. I know if I told him about it, he'd say it wasn't going to happen. That he'd never leave me. But can a person actually promise that? What if something happened to Tommy too?

I feel my heart rate racing and the bile rising in my throat. I take a few deep breaths and am able to stave off being sick. The truth is that being completely alone is one of my greatest fears. And right now, with dad dying, it seems to be fulfilling part of my greatest fear.

The door shakes lightly as someone knocks on it from the other side. "Jude, are you okay?" Tommy's concerned voice asks from the other side of the door.

I splash a little water on my face from the tiny sink and take a deep breath. "You'll be okay," I say to myself quietly before sliding the door open.

He looks so worried. "I'm okay. Don't worry," I say, before taking his hand and leading him back towards our seats.

"Are you sure you're—" he begins before I cut him off.

"I'm fine, really." Honestly the last thing I want to talk about is that dream. "I'm just feeling a little sick from all the travelling and not sleeping very well." I smile as reassuringly as I can.

I can tell he doesn't want to drop this. Luckily, I'm saved by the pilot announcing that we're approaching Toronto and will be landing in a few minutes.

After the announcement, Tommy doesn't mention any more about it and I take a deep breath, glad that he has left this topic alone.

As we land, a reflective silence blankets our group. It's hard to forget that the return to Toronto, while a happy thing, will also bring a lot of upheaval and pain in the next few months.

* * *

We collect our baggage and regroup by the taxis.

"We're going to got settle into a hotel while you get dad set up in his new place," Sadie says, yawning widely.

"Okay, good night honey. Kwest. I'll see you both tomorrow," Dad says, hugging Sadie and Kwest before they head off towards an empty cab.

"Tommy, why don't you head home? I'll get Dad set up and take a cab back," I offer.

Tommy begins shaking his head before I even finish speaking. "I'm with you every step of the way, Jude. That is, if you don't mind, Stuart."

"Not at all," Dad says and Tommy begins to lead us towards where he parked the Hummer last week when we flew to New York.

Great. I have to admit, I wasn't just being polite telling Tommy he could go home. I'm completely aware that Mark and Tommy are not likely to be friends any time in this century. I was trying to avoid the two having to have any contact. But I'm guessing that meeting with Mark is precisely part of the reason why Tommy wants to accompany us.

* * *

"So what do you think, Dad?" I ask as we walk around the beautiful, plush apartment Mark has offered us for immediate rental. I can't help but notice that Tommy is sticking close to my side as we roam around the apartment. Tommy and Mark have been acting civil, which is apparently all I can expect of them.

The apartment is wonderful. It's almost completely furnished, which would make Dad's life much simpler since he wouldn't have to worry about finding the furniture in the storage unit.

"I love it; I'll definitely take it, Mark."

"Great," Mark says smiling. "I actually have the paperwork with me so you can get everything set up now."

"Excellent," Dad says, taking the paperwork and scanning it quickly. "Looks good." He takes Mark's pen and signs the mandatory six-month lease.

"Great well, just bring the first rent cheque by sometime in the next day or so. I hope you enjoy it here, Mr. Harrison. And I'm really very sorry about everything." My dad nods in response and my eyes widen as Mark begins to approach me.

"Bye, Jude. Remember what I said earlier," he says before reaching forward and hugging me. Out of the corner of my eye, I can see Tommy's body tense.

Without another word, Mark strides out and I hear the front door shut behind him.

Tommy looks unhappy, to say the least. "Down boy," I say quietly to Tommy, grabbing his hand with mine. He seems visibly calmed by my touch, and no doubt, Mark's disappearance.

I can't help but smirk. I have to admit to being a sucker for the intermittent appearance of jealous Tommy. Makes a girl feel wanted, after all.

"I'm going to stay here tonight," Dad announces. "I want to start to get used to the place."

"If you're sure." I have to admit I'm relieved. Makes the whole living situation a little easier for tonight at least.

"Now you make sure Jude gets home alright, okay Tommy?"

"Don't worry. I'll keep a close eye on her," Tommy says, with a completely straight face nonetheless. I, on the other hand, have to stifle a laugh at his double entendre.

My living situation; or more correctly, the fact that my father doesn't know I'm living with my boyfriend/producer. That's a battle I'll have to face tomorrow. Frankly, I'm just too tired to deal with it tonight.

"Well, I'll see you tomorrow Daddy." I hug him and peck his cheek lightly before Tommy and I show ourselves out.

The ride over to our apartment is silent and peaceful. It hasn't been just Tommy and I for a while and I'm revelling in the knowledge that I'm finally going to be alone with him.

We make it up to the apartment and it feels surreal entering, knowing the last time I was here was the night I got the news about dad. The night of the fundraiser. It seems like I was living a different life then.

We drop our bags and I head immediately for Tommy's room while he moves into the living room to check the messages on the answering machine.

I slip out of my clothes and toss them to the ground. I'm too exhausted to worry about picking them up. I pull out an old shirt of Tommy's from his closet and slip it over my head. It smells like Tommy, a comforting masculine scent that reminds me of warmth and love and all the good things Tommy provides for me.

I let myself fall back onto his bed and I remain lying where I fall.

The nightmare from the plane is still with me and I struggle to keep my eyes open, afraid to let myself go to sleep.

I hear Tommy enter the room only minutes later and go through the same routine I just did a few minutes ago. I hear his clothes hit the floor and feel the mattress dip as he lies down next to me.

"You know, we could get under the covers," he suggests, turning his head to plant a row of kisses on the side of my face.

I laugh, "That would mean that I have to move."

"Not necessarily," he says, and I feel his weight lift from the bed.

I gasp as Tommy suddenly scoops me up and places me back in the bed, under the covers this time.

I feel the warmth immediately as Tommy's shirtless body joins me under the covers. I'm suddenly wide awake as Tommy begins to trail hot kisses down my neck.

"Alone at last," he whispers huskily, a seductive gleam in his eye as he leans his head down to kiss my stomach.

I moan loudly at the intoxicating feel of his lips on my skin, no longer needing to suppress the expression of my ecstasy.

Alone at last.

I couldn't agree more.


	32. Chapter Thirty One

Chapter Thirty-One:

I suppress a scream as I pull myself into consciousness.

The nightmare is back, except this time it's different. This time it's just about Tommy, and he's not walking away. He's not walking at all.

He's dead. And it's his funeral that I'm attending.

I attempt to push away the devastating images of Tommy's still, lifeless body and force my eyes open.

I sit up in bed and I can't help but stare at Tommy's sleeping form. In sleep he has rolled away from me towards the other side of the bed. I watch closely, leaning towards him, and I release a deep breath when I see his chest moving up and down.

Even though I know he's alive, the disturbing dream is still with me, haunting me. Feeling suddenly unsettled and unbalanced, I step quietly out of bed, slipping Tommy's old shirt back on, and head towards the dark living room.

My heart is pounding in my chest and I feel like I'm on the verge of a heart attack. I keep telling myself that it was just a dream. But the agony and the fear are real, and I can't get rid of them.

Without turning any lights on, I collapse on the couch. A wave of nausea washes over me and I lean my head down, praying that the urge to throw up will pass.

My emotions are racing, just like my heart. I don't know what to feel or what to do.

It's not real. Tommy's fine. I know I'm probably just transferring my feelings of helplessness regarding my dad onto Tommy, but I can't seem to gain control over how my mind and body are reacting to the thought of losing Tommy.

The room begins to suffocate me and I jump up, needing to get some air. I rush down the hall and throw on some jeans and some flip flops. I grab my keys and dash out the door towards the elevator.

As I step into the elevator, I'm caught off guard by my pale, stricken reflection in the full length mirror. There are noticeable dark circles under my eyes and even I can see that I look thinner than ever. What's happening to me? I feel like I'm losing my mind.

I'm in a haze as I sweep out into the frigid night air.

I begin to walk without purpose, allowing my thoughts the freedom to wander. I can feel almost feel my sanity slipping and I really wonder if I can hold it together. The tough part has just started with Dad. And now these dreams? It's all feeling a bit too much. I mean I'm seventeen years old. Aren't normal seventeen year olds out having a good time? But then again, I've never been just a normal girl.

I walk for a while before the exhaustion and weakness hit my weary body. But as I look around me I realize that I have no idea where I am. See, when I began to walk aimlessly I was too upset to remember that I don't really know Tommy's neighbourhood very well.

I can't believe how different things look in the middle of the night. I only faintly recognize the buildings and surrounding streets.

Giving in to my feelings of exhaustion, I sit on the nearest bench I can find, curling my feet underneath my legs. I'm trying not to let the panic set in. I'm lost, but I can't be _that_ far from Tommy's building.

I close my eyes from a mixture of tiredness and trying to hold back tears of sadness and frustration.

I feel lost in every sense of the word.

When I open my eyes, through the tears blinding my vision I see a figure approaching. With a shiver of fear creeping up my spine, I brush the moisture from my eyes and push myself into a standing position. Readying myself to run, I pause when the approaching person becomes clear.

I stand frozen as Tommy runs the last few strides and pulls me firmly, desperately into his arms.

His arms wrap tightly around my back, moulding me to his body. His grip is tight and although I can't see his face, I can feel the conflicting emotions of fear and relief oozing from his body. One of his hands tangles itself in my hair as I bury my face in his shoulder.

"I was so worried. I've never been so scared…" His voice is soft, barely above a whisper and replete with despair and panic and a plethora of other emotions that I can see in his eyes as he pulls back to cradle my face in his hands.

"What happened?"

"I just… I had a nightmare and I couldn't breathe in the apartment. So I decided to walk." I'm beginning to lose the tentative hold on my emotions as I'm reminded of the dream and why I was so upset in the first place.

Tommy, noticing how upset I'm becoming, doesn't push me for more answers as he begins to direct me back towards home. His arm around my shoulders is tight, like he's afraid I'll slip through his grasp.

We walk silently back towards the apartment and as we amble in the door, I stumble quickly towards Tommy's room. My exhaustion is overwhelming me and I throw myself into the bed and pull the covers over my head, feeling the oncoming comfort of sleep.

"Jude."

"Hmm…" I answer, not even opening my eyes.

"We need to talk." Tommy's voice is serious, tinged with worry.

"Tomorrow," I mumble, turning over and returning to the welcoming oblivion of, hopefully dreamless, sleep.

* * *

The smell of coffee enters my consciousness before my eyes even open. The wonderful aroma forces my brain to awaken and my sleep deprived body pushes itself out of the bed to walk towards the intoxicating scent.

I enter the kitchen with my eyes barely open, and Tommy holds out a fresh cup for my consumption. It's amazing how well he knows me.

I sit at the kitchen table, silently sipping my coffee. Tommy grabs a cup for himself and joins me, glancing at me expectantly. He undoubtedly wants answers regarding my sporadic behaviour last night.

"So…" he prompts.

"I'm sorry I worried you. I just needed some air." I offer, avoiding any explanation.

"What happened?" He reaches for my hand, massaging it gently with his fingers.

"Just another bad dream," I say dismissively.

"If you reacted like that, then it wasn't _just a dream_. What's going on?"

My phone rings and I run to grab it, happy for the chance to evade Tommy's questioning. I can't talk about the dreams, especially not to him. Not when they involve him so completely. Besides, they're silly and they don't mean anything; I know that. I just need to get over them. Somehow.

I flip my phone open. "Hello?"

"Hey, it's Sadie."

"Hey Sades. What's up?"

"I wondered if you wanted to get together and plan dad's birthday this morning. I called him and told him we'd all be over later this afternoon."

I breathe a sigh of relief, happy for something to distract myself, and hopefully Tommy as well. "Sounds great, Sadie. I actually have to check in at G-Major since I'm back in Toronto. Why don't we meet there in half an hour and you and Kwest can say hi to everyone? Plus, I'm sure they'll want to help with the party." She agrees and we hang up.

I return to Tommy who's watching me, the look of worry and anxiety still painted on his face.

"I'm fine," I assert, squeezing his hand. "It was just a dream. I have to go to G-Major to meet Sadie to plan Dad's birthday. Why don't you come, check in with Darius and then we'll all head to see Dad this afternoon."

He nods pensively and I take advantage of his silence to head towards the bathroom to get ready.

I strip quickly and step into the shower, standing under the steady stream of water. I close my eyes as the barrage of water hits my face. And in the darkness behind my eyes, all I can see is the chilling image of Tommy's lifeless form.


	33. Chapter Thirty Two

Chapter Thirty-Two:

I shower as quickly as possible, still haunted by the visions of Tommy's death. This is the one time I really hate that my dreams are so vivid. When I think about my dream, I actually feel as if I'm standing over his body, which is lying in a casket at the front of a church. And I can clearly see the paleness of his face, and nearly feel the cold as I reach down to touch his folded hands. It's too real and it hits too close to my heart.

I throw on a t-shirt and jeans, and draw my hair back into a half hazard ponytail before taking a deep breath and exiting the bathroom.

Tommy is on the phone, talking emphatically with someone, as I grab another quick sip of coffee before we have to head out. In between all my gloomy thoughts of death and heartache, I did get an idea for dad's birthday and I am anxious to share it with Sadie.

Tommy hurries his phone call and hangs up frustrated. "That was Darius. I have to go see him when we get to G-Major."

"That's okay. I have a lot of details to work out with Sadie anyway. You can join the party planning fun once you're done." I joke. I know how much Tommy hates anything to do with parties, especially planning them.

"Excuse me as I hold back my excitement," Tommy says teasingly. "Ready to go?"

I nod and head for the door, but he touches my arm lightly, stopping me as I pass where he's standing. "You sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine," I say, averting my eyes before continuing towards the door. I can't let him look at me for too long. The dream is too fresh in my mind and if I allow him to look into my eyes, he'll be able to see that I'm most definitely not fine.

The ride to the G-Major is amazingly long, and I can feel the tension between us. Out of the corner of my eye, I catch Tommy glancing at me worriedly. He knows I'm hiding something and I can tell he doesn't like it.

What's the point in telling him? It would likely worry him more about my mental state. Not to say that I'm not worrying about that myself. I can almost feel myself losing it. But I have to handle the dreams on my own.

As we walk towards G-Major for the first time in what feels like ages, Tommy instinctively grabs my hands. I think nothing of it as we head for the doors. Jamie meets us almost immediately as he is coincidentally walking by reception as we enter.

"Jude!" He's clearly happy to see me, although I watch as a panicked look crosses his face and he rushes towards me. He begins to cough wildly, making quite a scene, saying something quietly about 'hands' and he hugs me tightly, in the process purposely breaking the contact between mine and Tommy's hand. He glances at us both like we're crazy; there's no doubt our time in New York has made Tommy and I far too lax and forgetful about not being allowed to show our affection.

"Thanks," I whisper in Jamie's ear. I glance towards Tommy, who nods at me before heading off to Darius's office for their meeting.

Jamie looks significantly less panicked now as he has helped us escape getting caught, and his hug tightens for a second before he pulls back. "How have you been?"

"Honestly, I've been better."

"I'm so sorry about all of this. It's hard to believe." Jamie smiles sympathetically and squeezes my hand in a gesture of support.

"It's just all so sudden, you know. I don't think I still know exactly what's going on." My voice drops significantly. "But Tommy's helped a lot. I don't think I could have gotten through any of this without him." A few people are starting to stare at Jamie and me oddly as we are huddled in the middle of the lobby whispering together. I raise my voice to a normal level and pull back to a normal distance away from Jamie. "Have you seen SME, Patsy and Mase? I'm going to need all your help for what I'm planning for dad's birthday."

"Of course, I'll go round them up. Kwest and Sadie are already in one of the offices waiting for you. We'll talk later, okay?"

I nod and peck Jamie's cheek lightly before making my way towards the offices, immediately hearing Sadie's voice wafting through the air from Tommy's office.

"Hey." I collapse into one of the plush chairs along the wall. I notice that Sadie's already got a bunch of fabric swatches and balloon samples spread across Tommy's desk. I cringe, knowing that Tommy's not going to love the mess she's made in his office. One of the many things I've learned about Quincy is that he is a neat freak. Like OCD, certifiable, neat freak.

"So," Sadie begins, "I was thinking about a surprise party for dad."

I smile, happy that my thoughts are in synch with Sadie's on this. "Me too. And I was thinking that, since Dad is obsessed with the Beatles, we could make it a Beatles-themed party. I was hoping we could get SME, Mason and Pats to perform."

A huge grin fills Sadie's face. "I love it. It's perfect. I'll work on the decorations, maybe all bright colors like the Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band outfits."

"Sounds good to me. I'll cover the music end."

"Agreed," Sadie nods, turning back to her fabric samples.

As if anticipating the perfect type to arrive, Jamie enters, followed by Speed, Wally, Kyle, Patsy and Mason.

"Jude!" Mason says, lifting me out of my chair and grabbing me in a big hug.

I can't help but laugh at his energetic embrace. "Hey Mase. It's good to see you too."

He reluctantly releases me. "How are you?"

"I'm surviving. I can't really say much more than that."

He squeezes my shoulders, smiling sadly. "If there's anything you need, you just call me. Three in the morning, any time. You call. Promise?"

"Of course. Thanks, Mase."

Mason takes a seat in Tommy's, now cramped, office. Speed approaches, looking sheepish. He hugs me tightly, whispering "I'm sorry" in my ear. I haven't talked to Speed since he was really upset after finding out about Tommy and me. It's easy to see that he's feeling guilty for being so angry, especially now that everything with my dad has turned out so badly.

"It's okay. Don't even worry about it," I say, kissing his cheek lightly. I'm just glad he's over everything and he's back to being sweet Speed. There's only so much drama a girl can handle.

As everyone finds a spot to sit or stand in Tommy's office, I announce my plans for the party. "Since our dad is crazy about the Beatles, Sadie and I are throwing him a Beatles-themed party. Now, I was hoping I could count on you all to perform Beatles' songs at the party. SME, I was thinking "Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band", Mase, I was thinking you could sing "Sexy Sadie" and Patsy, I thought maybe you could do "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds."

Everyone nods in approval. As I open my mouth to speak again, I'm interrupted.

"I'll sing 'Hey Jude'," Tommy offers, smirking. I swear to God sometimes I think he's trying to tell everyone about us. Apparently he came in sometimes when I was talking about the song selection.

"You want to sing?" I ask, very surprised. Tommy's not in the habit of singing any more. After Boyz Attack, he hung up the microphone in order to focus on producing other people.

"For this occasion, of course." He's still smiling and Kyle and Wally, who are the only ones in the room that don't know what's going on between Tommy and I, are beginning to look suspicious and extremely confused.

"Anyway," I begin, getting back on task, "now that Tommy's stolen my song, I'll have to think of another one. But we're all okay with the songs and everything?"

I look around and everyone is smiling and nodding in agreement.

"Okay. Well, dad's birthday is in one week, so we don't have much time to pull this together." I steal a glance at my watch. "And speaking of time, Sadie, we should really get going to see Dad. I'll just check in with Darius for a minute and we'll be off."

"Don't worry about Darius. I've got him covered. We can just go," Tommy says, still leaning in the doorway.

"Why would you be going to see Mr. Harrison?" Wally asks bluntly, looking at Tommy curiously.

Tommy looks surprised by the question, caused by another of our many slip-ups.

I begin to stammer away, trying to make up some excuse. "Uhhm… Well, Tommy and my dad are both music experts. He thought he'd come along because you know how much my dad loves talking about music." Wow, that's one awful lie. But luckily, Wally and Kyle are not sophisticated enough to pick up on that fact. I would just tell them about our relationship, considering everyone else here knows, but I don't exactly trust them to keep their mouths shut. As much as I love them, I don't think they, especially Wally, have the appropriate filters between their brains and their mouths.

"Alright, so we're off. I'll call you all once Sadie and I have found a place to hold the party. Then we can go and practice our songs." I gather my stuff and we all make a hasty exit.

Tommy and I walk a bit ahead of Sadie and Kwest on the way to Tommy's Hummer. Thankfully with the distraction of planning the party and volunteering to sing at it, Tommy seems to have forgotten his worry about my behaviour last night. And, truth be told, with the fresh air and sunlight, I'm feeling much better.

I suddenly remember that Tommy had a meeting with Darius this morning. "What did Darius want?"

"Believe it or not, he wanted to know if you had worked on anything," Tommy says, the disgust evident in his tone. "I told him that, like it or not, you and I are both indefinitely taking a break."

"What? How did he take that?" Darius is not exactly a man who likes being told anything.

"Not well. He understands about you. But I think he's becoming suspicious about why I need the time off. I mean, he's not stupid. And he warned me a few times about getting too close to you."

"He did?" I ask, my mouth dropping in shock.

"Yep. The first time was just after we started working together, and then again after your sixteenth birthday."

I shake my head in disbelief. I swear to God Darius has eyes in the back of his head or something. "Well, Tommy, you don't need to stop working. Why don't you go back? I'm sure Mason would love to have you on his album."

"I can't go back, not when you need me. Not when you're going through all of this." He slips his arm around my waist, pulling me close as we walk. He leaves it there for a minute before he realizes that we can't be that open here, especially in such close proximity to G-Major. He sighs heavily and reluctantly removes his arm as we walk the final few feet to the car.

* * *

"Hey!!" Dad exclaims happily as we all file into his new apartment. Sadie and Kwest are looking around curiously as this is the first time they've seen the place.

I kiss his cheek lightly and flounce down on the couch in the living room. "How are you feeling Daddy?"

"Not too bad, honey. Glad to be back in Toronto. I hope Jamie and Patsy weren't too upset with your late arrival last night," he comments casually.

I'm puzzled for a moment before I realize that I was supposed to have gone 'home' to Jamie and Patsy's apartment last night. I sigh, knowing that the time has come for me to reveal my second bombshell.

"About that…" I begin, "there's something I need to tell you."

"We're going to check out the rest of the apartment," Sadie says, and she flashes me a reassuring smile before pulling Kwest out of the room with her.

I turn my full attention back on my dad. "I'm not living with Jamie." I clear my throat before I continue speaking. "I'm living at Tommy's apartment."

My dad's face falls dramatically and he sits perfectly still like he's paralyzed. I jump up from my position on the couch, praying he's not having a heart attack. I mean if there's any kind of news that would make my dad have a heart attack, this is it.

He finally turns his head to look at me. He's not happy. That much I can discern.

"I have my own room," I blurt out. I'm trying to reassure my dad, although I'm pretty sure he's not buying it. I glance towards Tommy, trying to hold back a smirk. We both know very well that I haven't slept in that room since Tommy and I started seeing each other.

Dad's silent, and I don't know what to think. Finally, he opens his mouth, readying himself to speak. "I think part of me knew all along. You know, Jude, you're the world's worst liar. I knew something was up. I'm not going to pretend I'm happy about this. But I will say that I'm glad that with Tommy I know you're safe. That's the only good thing I can say about it right now."

Well, that's a better reaction than I expected. He didn't blow his top or burst any blood vessels. Even Tommy is visibly relaxing at my dad's response.

"I haven't got much time and I don't want to waste it being mad or upset. And truthfully what can I do? After I'm gone, you're going to have to make these decisions on your own. I trust you, Jude. I trust that you know what you're doing."

"Thanks, Daddy." I'm amazed at how well this is going, at how relaxed he is about my living with Tommy. I wipe away a tear, moved by his amazing trust in me. Considering all the lying I've done lately, I definitely don't deserve it.

"Now, go and find your sister. We have places to go and things to see while I still feel up to it." He smiles, giving my hand a light squeeze.

As I walk down the hall to find Sadie and Kwest, I feel relieved that everything is finally out in the open with Dad. But I also feel the strong impact of dad's words. He knows he's not going to be here much longer and he's trying to make peace with my choices. And while that makes me feel intense happiness, it also fills me extreme sorrow because it is a simple reminder of how little time we have left.


	34. Chapter Thirty Three

Chapter Thirty-Three:

What a crazy week it's been.

I glance around the spacious, decorated hall that we have rented out for dad's surprise party tonight. It's currently almost completely filled with brightly clothed people. I can't believe we pulled everything together in just one week. I never thought we would manage as well as we have. But we've done it.

We had a lot of trouble keeping dad from getting suspicious, especially when we had to keep running off to make arrangements. I think he knows _something_ is going on; I mean, it is his birthday after all. But I hope he didn't guess the extent of our plotting.

Sadie has done an amazing job with the decorations; everything is bright and colourful and fits the Beatles theme perfectly. Tommy's been amazing as usual and took over arranging the music part and helping everyone practice so that I could focus on the daunting task of deciding who to invite. And contacting all of them. There were a lot of people. I mean, to be perfectly blunt, this is the last time my dad will see some of these people so I wanted to give as many people a chance to come as possible. And not surprising almost everyone I contacted is coming, which makes about 120 guests.

Both Tommy and I have been so busy and exhausted this past week, he really hasn't had a chance to focus on asking me any more about my nightmares. Luckily I've only had two this past week and only one was about Tommy. And both times I woke up, I was able to calm myself down and get back to sleep without waking Tommy up. So as far as I know, he doesn't even know that I've had any more since the night I ran off. Which is good. Tommy's already worried enough.

Besides planning this swanky party, it's been a bit of a bizarre week. Tommy and Dad have had a couple of secret talks this week and I can't help but wonder what they're talking about. After one of their discussions dad looked kind of upset, but when I asked him what was wrong he denied being upset in the first place. And Tommy wouldn't say what they were talking about either. And they've snuck away a few other times, as recently as last night. Although last night they both seemed pretty happy afterwards so I didn't even ask. I swear to God, I love them both but they can be so perplexing.

I'm jolted out of my thoughts by Jamie, who approaches and begins to talk to me.

"Most people have arrived. It's going to be a great night."

I turn my head towards him, smiling in agreement. "It is, isn't it? I'm so glad we could do this for him."

"Me too," Jamie smiles sympathetically, slinging a supportive arm around my shoulders. "I know I've said this already, but I'm so sorry about all of this. You've been my best friend for longer than I can count and your dad has been like a dad to me for just as long. I just wish I could do something to change this for all of you."

I look up into his sad face and see the unshed tears reflected in his eyes. I kiss his cheek lightly. "And you're like the son he never had. He told me the other day he's proud of you, proud of how much you've achieved already, getting the job you want at G-Major. He's proud of the man you're becoming. And so am I."

He bows his head, wiping at the tears he doesn't want me to see. I pull him into a hug, and I feel him bury his head in my shoulder. "It's okay, Jamie. You're allowed to be sad."

He pulls away, disengaging from the hug. "Don't forget your own advice, Jude," he says quietly before kissing my cheek and walking away.

Oh, I'll be sad. I **am** sad. Every day I wake up and feel the weight of Dad's diagnosis a little bit more. Because every day is one less day that he'll be around. So, believe me, I know what it's like to be miserable. But tonight I have a show to put on and I want to make my daddy proud.

"You alright?" I turn to find Tommy standing beside me, glancing at Jamie's receding figure.

"Fine. I'm fine."

He looks at me, the disbelief clear in his iridescent blue eyes. "I am," I state emphatically. "Have you heard from Sadie yet? Any idea when she's arriving with dad?" I ask, purposely changing the subject.

"Kwest heard from her about 10 minutes ago. They should be here soon." See, my dad thinks that Sadie is picking him up and we're meeting for dinner at an upscale restaurant.

"Good." I look around the sparkly room and all the friends and family that my dad has been acquainted with over his life. He's going to love this. I really can't wait to see his reaction.

"I can't believe you're wearing that dress," Tommy comments, looking scanning my body voraciously. I'm wearing **the** red dress. The one that almost made Tommy ravage me in the dressing room of the store where I bought it. "You wear that dress and I can't even touch you."

I look at him questioningly before realizing what he's referring to. We're in public and people would notice. I sigh loudly. With everything that's going on, keeping our relationship a secret is becoming less and less important. I mean, I just want things to be out in the open. Once and for all. I'm beginning to forget why we even decided to keep it a secret in the first place. The reasons seemed valid at the time. But now? With dad's illness, things as trivial as the paparazzi and even Darius's dislike of our relationship seem really petty and unimportant. Honestly, I just don't care if people like it or not.

"About that, I was thinking—" I begin, but I'm cut off by the doors to the hall opening. I glance up quickly, just in time to see my dad's mouth drop in shock as everyone yells surprise.

His face breaks out in a wide smile and I rush to where he is, now being mobbed by people.

He breaks away from them as soon as he sees my approach. He grabs both Sadie and I in a big hug. "I love you both so much," he says, almost yelling over the noise in the room."

I can't speak. My throat feels like it's closed up as I try to push the threatening tears away. I kiss his cheek quickly and walk away towards the stage, where all of the performers are waiting. SME are chatting wildly, trying to impress a uninterested Patsy.

I take a deep breath and Speed, who notices me first, touches my shoulder softly his expression asking with no words if I'm okay. I nod and begin to talk about the performances. "Okay, so SME, you guys are going to open the show. Then Mason, then Patsy. Then Tommy. And I'll end things. Okay?"

They all nod. "Okay, Speed whenever you guys are ready I'll introduce you."

"We're ready, rock star," he says, motioning to his already strapped on guitar.

I nod, heading out to the centre of the stage where the main microphone is. People begin to quiet down as they see me standing there, and within a minute the room is completely silent. "Thank you all for coming. Sadie and I appreciate it and I know our dad does too. So, tonight is all about celebrating the life of Stuart Harrison, and also his love for the legendary musical group "The Beatles". And we've got a few surprise performances, so just sit back, relax and enjoy the show. Now, give a hand to our first performers of the night – "Spiederman Mind Explosion". I watch from the sidelines, my vision alternating between the stage, my dad, who's watching the stage and simultaneously talking with his guests, and Tommy, who is working with Kwest on the soundboard at the back of the room. I look back at SME, who are completely rocking out. I can't help but smile as I watch them. They really took this 'Beatles' theme to heart. Somewhere they even found costumes like the Beatles wore for 'Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band' and they could not be more perfect.

The night speeds by, Patsy and Mason both giving entertaining performances. I look around and notice that everyone is really enjoying themselves. The food and the performances are a hit. And most importantly, I can tell my dad is honestly having a blast. Hopefully, for even one night, he's forgetting that he's sick. There's only Tommy's performance to go, and then mine. I can't believe how quickly then night has flown by.

The party has been so fun. More entertaining than I even expected. But I have to admit I'm nervous. This could be the last time I perform for my dad. In public, anyway.

"Wish me luck," Tommy whispers in my ear as he passes me to take the stage.

He walks to the centre of the stage and everyone immediately turns to look at him. I don't even bother going up to introduce him. Lil Tommy Q needs no introduction; especially when he's giving a performance, something he hardly ever does anymore.

"Hello everyone. I'm Tommy Quincy," he begins, to which everyone immediately starts to scream. A small smirk starts to form on his lips at the cheers. "I've known Stuart for almost two years now. I met him when his daughter Jude won the first Instant Star competition and catapulted herself into my life." He glances my way, shooting me a small smile. "Stuart's an amazing man, a caring father and a true music fan. And I'm honoured to know him, even for the short time we've been acquainted." He takes a seat behind the piano, and begins to move his hands along the keys and sing the first verse, reminding me so much of the way Paul McCartney sang the song with such passion.

He steals a few glances at me while singing, his strong, flawless voice captivating the entire audience.

I was him intently, feeling all my love for him surge to the surface. He's amazing. He's sweet and caring and has shown me a side of himself that he doesn't show to anyone else. And right now, because he knows how much it would mean to me, he's performing, a task he has shied away from for quite a while.

As he finishes the song, and begins to stand from his position at the piano, I realize there is no better time than the present to do the one thing I need to do.

I rush up the stage stairs and head purposefully for Quincy. He turns and peers at me curiously, still half-concentrating on the boisterous applause he's receiving for his performance.

"Have you let me into your heart, Quincy?" I ask smiling, quoting the song he has just sung. I'm almost yelling, although no one except Tommy can hear because of the screaming.

"You know I have," he responds, looking at me the way only Tommy looks at me. And before I have a chance to change my mind or lose my nerve, I launch myself at him, pressing my lips onto his. His lips respond almost instantly, moving sensually against mine.

Our kiss is brief, but the message is clear. I break away from the kiss, and look into his surprised, but pleased, eyes. I notice the complete silence of the room and turn to look at the equally shocked faces of the party guests.

I can't believe I did that. I just exposed our relationship for everyone to see. By tomorrow, the press will be hounding us. Darius will likely want to kill us both.

And you know what? That's totally okay. Because now we don't have to hide any more. And all the flack we get will be totally worth it. And it's not like Tommy can get in any actual legal trouble. Thank God for Canada and it's young legal age of consent.

I glance back at Tommy, who's looking deliriously happy, but also a little confused by my sudden revelation.

"It was time that they knew," I explain simply. "Now, go." I say, shooing him playfully off the stage. "I've got a song to sing."

He laughs, kissing my cheek before jogging off the stage and making his way back through the crowd to the soundboard. Everyone is staring wide-eyed at him, but he just smiles politely and continues to walk.

I walk towards the microphone, looking out at the stunned audience. My dad looks surprisingly calm about it. Even a bit proud. Almost everyone else just looks baffled. "Well. Now that _that's_ out of the way," I joke, "I'd like to focus everyone's attention back on the reason why we're here. My dad. The man who made me brave enough so I could do something like what I just did. The man who has shared my love of music since I was a child. And the man who has always been there for me, and loved me no matter what I've done or said. There are so many songs I would like to sing for you, Daddy," I say, making eye contact with him across the crowd, "but this one's a special song. As a kid, and even when I started growing up, when I was scared you always held me tight and hummed this song in my ear. And I felt better because I knew you were there. And with my Dad protecting me, I knew nothing bad would ever happen to me. I love you, Daddy." I wipe away a tear that escapes my eye as I hear Spied begin to play the piano, a subtle, slower arrangement of "Any Time at All" that we have worked on.

I open my mouth and begin to sing the first few bars, praying that I'll be able to make it through the song without breaking down.

_Any time at all  
all you've gotta do is call  
And I'll be there_

_If you need somebody to love  
Just look into my eyes  
I'll be there to make you feel right  
If you're feeling sorry and sad  
I'd really sympathize  
Don't you be sad, just call me tonight_

I look out and see my dad's glistening eyes. I can see the conflicting emotions of pride and sadness flicker across his face. I glance away quickly, trying to fight the tightness in my throat that comes from holding in tears the need to be shed.

_Any time at all  
all you've gotta do is call  
And I'll be there_

_If the sun has faded away  
I'll try to make it shine  
There is nothing I won't do  
If you need a shoulder to cry on  
I hope it will be mine  
Call me tonight and I'll come to you_

_Any time at all  
all you've gotta do is call  
And I'll be there_

I make it through the song without more than a few tears flowing down my cheeks. But now that I'm done, I can feel the tears behind my eyes, begging for release. I wave in acknowledgement at the roaring cheers coming from the crowd. I walk as quickly as possible off the stage, trying not to look too eager to escape. As soon as I'm out of out of view of the partygoers, I run for the bathroom located behind the stage. I lock the door of the small room and collapse against the wall, allowing the sobs to finally overtake me.

The emotions of that song, of what the lyrics mean to my dad and I overwhelmed me. The fact that he has been the one, all my life, who brightened my day and made me smile even if I didn't want to. And the fact that sooner rather than later, he won't be here to do that anymore.

I cry loudly for a few minutes, not daring to look at my smeared make-up in the mirror. I'm beginning to calm down a little when I hear a loud knock on the door. I take a deep breath, wiping as much of the tears and smeared mascara off of my face before opening the door. I almost laugh when I see three nervous, worried faces staring back at me. Spied, who was the closest to me when I was singing and no doubt saw my reaction better than anyone, Tommy and my dad are standing, looking quite tense, just outside the bathroom.

"I'm okay. It was just… a lot. But I'm okay." Spied winks at me, and knowing I'm in capable hands with the other two men, walks away heading back to the party.

"Honey, that was beautiful. The best birthday present a father could ever want." He hugs me tightly, planting a kiss on the top of my head. He holds me for another minute before releasing me. "I'm going to head back to the party, give you two a minute." His words trail off as he kisses my cheek and walks away.

"You've had quite a night," Tommy says quietly, lightly reaching up and brushing a strand of hair off my face. "You were amazing. Making it through that, I think that was the bravest I've ever seen you. Well, besides what you did right before that," he jokes.

He takes my hand, "Let's get back. I want to dance with my girl." He drags me towards the makeshift dance floor area where a few other couples are already swaying to "And I Love Her". He pulls me close, and I lay my head on his shoulder. I close my eyes, savouring the feel of his warm body near to mine, and the new found freedom of our now public relationship. I can feel the eyes of everyone zoning in us, but I don't care. I love him, and I won't let anyone tell me it's wrong. Nothing that feels as good as this could ever be wrong.

We sway slightly the music, barely moving as our bodies retain almost complete contact. I don't even notice when the music ends; I'm only alerted to the end of the dance when Tommy stops moving.

I look up at him and reluctantly pull away, suddenly thinking about the party. As one of the hosts, I'm sure there's something I should be doing right now.

"We need to talk. Alone," Tommy whispers, slipping an arm around my waist and pulling me tightly back to his side.

I smile helplessly and begin to lead him towards the exit. A breath of fresh air would be nice, anyway.

I'm halfway to the door when I hear a loud thud and a blood-curdling scream. I spin around immediately and see a group of people gathered in the centre of the room. I release Tommy's hand and run towards the crowd to see what's going on.

I push my way to the front of the gathered group. My heart sinks and I rush forward as I realize that Sadie was source of the scream. In fact, she's still screaming. And I feel my heart beating out of my chest as my brain begins to process why she's screaming. I fall to my knees beside her as we both frantically try to rouse my father, who is lying unconscious on the ground.


	35. Chapter Thirty Four

Chapter Thirty-Four:

I lean over dad's face, listening for a breath, for any sign of life. I reach down to his wrist, feeling for a pulse. I hear Tommy's voice from behind me, calling the paramedics. At least someone is thinking clearly.

I can feel my heart beating out of my chest. And the only thought that keeps running through my mind is that this could be it.

I'm not ready.

This can't be it.

I feel a weak pulse on dad's wrist and hear a very faint breath. I grab his hand tightly in mine, leaning close to his ear. "Daddy, it's Jude. I'm here. Sadie and I are both right here. Just hold on. Help is on it's way." My voice is frantic, subconsciously releasing the panic I'm trying not to expose. A few of my tears fall on his face and I wipe them away, feeling his clammy skin under mine.

My eyes lock with Sadie's tear-stained ones; I can tell she thinks this is what we've feared all along.

But it can't be.

He's supposed to have another two months.

In the distant night I hear the sirens coming closer.

Help.

Salvation.

Please let it be in time.

I feel Tommy's strong arms pulling me up and away as the paramedics begin to surround Dad.

His arms envelope me, sliding across my chest and around my shoulders, pulling me back against his body.

I feel my breath coming quicker, forcing out shallow breaths as I watch the paramedics load my dad onto a stretcher. I'm becoming hysterical, having some kind of delayed reaction to what has just occurred in front of my eyes.

"Shhh…" Tommy soothes, and his grip becomes even tighter. His body is warm and his heartbeat is steady. And as I spin in his arms, I see comfort, worry and love shining in his eyes. He's everything I need right now.

The paramedics steer the stretcher out of the room towards the ambulance and I begin to move in that direction. He can't be alone. In case the worst happens, I'm not going to let him die alone. "I've got to go with him."

Tommy nods, linking his hand with mine and leading me towards the door. Sadie follows close behind and she jumps into the ambulance ahead of me.

"I'll meet you at the hospital, as soon as I can get there," Tommy whispers, kissing me softly before helping me step up into the ambulance. I squeeze his hand, taking every bit of support I can from his touch before reluctantly letting go. The ambulance doors close but I can still see his sad eyes watching, praying for my sake that everything will be okay. My vision focuses on him as the ambulance drives away. He's standing in the middle of the road staring at the ambulance; even as we get far down the street, I can still see his figure, small in the distance.

When I can no longer see him, I turn to look around the cramped ambulance. Sadie is sitting near my dad's head, talking to his still unconscious body. I look on, just staring in disbelief. Only ten minutes ago, he was happy. And now… I don't even want to think about it.

The ambulance worker glances at me, smiling sympathetically. I'm sure he's seen this kind of thing all the time. Life being given and taken.

Luckily the hospital is close; when we get to the emergency room, the doctors take dad right in to the exam room. Sadie and I wait powerlessly outside the room, praying for good news.

Only ten minutes later a friendly looking doctor, a young, dark-haired male with kind eyes, comes out.

"Are you Mr. Harrison's family?"

We both nod frantically. "I'm pleased to tell you that he's doing a little better now. He just overdid it; he's dehydrated and tired. Patients in his condition have to be more careful, okay?"

"Has his tumour gotten worse?" I ask, needing to know if there have been any major changes in his condition. After tonight, I need to know how long we've really got.

"We're going to run a few more tests to check on his condition. I'll let you know as soon as I know anything. You can go in one at a time to see him if you like."

"Thank you, Doctor," Sadie says, and the doctor nods before walking off towards his other patients.

"You go in," I offer, needing to collect myself before I see him. She wordlessly nods before proceeding into his room.

I take a deep breath, pacing outside the room. I can't breathe. I feel like I'm suffocating in my own skin. This was way too close. What if had been for real? What's going to happen in only a few short months when it happens, when he actually dies?

I rush out the large emergency room doors into the chilly night. The onslaught of cold air feels nice. I sit down at one of the rod iron patio tables, used by patients during the day when they want to get some air.

I'm sitting for a few minutes, not really paying attention to anything at all, when I hear footsteps approaching. My head turns towards the source of the noise, and I notice Tommy approaching.

"Hey." He smiles faintly, and sits beside me. "Baby, you're freezing," he says worriedly before taking off his suit jacket and placing it around my shoulders. He grabs my hands between his and begins trying to warm them with his own.

I turn my head towards him, surprised. "Really? I can't feel anything." I lean my head on his shoulder, closing my eyes for a few brief seconds.

"I went in and Sadie was looking for you. Your dad's awake. He was asking for you," Tommy states, brushing one hand absently through my hair.

"I need to see him. I just… I wanted a minute to breathe first." I linger against Tommy's body for another minute before pushing myself away and standing up.

Tommy follows suit, getting up and taking my hand. We walk the few feet back into the hospital and I immediately feel the boiling stuffiness and smell the awful scent that is characteristic of hospitals. I really hate hospitals.

We walk towards dad's room in the emergency room. Sadie and Kwest are standing outside talking, but Sadie breaks away from the conversation when she sees me coming. "Hey. I was worried when you disappeared. Are you alright?" She asks, putting a supportive hand on my shoulder.

"I'll be fine. I just needed some air. I'm going to go in." I walk away from three sets of eyes, all of which seem to be watching me carefully like they're afraid I'm going to break.

I push the door open and Dad's eyes open immediately, anticipating my appearance.

"Jude, honey," he whispers, as I sit in the chair by the bed.

"Hey Daddy." I lean over and kiss his cheek lightly. "How are you feeling?"

"Tired. But I'm not worried about me. Honey, I'm sorry if I scared you."

"Dad—"

"No, I can see it in your eyes. You're petrified. I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I love you so much, Jude, and I just wish this wasn't hurting you the way it is." His voice is weak. I hate seeming him so vulnerable. He's my dad; he's supposed to be strong and invincible.

I squeeze my eyes tightly, trying to hold in the threatening tears. There just doesn't seem to be an end to my supply of tears these days. "Dad, of course I'm sad. You're my dad. You were the first person who loved me and accepted me for who I am. You never once wanted to change me."

He smiles widely, his eyes glistening. "Why would I want to change perfection?" I laugh at his corny joke, tears mixing with my laughter. The tears win out, however, and even when I'm done laughing I'm still crying helplessly.

"Come here, sweetie," he says, pulling me into a hug, tucking my head under his chin. He rubs my back as I cry in front of him, the one thing I didn't want to do. I feel so selfish letting him comfort me when he's the one going through this.

I sit up, trying to pull myself together. "I'm okay. It was just a really emotional night, overall."

I can tell he's trying to hold his eyes open for me, trying to be strong in my presence. "Dad, you need your rest. We'll all be outside, okay?"

"No, Jude. You all need to go home. The doctor said I'll be in the hospital until tomorrow, so you just go get some rest and I'll see you then." He's using his forceful voice, the one he knows I'll obey.

I smile, squeezing his hand. "Alright. I'll see you tomorrow. I love you, Daddy," I whisper, standing and pecking his cheek lightly before striding out of the room.

Sadie, Kwest and Tommy are no longer standing outside the room, but I spot them down the hall sitting in some chairs in one of the smaller waiting rooms. I walk towards them, collapsing in one of the chairs. "He's sleeping. He said we should all go home. But I don't know…"

"He told me that too. Jude, he's still dad and he's still looking out for us. And he can probably see how tired and restless you look. He'll be okay; the doctors gave him some medication so he'll likely just sleep through until tomorrow anyway," Sadie says. "I talked to the doctor and they're going to put him on some IV fluids tonight to help his dehydration but he should be ready to be released tomorrow."

I know Sadie's right but I still don't like the idea of leaving him here all alone. Tommy gets up from his chair and makes his way over to stand in front of me. "It's been a long night. Let's go home, get some rest." He coaxes me up, pulling me into a standing position and directly into his arms.

I close my eyes, happy to be enclosed in his embrace, happy to think of something else than my father's impending death. And standing there, suddenly a thought occurs to me.

"Actually," I say, pulling away, "I'm more curious what you wanted to say earlier."

He smirks, leaning down to whisper in my ear, "I'll tell you when we get home."

I nod in agreement and turn towards Sadie. "Alright. We'll come back tomorrow."

All four of us head towards the exit and wave a tired goodbye before heading towards our separate cars. Tommy helps me into the Viper, jogging around to get in the driver's side.

"Can you put the top down? I need to feel the air," I request and he does as I ask without question.

I close my eyes, leaning my head back on the headrest. The freedom of the open air feels amazing. I luxuriate in this feeling until, at one of the stop lights, I sense Tommy turn his head towards me. I open my eyes, feeling his eyes on me. "Are you alright? I know that was one hell of a night." His eyes are filled with concern.

"I'm okay. I mean, it just made me start to think… about…." My voice begins to crack helplessly, "about… when it really happens." I clear my throat, trying to push the thought out of my mind. "But he's okay." Tommy smiles caringly and reaches his hand to grasp mine. Our hands remain intertwined until the light turns green and he has to use his to change gears.

The rest of the short ride is spent in silence, my mind reliving the events of the night. So much good came out of it, with Tommy and me revealing our relationship and my dad seeing all his old friends again; and the party really was fun. But his fall seems to have overshadowed all of that. I can't let it. I have to focus on the good. Tommy's here with me. And Dad's alive. What more can I ask for?

I feel myself beginning to calm a little as we reach the apartment. And as I calm, my curiosity returns regarding what Tommy wants to talk about. Both times it was brought, when he mentioned it originally and when I asked about it at the hospital, his face took on a curious expression, one of love and anxiety and anticipation all mixed in one.

We get out of the Viper and he takes my hand subconsciously as we make our way to the apartment building. I smile at the small public gesture, relieved and happy that it doesn't matter anymore if any one sees.

On the ride up in the elevator Tommy seems nervous. Actually, every minute we get closer to the apartment, he face looks a bit more anxious. What is going on with him?

When we reach the apartment, I immediately begin to head towards my room to get this dress off. He puts a restraining hand on my arm, silently motioning towards the couch. Okay, now he looks like he's going to be sick.

I humour him, sitting down as requested. I slide his jacket off my shoulders and lay it on the arm of the couch.

"Tommy, what's wrong?" I ask as he begins to pace in front of me. He finally takes a seat beside me. He takes my hands gently in his, and his eyes lock on mine. There's that curious look again.

"There's something important I need to talk to you about," he says squeezing my hands. "See, this week I've been talking to your dad quite a bit, mostly about us. Our future."

"Okay…" I ask, still confused as to where he's going with this.

"I know you're only seventeen, and there's no way you're ready yet. But I wanted to ask him before it was too late," Tommy rambles, pausing to breathe. He bows his head nervously for a moment before returning his gaze to my eyes. "I wanted to get his permission to ask you to marry me one day."

I feel my eyes widen and my jaw drop. Did Tommy just say he wanted to marry me?

He begins talking again, quickly, nervously. "I don't want to scare you, I just… I know how important your dad is. So I wanted to ask him now, to make sure that one day, when you're ready, that he would be approving of us getting married. And, amazingly enough, he is." He pulls out a small, red velvet box out of his pocket. "We even talked about rings. I wanted him to be a part of this. And this was the only way I could think of to include him." He's talking so quickly and looks so anxious; it's actually really cute. "But Jude, please don't think I'm pushing you or—"

I cut him off, pressing my forefinger to his soft lips. "Tommy," I interject, silencing him. I can't help but smile. Actually, I'm guessing that there's a big goofy grin on my face right now. "Ask me now, Tommy. I'm ready. Now."


	36. Chapter Thirty Five

A/N: I just wanted to send a big thank-you out to all you who are reading and reviewing! I'm sorry I haven't done this earlier but I just wanted to let you all know how much I appreciate your feedback and your interest in this story:) Thank you all so much.

I hope you enjoy the next chapter. :)

* * *

Chapter Thirty- Five:

Complete shock. That's the only way to describe the look on Quincy's face right now. I have to admit, it's kind of nice to be the one to surprise him for a change.

But mixed with the bafflement, I can see his doubt creeping in. "Jude..." he begins hesitantly, his eyes locked on mine, "you're seventeen. Do you really think you're ready for this?"

I pause, thinking. It's amazing how quickly the answer to that question has changed. "Honestly, if you had asked me even six months ago, my answer might be different. But now, I know I'm ready. Because if there's one thing I'm learning from dad's illness, it's that life is precious. It's the same reason I wanted our relationship to finally be out in the open. I'm tired of hiding from people. I don't want to waste time. I just want to do what's going to make me happy."

He still looks nervous, tentative. Then a thought suddenly hits me. What if it's him who's not ready yet? "You don't want to ask me now, do you?" I ask, feeling the embarrassment creeping into my cheeks. I stand up immediately and begin to flee down the hall. But before I can go very far, he grabs my arm to restrain me and he pulls me back to him. He tilts my chin up, forcing me to look into his piercing blue eyes. Eyes that are filled with love, not doubt. "It's definitely not that. Don't ever think that. Jude, I would marry you any day, anywhere. But I want us to get married for the right reasons. You've been through a lot and I don't want you rushing into something you're not ready for. Because regardless of a marriage license or not, I'll always be here." He smiles warmly, pulling me into a comforting hug.

I retreat back, needing to look into his eyes. I'm still absolutely sure that marriage to Tommy is exactly what I want. "Tommy, I want you to ask me. It's what I want; it's what I need."

He smirks and tilts his head to the side slightly, like he always does when he's pondering something really important. I can tell his mind is working, deciding what he wants to do. "Well, in that case," he says, releasing my hands and dropping to one knee in front of me.

Oh God. I didn't think he'd actually do the whole "down on one knee thing".

I have to hold in a major fit of giggles. And I'm not exactly the giggly type. Tommy notices my expression immediately.

"What??" he asks, rolling his eyes at me in mock annoyance. "I want to do this right," he clarifies, remaining on one knee.

He clears his throat, balancing the ring box nervously between his two hands. But when he begins to speak, I notice immediately that his voice is smooth and confident; any sign of nervousness is gone. "Jude, you know we've had a crazy ride over the past year and a half. I don't think anyone would have expected that when you walked into G-Major with your stubborn attitude and disgust for Boyz Attack that you and I would ever get to this point. I know I certainly didn't expect it. " He shoots me his characteristic smirk and I feel the tears starting to form behind my eyes. "But what has developed between us is something I could never explain. It's been truly amazing, and the only thing I would change is the many times I've unintentionally hurt you." I see pain flash across his eyes as he acknowledges this. "Knowing you, and then being with you has changed my life in ways I could never repay, and I hope that you'll allow me to be your husband so I can try and be everything to you that you've been to me." His eyes are glassy with unshed tears and I can tell he's trying to make it through his proposal without shedding any. "I love you, Jude Harrison, and I'm praying with everything in me that you'll marry me."

I can't believe he just said all that. Tommy Quincy isn't known for being the most talkative person. And, yet, he just proposed to me with the most romantic, heartfelt speech I have ever heard. I feel my knees actually quivering underneath me. I wipe the tears from my cheeks that have spilled from my eyes.

When I finally realize that Tommy is staring at me expectantly, I pull him quickly to his feet and launch myself roughly into his arms. He begins to laugh, his arms slipping around me. "Is that a yes?" he asks, whispering softly in my ear.

I draw my head back to look into his eyes. I feel like I have a smile permanently stuck on my face. "Yes. That is most definitely a yes." As his arms tighten around my back, I feel the ring box he's holding digging into my skin.

I laugh helplessly at what he's forgotten, and he leans his head back in confusion. "I think you've failed to remember an important part of this whole process," I point out.

His brow is still furrowed in puzzlement. "The box in your hand," I say, giving him a hint.

He smiles, releasing me from his arms. He opens the box, looking at it himself for a second, before spinning the box so I can look at it. It's stunning. It's honestly the prettiest ring I've ever seen. My eyes are immediately drawn to the diamond, which is clearly shaped like a heart.

"Your dad and I took one look at this one and both thought it would be perfect for you," Tommy takes the ring out of it's place in the box, lightly taking my left hand in his so he can slide the ring on.

He pauses before placing it on my finger. "Are you sure about this? Because once this ring goes on, it's never coming off," he jokes. But there is also a sense of grave seriousness in his question.

I stare deeply into his eyes, trying to reflect all the certainty I feel inside. "I'm sure."

He smiles, sliding the ring all the way down my ring finger. He holds my hand for a minute longer, just looking at the ring at its rightful place on my finger.

"Thank you, Tommy," I say, my heart swelling with happiness. "At a time when my world seems like it's falling apart, you know exactly what to do to put it all back together again."

He sits down on the couch, pulling me with him to sit on his lap.

"You know, I really do love this dress," he declares suddenly, his voice low and raspy. I'd certainly say so; I laugh, remembering the day he almost ripped it off of me in the clothing store. His hand begins to travel up my thigh, caressing the skin just underneath the hem of my dress.

I lean my head back, enjoying his touch teasing my skin into arousal. He unzips the dress, slipping the straps off my shoulders, the bodice falling to my waist as he begins to kiss my exposed back lightly. It feels so good. Like sinfully good. I never want him to stop. Ever.

He spins me on his lap so that I'm straddling him, and he attacks my lips with his. His tongue runs along my bottom lip teasingly before demanding entrance to my mouth.

Without looking I begin to unbutton his shirt, sliding it off his shoulders and tossing it to the floor. His hands are running up and down my thighs, almost reaching my core before pulling back. I can feel my skin getting hotter by the second. I need him, in so many ways.

He must feel the urgency too because he suddenly slides my dress off all the way, along with my underwear, and rids himself of the rest of his clothing before lowering me to the couch. He joins me, pressing me into the couch with his weight.

He kisses my shoulder, my collarbone, tracing a path back up to my lips as his hands trace a different path up from my thighs towards my core.

I can barely stand it, feeling my body contract subconsciously from his caresses. My hands dig roughly into his back as he finally enters me quickly. The sweat builds on our bodies rapidly as we find our steady rhythm. Sex with Tommy has always been amazing; but this time there's something about it, something wonderful that I can't quite describe. Something proprietary, some confident sense of belonging and ownership in each touch and embrace. It's like there's finally no doubt in his mind that I'm really his.

I can't help but moan his name loudly as I feel myself reaching a climax; within seconds, Tommy's body finds its own release and collapses on to mine. He lays his head on my chest as we both try to catch our breath.

"That was quite an engagement present," I joke, and I feel his body shake with laughter.

"Well, wait until you're Mrs. Quincy. There's certainly more where that came from." I can see a small smile forming on his tired face. The thought of us being married, it's almost too good to be true.

A few minutes later, our bodies cooling and our breath evening out, Tommy lifts his tired head to look into my eyes. "You can't be very comfortable with me crushing you like this," he says. Despite my assertions that I'm fine, he begins to manoeuvre our bodies so that he is underneath me. This, however, somehow ends in us tumbling off the couch onto the floor.

"Well, that didn't quite work out how I planned it." I can't help but laugh at the surprised look on his face. He's smirking happily as he pulls a blanket over us. "But it works all the same."

It's so comfortable, so peaceful just lying like this with him. It almost makes me think for a minute that everything is okay with the world, that I didn't come too close to losing my dad tonight. Because when I feel like this it doesn't seem like anything could possibly be wrong. I close my eyes, savouring a moment of peace within the surrounding chaos of my life.

He's brushing his hand absently through my hair as he begins to speak. "Not that I'm not overjoyed that you said yes, but you do realize this is going to make things even more difficult for you. I mean, Darius is going to find out that we're together and we're engaged all within 24 hours. I'm not sure that man's heart can take all that," Tommy quips. "And whether we care or not, a lot of people are going to be bothered that you're 17 and engaged to a 24 year old."

"How about married to a 24 year old?" I ask, an interesting thought entering my brain.

Tommy's hand stops moving in my hair, and he raises his eyebrows questioningly. I answer his look, asking, "What if we got married soon, while dad's still alive?"

Tommy laughs. "You really don't want to waste any time, do you? Look, you know you won't get any argument from me. I'd marry you tomorrow, but it's actually not that easy. We'll have to get your dad's permission if we want to get married before you're eighteen."

"You don't think he'll give his permission?" I ask, playing with the ring, which still feels new on my finger.

"Honestly, I don't know. I mean, he knows we're going to get married at some point. I don't think he'll expect it to be this soon."

I turn my body even further towards his, resting my head on his naked chest. "I want to marry you so quickly for my own reasons. Because I love you. And I don't want to wait while my life passes by before I grab a hold of the things that are most important. But... and this may sound weird, but... I also want to prove to my dad that he has nothing to worry about. That even when he's gone I'll be loved and cared for."

Tommy brushes his hand down the side of my face. "Well, all we can do is talk to him about it."

"But you're okay with getting married this soon? I know it's a bit... sudden." I look into his eyes, searching for the truth. I certainly don't want to push Tommy into something he's not prepared for.

Tommy's eyes are smouldering with passion as he runs his hand down my arm, leaving my skin burning underneath his touch. "Girl, I'd marry you right now, in this living room if I could."

"Quincy, really… I didn't know you were such an exhibitionist," I say, laughing lightly.

Tommy rolls his eyes. "Ha. Ha. Okay. I'll correct that. I'd marry you right now, in this living room. As long as we were wearing some clothing."

"That's more like it. With your jealous streak, I didn't think you'd like the idea of all our guests seeing me naked," I joke, but he doesn't protest. He knows just as well as I do that it's the truth.

"You know," he begins, his voice taking on a more sober tone, "in the interest of being prepared for everything that we may be dealing with, the last few times we… well, we haven't exactly been 'careful'."

I feel completely stupid and naive admitting this but, with everything going on, I haven't even thought about this. I could be pregnant. Even tonight, with what just happened between us, we could have made a baby.

"And how would you feel about... a baby?" I ask, honestly unsure of how I feel about it myself.

"I want kids. That said, I'm not completely sure we're ready for a baby yet. But if it happens, well... let's just wait and see what happens..." he says, smirking. And as I watch him try and hide his smirk, I have the sudden feeling that Quincy would be more than happy if we have made a baby.

We lounge for a while longer, joking and lingering in the delight of being together before we both drift off into a peaceful slumber, his arms locked tightly around me.

* * *

I wake to the blissful smell of dark roast coffee. And as I open my heavy eyes, I see Tommy, fully dressed in jeans and a long sleeve shirt, in the kitchen making breakfast. I remain in my position on the floor for a few minutes longer before my desire for coffee wins out. 

I notice his dress shirt from last night still on the floor where I threw it. I reach for it, slipping it on and buttoning a few of the buttons before standing up and dragging myself into the kitchen in pursuit of that wonderful smelling coffee.

"Good morning," he says, kissing my cheek quickly and handing me a full cup of coffee.

What morning is ever good? I mean, after last night, this is definitely one of the better ones. But mornings are just not synonymous with 'good'. Ever.

I nod in response, unable to form coherent words when I first wake up.

I feel almost instantly recovered as the caffeine begins to take effect. "Feeling better?" Tommy asks, an amused look on his face. He's always been amazed at the sudden impact coffee has on me.

"Much," I answer, smiling and taking another sip.

"So... since we're not hiding any more, who do you want to deal with first today? Your dad or Darius."

"Hmm..." I say, mentally weighing the options. "Asking Dad for permission to get married within the next month or facing Darius who's likely going to want to kill us both. Or kiss us depending on the effect our relationship is having on business. That's a tough call."

"I didn't say either one was going to be easy," Quincy said, sipping his own coffee.

"Let's go see my dad first. And if he gives his permission, we'll have more information for Darius."

"Alright," he says, handing me a full plate of eggs, bacon and toast.

He knows I don't usually eat much breakfast. I take the plate, shooting him a puzzled look.

"Trust me. You're going to need the sustenance for the hell of a day we've got ahead of us," he jokes, making his way to the table with his own plate of food.

Oh dear. As I laugh, I can't help but wonder what the hell I've gotten myself into. Well, at least Quincy's in it as deeply as I am.


	37. Chapter Thirty Six

Chapter Thirty-Six:

Click. Click.

The clicking of the cameras becomes frantic as Tommy and I exit the apartment building. Suddenly there's an excessive amount of noise and the paparazzi begins swarming around us and yelling things I can't understand. I look up to see Tommy's lips moving, trying to say something to me, but I can't hear him even though he's standing right beside me.

With everything that happened last night with Dad, and then Tommy proposing, I actually forgot for a moment that I had exposed my relationship with Tommy. But now it's glaringly obvious that everyone knows. And wants proof in the form of pictures.

Tommy grabs my hand tightly and almost drags me through the crowd of photographers. I bow my head, blindly following. Well, it's not like I can see anyway considering all the flashing bulbs that are going off in front of my face. And then there's the flurry of questions being thrown at us. _How long have we been together? Are we living together?_

I, as subtly as possible, pull the sleeve of my sweater down to cover the ring. That's the last thing the press needs to see right now.

Tommy draws behind his body as we walk, trying as best as he can to protect me from the pictures and the questions. When we finally reach the Viper, the press are still surrounding us. Tommy pushes me as gently as he can into the car.

The photographers take the chance to shoot some pictures of me sitting in the passenger seat of Tommy's Viper. I keep my head bowed, avoiding looking into the overwhelming flashes. Tommy pushes his way through the crowd around to his side and roughly pulls his door open and jumps in. He looks frustrated and more than a little annoyed.

"Great… just great," he mutters as he tries to back out of the parking spot without running over anyone.

"Well, that was… interesting," I say, glancing at him as he manoeuvres his way out of the parking lot.

"They're just pests. Believe me, I know. Though I must say, I haven't been that hunted since Boyz Attack."

I've never really had an issue with the photographers. Although I have fairly good success in Canada, the paparazzi generally leave me alone. But I guess a story about both Tommy and I, especially one of romantic intrigue, is just too good to pass up.

"How do they even know you live here?" It really is curious to me how the paparazzi acquire all their insider knowledge.

Tommy carefully, but quickly, turns onto a few side streets to lose a few photographers who had jumped in their cars and begun to follow us. "I don't know. Could be a reporter followed me home one time or even spotted us last night. Don't worry," he says reaching over and squeezing my hand. "They're just vultures dying for a picture, a piece of exciting gossip. And the fact is that if it's not exciting enough, they're just going to make up whatever they want anyway."

I nod as I turn to glance out the window, my thoughts beginning to stray from the possible plots of the paparazzi. My mind has already begun to move on to worrying about the conversation we're about to have with my father.

* * *

We walk tentatively towards my father's hospital room. I keep glancing at Tommy, trying to read his expression. He looks a little frightened, but that's pretty understandable. Especially considering we have to face Darius after this.

As I grab Tommy's hand firmly in mine and begin to pull him into Dad's room, we almost bump into Dad's doctor who's on his way out. He shoots us a sympathetic look and I feel my body tense immediately. Getting looks like that from doctors is typically not a good sign.

I rush into Dad's room, expecting an awful scene. Instead, he's sitting watching sports on television and peacefully eating his breakfast.

"What's going on?" I ask, panic still running through my veins.

"Nothing," he answers immediately, a puzzled look on his face. "Really, nothing's wrong," he adds when he can see I'm completely unconvinced.

"Dad, the doctor didn't look too happy when he left," I prod, a bad feeling lingering in my chest.

"I'm fine," he says, reaching forward and grabbing my hand. "Now, what are you two doing here so early? I don't get released until this afternoon."

Although I realize my dad has just succeeded in blatantly changing the subject, I decide to let it go. For now, anyway.

I glance towards Tommy who gives me a small, encouraging nod and takes my other hand firmly in one of his, weaving our fingers together.

I clear my throat nervously. "Well, we have something we need to talk to you about. Tommy… well, he asked me to marry him. And I was hoping that you would agree to allow us to get married while you are still alive," I say, blurting out everything at once.

My dad stares at Tommy and then me, a shocked expression glued on his face. His grip on my hand slackens and his hand slips back to the bed. It's only then that he glances down at my hand, staring right at the engagement ring that he helped to pick out.

He's silent for a few minutes, which feels more like hours. He continues staring at us, completely shocked and speechless. "Jude…" he finally says, "don't you think this is all a bit… rushed? I mean, I know you and Tommy are going to get married at some point. But I honestly didn't think that would be for quite some time. For God's sake, Jude, you're seventeen years old!!" His voice has continually gotten louder as he's been speaking, reaching it's culmination as he finished speaking those last few words.

I knew I'd have a bit of a fight on my hands with this. I take a deep breath and sit on the edge of the bed before replying. "Look, Dad, I love Tommy. I want to marry him. And dealing with your illness this past month has shown me that life truly is short. And I know people won't like it. But I'm not going to wait around until people think I'm the proper age to do what I want to do now. Besides, I know you, Dad. You're going to worry about me unless you know I'm taken care of."

Dad still looks worried and unsure. "Jude, as much as I always wanted to see you and your sister both get married, I want you to get married when the time is right for you. Not because you think time is running out on my life. It's a huge, life-changing decision. My marriage to your mother should show you that marriage is tough and it is anything but a fairytale. I actually already talked to Sadie and Kwest about this. They talked to me about speeding things up and get married for my sake, and I told them absolutely not. I don't want anyone to make a rash decision like that just to make me happy."

I will not relent. Nobody understands what I'm feeling right now. I want to marry Tommy. I want to make that permanent commitment to him. And I don't understand why I should have to wait. "Dad, I want to get married. I love him, I love being with him. I don't want to waste any more time with him just because of a number. A number that doesn't mean anything."

My dad is clearly hesitant but I can see him slowly caving in. "Stuart, I know this seems really hasty but I want you to know that I love Jude. And I will take care of her always, that I assure you," Tommy says, squeezing my hand.

Dad doesn't look completely convinced by either of us and he stays silent for a minute, thinking. Finally he opens his mouth to speak. "I'm not going to say that I'm sure that this is the right thing for either of you right now. But Jude, you're almost eighteen and I'm not going to hold you back from doing this. But I want you to think about it. And if this is really what you want, then I will grant you my permission."

I release a breath I've been holding since the moment I walked in the hospital room. "Thank you, Daddy." I throw myself into his arms, hugging him tightly.

I don't need to think.

I need Tommy.

I need to be married to him.

I need to prove that our love is permanent and lasting, unlike everything else in my world right now.

* * *

By the time we leave the hospital, Dad is a little happier, buoyed by the fact that he'll get to be at my wedding. His reservations are obvious and understandable, and I'm just glad he seems to be coming around to the idea a little more.

As we jump into the Viper and head to G-Major to talk to Darius, we're both silent and I can almost hear Tommy's worried thoughts. Darius isn't going to like this. Of that I can be sure.

The drive to G-Major is too short and as Tommy parks the car, we both sit for a moment. I glance towards Tommy, who smiles reassuringly although I can see his own worry in his eyes.

It's time to get this over with. I slip out of the car slowly and intertwine my fingers with Tommy's as we walk towards the building. As we walk in the front entrance, Darius literally meets us at the door.

"I figured you two would be stopping by. In my office. Now," Darius says sternly, heading for his office before he have any time to respond.

I can see the nervousness on Tommy's face as he leads me into Darius's office. In some ways this is even worse than facing my dad. My dad is a calm, rational man, most of the time anyway. The same can not be said for Darius Mills.

We settle into our chairs in front of Darius's desk and I release my hand from Tommy's. Seeing a public display of our affection will only make Darius angrier.

"When exactly were you two planning on telling me about this new development in your relationship?" His voice is stern and the anger is almost palpable.

"Well, I guess we were just waiting until we knew that it was going to work out," Tommy answers before I can say anything.

"Well, lucky for you two the press loves this story. And so do your fans. I'm hearing reports that your record sales have gone up, Jude." A fraction of a smile spreads across his still angry face.

"There's more you need to know," I begin, needing everything to be out in the open. "We're getting married. Very soon."

Darius's eyes widen and his head tips back in disbelief. It takes him a minute to recover from the shock. Then, unexpectedly, he begins to laugh. "Now, I know this has got to be a joke," he says, still chuckling loudly.

Oh God. He thinks we're kidding with him. I see Tommy's panicked expression out of the corner of my eye.

"Actually, I'm not kidding," I say, holding up my hand to show my engagement ring.

His expression sobers immediately. "Are you two crazy?" he yells, standing up behind his desk. He turns his head towards me. "Jude, I need to talk to T alone for a minute." He's dismissing me. I just dropped the bomb of a lifetime and he's actually dismissing me from the conversation.

I turn my head towards Tommy and he nods reassuringly. I stand up and hesitantly make my way out of the office. I close the door behind myself, but stand right outside the door so if I strain to listen I'm still able to hear everything.

"T, tell me you're not going to marry a seventeen year old girl. Just tell me you wouldn't do something so stupid." Darius's voice is seething, and even though I can't see him I can only imagine that he's probably close to having steam come out of his ears.

"Look, D, I don't expect you to understand, especially with everything that went down with Portia. But I love Jude."

"T, you're 24!! You might be ready for this, but do you really think she is? Especially with everything she's going through right now." The argument is getting pretty heated. I don't even have to try to listen anymore. Their voices are carrying so that every one in the lobby is looking towards the closed door curiously.

"It's what she wants. And who am I who to deny her anything, especially now?"

"Maybe because you're the adult, the one who should know that this is a train wreck in the making!!"

I feel my ire rise. A train wreck?

As the voices in Darius's office lower, I'm forced to stop listening as I see Sadie come into the reception area. I make my way over to her as she notices me and begins to walk towards me to.

"Just the person I was looking for," she says. "Kwest and I stopped by the hospital a few minutes ago and dad was ready to be released. I just wanted to let you know that we took him back to his apartment." As she's talking, I'm only half listening as my attention keeps being drawn back to Darius's office, even though I can no longer hear more than a murmur.

"Earth to Jude!" Sadie yells, calling my attention back towards her. She looks at me puzzled. "What's going on with you?"

"Darius and Tommy are in there fighting." I motion towards the office.

"What about?"

I glance down at my ring.

Fuck.

I haven't told Sadie yet.

I feel the blood draining out of my face. "About the fact that Tommy and I are getting married," I blurt out, raising my hand in front of me.

Her jaw visibly drops in shock. Well, at least I'm getting all the difficult confrontations over within a matter of a few hours.

"You've got to be kidding me," Sadie declares loudly. "There's no way in hell either of you are ready for that."

"Look, I knew you wouldn't like it. But it's happening," I say, beginning to feel my defences rising. "I'm sick of justifying it to people. I want to marry him and I'm doing it."

She grabs my shoulders, begging me to listen to her. "Jude, I love you and you know I only want what's best for you. Do you really think rushing into marriage is what's best for you? Marrying Tommy isn't going to change the fact that Dad's dying. And it's not going to take away the emptiness when he does. Believe me, it has crossed my mind more than a few times that I should marry Kwest. Hang on to what's in front of me. But that's not the reason to get married. Don't do this to try and fill a void or fix the sorrow you're feeling. Marriage isn't a quick fix. It's a life long commitment."

"I know that. And I want to commit to Tommy. I'm sorry if you don't understand that," I say, more determined than ever.

The door to Darius's office suddenly bursts open and Tommy charges out, his face flushed and clearly upset.

"Let's go," he growls, grabbing my hand and pulling me roughly towards the front door. I wave hastily at Sadie and yell that I'll call her later.

I turn my attention back to Tommy, who's almost running towards the Viper.

"Stop!!" I yell, tugging on his hand to make him stop.

"I just need to drive, to get out of here. Please," he pleads. His eyes are dark and full of turmoil. I can see the desperation in them to escape whatever happened after I stopped listening to his and Darius's conversation.

"Okay." I concede, "But we need to talk about what just happened."

Tommy nods and we both turn to slide in the Viper.

He drives almost double the speed limit, winding through the country roads for over an hour in complete silence. I open my mouth a few times to try and say something, but every time I catch a glance at the conflicted, focused look on Tommy's face I stop.

Finally Tommy parks the car in front of a small cottage. He gets out of the car, and I follow suit, trailing behind him as he begins to walk towards the entrance of the quaint, thatched building.

He pulls out his keys and opens the door, motioning for me to enter ahead of him. I walk into the cottage, taken aback by the cosiness and warmth pervading the small space. I walk into the living room, which held a large inviting fireplace. I sit on the couch waiting for Tommy, who has followed me into the room, to relax enough to talk to me. I can almost see the tension pulsing through his whole body.

"What is this place?" I ask quietly, hesitantly breaking the silence.

He turns his head towards me. "It's my cottage. I bought it right after I joined Boyz Attack knowing I'd need a place I could find some peace. Away from the Boyz Attack madness. Away from everything."

I swallow roughly, knowing I'm about to ask a question he might not want to answer. "So, what you are you trying to get away from this time?"

He stays silent for a minute, averting his eyes from mine to look out the window at the blazing sun. I'm sure he's not going to answer when I hear his voice, low and rough, beginning to fill the silence. "Darius just said a few things that I didn't want to hear."

"About what?"

"Us," he says quietly, so gently that I almost don't hear him. He keeps his eyes averted, still staring outside.

What? What could he have possible said about us to shake Tommy like this?

"What did he say?"

"It doesn't matter," Tommy says, brushing it off. But as he turns around and begins to quickly approach the couch, I see desperation flash across his face. "Just tell me this is really what you want. That you're really ready for all of it." His eyes are shining with nervousness and uncertainty as he sits closely beside me.

I can't believe he doesn't know by now that he's my world. He is everything to me. I grab his hands, massaging his palms with my thumbs. "Of course it's what I want. You know that. And I don't care who doesn't like it. Darius, Sadie. They don't know how we feel. Or how much I need you." I pause to examine his eyes, which are still full of uncertainty. "What's with the sudden doubt? What did Darius say?"

He sighs loudly before saying, "Don't worry about it. It's not important." Without allowing me to say anything else, he pulls me into a hug, and I feel his arms tighten like a vice around me. And as I ponder what Darius could have said to affect him so deeply, it hits me suddenly that maybe I'm not the only one completely invested in what's going on between us.


	38. Chapter Thirty Seven

Chapter Thirty-Seven:

I open my eyes, not recognizing the unfamiliar surroundings. Then I remember where I am. I'm at Dad's apartment, sleeping in the guest room. I glance at the clock and see that it's just after 10:00 am. But it's the day that's more important.

It's my wedding day. I'm seventeen years old and in about 4 hours, I'm going to be a married woman.

But am I really even considered a woman yet? I shove the thought aside as I move into a sitting position.

It's been a week since we broke the news to everyone and, although no one is jumping up and down about the idea, most everyone has calmed down about it. Well, except Darius who I haven't even seen. Although I hear from Jamie that he's still fuming. Tommy has refused to go near the studio all week, although he still won't say what happened between him and Darius. Every time I ask he just brushes it off and distracts me with something else. Like the ridiculously quick planning of our wedding.

Did I mention that it's today? I can feel my heart racing already.

With Sadie's reluctant help we've managed to pull everything together over the past week. All that's left is the actual ceremony. Which is in 3 hours and 58 minutes.

Wow.

Dad has seemed so healthy this week and has been actively involved in every step of planning that I've actually found myself forgetting that he's sick. But every time I forget, the truth crashes down on me yet again.

I need to keep myself focused on the happy time ahead. I'm getting married and my dad will be there to see it.

The wedding is going to be low key, which is what both Tommy and I want anyway. At my request we're going to hold the ceremony at Tommy's cottage, the beautiful house I saw for the first time last week. I loved the energy and atmosphere when I was up there and Tommy seemed to agree that it was a good idea. After the wedding, Tommy and I are going to stay overnight while everyone else comes back to the city. And tomorrow, Tommy and I will meet up with everyone to have a party. Sadie suggested that part and I agreed wholeheartedly. With the dire nature of Dad's condition, we need to celebrate all the positive things that are happening.

It is a happy day, and I do feel satisfied with the fact that I'm going to marry Tommy. But I'm a little worried about where Tommy's head is at. Although he's been trying all week to cover it, he's been a little _off_. I don't know what it is; he still seems like he wants to get married. I mean, he's been affectionate, actually more so than normally. But he's just not acting like himself. And I'm almost certain it has something to do with what he and Darius discussed last week.

I hear a knock on the door, forcing me to stop thinking about what's wrong with Tommy.

I reluctantly push myself out of the bed to go open the door.

"Good morning, honey," Dad says, standing before me looking healthier than ever. His coloring is good, and his spirits are up. And it hits me that this is how I want to remember him – happy and healthy. I stare at him for a second longer, trying to ensconce the sight of him on my brain. I never want to forget. I vow that I won't – that somehow my mind will always remember him in this moment.

I feel the onslaught of tears behind my eyes and I notice Dad is looking at me curiously.

"Are you okay, Jude?"

"I'm fine. It's just… it's going to be an emotional day," I respond, and I'm not really lying. It is going to be emotional. For the marriage itself, and Dad's presence. And the underlying fact that Dad won't be here to see anything more than the wedding – no anniversaries, no grandchildren. I push away the sad thoughts and focus back on my father standing in front of me. "So, what's up?"

"Well," he says, smiling, "I know your mom's the one who usually made you 'J' shaped pancakes, but since she's not here I thought I'd step in."

I sniff the air and smell the faint scent of pancakes. I can't help but smile. "Thanks, Dad." I hug him tightly, trying to ingrain the feeling, his scent, everything about him, into my brain.

As we walk towards the kitchen, I hold on to his arm, feeling myself suddenly unwilling to let go. I actually feel the onset of panic at the thought.

How am I going to cope without him?

I'm forced to release him as he motions for me to sit in the dining room while he grabs the pancakes from the kitchen.

I feel my breathing becoming shallower; it's hard to even catch a breath. I start to feel paralyzed. Like I can't move. Like I suddenly can't deal with any of this.

I take a few deep breaths, trying to recover myself before Dad gets back. He's already worried about everything – me, the wedding, Sadie. He doesn't need to worry about my mental health too.

My breathing is a little better by the time he walks back into the room carrying two platefuls of pancakes. He places one before me and I silently begin to eat.

"You know, Jude. I really am happy that I'll be at your wedding today. But I still want to make sure it's what you want. If I wasn't … sick…" he finally says, apparently as unable to say the word "dying" as I am to hear it, "would you be doing this today?"

Honestly, the answer to his question is a resounding no. I'm well aware of this. But Dad's diagnosis has changed a lot of things. I feel a newfound sense of desperation for life, and a desire not to waste what I have left. Life is too short to waste even one second or one chance at happiness.

I grab his hand, and look into his worried eyes. I evade his actual question, instead simply saying, "Dad, it's what I want."

He seems somewhat convinced by this and doesn't ask anymore about it. Instead he begins to reminisce about my childhood. The first time I sang for him, the first guitar he ever bought for me. I can't help but shed a few tears. His repeated use of the word "first" reminds me that there will soon also be a "last" occurrence of all of these things.

* * *

Since the cottage is so small, I decide to get dressed before we head there. By this time Sadie has arrived with the news that Kwest and Tommy have already ventured up to the cottage. SME, Jamie, Patsy and Mason are supposed to be there in an hour, along with the Justice of the Peace.

I shower, arrange my hair and apply my make-up. All that's left is the dress. I look at the short, white silk dress that Sadie helped me pick out. I touch the soft material, holding it between my fingers. It's perfect. With its tiny straps and beaded empire waist, it's the most beautiful dress I've ever seen.

There's a knock on the door to the guest bedroom. Before I even ask, Sadie yells through the door. "Jude, can I come in?"

"Sure," I yell, and the door pops open long enough for Sadie to slide in.

"You're not dressed yet?" Sadie asks, surprised. "We have to get going soon since it takes a while to get up there."

"I know," I reply. "I was just admiring your amazing fashion choice."

She smiles, directing her eyes towards the dress. "It is amazing. But not half as amazing as the girl who's about to wear it." She turns towards me. "I know I've given you a hard time about this, but if it's what you want then I support you."

"Thanks, Sadie." I hug her tightly, grateful for her support. "That means a lot to me."

She pulls away and I see the unshed tears shining in her eyes. She laughs lightly. "Alright, before we both burst into tears, we have to get a few things out of the way."

I eye her curiously, not understanding what she means. "The wedding traditions!" she says, raising her eyebrows incredulously at me.

"Oh, you didn't need to—" I start, but I'm cut off almost immediately.

"Yes, I do. If this is a real wedding, then we have to follow all the proper wedding traditions. Now, this," she says, pulling out a box from her pocket, "is something I got for you. It covers 'something new' and 'something blue'."

I can't help but laugh at how seriously she's taking this. I take the box, opening it to reveal a delicate gold bracelet with sapphire stones. "Sadie! It's beautiful," I exclaim, breathless at how pretty it is. "Thank you." She takes the bracelet out of my hand and puts it on my wrist. It looks perfect.

"Now, I have to admit, I had to bring in some reinforcements for 'something borrowed'. Patsy of all people lent me this diamond hair clip for you to wear. She said it was her mother's." She hands me the delicate hair clip, in the shape of a butterfly and after admiring it, I adjust my hair so that the clip is holding my hair up at the back.

"And Dad has the "something old". So, let's get you ready so we can get going," Sadie says, reaching for the dress. She helps me slip it on, and we both admire my reflection in the mirror for a second.

"You look beautiful, little sis," Sadie says, hugging me gently so as not to mess up my hair or wrinkle the dress.

I smile, still unable to believe that in less than an hour I'll be married.

I slide on my strappy sandals and we head out to the living room where Dad is waiting.

He stands up, looking at me with an expression of surprise and devotion. "You look amazing, honey. Tommy won't know what hit him," he jokes, hugging me tightly. Who cares about wrinkles on the dress? I'd rather hug my dad a million times than wear a wrinkle-free dress.

He pulls back and leads me and Sadie towards the couch. "Now," he begins looking at me, "I know your sister took care of three parts of the normal wedding traditions, but I asked her if I could provide the fourth. Last week when you and your sister went shopping for your wedding dress, I went to the storage company to look through all of the stuff I put there before I left for New York. There was one very specific thing I was looking for. Actually two. See, when you two were just kids I used to think about what I wanted to do for you both for your weddings." He pulled out one box, turning towards Sadie. "Sadie, one day when you get married I always hoped you'd want to wear this," he says, handing her the box. She opened it carefully, pulling out a delicate gold bracelet with small diamond hearts. "My mother wore that when she married my dad and I know she and I would both be honoured if you would wear if on your wedding day." Sadie smiles, wiping a lone tear off her face.

Dad turned back towards me, pulling out another small box. "Jude, what I want to give you also belonged to my mother. I know I didn't talk about her much but she died before either of you were born and… well, it was just hard to talk about her." Dad's eyes are glistening with tears, and I can tell that even though my grandmother's been dead for 20 years, he still feels the pain of losing his mother like it was yesterday. He clears his throat and begins to speak again. "My mother was a huge fan of music. And besides you, Jude, she was one of the most talented musicians I've ever seen. Without any real training, she could play the piano almost perfectly. And she had the voice of an angel, just like you do. You remind me a lot of her, actually. Anyway, my father didn't approve of her interest in music and she didn't have enough money to pursue it on her own. But she had this necklace that she always wore. She clung to it really. I think it was one of the only reminders of music she had left." He hands me the box and I slowly open it. Sparkling up at me is a diamond encrusted treble clef pendant, hanging on a thin gold chain.

"Daddy, it's gorgeous."

He's smiling happily. "I know she would be proud if you wore it, and kept a part of her and me alive through your own love for music." I gently hand Dad the necklace and turn so he can place it around my neck.

I'm beyond touched. I wipe a few stray tears as Sadie announces that we have to leave or we're going to be late.

We quickly rush out of the building into my car, which Dad insists on driving, and we begin making our way to Tommy's cottage.

That's when it hits me that I haven't heard from Tommy all day. The thought sends a shiver of panic down my spine. That can't be good, can it?

I reach for my cell phone, pulling it out of my purse.

One new text message. From Tommy.

I open the message as quickly as I can.

"I love you." Simple. Short. Completely typical of Tommy. And really sweet.

I feel myself releasing a breath. He couldn't be having second thoughts if he sent me a message like that could he?

The ride to the cottage feels surprisingly short. I'm lost in my thoughts for most of the trip and I'm only jostled out of them when I feel the car stopping. I look up and notice that we are, in fact, at Tommy's cottage.

The butterflies are out in full force in my stomach. And multiplying.

I step out of the car and wait for Dad and Sadie to get out as well. I can't believe we're here. It's about to happen. I'm about to get married.

"You two wait here," Sadie says. "I'm going to go inside and see if everything's ready. Then I'll come out and get you."

Sadie rushes off, leaving us standing on the driveway. My dad takes my hand, beckoning me to look at him. "Are you okay?"

"Fine," I say, smiling as much as I can to cover my nerves.

"You're allowed to be nervous, Jude. I was petrified to marry your mother. And no matter how everything turned out, your mom and I shared a lot of wonderful years."

"I love you, Daddy," I say, feeling the sudden need for him to hear it. As many times as I can tell him before the end, I will.

"I love you too, honey." He leans down, kissing my temple lightly.

I hear Sadie's heels clicking on the front steps, and I turn to see her approaching. "They're ready and waiting," she says before turning to walk back in the house.

"Wait!" I call, and she spins to look at me. "Is Tommy… does he look okay?"

Sadie begins to laugh. "You two, I swear sometimes you're telekinetic. He just asked me the same thing about you. He looks fine, Jude. A little nervous, but he loves you. Of that I'm sure," she says, touching my shoulders firmly and smiling reassuringly.

I take a last deep breath. I can do this. I want to do this.

"Alright, I'm ready." Dad offers me his arm and we walk slowly into the house, towards the living room. I catch a glance of Tommy, fidgeting nervously beside the minister. He turns and, noticing me, smiles.

Dad and I continue walking into the living room until we're facing Tommy. Dad kisses my cheek, and whispers "I love you, Jude," in my ear before turning to shake Tommy's hand. I watch as he walks to stand beside Sadie before turning to get my first real glance at Tommy.

He looks gorgeous. He's wearing a stunning black suit and, as always, his hair is perfect styled. But it's his eyes I'm interested in. If he doesn't want this, I'll be able to tell.

I turn my gaze to his smiling face. His eyes are blazing with love and passion. But I notice a flicker of something, something that seems like worry or uncertainty. As the minister begins to speak, I mouth "Are you sure?"

He nods, and reaches out his hand, holding it open for me to take. "Are you?" he mouths back, and I feel slightly guilty that we're not listening to anything the minister is saying.

And then I see it. The doubt and uncertainty. It's as he's awaiting my response that his fear is showing. And then I realize that his doubt is about how I'm feeling, not him. I wonder to myself if that's why he's been off this week. Has he been pondering all this time that I really don't want to do this?

I nod and smile, squeezing his hands tightly. I love him and I need him, more than I ever thought I'd need anyone.

The rest of the service is somewhat a blur. I feel horrible, thinking that when people ask me what my wedding was like I'll really have no idea. But I can't take my eyes off Tommy. He looks more relaxed than I've seen him in a while. Like he finally believes me. I wonder if he thought I'd run screaming from the ceremony or something.

First Tommy and then I repeat the minister's words, slipping plain gold bands on each other's fingers. And literally within minutes he's telling Tommy to kiss his bride. Um. That's me. I still can't exactly believe it.

He pulls me close, getting that vulnerable expression on his face that Tommy shares only with me. And then he presses his lips to mine, firmly and passionately, like he wants to seal the deal as powerfully as he can.

I hear some hollering and laughing from behind us as Tommy releases me. For the first time since I entered the cottage I notice everyone. Spiederman, Kyle and Wally are all yelling for us to get a room, wearing the most ridiculous powder blue tuxedos. Jamie and Patsy are smiling and holding hands, and so are Sadie and Kwest.

And my eyes finally narrow on my father. He's smiling, and seems happier than I've seen him in weeks. Since it is a small ceremony and their technically is no aisle to walk back down, Tommy and I join the small crowd of people who are all offering their congratulations.

The day really has been perfect. It makes me really glad we decided to do this now instead of waiting. No matter what happens, I'll always have the memory of this one day to cherish.

* * *

After offering their congratulations, everyone files out of the house. Tommy and I stand on the porch watching everyone pile into their cars. Leave it to Spiederman, Kyle and Wally to yell a few choice phrases that included the words "getting it on" before they jump into Kyle's car. I see my dad's face fill with surprise. My poor father. No doubt he didn't want to think about that part of the whole marriage idea.

As we watch the last car drive down the driveway, Tommy suddenly lifts me into his arms and carries me back into the house. I can't help but laughing. I just really don't want the happiness of this day to end. I wish we could hold onto it forever.

"So, what do you want to do Mrs. Quincy?" he asks, smirking devilishly as he begins to carry me towards the bedroom.

I can't control my laughter. Or my stomach, apparently, which begins to growl furiously.

Tommy stops in his tracks and looks down at my stomach, as if disbelieving that such a loud noise could come from little ole me.

"Hungry are we?" he quips, raising an eyebrow.

"Starving," I admit, laughing. He spins us around and begins to head towards the kitchen. He places me softly on a stool at the kitchen counter, and then begins stripping off his tie and jacket.

"What'll it be?" he asks, looking through the fridge.

"Since I can't cook at all, I'll eat whatever you make," I joke, staring at him in amazement. Now that we're actually married, he seems to be doing much better. The anxiety of the last week appears to be gone.

"Omelettes it is," he pronounces, taking eggs and some vegetables out of the fridge.

Within half an hour, we're enjoying a scrumptious meal lovingly prepared by my new husband. Okay, I'm definitely not used to that word yet.

Husband. Wow.

We make our way to the living room, and he pulls me down on the couch with him. We're lazing comfortably together when I hear my cell phone ringing.

I sit still, not even picking my head off of Tommy's shoulder. It's my wedding day; I have the right to ignore it.

It stops ringing, finally giving us some peace. But it's only a minute before my "Skin" ringtone is filling the room again.

I lift myself away from Tommy to answer the phone because clearly if I don't answer it, it's just going to ring all night. I saunter over to my ringing phone and pick it up.

And my heart drops to the ground. The caller ID says that it's Sadie.

"Hello?" I say, beginning to feel the panic rush through me.

"Jude..." Sadie says, and I hear her begin to sob. Her voice is breathless and full of terror. "It's Dad… you need to come to Toronto General."

"What happened?" I manage to keep myself calm enough to ask.

"He was sitting in the back seat... and he just… he passed out." I can barely hear her through her tears. "Jude, he hasn't woken up yet…"

I can't say anything. I don't know what to do. I begin to pace frantically, still holding the phone to my ear. Out the corner of my eye I see Tommy stand up and begin walking towards me.

As if the conversation couldn't get any worse, Sadie then says the words I've been dreading since the moment I heard about Dad's diagnosis. "The doctors aren't sure he will wake up again."

With those words, I feel the phone slip helplessly out of my hand. And Tommy catches me the moment before I hit the ground.


	39. Chapter Thirty Eight

Chapter Thirty-Eight:

I open my eyes to see Tommy staring down at me, a very worried look on his face. As I orient myself I notice that I'm lying on the couch with Tommy hovering above me.

For a split second, I can't even remember where I am. And then, as I take in Tommy's sad eyes, everything comes rushing back. The amazing wedding that occurred in this very room, and the heartbreak of the phone call I received after it.

No. This can't be happening.

"Dad…" I whisper, only able to spit out one word. It feels like I'm finding out about his diagnosis all over again.

Tommy brushes his finger across my lips, stopping me from saying anything else. "I know," Tommy whispers, running his fingers across my cheekbone. "After you fainted, I called Kwest and he told me that… well, things aren't looking good."

I need to get there. This is one time I actually wish Star Trek was real. Then we could just transport ourselves to the damn hospital.

"We have to go," I say, pushing myself off the couch. I'm instantly overcome by dizziness and I feel Tommy's hand latch onto my arm to hold me up. He reaches for his car keys as I grab my purse. His arm slides around my shoulders as we walk towards the door and out of the house. I'm well aware that Tommy's the only reason I'm even standing upright.

He tucks me into the passenger seat of the Viper and he quickly rushes around the car and jumps into the driver's seat. As he begins to speed down the highway, I begin to feel sick. I need to make it to the hospital.

He needs to be okay. He's supposed to have another month. Not now. It can't happen now.

My eyes shift between my beautiful dress and Tommy's tuxedo. Two reminders of the magnificent day we had just had. Dad was so happy, so lively today. How had the day come to this??

"Can you put the top down?" I ask, suddenly finding it hard to breathe.

Tommy nods wordlessly. I feel the breeze blowing through my hair as the top lowers. It cools my panicked body as Tommy races towards the hospital.

God, please tell me we aren't too late.

We don't speak, mostly because there are no words to be said. He can't say that everything is going to be alright. Because it probably isn't. And the last thing I need right now is hollow promises.

It seems like hours before Tommy pulls into the hospital parking lot. As we hurry out of the car, Tommy grabs my hand and begins to run, his longer legs setting a pace I can only try to keep up to. We finally reach the emergency room and before I even have time to ask for Dad at the desk, I hear Sadie yell my name. I run towards her, anxious for some news. Sadie ushers me into Dad's room and I see him lying motionless on the bed, tubes connected to both arms and a breathing tube in his nose. I've never felt so helpless in all my, very short, life.

"He's not doing very well, Jude," Sadie says, stating what seems pretty obvious.

"But he's…ali—"

"He's alive for now," Sadie finishes, squeezing my hands. "But they don't think it's going to be more than a few days." Sadie releases my hands to brush the tears off her face.

The doctor enters looking over Dad's chart, cutting off any further conversation.

"How is he?" I ask.

The doctor looks around at all of us, his face kind and sympathetic. "I'm sorry to say that I haven't got good news for you. We're hoping he wakes up. But unfortunately, he likely doesn't have very much time."

I move to sit in the chair next to Dad's bed. "How did this happen? He was doing so well…" I pose rhetorically, not expecting anyone to actually have an answer.

The doctor surprises me, beginning to speak. "Well, when Stuart was here two weeks ago I warned him that the tumour was progressing quicker than we had anticipated."

My head spins towards him, shock filling my features. Out of the corner of my eye, I see the same look reflected on Sadie's face.

"He didn't tell you about that, did he?" The doctor asks, and we both shake our heads in response. "I'm so sorry." He smiles weakly once more and excuses himself from the room.

"So, Dad knew and he said nothing?" I ask, exasperated. "Why would he…"

"He was probably trying to protect you," Tommy says from the back of the room, speaking up for the first time since we arrived at the hospital. "I know he didn't want either of you to see him like this. Besides, he probably knew you'd fuss and worry if you knew it was coming sooner than you thought."

As I listen to Tommy, I realize that he's right. Dad knew we wouldn't react well to the news. And he knew we'd likely act differently, more focused on the illness and the fact that death was imminent than enjoying what little time there was left.

It's not fair.

Nothing about this is fair.

All of a sudden, the truth of what's happening to dad seems so… real. So imminent. I knew he wasn't going to be with us much longer, but somehow I always fooled myself into thinking that there would be more time. I'm not sure I can cope with the fact that time has run out.

A wave of sadness overwhelms and I can't help the tears that flow quickly from my eyes. Through my blurry vision, I see Tommy make his way beside my chair. He crouches down and pulls me into a warm hug.

What would I ever do without him?

He reaches up to gently wipe away my tears. More than anything right now I just need to feel him near; I stand up, making room for Tommy to sit in the chair. As always he implicitly understands what I need, filling the vacant seat and pulling me down onto his lap, wrapping his arms around me. I snuggle into his embrace and stay there for the next few hours as we wait idly for Dad to wake up.

After hours of being in the cramped room, Sadie stands up, looking slightly frantic. "I need to get out of here for a bit," she says, and I nod in understanding as she and Kwest walk out the door. This place can drive a person crazy. I'm teetering on a nervous breakdown myself.

"Thanks for being here. I couldn't do any of this without you," I whisper, and Tommy squeezes my hand in response.

"Always Jude. I'll always be here for you, even if one day you scream for me to leave you alone. That's never going to happen." His voice is soothing, almost therapeutic.

I lean back, even deeper into his arms, and close my eyes, letting myself revel in his comforting words. As I feel myself drifting helplessly into sleep, my mind lingers on the thought that I always wondered what people really meant when they said someone was their rock or that they completely depended on another person.

Now I know, without a doubt.

* * *

All four of us spend the next three days at the hospital, only taking short breaks to go get coffee or go home and shower.

The first time Tommy and I went home, and I peeled off my wrinkled wedding dress, I couldn't help but feel a sense of melancholy. I hung the slightly shabby garment in the closet, praying that there would soon be a day I could look at it and remember only the happiness of the wedding itself.

Sleeping in the hospital has been no fun at all, especially considering my nightmares have returned with a vengeance. Every time I have closed my eyes the past three days, I've been confronted with images of the corpses of my dad and Tommy. I think it's been about 36 hours since I've slept at all. Now I can't even bear to close my eyes, knowing what I'll see when I do.

Dad hasn't woken up yet. And as I sit here by his beside, three days after Sadie and Kwest rushed him to the hospital, I can't help but wonder if he ever will.

I can't bear the thought of never speaking to him again. There's so much I want to say, so much I'm afraid he doesn't know. What if he never does?

Tommy has been more than amazing these past couple of days. He's done whatever I needed him to do. He's listened while I rambled and cried, even running around the perimeter of the hospital with me once when I got the sudden urge to blow off some steam. He's also endured my erratic, sleep-deprived ravings, knowing I don't mean the things I've been yelling at him.

"We're going to go get some coffee," Sadie says, stretching her tense limbs after sitting in one position for over an hour.

I turn my head and notice Tommy's tired expression. "Why don't you go with them?" I ask, understanding how tough it must be for him to be here just sitting and waiting.

"No, Jude, I don't want to leav—" he says, beginning to protest.

"Tommy, I'll be fine. Go, walk and bring me some coffee back," I say, kissing his cheek and releasing his hand, which I've been holding almost all day.

"If you're sure," he says hesitantly. I nod, and all three of them file out the door.

It feels a bit weired to be alone with my Dad. He looks so pale, so lifeless. So unlike the Stuart Harrison I've always known and loved.

I lean forward, my elbows resting on the bed as I take one of his hands in mine. "Daddy, it's Jude," I say, my voice hoarse with emotion. I can feel the tears already starting as I speak. "I really need you to wake up. See there are all these things we still need to talk about. So much I still need you for. Oh, Dad…" I break off, the sobs making it impossible for me to say anything else. I lean my head down on our connected hands and give my tears free rein.

Suddenly, I feel his hand move beneath mine. I jerk my head up, anxious to see for certain if he's actually woken up. His eyes are blinking slowly, adjusting to the light. He still looks so weak and fragile.

"Dad..." I squeeze his hand tightly, feeling the smile spread across my face.

He's awake. I can't believe it. I feel like God has just answered all of my prayers.

"Jude…" he whispers weakly, his eyes closing. His breathing is laboured and I can tell he barely has the energy to stay awake.

"It's okay, Daddy. Don't talk. Save your strength."

"No," he insists quietly, "I need to say this." His voice is so feeble; I feel so destroyed to see to his weakened condition. "Jude," he whispers, squeezing my hand lightly. "Tell Sadie that I love her. And that I'll always be with her."

"Daddy, you can tell her yourself—" I begin, but he cuts me off.

"Please Jude." His heavy eyes beckon me to obey.

"Of course, Daddy."

He takes a shallow breath, readying himself to speak more. It's painful to watch as he struggles to take another breath. "Jude, I'm so proud of you, of everything you have and will accomplish. You were always my star, the light in all the darkness that sometimes surrounded my life. I will miss you most of all, my baby girl…" His voice is getting weaker by the minute, so much so that he's barely audible at times.

"No…" I whisper, unable to accept the fact that he's saying goodbye. His final goodbye.

He looks determined, like he wants me to understand and accept what he's saying to me. "Yes, Jude. Listen, please. I love you. Never ever forget how much."

"Daddy, I love you too." I brush the tears out of my eyes, forcing myself to clear my vision. I need to see him. I need to remember him forever.

His eyes are shining and I notice a few tears streaming down his cheeks. "Take care of Tommy. And let him take care of you, too. And know that no matter where you go, I'll always be here." He slowly, weakly, lifts his hands to cover my heart, in a gesture reminding me of something Tommy once did. "I'll always be in your heart, Jude. Always."

I reach forward and hug him tightly. I can't do this. I can't just let him go like this.

I pull back, noticing that he looks even more tired than just a few minutes ago. "Will you sing for me?" he whispers.

I nod, immediately thinking of a song that Patsy and I had worked on a while ago, before Dad was sick, before my world was turned upside down.

I begin to sing, my voice wobbly and vulnerable.

_Somewhere there's a sea that has no other side  
Somewhere there's an airplane lost beyond the sky  
So fly us up above the clouds  
Live your life, you are now_

_In the darkness round the sun  
There's light behind your eyes  
When you've lost the will the run  
You can feel it start to shine  
When the rain falls down so hard  
And you don't know where to start  
Drowning in the sun_

I see his eyes slowly shutting. He smiles at me once more before his eyes close completely.

I continue to sing for him, but I'm interrupted by the deafening sound of the monitor flat-lining.

His hand slackens in mine and I'm forced to let go of it as the nurses run into the room and push me out of the way. They try, again and again, to revive him.

I stand off to the side, watching in disbelief as the doctor calmly calls out the time of death.

He's really gone.

And I've suddenly never felt so lonely in my entire life.


	40. Chapter Thirty Nine

**Chapter Thirty-Nine: **

It's been four days. Four days since that awful day I watched my dad slip away. After I heard the doctor announce the time of death, everything else that's happened since then has been a blur. It's like I remember specific moments in time, but the rest of the time is just… gone. I remember Sadie, Tommy and Kwest rushing into the hospital room minutes after the doctor left, and Sadie collapsing as she realized she was too late. We said our reluctant goodbyes, watching as the nurse placed the sheet over Dad's face. I didn't want to leave. Tommy had to carry me out of the room as I cried and screamed to go back. He calmed me the best he could, taking me home and forcing me to get into bed and to take some medication for the headache I had developed. I remember him singing to me softly, and I gave into my exhaustion by drifting off into nightmare-filled sleep in his arms.

In a way, it feels like I'm still dreaming.

As I sit by myself in the front pew of the church waiting for everyone to file in for the funeral, I still can't believe that he's gone.

I feel so… lost. We've been so busy with funeral arrangements the last couple of days that sitting here now is really the first time I've let myself process any of it. My dad, not knowing how sick he might look, had requested that there be no visitation the night before, and that the casket be closed. I keep staring at the closed casket, only a few short feet away from where I'm sitting, praying that it's not true. It doesn't feel real. It feels like I'm stuck in one of my nightmares. The problem is that it's not a nightmare – it's worse. It's real and I can't seem to get out from under all of it. All the conflicting emotions that I'm feeling just keep spinning around in my head and I can't make sense of anything.

I sense Tommy sitting down beside me, and I feel him pull my body close to his. And for the first time since I've known him, I don't feel any better accepting his comfort.

I finally understand what Dad and Sadie were trying to tell me – Tommy can't save me from this. It's been staring me in the face all along, and I didn't see it. I didn't want and wouldn't allow myself to see it. I think, regardless of what anyone tried to tell me, that I expected marrying Tommy would be a cure for everything bad or uncontrollable that was happening. Like I somehow expected that being married to Tommy would somehow make losing Dad easier. But to think that was ridiculous. It was naïve to think I could replace one with the other. My dad and Tommy occupy very important, but very different parts of my heart and Tommy being here can't keep away the emptiness I feel in the part of my heart that will always be reserved for my father.

Don't get me wrong – I still love Tommy, and I want to be with him. I still need him more than anything. Dad's death is just hitting me a lot more deeply than I expected. And I finally feel the overwhelming nature of all the events of the last week hitting me. I can't believe Tommy and I were already talking about children. As I catch a quick glance at his somber face, I say a silent prayer of thanks for my period, which came this morning. There's no way Tommy and I are even close to being ready for a child right now. Eventually – yes. But right now, I think I need to learn how to pick myself up off of the ground first.

Tommy squeezes my hand, and I look up into his sad, sympathetic face. He's been with me every step of the way, and I simply could not have survived any of this without him. But it doesn't change the nature of the pain that's overtaking me. Even though he tries not to show it, I know he's a little frustrated that he can't save me or help me as much as he wants to, especially now that the nightmares are back in full force. And now it's not just my dad or Tommy in those nightmares, but Sadie, Jamie, even Kwest. Sometimes they die or they just leave, but the result is always the same. I lose all of them and there's nothing I can do to stop it. I wake up in the middle of the night or from a nap screaming and Tommy's right there, gently prodding me, wanting to know what's wrong. He wants to fix everything, but the simple truth is that he can't fix any of it.

I look towards the pulpit to see the minister taking the stage. He begins to speak, sharing wonderful words about my father and the life he led. I watch as many different people get up and say kind things about my dad during the funeral. Even Spiederman, who as my boyfriend spent a considerable amount of time at the house with Dad and me, told a few funny stories about my dad's lack of skill at board games and his over-protectiveness of me and Sadie. He provided one of the few joyful moments and I knew my Dad would be proud to have Spied speak for him. I have to remember to thank him for his kindness towards me and my father.

The end of the service nears and the minister gets up one final time, asking if anyone else would like to say a few words. Unexpectedly even to myself, I feel the sudden urge to say something. The words of others have been nice and thoughtful, but these people didn't know Dad the way I do.

I notice Tommy staring at me in concern as I step away from the pew and climb the stairs towards the microphone. My hands are shaking and my legs are wobbling uncontrollably as I try to hold myself together enough to do what I need to do.

I stand behind the podium for a few minutes, looking at the crowd for the first time. Through the blurriness of my vision I see many familiar faces – Jamie, Mason, Patsy, Kyle, Wally, Spied, even Mark and Chantal are there. I swear I also see Darius standing at the back, leaning against the wall. Those are just the people I immediately recognize, but the church is full of faces, people whose lives have been touched by my Dad. I feel a surge of pride at the impact he must have had on these people.

I clear my throat, feeling the words take form in my mind, the words I wanted people to know about my dad. "Thank you all for coming. I know my dad would be honoured that you all took the time to be here today." My voice is rough and quiet, barely recognizable to my own ears. "My Dad was a great man. Far from perfect – he had flaws like everyone else. He could get mad and overreact and he didn't always do the right thing." I feel the tears welling up and beginning to trickle down my cheeks. I take a gasp of air before speaking again. "But my dad loved better and more unconditionally than anyone I know. No matter what Sadie or I said or did to him, he always forgave us. And he always loved us and protected us the best way he knew how." I wipe away the tears clouding my vision. "I remember reading this book as a child about the amazing, unconditional love between a mother and her child. And I always used to tell Daddy that that was how I felt about him too. And if there was one thing I could say to him now, I want to take it almost right out of that book because it is still so representative of how I feel about my dad." I look up, trying to catch my quickening breath and finish what I need to say before I break down completely. I stare down at the casket, the place where my dad's body is lying inside. "I'll love you forever; I'll like you for always; as long as I'm living, my Daddy you'll be."

As soon as I say those words, the words I had said so many times to him as a child, I feel the grief completely overwhelm me. My hands reflexively lift to my face to cover my crying eyes. And although there's nothing more embarrassing than standing in front of a room of people crying, I don't care. I couldn't stop even if I did care.

Less than a minute later, I feel Tommy's supportive arm helping me down the stairs and back to my seat.

The rest of the funeral is a complete blur as I lean into Tommy, absorbing as much warmth and life as I can. The casket is taken away for burial, but I hardly register anything that's happening. I don't hear the minister's closing words, but I see everyone standing up, beginning to talk in hushed voices, and I know that it's over.

Tommy literally holds me upright as a few people approach to give their condolences. I thank them politely, although for the most part I can't really understand what they're even saying. Tommy takes over most of the talking, recognizing that I'm simply not capable of it right now.

I see Mark approaching tentatively, and I smile at his familiar face. My dad really liked him. Tommy releases me reluctantly as Mark slips his strong arms around me in a brief hug.

"I'm so sorry," he whispers. I can hear the sincerity in his voice and as I pull back, I smile weakly at him. Tommy reinstates himself at my side, slipping his arm around my waist protectively.

"Thank you. I know Dad had a really good time talking to you."

"Well, it was mutual. He was a great man," he says, smiling sadly.

Tommy doesn't say anything, just watching the exchange. Even funerals can't make people like each other, I guess.

"Thanks for coming," I say, kissing his cheek quickly, and watching him walk away. Tommy's grip on me is firm and I can tell that he didn't like my interactions with Mark now any better than he did months ago.

A few more people approach to talk to me, but Tommy excuses us politely and sweeps me out of the building into the fresh air.

"I thought you could use a bit of time," he says simply, leading me towards some benches at the front of the church.

I can't suppress the need to escape. Instead of following Tommy, I stop walking altogether. "Actually, do you think you could take me home? I think I've had enough of all of this for one day."

"Of course." He takes my hand, correcting his path to guide me to the parking lot.

On the short ride home I call Sadie to let her know I'm headed home; I didn't want her to worry about my sudden disappearance. She's still upset and wants to go back to Dad's apartment to begin to clean things up there. She says she thinks it will help her say goodbye.

"Do you need any help? We can meet you—"

"No, Jude… Go home. We'll talk tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay," I say, honestly relieved. I'm not sure I could have handled going through his stuff today. "I love you, Sades."

"I love you too, Jude," she replies before hanging up.

As I close my phone, I see that we're already pulling into the parking lot of our apartment building. And there are paparazzi everywhere around the front of the building.

Oh God. I can't deal with those vultures right now. Pictures of Tommy and me have covered the front pages of the papers. Our marriage, which they somehow found out about, has been big news. Plus, believe it or not, they've been trying to get me to talk about Dad's death. Their inappropriate questions are more than I can take.

Luckily Tommy sneaks the Viper into the back of the building and into the underground parking garage.

I breathe a sigh of relief as we make our way up to the apartment. One more day I don't have to worry about being harassed by the press.

Once we reach the apartment, Tommy unlocks the door and I head straight for our bedroom. I need to get all of this black clothing off. It's just a reminder of everything that's just happened.

I unzip the dress and it slips to the floor. I leave it there, unable to decide whether to hang it up or throw it out. I throw on a baggy t-shirt and a pair of Tommy's boxers and slide into bed. It's only 4:30 pm but I can't think of doing anything else but just lying down. I don't actually want to sleep; I'm too afraid that I'll have another nightmare. I just want to hide away from everything and everyone.

I curl up, as tightly as I can, trying to protect myself from all the pain and devastation that is weighing down on me.

I hear Tommy enter the room, not even bothering to change out of his dress clothes before lying beside me. I feel the bed dip under his weight as he slides closer to me, enveloping me in his strong, warm arms.

And although he can't save me or take the pain away, he does make me feel safe, safe in a way that only my father has ever been able to make me feel.

As I feel the tears forming beneath my eyes, I realize that he makes me feel safe enough to finally drop my guard and sob in the vulnerable, uncontrolled way I've needed to do all day. So, as he holds me close to his chest, I cry for everything bad that has happened, and all the good that, because my father is dead, will never be.


	41. Chapter Forty

Chapter Forty:

Endless weeks have passed, and I feel as though I've watched every minute pass by on the clock. Time is a fickle, fickle thing. When my dad was still alive and I wanted time to slow down, it wouldn't. In fact it raced forward, ending in his premature death. But now? All there seems to be is time.

All I want to do is sleep the days away, forget my life. But I can't. No one will let me.

Sadie and Kwest are moving back to Toronto in a few weeks. Sadie and I have developed an odd relationship over the past few weeks. I sense that she's resentful of the relationship I had with Dad and the time I had with him in his final moments. But she keeps her bitterness veiled for my sake. Because I can also tell she's worried about me. To be honest, I'm a little worried about myself.

I've barely gotten out of bed in three weeks. Tommy's been back at work for two weeks, and every morning he leans over my body and suggests that I come with him, even to just go see SME or Mason. But I can't. I can't do it. I roll over, pretending I don't hear him and feign sleep. Of course, I haven't really slept more than a few hours at a time since Dad died. I can't escape the nightmares.

Tommy has been supportive and more than I could ever ask for. But, quite honestly, his worry and overprotectiveness is getting kind of irritating. I love him, I do, but if he looks at me one more time like I'm made of glass I'm going to punch him. And I don't want to punch him.

When he gets home in the evening, I try to distract him from his worry by asking about G-Major, but the only thing I can really get out of him is that he and Darius are no longer fighting. He still won't tell me what exactly Darius said. When I ask, he acts indifferent and simply says that it doesn't matter anymore.

I burrow my head in the down pillow I'm laying on, trying to get a bit of sleep. Last night was particularly awful for some reason. I couldn't even get to sleep; thoughts of my father's last moments kept haunting me. And when I finally did drift off, all I could see, over and over, was Tommy telling me that he'd had enough. That he was leaving me. At least I didn't dream about him dying again. But then again, the devastation and loss of his leaving would be the same as if he were dead - only maybe, maybe somehow that would be worse. Because in death, he's not choosing not to be with me; leaving me, living without me, would be his choice. And I don't know if I could handle that.

_Tick tock tick tock_

All I can hear is the damn clock hanging on the wall, the seconds passing. As I lay here, I suddenly can't take that sound any more.

I shove myself out of bed, and make my way purposefully to the wall where the clock is innocently hanging on the wall, taunting me with every second that passes, each second a reminder that one second more has passed since my dad has been gone, of one second more my dad will never see.

I reach up, ripping the circular wooden clock off the nail and I smash it at my feet. Even though I'm the one who has thrown it to the ground, I'm jolted by the loud bang and the painful sound of the glass shattering.

I'm immediately taken aback by my own actions, staring at the wreckage at my feet. I bend down, picking up the clock which, except for the broken glass, is still mostly intact. I pick up the glass piece by piece, accidentally slicing a large gash in my palm. I see the blood staining my white t-shirt before I actually notice that I'm bleeding or feel the pain. I continue picking up the glass, nicking myself a few more times before I have it all picked up. I carry the glass shard and the clock into the kitchen, stuffing them in the garbage.

I grab a towel from the kitchen, wrapping it loosely around my palm. The pain is throbbing in my hand, but I have to admit it feels good just to _feel_ anything. I was beginning to wonder whether that part of me had died along with my dad.

I collapse on the couch in the living room, pulling my legs underneath me. I lift the towel and can't stop myself from staring at the blood dripping out, blood that is now staining my plaid pyjama bottoms too. I begin to feel a bit nauseous as I notice that there's actually a surprising amount of blood on my clothing.

Part of me doesn't want to stop the bleeding. It would be easy to just let the blood flow, to let myself slip slowly away. Although with the size of the cut and slow seep of blood, I probably wouldn't die anyway. Even so, the other part of me begins to chastise me mentally for even thinking such a thing. No matter what pain I'm in, I don't want to die. The problem is that I'm not exactly living either.

"Jude!! My God, are you okay?" I look up from the cut to see Tommy rushing forward and kneeling in front of me. He takes the towel from the uninjured hand I'd carelessly draped across the back of the couch, and applies pressure to the wound, trying to staunch the flow of blood.

I watch his face become paler as he takes in all the blood on my clothing. I can tell he's examining me for any other cuts.

"What happened?" He asks, shock and worry lacing his words.

"I cut myself on some glass. The clock in the bedroom… it fell and the glass broke. And when I tried to clean it up, I cut myself," I lie, praying that he won't question how a clock that was nailed sturdily to the wall could fall. The truth would only make him think I'm crazy or manic depressive.

He looks puzzled, but doesn't pursue it, instead focusing on the cut again. "This is bad, Jude. We're going to have to go to the hospital."

"NO!" I protest loudly, not wanting to go back to that place ever again.

"Jude!" he yells and I feel my body jerk in response. Tommy hasn't yelled in months. His voice is full of panic and frustration and his worried blue eyes are piercing into mine. "This needs stitches." His voice is soft and comforting again, and I can see him trying to calm himself down.

He stands up, taking my other hand gently and leading me into the bedroom. He sits me down on the bed and moves to the closet. "We have to go to the hospital," he reiterates, pulling out a pair of my jeans and a sweater. I notice his hand is shaking as he reaches for my clothes. It suddenly dawns on me how scared he must have been to see me bleeding like that. There's no point fighting him. I'll go to the hospital, even if it's just for his peace of mind.

He helps me stand, then slides off my pyjama bottoms and helps me into my jeans, his adept fingers fastening the buttons for me. He lifts my t-shirt over my head, quickly replacing it with the new one he picked out from the closet. An inexplicable, inappropriate thought enters my head that Tommy dressing me could be erotic if under different circumstances...until I see him pick up my bloody clothes and disappear, leaving me to finish getting ready. I'm sliding on some shoes when I catch a glance of myself in the mirror, and gasp loudly in horrified surprise.

It's not me. It can't be me. It's someone I don't even recognize. The girl in the mirror is ridiculously pale, with greasy, stringy long blonde hair. And she's thin. Way too thin.

I grab a hair elastic from the dresser and attempt to put my hair up. The sight of the unhealthy locks flowing around my face is sickening. I can't go out looking like this. I try to tie this mess back while holding the towel on my still bleeding hand, but it's not working. I can't manage it. I'm quickly approaching the brink of tears when I feel Tommy's gentle hands on mine, taking the hair elastic from my hands. I lower my hands and readjust the towel over my cut as he ties my hair quickly in a high ponytail. I check out his handiwork in the mirror. "Not bad, Quincy. Maybe you should do my hair more often," I quip, but as I turn to look at him, he's not laughing. He's not even smiling. His eyes reflect sadness, worry and an element of fear I've never seen before.

And suddenly he reaches for me, pulling me tightly against his chest, enclosing me in his strong arms. "Please, don't scare me like that again," he whispers, rubbing his stubble-roughened cheeks against the side of my face. His voice is rough and strained, and I can tell he's trying to hold back tears of his own. I close my eyes, relaxing against his chest. I feel safe and loved...and extremely ashamed. To think that only ten minutes ago, I was toying with the idea of just letting myself bleed. How selfish of me to even think about ending my own life, when Tommy and I are so invested in each other. How would I feel if he had thought about something like that?

He pulls away, kissing my temple gently before intertwining his fingers between the fingers on my free hand and leading me out of the apartment.

* * *

I move restlessly between the chair beside Tommy and the bed I'm supposed to be sitting on while I wait for the doctor. I can't help but fidget. The last time I was in this building, my dad died. That's not exactly something I wanted to have to face so vividly today. But I didn't have a choice. The minute Tommy drove into the parking lot, all the memories of that day flooded back.

A young female doctor walks in, looking at the file in front of her. "Mrs. Quincy?" she asks, shooting me a kind look.

I nod, settling myself on the bed, hearing the sterile paper crinkling beneath my weight.

"What can I do for you today?" she asks, already beginning to eye the blood-stained towel covering my hand.

I gingerly lift the towel, feeling the sting of oxygen hitting the open cut. "I cut it on some glass by accident," I say, anticipating her question regarding what happened.

She moves closer, examining the cut. "Well, that's one nasty cut you've got there. It'll probably need about 15 stitches. I'll get someone to come by shortly and fix that up for you, okay?" She had returned to my chart, writing something down. She lifts her head, smiling at me again before leaving.

I glance towards Tommy, who is staring anxiously at the towel I laid on the bed beside me. His gaze is unwavering, even when I say his name softly. He continues to stare, completely lost in his own thoughts. I can only imagine what he's thinking.

"Tommy," I say a bit louder and his face jerks up to look at me. "Are you okay?"

"Okay?" he asks, clearly bewildered by my question. "No, I'm not **okay**." His voice is tinged with anger and bitterness. "Do you have any idea what it felt like to walk in and see the blood all over your clothes, to see you staring so calmly like it didn't matter that you were bleeding, like it didn't scare you?" He raises his voice and sounds a bit frantic. "You scared the hell out of me, Jude. So, no. I'm not _okay_."

I don't know what to say. He knows me too well, knows the thoughts that had been running through my mind when I was staring at my cut. And as we sit in strained silence, I can swear I hear him mumble under his breath something about "clocks not falling on their own."

* * *

It takes only an hour before we're on our way home again. A nurse gently stitched me up, promising that there would likely not even be a scar from the stitches. I almost wished there was going to be one to remind me of how stupid and selfish my thoughts had been this afternoon. Of how much harm I can inflict on Tommy without even realizing it because of the interconnectedness of our union.

Tommy hasn't spoken to me since his outbreak and I can tell he's still stewing, still thinking about the implications of what he saw.

I glance over at him as he manoeuvres the Viper towards our apartment building. "I wasn't going to…" I begin, but I pause, unsure of what I want to say. "I would never… kill myself. If that's what you were worried about."

His head turns toward me, a slightly relieved look on his face. "That doesn't change the fact that we need to talk, Jude. Really talk. There are things you're not telling me. And I wanted to give you space to sort things out. To deal on your own. But I can't leave you alone any more. This afternoon scared me Jude, more than I ever thought I could be. In that moment, when I walked in, I really wasn't sure whether you'd done that to yourself or not. And the look on your face… It was like you were contemplating whether it was worth helping yourself, worth trying to heal yourself. And I don't just mean the cut. I mean yourself, the parts of you that are paralyzed, that don't want to deal with the loss of your dad."

I flinch at his words. It's still hard to hear the truth in those words. Dad's gone and he's not coming back. He really is lost to me.

"I know…" I say, resigned, recognizing the truth in his words. "Tomorrow. We'll talk tomorrow," I resolve, wanting to put it off at least one more day.

Tommy doesn't look happy with my evasion but he nods silently anyway.

I don't know whether it's the loss of blood or the heaviness of my thoughts, but my eyes suddenly feel too heavy. I can barely keep them open as Tommy helps me up to our apartment.

And as we pass the kitchen on the way to the bedroom, I notice that he had earlier thrown my bloody clothes on the top of the garbage bin. And I wonder if throwing them away would ever really rid him of the image of me wearing them and the fear that accompanied that vision.


	42. Chapter Forty One

**IMPORTANT A/N**: This chapter is from **Tommy's perspective**. You need to know that or this chapter will likely be a little confusing.

Chapter Forty-One:

I don't know what to do.

This anxiety is new for me; I've always been such a confident man. I've never had a problem with women, or my career, or well…anything really. (I'm aware that modesty is not one of my best qualities.) But Jude is a totally different story. For the first time I feel at a complete loss regarding what to do. Although, if I were to be completely honest, this shouldn't be a big shock to me considering that Jude is the only person who has ever been able to throw me off-kilter. From the day I met her, she amazed me and confused me and had me completely addicted to everything about her. And considering she was only 15 at the time, this was not necessarily a good thing.

But when I think how things have changed since then, it's actually unbelievable. I mean, she's my **wife.** Honestly, I didn't think I'd ever get married again. I always thought I'd be the guy who watched, and sneered, as all the people around him got sucked into marriage. That way of thinking ended when Jude walked into my life, and I actually began considering the idea of soul mates and destiny. And love. This overpowering force I'd always made fun of and never understood. It sounds so cheesy. And I'd never admit it to anyone but her, but Jude revolutionized my life in every way that matters. The day I realized I couldn't live without her was the day I realized that she was meant for me, and only me. And I knew I couldn't let that go. And most of the time I wonder how the hell I got lucky enough to find her.

But I can't help her. I can't, or she won't let me. I'm not sure which.

I move slightly, wrapping my arms tightly around her as we lie comfortably under the covers. I'm taking advantage of her slumber to hold her close because the moment she opens her eyes I know she'll begin to distance herself from me again. The tranquility of the morning, lying in bed snuggled like this, makes me believe for a minute that nothing's wrong. But I can't ignore the fact that that's simply not true.

Ever since the moment her father died, it's like a big part of Jude died with him. I thought I could protect her from everything, or at least lessen the blow. But I realize now that that was a bit naïve. And I'm really starting to wonder if I'll ever be enough for her. If I can't help her through the tough times, then what good am I to her?

She begins to rouse and I close my eyes, wanting to savor a few more peaceful moments holding her next to me before confronting the truth of our situation.

She begins to stir wildly, and I realize suddenly that she's not waking up. She's having a nightmare.

I raise myself on my elbow to look over her tiny, fragile form, which seems to be trembling in fear. I shake her lightly, leaning down to whisper in her ear.

"Jude, it's okay. Shh… Wake up, baby…"

As her eyes flutter open, I reach a hand to her forehead and feel the dampness of the sweat that has formed there. No matter how many times a day she claims that she's fine, I know better. She's not okay. She wakes up similarly to this on more mornings than I'd like to count, but when I ask her what's wrong she won't tell me. She dismisses it like it's nothing. But it's not.

And every time she rejects my help, I hear Darius's painful words in my ear. The words he said to me the day I told him Jude and I were getting married. _"You'll never be enough for her, T."_ I'll never forget the way he laughed, and told me nonchalantly that I was a great producer, but a horrible husband. And the worst part is that he's not exactly lying.

I was horrible to Portia. What if I'm no better to Jude? Yeah, I know my feelings for Jude, my relationship with Jude, is so much more, so different, from me and Portia. But it doesn't erase those doubts. What if I'm as unable to be there for Jude in the same way as I couldn't be there for Portia? It's my worst nightmare. And it seems to be coming true. Every time Jude pushes me away, I can't help but wonder if I really have it in me to be a good husband to her. I want to be, but do all men have what it takes??

Her eyes are fully open now, staring into mine. I can see the exact moment when her defenses kick in and she begins to hide what's just happened. She pushes herself out of bed, and I watch as she rushes to the bathroom, slamming the door behind her.

I release a frustrated sigh and collapse back onto the bed. Every day I wake up hoping that today will be the day she'll figure out she can talk to me, that I'm here for her. That the only thing I want is for her to be well again. To be happy again.

I just…I miss her so much. She used to tell me everything. Sometimes too much, especially when she was dating other people. But now…now, I can barely get her to speak to me on any level past small talk. I can tell there are things she's afraid to tell me, and that scares me. What can be so bad that she feels I can't handle it?

Before I can think about it any longer, she shuffles out of the bathroom, trying to hide her face from me as she slips back into bed. I will admit that there are some things I'm not too perceptive about, but Jude has never been one of them. I've always intuitively noticed everything about her, especially if something isn't right. As soon as she walked out of the bathroom, I noticed her puffy eyes and her distraught facial expression. I didn't need to see the tears actually fall to understand what she had been doing.

I take a deep breath before saying the words that need to be said.

"Jude, we need to talk today. Now."

Even though her body is facing away from me, I see it visibly stiffen. I reach for her shoulder, tentatively caressing her upper arm with my thumb.

"Tommy… I don't… I don't know what you want me to say."

She's still facing away from me. Realizing that this is a conversation I can't have staring at her back, I swing my feet out of bed and make my way around the bed to crouch by her head.

I lift my hand to her face, laying my knuckles against her cheek, and she squeezes her eyes shut. A tear escapes from her closed eyes, betraying her sadness. I wipe it away with my thumb, and she suddenly forces herself into a sitting position and stands up to walk by me.

I grab her arm softly, and she stops walking, but still evades my gaze.

"I'm going to take a shower," she whispers.

I sigh in frustration and release her arm. "But afterwards…we will talk, Jude." I'm hoping that at the very least a shower will help her clear her head for our discussion.

I throw on some clothes and head towards the kitchen. I start a pot of coffee and tidy up a little, partly because I'm a neat freak and partly because I need to keep my brain occupied until Jude is ready. I can't let my mind drift to thoughts of my inadequacies as a husband or my worries about Jude's mental and physical safety, the only things I've thought about for weeks.

When the kitchen is almost spotless, I move into the living room and force myself to sit down. I can feel my heart racing, anticipating the difficulty of the ensuing discussion. I begin to pick lint off the cushions, anything to keep myself from going completely insane. I don't know why I'm so nervous. Probably because my wife has said less than a hundred words a day to me since we got married. Probably because I worry that she's hanging on to her sanity and her life by a string.

Jude's always been sensitive. She feels things more deeply than anyone I've ever met. I kick myself mentally, knowing I should have seen this reaction coming. Her dad was such a crucial part of her life. I should have prepared her better for the loss… I should have done _something_ to help her. Now, I feel her slipping away, minute by minute.

She finally emerges from the bathroom clothed in her customary jeans and a band t-shirt, her hair dripping a trail of water down her shirt. I feel a smile tug at my lips as I take her in. She's so achingly beautiful I can barely stand to look at her for more than a minute.

She tugs at the hem of her shirt, fidgeting nervously as she takes a seat at the opposite end of the couch.

I can't stand the distance. She's emotionally farther away from me than she's ever been and it's breaking my heart. Even when she's been mad at me, there's still been a connection, the unbreakable tie that always forces us back together. But right now, I feel her trying to escape that, trying to evade me and the connection we have.

"You need to talk to me," I say, suddenly breaking the silence.

She looks up, glancing at my face but still avoiding my eyes. She still says nothing.

"I need to know what's going on with you. I love you. I want to help you. Please don't shut me out, Jude," I continue prodding, pleading with her to let me in.

She opens her mouth, and I'm on pins and needles anticipating her response. "Tommy, I… I'm just sad. That's it."

I feel my temper rising but I try to keep it in check. I slide along the couch until I'm sitting next to her, only inches separating us. I reach down and take one of her slim, fragile hands in mine. "Baby, there's more to it than that, and we both know it." With my other hand I lift her chin up, forcing her to look into my eyes. There's sadness and frustration and something else… something I can't place. But it worries me, nonetheless.

She pulls her hand away quickly, standing to pace the living room. "Look, Tommy. I'm fine. Just leave it alone."

I stand up, walking across the room to face her. I don't want to yell. I don't want to get mad. But I can't help it. I can't control my voice as it rises in reaction to her words. "Jude!! You're not okay!! I can't sit around and pretend nothing's wrong while you self-destruct. Don't you understand that this is killing me?? What you're doing to yourself scares the shit out of me. And I don't know what I can do to make any of this better!!"

"Nothing," she whispers almost inaudibly. "There's nothing you can do." She moves away from me to sit on the couch and she stares at her hands in her lap. She's thinking about something. I can almost see the wheels turning in her mind.

I wait patiently. Finally, she looks up at me, unshed tears gleaming in her eyes. "I want a divorce."

I can feel my eyes bulging out of my face. _What did she just say?_

"You what?" I ask, confused, knowing that she couldn't possibly have said what I think she just said.

She stands up slowly, evading my eyes once again as she repeats herself. "I want a divorce," she says slightly louder, and I see her trying to hide her face as she wipes away the tears she doesn't want me to see. Before I can even process what she's said, she jogs quickly out the door, slamming it behind her.

I feel my legs turn to jelly underneath me as make my way to the couch. I sit completely paralyzed, staring at the door. And as I listen to the silence fill the apartment my brain begins trying to process what the hell just happened.

Why would she want this? Jude is the only person I've ever wanted, the only person I've ever been able to be myself with. My mind keeps taunting me with Darius's warning, as it has done for weeks. Am I really not enough? Am I really not capable of being her husband, of being what she needs?

I lift my hands to my face, covering my eyes. I suddenly feel my stomach turning, and realize that I'm going to be sick. I stumble towards the bathroom, dropping to my knees before the toilet just in time to empty my stomach contents.

After waiting a few minutes for my stomach to settle, I raise myself to my feet and stare at the mirror in front of me. God, I look as bad as I feel. I splash some cold water on my face, not that it helps.

She's gone. I can't believe she actually walked out of the apartment, telling me she wanted a divorce.

That can't be possible, can it?

My mind replays the moment, taking in all the little things her body was saying. Her words might have said that she wanted rid of me, but her body was screaming the exact opposite. She couldn't even look at me. And there were tears, ones that she didn't want to expose. Her body was begging me not to listen to her words, to ignore the possibility of ending our marriage.

I can't let her leave me. I can't let her go through any of this alone. I feel more determined than ever, like her weak assertion to be done with me has strengthened my resolve more than ever. Fuck what Darius said. Fuck what anyone might say. I want her, I love her. And even if I'm not the perfect husband, I need to fight to hold on to whatever crazy bond we have.

Whether she wants me to or not, I'm going to push my way back in. Because as much as I need her, I think she needs me too. At least, I pray that she does. And I have to convince her that whatever reason she has to ask for a divorce is not as strong or as good as the reasons we need to be together.

My legs are moving of their own accord, as if they know exactly what I need to do. I stride purposefully out the door, towards the elevator, only one thought on my mind. I need to find her. I need to get my wife back.


	43. Chapter Forty Two

**A/N**: This chapter is what I call **split perspective**. It **begins with Jude's perspective and changes to Tommy's**.

Chapter Forty-Two:

I had to do it.

I had to.

As I run from the elevator, all I can see is the color and outline of all the objects around me. The details are clouded by the tears I'm desperately trying to hold in. I stumble towards the exit, feeling myself beginning to fall an instant before my hands hit the cold marble floor of the lobby. As I push myself quickly to my feet, the doorman rushes to my side, insistent on making sure I'm okay.

I motion to him that I'm fine before sprinting out the door towards the parking lot. I barely make it to the Mustang before I feel my legs caving in beneath me. I quickly throw the door open only to collapse against the cold metal door and grip the open door tightly until I'm able to manoeuvre my shaking body into the car.

I had to do it.

When we were talking, it hit me that at some point, whether Tommy died or couldn't handle the drama anymore, he was going to leave me alone. When we were in the apartment and he said that what was happening to me was 'killing him', I started seeing it happen right in front. I was losing him. Maybe not today, but does the day matter? So, I did the only thing I could think of to find some measure of protection for myself – I told him it was over, that I wanted a divorce. If it has to end, I'm going to do it on my terms; I can't seem to control anything these days so I'm going to exert my power over what I can.

My hands are shaking so badly, I'm almost too frightened to drive. But I need to get out of here just in case he thinks he can change my mind. Because he can't. As much as it hurts, losing him later would be worse. At least, that's what I'm trying to tell myself. But the ache I feel spreading throughout my entire body is tremendous. I've never felt anything so awful, even when Dad died. I can barely breathe, the air seems to be coming too quickly or too slowly.

I manage to fit the key into the ignition and start the car, pulling away into the traffic. I need to be alone and there's only place I can think of where I can accomplish that: the rehearsal space.

The drive is a blur; it's a miracle I don't get into an accident as I'm not sure how I even managed the drive. I feel drunk, like I can't control my own limbs. Everything is going slowly and I feel this heaviness, like I can barely pull my own body out of the car.

I somehow climb the flight of stairs and push myself through the rehearsal space door, absently kicking it shut behind me.

And as my eyes scan the room, I instantly realize the magnitude of the error I've made in coming here. Looking around, a plethora of images rush through my brain, most of which revolve around the night Tommy and I had sex for the first time. Here. Right on this very floor.

I collapse on the couch, cradling my head in my hands. I can't get the images of that night out of my head. The gentle ways he touched me, his intense, passionate kisses, the way he made my first sexual encounter so special. I can still hear the words he said. I imagine the raspiness of his voice and the smile on his lips when he told me he loved me.

And I've just thrown it all away.

My brain tries to convince my heart that what I've done is necessary. I needed to end it before it killed me.

But if that was the case, then why do I feel so… empty? So broken? So dead inside?

I lay my head down on the couch, turning over to face the wall to try and block the images from my mind. I can feel the sobs coming from deep inside and I do nothing to stop them. Maybe if I let them go, the seemingly limitless pain will eventually ebb away too. The sobs come hard and fast, ripping the breath from my chest. My body subconsciously curls into a ball, a feeble attempt to ward off any more blows that I simply can not handle right now.

This pain, this loss, is excruciating, an emotional anguish I've never even come close to feeling before. When Dad died, I thought I couldn't possibly feel any worse or miss someone more.

I was wrong.

I feel my body shaking, and regardless of how I try and stop it, I can't. I bring my legs up closer to my chest when, suddenly, it feels like my body is being lifted, that I'm being cradled in strong, capable arms. I allow my brain to fool itself into thinking that he's here, that things really will be okay.

My torture is complete when the heady, masculine scent of Tommy's body suddenly invades my senses.

He's everywhere. He always will be, and it's something I'll have to learn to live with. My imagination, my dreams of having him near are a lot stronger than the brain that is supposed to control them.

But as I push my eyes open briefly, I see that I'm, in fact, not dreaming. I'm no longer staring at the midnight blue couch, but into the hard chest of Tommy Quincy.

He's here.

He's really here.

Maybe my salvation is not lost.

* * *

I know instinctively that the rehearsal space is the first place she'd run to. I push open the door, which is not fully closed, and feel my heart flooding with sadness as I see her shaking body and hear her heart wrenching cries.

I close the door quietly behind me and do the only thing I can think of. I scoop her fragile body into my arms and pull closely against my chest. As her painful sobs continue, I feel her nestle closer against me. A sense of relief washes over me as I realize that this is the closest she's allowed herself to be to me in weeks.

She had to know that what she said was a mistake. If she doesn't, she will soon.

Slowly her sobs begin to lessen, and eventually I see the tears stop falling from her cheeks. She has yet to look up into my eyes, although I've seen her eyes staring into my chest a few times. She knows I'm here. She has to understand that I _always_ will be.

When she finally lifts her head to glance into my face, I feel her body straining for release from my arms. As she slides off my lap, I can feel the fight coming. But that's okay because I came prepared to fight for her, for what we have together.

I reluctantly release her and I watch as she stands slowly, beginning to move away from the couch, away from me.

"Jude," I say quietly, disrupting the silence and calling her attention back to me. Her head spins towards me and I can see that she is internally fighting the urge to run back into my arms. I stand up, her eyes following my every movement. "Jude," I begin again, "you can kick me, yell at me, punch me. Hell, you can even threaten to kill me. I really don't care. But the one thing you are not doing is divorcing me."

I have to hold in a smirk as I take in her shocked, frustrated expression. I can tell she was hoping I wouldn't fight her on this. She crosses her arms, as if trying to protect herself from my determined words.

"You didn't really think I'd just give in, did you?" I move slowly, walking towards her. She subconsciously sucks in her breath at my approach, and I feel a smirk starting at the corner of my lips as I see the effect I have on her. Neither of us ever could hide our attraction very well.

She moves backwards to evade me, until she's backed herself against a wall. I follow her still and when I'm only a few inches away from her, I plant my feet firmly into the floor. I graze her face with my knuckles, hearing her quick intake of breath, this time a result of the feeling of our skin touching.

I begin to speak again, my voice purposely low in order to keep from frightening her. "I'm not perfect. Far from it in fact. You, more than anyone knows that. And neither are you. But there is one thing that is perfect. **This**," I state emphatically, tracing a path with my hand from her face to the heart I can feel beating quickly in her chest. "This love that's between us, it's perfect. And because of what I feel for you, I would do literally _anything_ I could to help you. And if I thought a divorce was really what you wanted or what you needed, I'd give it to you in a heartbeat." I trace the outline of her cheekbones lightly with my other hand and she tries to turn her head away from my touch. With a forceful finger under her chin, I turn her face back towards mine, locking my eyes onto hers. "But I don't think for a second that a divorce is what you need or want."

"I have to…" she interjects in a whisper, lowering her eyes.

"Why?" I ask bluntly, and I see her body tense immediately.

"What do you mean 'why'?" she asks, clearly taken aback with the question.

"Well, you don't just demand a divorce for no reason. So why?" She's beginning to squirm, her eyes looking anywhere but at me. I feel the time is right to push my luck. "I'll make you a deal," I begin and her eyes return to mine, filled with curiosity. "You tell me one thing and I'll give you the divorce."

"What?" she asks, suspiciously.

I stare at her, my eyes bold with defiance. "Tell me you hate me."

"What?" she asks, the indignation strong in her tone.

I reach forward, brushing away a stray hair and purposely grazing her temple with my knuckles. "Tell me that you can't stand the thought of touching me or making love to me," I continue, deliberately allowing the huskiness to enter my voice, knowing how it affects her, thinking that maybe pushed to the extreme is exactly where she needs to be. Her eyes close helplessly, and she begins to fidget uneasily with just the mention of our bodies being so intimate.

"Tell me you don't love me," I say flatly, daring her to respond to my final provoking statement.

Her eyes fill with anger and she immediately looks down, away from my penetrating gaze. She's becoming even more fidgety, and I know that if she wasn't backed into the corner where I can easily stop her from leaving, she'd have bolted out the door.

"I don't…" she begins softly, still not looking at me. My heart drops as I hear her speaking. But then she looks up, her eyes shining. "I can't say that," she says finally, her voice laced with anger, although I'm not sure at whom.

I release a deep breath, one I hadn't even realized I'd been holding. _She still loves me. _I had assumed, and hoped, that she did. But it's nice to hear the confirmation of it, especially with how she's been pushing me away.

I raise both of my hands, cupping her face between them. "Then why did you ask for a divorce?" I ask, pushing her even further.

"Because…" she whispers, wiping away a tear that she's unable to hold back. She glances into my expectant eyes and I see the anger rise suddenly. "Because I can't lose you, okay??!!! Are you happy now?!?!!" she explodes, yelling loudly as she pushes me away, strong for a woman of her size. As the tears fall unheeded down her cheeks, she begins to bang on my chest with her fists, yelling for me to move out of her way.

I grab a hold of her hands, restraining her to keep her from hitting me more. "Why Jude? Why do you think you would lose me?" I ask loudly, seeing her on the brink of releasing everything, all of the things that have been bugging her for months.

Drained of the energy she had used to hit me only moments ago, her body slumps backwards against the wall behind her. I drop her hands, which had stop straining against mine, and lift a hand to her face, brushing her tears away with my thumb. And as we stare into each other's eyes, I see the precise moment when she begins to let go of everything.

She opens her mouth, hesitating a moment. When she does begin to speak, her voice is weak and soft. "Isn't it inevitable? I'm a mess, Tommy. When are you going to get tired of dealing with me and just give up? It's all I've dreamt about for months, watching you walk away, knowing you'll never come back. Or what if something happened to you?? I couldn't deal with that." She leans her head back against the wall, closing her eyes as more tears stream down her cheeks.

I begin to make sense of the words she's spoken. All the issues of loss that pertained to her father, she's transferred on to me, thinking that at any moment she'll lose me too. No wonder she's been distancing herself. My heart begins to ache at the pain evident in her voice.

"That's what all of these nightmares you've been suffering from have been about?" I ask, and she silently nods, remaining in her position against the wall with her eyes closed.

"Jude, baby, I'm so sorry. I wish you had told me sooner. That's one hell of a cross you've been carrying." I reach forward, skimming her face tentatively with my fingers; she seems so fragile, like any caress will cause her to shatter into a million pieces. She finally opens her eyes, and I wipe the fresh tears away. "Jude, life is unexpected and uncertain. And I know, for you right now, that's the problem. You never expected that your Dad would die so young. But, the uncertainty of life can also hold the beauty of it. Your dad had a great life, one full of all these amazing people and experiences. Do you really think he'd want you to give up, to suffer like this, because you are trying to avoid the hurt that sometimes accompanies living life?"

Her lip begins to quiver as my words sink in, and I see shame rising in her face. She begins to speak, her voice unsteady. "No, he wouldn't have wanted any of this for me. Actually, he'd probably be really pissed if he could see the mess I've made of things, of my relationship with you. He told me to take care of you," she says, her voice cracking. "Just look at how I've fucked that up."

I lean forward, placing a lingering kiss on her temple, and pulling her away from the wall into my arms. "Nothing is fucked up. I'm here. You're here. That's what's important," I whisper in her ear. "And I know you're scared. Believe me, I am too. Do you know what would happen to me if I lost you?" I ask quietly, the emotion filling my voice, and I pull back a fraction to look into her glistening eyes. "I can't even think about it, that's how dark my mind goes at the thought. There are no guarantees in life but if I have any say at all, I'll be with you all the days I have on this earth. I told you once, and I'll tell you again, you're stuck with me Jude Quincy."

I see the small smile forming on her lips before she collapses against my chest, her arms wrapping around my back as she clings to me. "You know, I had left you for about five minutes and I was already weakening," she admits, turning her head to look up into my eyes. For the first time in a while, I see a trace of happiness there. "The pain of being away from you, even for those lonely minutes, was the worst feeling I've ever felt." She nestles her head against my chest and I hear her sigh deeply, one of contentment.

"Believe me, you're not the only one. It was more than a little surprising to have my wife of a month demanding a divorce already. I mean, I know I'm an idiot sometimes, but I didn't expect you to tire of me already," I joke, and I hear her quiet laugh wafting up to my ears. It's such a wonderful sound to see her happy laughter again. I honestly wasn't sure when I'd ever hear it again.

She tilts her head towards mine and begins to open her mouth when she stops and her breath hitches in her throat; I can see that, like me, she's suddenly caught up in the moment of our lips so close.

The mingled breath between us is hot, and I can feel her limbs relaxing against me. I inch my lips closer to hers, wondering suddenly how long it's been since I've last kissed her. Like really kissed her.

Too long.

I crash my lips onto hers, feeling her arms instantly wrapping around my neck to pull me closer down to her lips. Beginning slowly, I move my lips over hers soothingly, enjoying the feel of her uninhibited presence so near. It hasn't been like this between us in far too long.

Jude's lips begin to move more feverishly, and I feel her hands moving from my neck down to my chest, and then to the hem of my shirt. I feel my breath catch as she slips her hands underneath, caressing the skin of my chest in large circular motions.

I can barely take the tension building between us. I reach down, lifting her hips so that her denim-clad legs wrap around my waist as I begin to carry her towards the couch. I release my hold on her legs to work on her clothing. As her legs slides seductively down to the floor, I hurriedly lift her shirt over her head, throwing it across the room. She won't need it back for a while, anyway.

The desperation hits me suddenly and I hastily begin to work on her jeans. Her fingers fumble with the button on my jeans and I brush her hands away in impatience. Faster than she can keep up, I remove her pants and mine, as she rips my shirt over my head.

I pull her quickly back to me, so that our bodies have no room between us; skin to skin, as we were always meant to be. As I simultaneously kiss a trail down her collarbone and lead her backwards towards the couch, I trip on the leg of the coffee table and we end up sprawled together on the couch, my body covering hers. Taking advantage of our position, she reaches behind her, releasing her breasts from her bra, while I kiss her taut stomach. Her body trembles under my attention, as I trail a line of hot kisses from her stomach to her breasts.

Jude's moans of pleasure permeate my brain as I lavish my attentions on one breast at a time, first tracing the outline, then each glorious nipple with my tongue.

As I feel my own arousal rising, Jude pulls me back up to her mouth. As I continue to ravish her mouth with kisses, I wipe her brow gently, feeling the beads of sweat that have formed there.

Her eyes lock with mine, silently begging me to enter her. The anticipation is at its peak; it's been so long since we've been together that neither one of us can wait any longer. We remove our underwear quickly and I hurriedly grab a condom from my wallet, protecting us both from the baby we know we're not ready for, not yet.

I return quickly to the couch and as I'm about to enter her it hits me suddenly that, although I knew it had been a long time, I hadn't realized that this is the first time we've had sex since we got married.

My breath heavy, I halt my movements to ask her one final question. "So, are you sure you don't want rid of me, Mrs. Quincy?" I ask, a wide grin helplessly overwhelming my expression.

"Never," she whispers breathily, pulling me fully into her as confirmation of her decision not to fight this, or me, any more.

Our pace is quick, neither one of us patient enough to wait. As I thrust into her and feel her small body clinging to mine, I feel the greatest sense of satisfaction washing over me. Not just from the sexual act itself, but also from knowing that we're okay, that we're on our way to being back to the way we used to be. Even better, in fact.

As we both reach our climax, my exhausted body collapses on top of hers. I catch my breath and cautiously begin to move, to relieve some of the weight pressing down upon her, but before I pull away too far, she puts a restraining arm on my back.

"Don't. I like how it feels, just like that. You, surrounding me." I can't help but smile as I move slightly to pull a blanket over our naked bodies and then place my head back on her chest.

And as I begin to drift, I hear her relaxed breathing lulling me to sleep, the most beautiful sound I've heard in a very, very long time.


	44. Chapter Forty Three

**A/N:**THANKS! I really appreciate all your reviews! Keep them coming:)

**A/N 2:** Another split-perspective chapter, **starting with Tommy's POV, and changing to Jude's**. I have to admit, I adore writing from Tommy's perspective. Hmm… Maybe my next story will be a Tommy-centric one. Who knows?

Chapter Forty-Three:

I'm not exactly what you could call a morning person.

Now, I'm nowhere near as cranky or as muddled as Jude in the morning, but I certainly don't relish in the feeling of the early morning air or waking up before the sun rises. But this morning is an exception. As my brain begins to wake up, I actually feel blissful anticipation because being awake means seeing Jude.

But, only a moment after I begin to rouse, the gears in my brain begin to shift. Before I even open my eyes, I can feel the vacancy of the empty room. She's gone, and I can feel the immediate onslaught of panic rushing through my body.

I force my eyes open, not allowing myself to wake up gradually as I normally would. I inspect every inch of the room and see that my initial conclusion was correct. My body, so in tune with hers, sensed almost immediately that she was no longer here. But the question is why would she leave? I thought we had finally gotten _somewhere_. I mean, she finally gave in and told me a bit of what was going on with her, what had been plaguing her these past few painful weeks. And now she has run again??

Unable to believe this new turn of events, I push myself off the uncomfortable couch and begin the desperate search for my clothes. I find my pants first, stuffing my legs into them quickly. I scan the room for any sight of my shirt, but it's nowhere to be found.

I begin to hunt around the rehearsal space for any shirt that I can wear, even if it's not mine. Although I'm curious where the hell my shirt's gotten to, I'm in too much of a rush to dwell on the predicament. I catch sight of a grey shirt hanging off the drum set, and I pick it up in confusion. It's Jude's t-shirt, the one she was wearing last night.

I'm trying to piece everything together when the door bursts open, Jude crashing in holding a bag and two coffees.

As her shirt drops out of my hand, my mind begins to process the fact that she's not gone. Lately I've gotten so used to her distancing herself that my mind automatically jumped to a negative conclusion.

But she's here. She's back, and judging from the reinforcements she has brought, in the form of food and coffee, she's not planning on going anywhere else for a while.

As my shock and panic subside, I feel the corner of my lip lifting in a helpless smirk. The mystery of my missing shirt has been solved; Jude's wearing it. And I must say it looks better on her than it ever could on me.

She shoots me a curious look as she takes in my half-clothed body. "Going somewhere?" She asks cheekily, a smirk forming on her own lips.

"Not anymore." I tug roughly on the no-longer-missing shirt she is wearing, which is far too big for her, and haul her body close to mine. "You know, I've been looking for this shirt," I quip, before attacking her lips firmly, passionately, with my own. Her mouth moves against mine and she tries to shift the coffee cups to keep them from blocking our bodies and prevent them from touching.

I move back, releasing her lips and grabbing the coffee cups and the bag of food out of her shaking hands. Her breathing is heavy and her eyes are closed, and I can tell she's relishing in the moment we've just shared. After being emotionally distant for the past few weeks, the effect of every intimate touch or embrace feels magnified.

"Well, you can have the shirt back any time you want," she jokes, her voice breathy as her eyelids flutter open.

I literally can't help it as my mouth turns up into a smile. In fact, I'm not sure if I'll ever stop smiling. "I'm glad you're here."

"Me too," she whispers, grazing my cheek with her soft fingers.

* * *

He moves to the couch, setting the coffees and the bag of food on the floor in front of it. Before I have a minute to think, he sinks to the floor, leaning back against the couch, and he drags my body down to sit in between his legs. I relax against him, reveling in the feel of his hard, naked chest against my back. I could stay like this forever. 

"So, what prompted you to get up so early?" he asks, his fingers idly playing with the ends of my hair.

"I was hungry. We did work up quite the appetite last night." I feel my cheeks heating with a deep blush, just talking about the passion we shared last night.

"A few times, actually," he whispers, his voice throaty and his breath hot against my cheek as he leans forward to whisper the words directly in my ear. He begins to nuzzle my neck with his lips. I laugh lightly, swatting him playfully.

"There's lots of time for _that_ later. Right now there's something else I need."

"Oh yeah?" He asks, eying me seductively.

"Yeah." I turn my head, leaning in close to his face, stopping only when my lips are millimetres from his. "Coffee," I whisper, pulling back to reach over him for my Starbucks cup. I smile playfully as I bring it to my lips.

"I really worry about that coffee addiction of yours, Harrison-Quincy." He reaches for his own, sipping the steaming liquid slowly.

I laugh at his new incarnation of my name, almost spitting my coffee across the room. As I attempt to swallow my mouthful of coffee, I lean back against his chest again. "That's a bit of a long nickname there, Quincy."

"Well, what do you want me to call you, Quincy 2?" he asks with mock indignation.

"Hmmm…" I say, pondering this somewhat seriously. A nickname is important. With Quincy, nicknames tend to stick, so I want it to be something I can live with. I don't want him to call me something cheesy like 'honey'. Tommy and I have never been the 'honey' or 'dear' types. Besides, at seventeen, I'm a little young to be called 'dear' already. I like it when he calls me 'baby', but that's not something I'd let him in on. I contemplate telling him to just keep calling me Harrison, but then I think immediately that it doesn't reflect the new me. The married me.

"How about just 'Q'?" Simple, short, understated.

Perfect.

He smiles and I can tell he thinks so too. "I like it, Q," he says, trying the new name out. "Although it's going to take some getting used to."

We sit in silence for a while, eating our breakfast and drinking our coffees. Just being together. And for the first time in a while, it's not complicated. There's nothing tense or hidden between us.

Well, almost nothing. My mind instantly flashes to the mystery of what Darius said to him. In the interest of keeping things open between us and satisfying my own curiosity, I open my mouth to ask him what happened between him and Darius. But he breaks the silence before I have the chance.

"Are you okay? Like _really_ okay?" His voice is soft and probing, like he doesn't want to pressure me. But I realize now how important it is to tell him everything, even when it may seem insignificant. Just look at how the nightmares evolved from being something I thought I could take care of myself to something that almost ripped us apart.

I spin around to sit facing him, cross-legged. "Honestly, yes, I'm fine. This morning when I woke up, it was the first time since before Dad died that I wasn't petrified of losing you. That feeling, that fear, it's still there. But it's not consuming me the way it was. I allowed that to happen by keeping it from you. And I don't want that to happen again. That distance between us," I say, reaching forward to hold his hand between us, "it was awful. And I'm so sorry I let it get to that point. I don't ever want any more secrets between us, even if we think we're keeping them to ourselves for the right reason. Full disclosure, always."

"What do you want to know?" he asks, knowing implicitly that there's something on my mind. I'll never stop being amazed at how well he reads me.

Without hesitation I ask, "What happened with Darius? The week before we got married, he had you so rattled I didn't even think you were going to go through with the wedding. What did he say?"

Tommy takes a deep breath before beginning. It's clear that he knows I'm not going to like what he says. But he begins to tell me anyway, honouring our new 'full disclosure' policy. "Darius, well, he's never made it a secret how he felt about the breakdown of my marriage to Portia. I was an idiot to marry her. I mean, even then I knew that I didn't love her. As horrible as it sounds, and as ashamed as I am to admit it now, I married her mostly for my career." He squeezes our intertwined hands as he continues. "Well, when you and I told D we were getting married, he laid into me about my 'abilities' as a husband. He told me that I was a horrible husband. That I would never be enough for you." He looks away from me, staring at the far wall, but not before I catch a glimpse of the sadness in his eyes. "And in some ways he's probably right."

I immediately reach for his face, forcing him to look in my eyes. "That's not true. You're everything I need. Do you honestly want to know what would have happened to me throughout Dad's illness and his death if it hadn't been for you? I would be dead." He visibly flinches at my harsh words. "How many times while he was sick and after he died did you pull me back from the brink of insanity? And even when I was pushing you away, it was still you that was in my head, telling me I'd be okay. I'm only here now because you cared enough not to give up on me." His eyes are cloudy with emotion and he reaches up to wipe away a stray tear. "Don't you **ever** even think that you're not good enough for me. Okay?" I ask, squeezing his hand for confirmation. He says nothing. "Okay?" I repeat.

"Okay," he says softly, reluctantly.

"You believe me, don't you, Quincy?"

He shifts uncomfortably, keeping a hold of my non-bandaged hand. He sighs loudly, before beginning to speak again. "It's just… I really want to believe I'm enough for you. That I'm really _it_ for you. But I don't know how to do _this_," he says, motioning between us for emphasis. "I mean, look at how the Portia thing ended. And Sadie? I'm not exactly known for being fair or kind to the women in my life."

"You're not that guy anymore and you know it. How many chances did you have to be with Chantal?" I ask, raising my eyebrows questioningly. "Seriously, that _woman_," I begin, cringing subconsciously, using the word 'woman' in the place of a much more unfriendly word that I have in mind to describe Chantal. "Well, she threw herself at you countless times. And you didn't fail me."

"But I have failed you before, Jude," he points out emphatically. There is pain and fear in his eyes, and I know it's for me, not him. The last thing he wants to do is hurt me, and that's all I need to know. "I can't promise I won't do it again. I don't _want_ to, but that doesn't mean I won't."

I slide closer and cup his face in my hands. "Where's this coming from?" I ask, honestly surprised at the turn in our conversation. One minute he seems so confident that we're supposed to be together and the next he's doubting us. Or more, correctly, he's doubting himself.

"Well, I just... you asked about Darius and it made me think. You're so young. And I'm about as experienced as you when it comes to long-term relationships. Do you really think we can do this? I mean, we rushed into this without really thinking about the long term."

"Do you love me?" I ask, challenging him, looking into his eyes defiantly.

"Of course," he says loudly, scoffing visibly at the question.

"Well, it may be naïve, but I think that's a pretty damn good starting point. And I honestly don't care who you were when you were with Portia. Or even Sadie. I know who you are **now**. And that's what matters to me. I know how you treat me, with such gentleness and love. I don't care what people say about you, me, or us. I feel what's between us. And I don't want either one of us running from it any more. Deal, husband?" I ask, dropping my hands from his face to hold one hand out for a handshake.

He smirks widely, taking my small hand in his larger one and pulling me against him. Our lips are almost touching, and I can feel the heat from his breath on my face. "Deal, wife," he says huskily, the word 'wife' never sounding sexier. Within an instant, his lips crash onto mine, leaving me devoid of breath.

His kisses are passionate and intense, but there's something new as well. There's a new kind of security and contentment in his touch, like we've finally arrived where we always should have been.

We pull back minutes later, both gasping for air, and neither one of us can help but smile. We're happy. Genuinely, honestly happy. And it feels so good.

I lean back against him, attempting to catch my breath.

"So, what do you want to do today?" he asks, playfully tracing a circle on my left wrist.

A thought immediately hits me. There's something crucial that I need to do in order to truly move forward with my life.

I lift my head from his chest and reluctantly stand up. Tommy eyes me curiously, as I think he assumed the activity I'd be interested in would require us to stay closer to the floor.

"Will you come with me somewhere?" I ask, reaching out a hand to help him up off the ground.

"Of course," he answers with no hesitation. I'm pretty sure I could ask him to jump off a bridge for me and he'd do it. Not that I'd ever ask that, but his unfailing devotion is so damn endearing. He takes my hand, but mostly uses his own strength to pull himself up.

I walk towards the door, dragging him behind me, when I feel him tugging on my hand, pulling me back.

"Before we go out, I think I'm going to need something back," he says, tilting his head in the direction of my shirt. Which is really his shirt.

I unabashedly pull it over my head and toss it at him, and I see a spark of desire in his eyes at my exposed skin. I stride over to where my shirt is lying on the floor and toss it over my head.

I turn around to catch him still half naked, frozen in place as he's staring at me. I laugh helplessly at how seeing one flash of my skin leaves him so dazed.

I laugh, waving my hand in front of his eyes until he finally snaps out of it and throws his shirt on too. "Ready to go?" he asks.

I nod, and silently lead him out of the rehearsal space, towards the final place I need to visit before I can let go of the past and the pain that accompanies it.

* * *

Following my directions, Tommy pulls into the cemetery a short twenty minutes later. Understanding has dawned on his face and I'm pretty sure he's aware of why I'm here, of what exactly I need to do. 

I slide wordlessly out of the Viper and we begin the walk, hand in hand, towards our destination point.

Dad's grave.

When we finally reach the spot, marked by a simple, dark granite headstone, I stand silent, unsure of what to say.

I fidget, sliding my left shoe back and forth across the dirt, as I stare down at the stone that represents where my dad's body is buried.

Tommy stands patiently at my side, squeezing my hand supportively.

"Hi, Dad," I say finally, breaking the silence. I pause for a minute, gathering my jumbled thoughts. "There are some things I need to say, and I figured this was the best way to feel close to you. I've been struggling, Daddy. See, I wasn't sure exactly how to let you go. And I was so scared of losing Tommy too that I made of mess of things." I shoot Tommy a quick glance, and the corner of his lips lifts in a sympathetic smile. "But things are getting better. And I realized that if I really wanted to move on, there's one final thing I needed to do. Something I know I haven't done yet. It's time, Daddy. It's time to say good-bye."

I feel the tears streaming down my face but I don't bother wiping them away. I know there's only going to be more. This is hard, but I know it's necessary.

Tommy moves to put his arm around my shoulder, bringing me into the fold of his arms. I cling to him and begin to speak again. "I love you, Daddy. I always will. But you wouldn't want me to stay stuck like I was, sad and depressed. I know you wanted me to be happy and build a life with Tommy. And that's exactly what I plan to do. I'm so happy that you were able to die in peace, knowing that I was going to be loved and taken care of. So, it's time to get on with that life, the one you'd always wanted for me. One full of love and happiness and music. And wonderful memories of my Dad. One day I'll tell my kids what a wonderful father I had, and how proud he would have been to be their grandfather."

I step forward, kissing my hand and placing in gently on the headstone. "I love you, Daddy. And I'll miss you everyday," I whisper, my throat tightening with powerful sadness. I swipe roughly at the tears clouding my vision.

I step back into Tommy's comforting embrace, and look up into his eyes, which are full of caring and love. I nod, acknowledging the fact that I'm ready to leave.

Before I turn to go, I feel the need to say one last thing. "Goodbye, Daddy." I stand still for a minute, a final reflective moment of remembrance, of celebration for the man who shaped who I've become.

Finally I force myself to turn and walk away, huddled in the shelter of Tommy's arms, back to the Viper. He opens the passenger door, holding it open for me. I ignore it, pushing myself further into his arms for another moment.

I need to feel safe. I need to know that saying a final goodbye to my father was the right thing, the necessary thing.

I feel his arms slide around my back, tightening his grasp around me. "You'll be okay. Together, we'll both be okay," he whispers in my ear, comforting assurance in his voice.

I release him, feeling strengthened by his words. I really do feel like I'll be okay. That, with Tommy by my side, I can do anything, overcome any obstacle.

I climb into the open door and he closes it behind me, rushing to slide in the driver's side.

Before putting the key in the ignition, he turns his head towards me. He doesn't say anything. Words aren't needed. All I need to see is that comforting smile and the love and devotion shining from his eyes.

After a minute, he leans in, kissing my cheek softly before returning to his side of car. He starts the powerful engine and drives us away from the cemetery, leaving the pain and the darkness behind us.

I feel a paradoxical mix of happiness and sadness. It took a while, but I finally realize that Dad will always be a part of my life. I don't have to feel consuming grief in order to hold onto him. The sadness I feel now is no longer crushing me, but, for the first time, is balanced with the happy childhood memories of Dad and the anticipation of new memories to be made with Tommy.


	45. Chapter Forty Four

**A/N:** Finally I have an update for you. YAY! I wanted to let you all, my amazing and wonderful readers, know that **there is only one chapter left (and an epilogue)**. It's been such an amazing ride writing this story and I'm really sad to see it ending. But it's _right_. Anyway, I hope you all enjoy this chapter (and the remaining ones). And I could not thank you all enough for your support and feedback!!

* * *

Chapter Forty Four:

Waking up slowly, I automatically reach for Tommy's warm body beside me. But instead of his taut body, all I can feel is empty space. His pillow is still warm, however, so I know he hasn't been gone long. My eyes catch a glance of the clock and I see that it's only 8:30. Wondering why Tommy is not still lounging comfortably in bed at this early hour, I lift myself up onto my elbows to scan the room for any sign of him.

As if reading my mind, he appears from the bathroom, freshly showered. He's wearing the dark washed jeans I love and no shirt, his hair perfectly styled as usual. There are some beads of water trickling down his chiseled chest, and he looks so seductive standing in the doorway smirking at me. All I want to do is pull him back into bed.

In fact, that sounds like an excellent plan.

"Good morning," he whispers huskily, and I shudder at the sexiness of his voice. The corner of his mouth lifts in a devilish smirk; he's fully aware of the effect that tone of voice has on me. I crawl on my knees towards the end of the bed, wearing only an old, worn t-shirt of his. I kneel near the edge of the bed, lifting myself to kiss him fiercely. He's surprised by my aggressiveness and I can feel his lips turn up into a smile.

I begin to haul him back down onto the bed with me, but he pulls back, loosening my hold on him. He leans his forehead down on mine in a characteristic show of his affection. I've always wondered why this small show of physical contact has always seemed so intimate to me. Maybe it's the way Tommy's eyes pierce into mine when his forehead rests gently against mine. I don't know. I do know that I don't want it to end.

"I can't stay," he said, his voice full of regret. "I'm sorry; I really have to go. My schedule today is completely crazy. I've got Studio A booked solid all day today - bands are going to be in and out all day today. I'm on such a tight deadline with two of them, I really can't afford to reschedule the studio time. I'm really sorry, girl."

He reluctantly steps back to begin searching the closet for a shirt, and I relax back into the bed. A thought hits me suddenly and I spring out of bed, launching myself on Tommy's back. He reflexively clamps his hands underneath my thighs to both catch me and keep himself from falling.

"I really have to go," he reiterates reluctantly, as I trace a line of kisses from behind his left ear down to the edge of his chin.

"I know. I've decided I'm coming with you," I whisper in his ear.

His grip on my legs slackens and I slide down his back as he turns to face me. "You're coming to work?" he asks, clearly surprised. He reaches forward to caress my cheek. "Are you sure you're ready to go back? It's only been a few days…" His words trail off, not wanting to mention the painful goodbye I said to my father just three days ago. But I'm ready, I really am.

"Yes," I say confidently. "I need to go back to the studio. I need to return to the life I had before. I know that's _exactly_ what Dad would want. He knew there was nothing I loved more than music." I pause, knowing that that statement isn't true anymore. "Okay, _almost_nothing I love more than music," I correct myself. I see the sparkle in his eyes as he catches my meaning and I lean forward to kiss his cheek. He lifts his hand to the back of my head, and turns his head to catch my lips in a passionate kiss. He holds me tightly against him for a minute before releasing me.

"Besides," I continue, getting back onto the topic of work, "I believe I have a second album that is way overdue completion."

"Okay," Tommy concedes, worry still occupying his expression. "Only if you're sure you're ready. Just start back easy." He flips open his cell phone and notices my curious expression. "I'm gonna call and cancel my appointments, since my number one artist is coming back."

I reach forward and shut his cell phone before he can make the call. "Don't cancel your day. I have a lot of ideas for songs floating around in my mind and I'll probably just spend the day trying sort out all the ideas and see if I can make them work. We can start back tomorrow. If you think you can squeeze me into your busy schedule, that is," I tease, laughing as he pulls on the loose shirt I'm wearing to pull me against him.

"You?" he asks mockingly, smirking as his lips descend upon mine. His lips finally capture mine in a hot, lingering kiss. He tilts his head, allowing himself better access to my lips. Before I'm ready to let him go, he pulls away.

"Girl, I'll always have time in my schedule for you. Especially if it involves _that_." His voice is low and husky and I find myself extremely aroused. Oh, how I wish we didn't have to go into work.

He releases me from his grasp, still smiling widely. He's about to turn back to the closet when he pauses. "Come on, Q. We've gotta get going." He smacks my butt playfully, pushing me towards the bathroom.

As I step onto the cold tile floor, I spin around. "You'll pay for that later, Quincy," I threaten jokingly.

"I'm looking forward to it," he states bluntly, his eyes sparkling. He shoots me his sexiest smirk, and I feel my legs melting beneath me. I, not too subtly, grab the bathroom counter behind me for support. I can only imagine the wicked thoughts that are passing through that mind of his.

I roll my eyes at the constant naughtiness of his brain and shut the door behind me. I can't help but laugh giddily as I crank the shower towards the cold end. Okay, maybe he's not the _only_ naughty one.

* * *

We stride confidently into G-Major, hand in hand, and I revel in the moment of freedom. After having to keep our relationship a secret and all the problems we've had these past few weeks, I never want to take for granted how nice it feels just to be happy. To walk with my hand safely held by his, knowing he'd rather die than let go of it. We're finally together, we're married and we're not being forced to keep our relationship a secret. It feels so incredible just to let myself feel happy. I'm not worrying about losing Tommy or about what people will think. I'm just living in the moment. And this moment is pretty darn good. 

Tommy glances at his watch, and I recognize the panic on his face. He's late, but he doesn't want to rush our separation. He's irresistibly cute when he looks flustered.

"Go." His head snaps up at my voice. "I'll be fine," I declare as confidently as I can. I have to admit I'm a little scared to be back at work. I know it's where I need to be; it's the next step in getting my life back on track. Plus, there's one important thing besides work that I have to tackle.

He leans towards my ear, whispering softly, "I'll be in Studio A. If you need me for _anything_, okay?"

I nod and he kisses me intensely before rushing off towards the waiting band he's scheduled to work with. I watch his retreating figure, feeling so thankful that he's in my life. My _husband_. I smile to myself, thinking that I'm not sure I'll ever be used to that word.

The instant the door to Studio A closes firmly behind Tommy, I make my way to Darius's office and knock firmly on the door.

His deep voice beckons me in from the other side, and I swing the door open. He bolts out of his chair and walks around his desk when he notices me in the doorway.

He smiles at me sympathetically. "Jude, it's great to see you back. How are you holding up?" He moves towards me to hug me, but I recoil from his approach.

His face reflects his puzzlement at my behaviour, and I shut the door in preparation for what I need to say to him.

"Tommy told me what you said to him," I state simply, ignoring his attempts at polite conversation.

Realization dawns on him and he leans against his desk. "It was the truth, Jude. You know I never wanted the two of you together. Tommy's not reliable. He's got a lot of great qualities but he doesn't think clearly when it comes to relationships. Believe me, I know all too well."

My fists are clenched by my sides, my best attempt at keeping calm. "You know nothing!" I say, louder than I intend to. I take a breath and begin again, trying to keep my temper under control. "Look, I know you don't approve, but you don't have to. I love Tommy and we're married. And I want you to stop planting ideas in his head that he's not good enough for me."

Darius looks completely unfazed. "Jude, he's **not** good enough for you."

I feel the anger spreading through my veins. "Don't you ever say that about him!!" I yell, all efforts to keep control of my temper forgotten. "I swear to God, I'll walk out of here and never come back."

Darius laughs sardonically. "There's a little thing called a contract, Jude."

"Do you really want to test me, D? Do you really want to risk losing your best artist and your best producer because you can't stomach their relationship?" His expression changes and I know I've hit a nerve. Business, and how much money Tommy and I bring into G-Major, is really what's important to Darius Mills.

He pauses, seriously contemplating my statement. "Fine, Jude. Look, I can't change what you've done. Your life is your own. Just don't come to me when T shatters your heart into a million pieces."

I roll my eyes, ignoring his latest dig at Tommy. "Just stop the comments. We talk about professional business only. Any discussion of mine or Tommy's personal life and we'll be looking for a new record label," I state finally, approaching the door. I turn back to give Darius one more determined look before I march out of his office.

Victory. Well, sort of. At least Darius knows where the line is. And if he crosses it, I won't hesitate to switch labels. I'm not going to allow anyone to make Tommy think he's not worthy of me. The very thought of that is ridiculous. If anything, all the support and love he's selflessly given me these past few months make me completely unworthy of him.

I cross the lobby, heading towards the empty Studio C, when I catch a glimpse of Sadie out of the corner of my eye.

It hits me that she and Kwest are moving back to town this week and I completely forgot about it.

I immediately change the direction I'm heading, walking towards my sister instead.

"Hey," she says, greeting me in a friendly, yet distant manner. This distance has been between us since Dad's death and I can't let it go on. She's the only family, other than Tommy, that I have left and I'm certainly not going to let anything break the bond that we have. "You weren't home so I figured I'd pop in here and just let you know that we're back."

"Sadie, can we talk?" She nods reluctantly, implicitly knowing that this isn't going to be a "girl-talk" kind of chat. I lead her towards studio C and close the door behind us, guaranteeing us some privacy.

She sits on the small couch, her eyes focusing on anything but me. I take a breath before beginning. "Sadie, since Dad died things have been… awkward between us. I know I've been kinda out of it and depressed for the past month but I'm starting to feel better and I'm trying to get my life on track. But I can't do that if I think my sister is furious with me."

She plays with the hem of her t-shirt, her eyes still averted. Her voice is quiet and I have to strain to hear her. "It's just… since Dad died, I've been doing a lot of thinking. When I was going through his stuff a few weeks ago, it just brought back a lot of resentment and anger. Feelings that I had thought I'd let go."

"Anger about what?" I ask, honestly clueless about what she's referring to.

"About you. And Dad. What you two had. You know, most of my life I've felt like a misfit around you two. Like I didn't belong. Like neither one of you really cared if I existed."

I feel like I've been slapped. How could she have felt this way all along and never said anything?

"Sadie…" I begin, but she interrupts before I can say anything.

"Let me finish, please," she says, a hint of pleading in her voice. "All of the stuff he had, all these news articles and pictures and CDs, it just reminded me of how proud he was of you, and the special bond you two had. And then, you got to spend that time with him at the end, really say goodbye. I know it's not your fault, I just…. I've needed some time to deal with all of it, and let it go for good."

She pauses and I take her silence as permission for me to interject. "I'm so sorry, Sadie. I know you think Dad wasn't proud of you, but he was. He loved you so much, and in his last minutes he wanted to make sure that I told you that. Our family was far from perfect. I mean, mom could barely stand my existence most of the time and I think that's why I clung to Dad the way I did. You know, most of my childhood I just wanted to be part of the girls' club with you and mom. But there was no room for me. I can't even begin to tell you how jealous I used to be of what you and mom had. I'd watch you guys put on makeup and share 'girl' stories and I could never be a part of that." Her face begins to show signs of understanding. We apparently have a lot more in common than we had originally thought.

"I'm really sorry that you felt so isolated, Sadie. There's nothing in the world worse than feeling completely alone. Believe me, I know." I take a seat beside her, squeezing her hands gently in mine as tears roll silently down both of our cheeks. "You're my family, Sadie. If there's anything I've learned since Dad died it's that we can't let time pass by holding grudges or fighting with the people we love. And I do love you, sis," I whisper the last words, my voice cracking with emotion.

Sadie is fighting her emotions too at this breakthrough occurring between us. "I love you, too," she says, hugging me tightly to her. And for the first time in a while, I feel like I have my sister back.

She pulls back, smiling at me. "I'm glad that we're okay," I say. "Because I need you, Sades. A lot."

"I need you too, little sister," she says, wiping the tears from her face. The clock on the wall catches her eye and she jumps up. "Shoot! I have to get going. I'm supposed to meet Kwest at IKEA in about 5 minutes to pick out some new furniture."

I stand up too, swinging my arm around her. "Well, have fun shopping! I know that won't be too difficult a request." She glares at me, and in that one look I can see that we really are back to what we were. Sadie and Jude. The feuding sisters who fight like cats and dogs but will kill anyone who hurts the other one.

I kiss her cheek, and push her out the door. "See you later, sis." She waves at me over her shoulder as she rushes out.

I breathe an audible sigh of relief. Finally things are settling down.

After the successful morning of conflict resolution, I decide to follow through on the idea of locking myself in Studio C and working on writing some new songs. But as I'm about to close the door behind me, a black and red cowboy boot stops the door from shutting.

The door flies open and Mason launches himself at me in a suffocating hug.

"Hey stranger," he says as he finally releases me. "I've missed you around here. How have you been doing, honestly?" His eyes probe mine deeply and I know he's not going to let me get away with telling him anything but the truth.

I take a seat on the couch and pat the spot beside me for Mason to join me. "You know, I really wasn't doing well at all. But, thanks to Tommy I'm feeling better. Like I can actually deal with everything. I don't know what I'd do without him."

"Well, then I'm glad you have him." Mase squeezes my hand supportively. "I always thought you guys were so adorable. Almost disgustingly so. Even before you started your secret 'thing'. I'm really glad everything is working out for you, Jude."

"Me too. Believe me. There for a while I was afraid that things weren't ever going to go back to normal." I laugh suddenly, thinking about the ridiculousness of the term 'normal'. "Or whatever version of normal my life is."

Mason smiles and is about to say something when Jamie and Speed burst through the door, both barreling towards me. I hug them both tightly, so happy to have such amazing friends.

We begin chatting idly, just like the old days when we used to goof around endlessly. Speed begins to stalk me around the small room, trying to coerce me into a tickle fight. No thanks. Not that I don't like tickling, but Speed is merciless and I _always_ end up losing. Always.

The door swings open and Tommy steps into the chaos. I take advantage of his presence to run behind him and use his body as a shield against Speed's tickle attack. It works like a charm as I knew it would. Speed won't touch Tommy and it's far too difficult to get a hold of me while I'm 'hiding'.

He glares at Spiederman, who sits down in a chair far away from Tommy. I'm not sure those two will ever like each other. But I can't exactly take the blame for that since I'm not sure they ever liked each other to start with.

"I'm going to steal my girl," Tommy says, acknowledging Mason and Jamie with a nod before turning around and towing me out of the room towards his office. I still get butterflies in my stomach when he says 'my girl'. I think that I always will. I certainly hope so, anyway.

I make myself comfortable on the couch in his office, pulling my feet up underneath my legs. He dumps some paperwork on his desk before joining me on the couch. He wraps his arm around me and pulls me against his side, bridging any distance between us.

"How's your day been so far?" he asks, placing a light kiss on the top of my head.

"Good, actually. I've been clearing the air about a few things. It feels refreshing. Like I'm finally going to get a real chance to move on with my life."

He turns his head to look into my face. His piercing blue eyes are shining with love and pride. "That's all I want for you." He looks away, and I sense that there's more he wants to say. "You know, you didn't have to talk to D about what he said."

I sit up straight, my body tensing. Is he mad that I meddled with the situation between him and Darius?

I don't think he sounds mad. He sounds… well, I can't exactly describe it.

"How did you find out about that?" I ask, staring at an abstract painting on the wall opposite to Tommy and me. It's funny how you never notice the little details until you can't look someone in the face and must find something in a room to stare at.

"One of my artists overheard you and mentioned it to me. Jude…"

"Are you mad?" I blurt out, interrupting him. My heart's racing and I can feel my palms becoming damp with sweat. I know how protective Tommy gets about his privacy. Thoughts of my stupidity spin around in my brain. What if I've just messed everything up?

I feel Tommy's fingers on my chin, coaxing my head back towards him. When I finally force myself to stop being a coward and look into his eyes, I notice that his eyes are gleaming with unshed tears. "Mad?" he ask, his voice full of disbelief. "Jude, no one has _ever_ cared enough to stand up for me before." He wipes away a tear that escapes his eye, and I can't help but stare at him in shock and relief.

Protecting him and defending him were not things I needed to contemplate. They were the natural reaction to hearing that someone had hurt him. I _had_ to do. And it begins to dawn on me that I've finally begun to understand what love really is.

"I would do anything for you," I state simply, truthfully.

He runs his fingers lightly along my cheek. "I know. And you couldn't possibly know how much that means. I never thought I'd find that. I just…" he begins, the emotion making it difficult for him to find the words he wants to say. But I don't need words. "I just… I love you."

I smile at his words. "I love you, too."

I snuggle deeply into his side, feeling more content than I have in a long time.

For some love is not enough. For some, it can not hold them together or help them through the hard times. But for Quincy and I, love is… well, it's everything.


	46. Chapter Forty Five

Finally, an update! I am so sorry it's taken so long. I have to admit, however that I'm reluctant to post it because I can't believe it's the LAST chapter. I can't believe this story is over (well... almost over). I want to take the chance now to thank every single one of you who read this story and those of you who left such inspiring comments. I couldn't have written it without your inspiration and encouragement. So, a HUGE THANK YOU to you all! And keep your eyes peeled for the epilogue (that's right - you can't get rid of me that easily... LoL).Thanks again, and enjoy the chapter. Please let me know what you think!

* * *

It's my birthday.

Four months ago when Dad died, I didn't think I'd ever have much to celebrate again. But it truly is amazing how much things can change, even in four short months.

I'm not going to claim that things have been perfect between me and Tommy. Far from it. These past few months, we've fought with the best of them. I still remember the night last month that we both yelled and raged until I was so fed up and upset that I ran crying from the apartment. I didn't even make it to the elevator before Tommy caught me, spun me around, and crashed his lips onto mine. And then we proceeded to work out the argument in [ianother[/i, more satisfactory, way.

It's not all fighting (and making up), of course. There's been lots of highs and fun. Tommy and I finally had a wedding party, where we had the chance to show everyone that we are happy and most definitely together (no matter what the paparazzi claims). There was also the time last month that I got home to find that Tommy had prepared a special anniversary dinner – commemorating the day we first met. The day both of our lives were changed forever. It sounds so cheesy and cliché, but it's true.

A smile overtakes my face as I remember the life we've shared these past few months. Our crazy, sexy, tumultuous life. And I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.

I think about Dad all time still, but only in a good way. I think about how proud he would be at my progress since he's been gone. My second album is about to be released. Tommy and I are making it work, and we couldn't be happier. And Sadie and I have never shared a sisterly relationship like the one we have now.

And now here I am, getting ready to celebrate my eighteenth birthday. Finally an adult. Although, in a lot of important ways, I'm already there.

A knock on the bedroom door interrupts my reverie. "Ready to go?" Tommy's voice calls from the other side of the door. I kicked him out of the room an hour ago so that I could get ready in peace. He's already managed to 'distract' me three times today. At that rate, we're never going to get to dinner. Although, I must say his 'distractions' made for a very "Happy Birthday" for me.

"Almost. One second..." I call back, surveying myself one final time in the mirror. I slide my feet into my strappy heels and open the door, anticipating his reaction. See, I'm wearing 'the' red dress. The one I know he's unable to resist.

I'm not disappointed. His eyes rove seductively down my body and his jaw slackens. "You've got to be kidding me," he states, as soon as he's able to verbalize anything.

"See something you like?" I tease, smirking mercilessly at him. He's looking pretty handsome himself in a dark suit with a forest green dress shirt to match. He's not wearing a tie, but then again, Tommy Quincy has never exactly been a "tie" kind of guy. And I love that about him.

He simultaneously swings one arm around my waist, bringing me close against his side, and pulls his cell phone out with his free hand. As he dials, I glance at him questioningly. "What are you doing?"

"Canceling the party," he answers simply. "I think I've developed a case of flu. The type where I have to stay in bed, naked, with my wife all night."

I can't help but laugh at his deadpan response. I quickly grab his phone and shut it before he has a chance to actually call anyone.

"Later. I promise..." I whisper huskily, kissing his lips briefly, teasingly, before heading towards the door. "Come on," I yell, glancing over my shoulder at him. "The sooner we go, the sooner we get to come home." I hold out my hand, waiting for him to cross the room to join me.

He walks slowly, reluctantly. I can tell he'd much rather just rip all our clothes off and stay in the apartment for the next couple of days. This man is insatiable. I mean, we've already had sex three times today, in varying locations of the apartment. Although, while I watch him stride towards me, I have to admit that spending the night in bed with Tommy does sound more appealing than going to a party. Even if I'm the guest of honor. I smirk naughtily, thinking that my husband has turned me into quite the sex addict. Although, when your husband is Tommy Quincy, I guess its no mystery why.

* * *

It's a small party, just some friends and a few industry people that D invited. Darius, who has been cooperative for the most part the last few months, wanted to go all out and throw me a big party. I politely declined, but did allow him to throw me a small bash at G-Major. Its fun to get dressed up and I can tell that everyone is happy for the change of pace.

We've been here for a few hours, and Ive already opened up my presents. I've also blown out the candles on my delicious chocolate birthday cake and enjoyed a large slice. Now I'm chatting animatedly with Mason but I can sense Tommy at my side, itching to get out of here.

I smile at him, assuming I know exactly why he wants to leave. He's been eying me all night, making sure never to be more than a foot from my side, especially when I'm talking to other guys. Tommy's got quite the jealous streak, and although I pretend to be annoyed with it, it's actually kind of sweet. Hes just trying to protect what's his. I understand the impulse; I feel it myself whenever some bimbo tries to get too close to Tommy.

I kiss Mason's cheek lightly, excusing myself from our conversation, and turn towards Tommy, who is trying not to show his restlessness.

"You okay?" I ask, intertwining my fingers between his.

"I'm fine. Better than fine," he whispers, his lips caressing mine in a lingering kiss. "I have a surprise for you," he whispers softly. "Whenever you're ready to go."

"Oh really?" Tommy knows very well how much I love surprises. "In that case... I'm ready now." I state immediately, not wanting to wait for whatever he has for me.

Tommy chuckles loudly. "We don't have to go right this second."

"No, I want to. You know patience has never been my strong suit." I begin to drag him across the room so I can tell everyone we're leaving.

He squeezes my hand lightly. "Now, that is definitely true."

I turn my head and stick out my tongue cheekily. I can hear him laughing as I turn back around to talk to Darius.

"So, how's the birthday girl doing?"

"I'm great, D. Thanks for the party. It was exactly what I was hoping it would be. And thank you for the guitar. I see that's becoming a tradition of sorts." Darius has given me a new guitar for each birthday since I've met him. They get more expensive and more extravagant each year.

"You're welcome. My platinum rock star, you deserve every good thing that happens to you."

I release Tommy's hand to hug Darius. He might be a jerk sometimes, but he has a soft side that will just blow you away sometimes.

"Tommy and I are going to take off," I say, releasing Darius. "Thanks for everything."

He smiles, winking at me as we walk away. We say brief goodbyes to different people as we head towards the exit. I wave to Sadie and mouth that I'll call her tomorrow, as Tommy almost drags me out of the room.

We settle into the Viper and he reaches in front of me, pulling a piece of fabric from the glove compartment. "Do you trust me?" he teases, his eyes twinkling in mischief.

I toss my head back in laughter at this familiar question, but stop when I note the suddenly serious expression on his face. Equally serious, I offer my reply, "Of course."

His eyes soften and he smirks like a little boy. "Good." He begins to lift the piece of fabric towards my face. "Close your eyes." His eyes are pleading, and I follow his direction without question. The soft cloth covers my eyes, and I feel his hands on my hair as he tightens the blindfold around my face.

I hear the car's engine starting, and I feel the car beginning to move smoothly away from G-Major. I stay silent, enjoying the feel of the delicious breeze wafting against my skin.

Suddenly, Tommy's deep voice fills the silence. "So, for your birthday, I've organized a little tour. And at each place you'll find one of your birthday gifts."

My interest is definitely peaked. In all the time I've known him, Tommy's never really been the "plan-an-extravagant –surprise" type of guy, so I'm definitely shocked at his initiative in planning something. But then again, since we've been together we've both changed and evolved in ways I never thought possible. "What kind of surprise?"

"You'll see." I can almost hear the smirk in his voice. He's enjoying keeping me in suspense. That much I know.

I don't inquire anymore, knowing he won't say anything to give away our destinations. Instead I enjoy the feel of his fingers as they intertwine with mine. The simplest touch from Tommy is all the birthday present I'll ever need. However, if he did buy me something more elaborate, who am I to complain?

The movement of the Viper ceases as we arrive at our first destination. I reach for my blindfold when Tommy stops my hand. "Uh-uh. Not until we get inside." His voice is warm and teasing, which only adds to the excitement of the mystery that awaits me.

Within seconds I hear the passenger door open and Tommy's strong arms are pulling me carefully out of the Viper. He pulls me close to his side, his arm resting comfortably against my lower back as he leads me towards our first stop. He pulls me through two sets of doors before stopping suddenly.

"Okay, we're here," he says, slipping the blindfold off my eyes.

As I open my eyes, I'm met immediately with fluorescent lights overhead. I blink a few times to orient myself and then realize where we are.

Blockbuster Video store. Not just any Blockbuster. "The" Blockbuster. The one where Tommy Quincy first told me he loved me. And we're standing in the exact spot where he said the words. I look around and see that, besides us, the store is empty. The lights are dimmed, music softly plays, and balloons float around the ceiling, setting the perfect romantic atmosphere.

I can't believe he remembered this place, and just how important it was for us. I can feel my eyes becoming cloudy just standing this spot, remembering that day over six months ago.

"Tommy..." I start, but he interrupts me immediately, his forefinger to my lips halting the flow of words.

"Time for your first present. Now this one's a simple one," he says, handing me a thin, rectangular package wrapped in bright pink paper.

I rip it open to find the cover of "The Notebook" staring back at me. He begins to speak, and I look up into his shining eyes. "I remember walking into the store that day, determined to find you. To make you understand how I felt. And I remember that in your hands you were holding this movie," he comments, motioning towards the movie in my shaking hands. "When you finally forced me to watch this, I realized that even such a powerful story of love doesn't even begin to compare to what we've got. To what I've found with you."

Tommy reaches forward and gently wipes a few tears off my cheeks. I smile at him tremulously, struck completely speechless by the emotion in his words.

"So... ready for part two?" he asks, the corner of his mouth rising in a smile.

"Absolutely," I say, finally able to find my voice.

"Then, let's go." He grabs my hand firmly in his and begins to lead me back to the car. Once I'm comfortably settled in the passenger seat, Tommy replaces the blindfold. Next thing I know we're speeding away in the Viper towards stop number two.

* * *

It's not long before the car stops again.

I don't even move this time, knowing Tommy will help me out of the car and guide me to my second surprise.

I'm aware of stepping into an elevator, which doesn't seem to go far. The familiar smells tell me that I've been to this place before. Many times, maybe too many times.

As Tommy removes the blindfold this time, I realize I'm right. I'm standing right in the middle of the rehearsal space.

There's no doubt to the significance of this place either. This is the place where Tommy forced me to agree to live with him, even though I knew what the ensuing problems would be. It's also the place where I lost my virginity to Tommy. These are only the few awe-inspiring moments we've shared here.

We're silent for a few minutes, simply sharing a lingering look and exchanging thoughts without words. Finally Tommy breaks the silence. "This place has been a keystone for us, a place we seemed to always come back to, just like we've always come back to each other. I couldn't leave it out on this mini-tour of important places of our relationship." He pauses, squeezing my hand tightly, before grabbing a small box that is sitting on the table and handing it to me. "Your second present, Mrs. Quincy."

I open it slowly, my hands fumbling as they shake uncontrollably. There's so much emotion involved in all of the thoughts and memories I've had tonight that I'm simply unable to tame my emotions or my body's physical reaction to them. Finally I open the small box and reveal a shiny silver key inside.

I raise my head to shoot Tommy a puzzled look. "What's this for?"

"That's the next stop on our tour," Tommy answers, looking like a little child who can barely contain his excitement. He smiles, kissing me quickly, ardently, before grabbing my hand to drag me behind him. I follow excitedly, wondering what on earth Tommy could have in store for me next.

* * *

Tommy helps me back into the Viper, yet again making sure to secure the blindfold firmly on my face before driving away.

"Having a good birthday?"

"The best," I answer, not even needing to think about it. Tommy has already made this day so special for me. Just by being Tommy. By being with me. That's always enough for me.

"Good, I'm glad."

"So, about this key... if I guess, will you tell me what it's for?" I ask mischievously, leaning back against the comfortable leather seat.

Tommy laughs loudly. "Not a chance, Q."

"I was afraid you'd say that."

He chuckles again. "All in good time, I promise."

We drive for what seems like an hour before Tommy stops the car again. I can hear his shoes smacking the pavement as he races around to the passenger side to help me out.

He places his hand on my elbow to help me step gracefully out of the car, and begins to lead me to our next destination. He puts his hand on my arm to stop me from walking any further, and I can sense him move so that he's standing behind me.

"Moment of truth," he whispers softly in my ear before sliding the blindfold up and off my face.

I stare in front of me, at the gorgeous mansion sprawled on the lot we're standing on. I peer at him in confusion, not understanding what we're doing here.

He doesn't say anything, but slips his hand into mine and leads me towards the front door. He pauses only for a second, before saying, "I think it's time to use that key I gave you."

Comprehension finally dawns on me.

Tommy bought me a house for my birthday.

Most husbands buy jewelery or flowers or candy. Not my husband.

I can't control the smile that overtakes my expression. I hold the key as tightly as my trembling fingers will allow, positioning it carefully in front of the lock. I slide the silver key slowly in, deliberately give it a turn, and am rewarded by the 'click' of the door unlocking.

Tommy really bought me a house. I can't believe it.

I find myself unable to open the door. All I can do is stare helplessly in shock at Tommy, who is looking quite amused by my reaction. He motions for me to enter the door I've just unlocked.

I turn the handle, open the door, and take a tentative step inside, taking in every detail as I enter the main foyer. The house is massive. And gorgeous. And everything I ever hoped I'd have in a home. I can see glimpses of the living room and the kitchen from where I stand, and I'm already beginning to envision furniture and personal touches I'd like to add.

I can feel my jaw drop at the pure magnitude of what Tommy has done. He bought me a house! And he has invested in our future. And although I've always loved Tommy, for the first time I can actually begin to see what our long-term future will look like. This is not just a house. It's a home. It's where we're going to make our life together, and raise our children.

I swipe at the tears that are sliding down my face because of the epiphany I've just had. I turn to look at Tommy, who's watching me, taking everything in from my point of view. I realize that I haven't said anything yet. I've been too caught up in the shock of the gift he's given me.

I rush at him, throwing myself into his arms. He catches me, spinning me giddily around the foyer.

"I take it you like it?" He quips, smirking from ear to ear.

"Like it?? I **love** it! I can't believe that you bought me a house. Definitely the best birthday present I've ever received."

"Well, I won't say that it's completely unselfish. I mean, I'm planning on living here too," he jokes. "Besides, I want us to really start our life together. Plan a future, build a life together. There are plenty of rooms for us to fight about how we should decorate them. And there are lots of bedrooms for as many children as you want to have. When you're ready, of course," he adds, trying to stop himself from getting completely swept up in the excitement.

"I love it! Although, I must say, I think you've set a bad precedent." I begin, smiling helplessly.

Tommy raises an eyebrow in confusion.

"Good luck topping this one next year," I tease.

Tommy pulls me against him, a devilish gleam in his eyes. "Don't worry, I've got my ways," he whispers before crashing his lips onto mine. I pull him closer, as tight against me as he can be.

I force myself to pull away before we get too caught up. Tommy instantly grasps my shirt, pulling me back, attempting to continue what we've begun. He suddenly lifts me up into his arms and climbs the stairs two at a time.

"Tommy... we can't... no furniture..." I manage to say between kisses. I've learned from our nights on the rehearsal space floor that while it may be fun in the moment, it's usually smarter, and more comfortable, to wait until you have a comfortable bed.

As he leaves a trail of kisses down the side of my face, I see the devilish look returns to his eyes. "I figured we could pick out the furniture together this weekend. But I did take the liberty of ordering one piece..."

Although Im disoriented by the effect his lips are having on my skin, I turn my head and notice what hes talking about.

Theres a large bed situated in the middle of what I assume to be our bedroom.

I begin to laugh at Tommys foresight. "Smart boy. See, I knew there was a reason I married you," I joke, as he lays me down on the bed and climbs on top of me.

He leans toward my ear, whispering seductively, "I think you'll find there are a _lot_ of reasons why you married me."

I shiver subconsciously, as he begins to assault my senses with his lips and his hands. For the next few hours, we manage to make good use of the only piece of furniture in our new house.

On this, my eighteenth birthday, as I watch Tommy fall into a deep, peaceful sleep, I realize that if the past few months have taught me anything, it's that life with Tommy Quincy will never be boring or normal or conventional. And life will definitely not be easy.

And that's exactly how I want things to be. There could never be any amount of money or fame or anything else that could even tempt me to trade one minute of my life with Tommy. No matter how crazy or difficult life is, I know that he's **it** for me. Knowing he's with me is enough to face whatever comes. Tommy's more than enough for me; he's certainly more than I deserve. With Tommy, I could never need anyone or anything else.

So, we venture forth, into the battlefield that is life. Clinging to each other, to the saving grace that our love provides for us, we will take on whatever challenges come our way. Because no matter what the world throws at us, we will always be 'us'. United. Together. And no matter what people do or how hard they try to tear us apart, no one can ever take that away from us.


	47. Epilogue

**A/N: **So this is it. I honestly can't believe it's done. I really will miss writing it A LOT. But I really owe this story all to you. Thank you all SO, SO much for reading and for your wonderful comments. You guys inspired me to keep going. I really hope you enjoy the epilogue. Please let me know what you think! And thanks again for all your support. You're the best:)

* * *

Epilogue: 

_2 Years Later..._

I file through my large closet, growing more discouraged by the minute. Why can I never find anything to wear? I sigh in frustration for what must be the tenth time in as many minutes.

"I'm not going!" I yell loudly so he can hear me from the bathroom, where he's applying his customary hair products. "You go out with everyone. Just remember to bring me back a piece of cake, okay?" My frustration is turning quickly into sadness and as much as I'm trying not to pout, I know that's exactly what I'm doing.

He sticks his head out of the bathroom, a calm look on his face. "I'm not going without you," he states simply, shooting me a quick smile before returning to the bathroom to finish perfecting his coif.

I move slowly towards the bed (in what I call the "Rock Star waddle") and sit down, resting my hands on my very large stomach. I didn't honestly think it was possible for my belly to become this big. Wonders never cease, I guess. I continue pouting, and the baby begins kicking wildly as if he's trying to cheer me up. That's right, I said 'he'. Tommy and I are having a baby boy. We were way too impatient to keep the sex of the baby a secret. Although, we've known for two months and we still haven't found a name that we can agree on. But, considering the amount of bickering we've done in the past, I guess the fact that we can't agree on our own child's name shouldn't be too much of a surprise.

I sigh loudly, not wanting to start an argument with him on his birthday. "Tommy, it's your birthday," I call loudly. "I want you to have a good time. Go hang out with Kwest and the boys at the G-Major party Darius is throwing for you. And then go for some drinks or something. Just keep it g-rated, please." I can't help but add the last statement. At 8 ½ months pregnant, and bigger than I ever thought I'd be, the last thing I want to think about is my husband at a strip club watching skinny women show everything I don't have any longer.

Tommy strides confidently back in the room wearing only low slung jeans, and looking completely unfazed by my refusal to go. He sits down next to me on the bed, placing one hand over mine on my belly. "You're right, it is my birthday," he says, his voice low and husky. "That means that I get whatever I want. And what I want is to spend my birthday with my girl." His eyes are sparkling as he smiles at me.

I can feel my hormones rushing all kinds of emotions to the surface. My hormones have been quite out of control recently and I'm surprised Tommy hasn't pulled out any of his perfect hairs yet. I close my eyes in a last ditch effort to hold the tears back. It's foolish to get so upset, I know it is, but I can't seem to control my hormones these days. "I can't go. I have nothing to wear. I've tried on like ten different outfits and none of them either fit or look good. I just look...fat." I open my eyes and stare into his. The loving look on his face compels my weepiness and I feel one tear escapes down my cheek.

Tommy promptly lifts his hand and brushes away the lone tear. He chuckles lightly and I glare at him, not prepared to see the humour. "Baby, you look amazing. More beautiful than ever." He leans even closer towards me, kissing my cheek and then moving to whisper in my ear. "I love you. And I love this little baby." He rubs my stomach gently, right where the baby continues to kick. "I want to show both of you off tonight." His voice is soft and warm and I turn my head towards him until our foreheads are touching.

His eyes are inviting, and his mouth begins to turn up in a smirk. He knows I can't resist him; I never could and I doubt I'll ever be able to. "Fine," I state. "I'll go. For you."

"Thank you," he whispers, kissing the corner of my mouth and tracing a line of kisses up to my ear, where he begins to nibble lightly on the lobe.

I pull back, laughing lightly at his caresses. "If I'm going, you need to find me something to wear. Because I can't look through my clothes anymore hoping something will magically appear."

He stands up and makes his way to the closet. I can't help but stare at his sculpted, naked back. We've been married for two years and not one thing about the way I feel about him has changed. Whenever I look at him, I still feel the dizzying combination of arousal, vulnerability and overwhelming love. Actually, there is one thing that has changed. Everything I feel has gotten even better and even more intense. Tommy and I are more in synch than we've ever been and it's the best feeling I could ever imagine.

He turns around holding a simple black dress. It's actually the first thing I tried on, and the only thing that looked remotely decent. I grab the dress from his outstretched hand and look at it again. It will have to do.

"You know, we already celebrated your birthday this morning. You don't need me to go." I had already given him his birthday present – a brand new baby grand piano that I had delivered to our house this morning for him. To say he was excited was an understatement. We'd spent all afternoon playing and writing at that new piano.

Tommy just laughs. "Sorry, girl. You're all mine tonight."

"Just tonight?"

"Well, you know, I'd like to have you every second of every day, but I'm going to have to share you with that little boy in there." He moves closer, placing his hands on my stomach. I smile, thinking about how much I've enjoyed being pregnant. Well, except for the enlarging of my stomach. The baby has brought Tommy and me even closer. And to see Tommy looking forward to being a father, it's brought a new joy to my life that I didn't even think was possible. We've both constantly been talking and singing to our unborn son. It will be a miracle if he doesn't come out of the womb singing.

It's my turn to laugh. "Tommy, you're not exactly good at sharing." I think back to the few times I've seen Mark since Dad died. Each time Tommy has practically growled at him. And it's not just Mark, but any other man that Tommy thinks is getting a little too close. Tommy has a possessive streak that I've yet to tame. Not that I really want to.

Tommy smirks at me, knowing exactly what I'm referring to but choosing to ignore my comment. "Come on, let's get you ready for that party."

* * *

Okay, so when I'm wrong I admit it. Sometimes. And this time I really was wrong. The dress looks pretty good. It accentuates my large belly but, after calming down a bit, I realized that this wasn't necessarily a bad thing. I mean, I'm proud to be pregnant so why not show it off? And the party has actually turned out to be a lot of fun. I'm definitely glad Tommy dragged my pregnant butt out of the house. It's a casual party, with tables of delicious food set up. I can almost hear the baby clamoring for me to try some of it. 

I look around to see Tommy laughing with Kwest and a few other people. It's been a good day. Just the kind of relaxing birthday he deserves.

The hunger is growing stronger and I decide to give in and get some food. I'm about to approach the food when I feel an arm slip around my shoulder. "Hey momma!"

"Hey Uncle Speid. Enjoying the party?" I ask, turning to give him a friendly kiss on the cheek.

"Free food. What's not to love?"

I laugh lightly, when I feel sharp pains rushing through my stomach. I squeeze the nearest thing to my hands, which happens to be Speid's arm. I bend over slightly, trying not to scream. The last thing I want to do is make a scene and embarrass myself.

"Dude, what's going on?" His tone reflects his obvious concern.

"Get…Tommy…" I managed to whisper through the pain. And as quickly as it started, it's gone. And now I'm left feeling kind of weird.

I look down, realizing instantly what's just happened.

"Jude!!" I hear Tommy's voice calling for me just before he reaches my side. He slips an arm around me, a worried expression filling his face. "What's wrong? Is it the baby??"

I point to the ground, where I'd just been looking. Words aren't necessary as Tommy glances in the direction I'm pointing.

There's a puddle of clear liquid on the floor beneath me. Through the pain I'd been experiencing, I hadn't even noticed that my water had broken.

Tommy's face breaks out into a smile when he realizes what's happening. "We're having a baby!!" he yells loudly, excitedly, before pulling out his cell phone and dialing 911.

* * *

I remember the next few hours in spits and spurts. I remember Tommy by my side at the hospital, saying that he loved me… I recall Tommy turning really pale and needing to sit down as he tried to watch the birth of our son… I recollect vividly the excruciating pain and Tommy telling me to breathe in and out… I remember Tommy wincing in pain as I squeezed his hand too tightly when the contractions hit… and I recall looking at our beautiful son for the first time. The first thing I noticed was that he had Tommy's nose and my mouth. 

As I lie in my hospital bed, with my son in my arms, I can't believe that he's actually here. Four (surprisingly short) hours of painful labor and we have a son (born on Tommy's birthday, too). A little bit of Tommy and a little bit of me all wrapped up into one tiny miracle. Tommy's sitting beside me on the hospital bed with his arms wrapped around me, and we're both just staring at the wonderful baby in my arms.

The baby's sleeping silently and an idea suddenly hits me. "What about Owen?"

We both continue staring down at the little boy in my arms, seeing if the name fits.

And it does. When I look at him, that's the name that I see. "I like it," Quincy whispers, kissing the side of my face softly. "Owen Stuart Quincy."

I turn my head to look at Tommy, taking my eyes off of Owen for the first time in what must be an hour. I can feel the tears starting at Tommy's suggestion of using my Dad's name for Owen's middle name. It's such a fitting tribute, something Dad would have loved if he had been alive. "It's perfect," I say, and I can feel myself beaming with happiness and pride at the connection my dad will always have to this child.

I turn towards Tommy, realizing how selfish I'm being. "Do you want to hold him?"

Tommy's eyes light up, and he nods eagerly in response. I can see the anticipation in his eyes. I place Owen in his arms and he's instantly mesmerized. "Hey Owen," Tommy says, trying out the new name for the first time. "Your mommy and I are so happy to finally see you." Owen's eyes begin to flutter open and he looks around, settling his eyes on his daddy. I stare between the two of them, knowing that my entire world rests in these two people. "You're going to have a great life," Tommy continues. "We're going to make sure of it."

A little while later, there's a knock on the open door and we look up to see the doorway filled with all of our close friends and family. Sadie, Kwest, Jamie, Patsy, Mason, Speid, Kyle, Wally and even Darius are all smiling at us, and bearing balloons and gifts. They all pile inside the hospital room, elbowing each other to get a look at Owen.

"How's the little guy doing?" Speid asks, pushing himself to the spot right beside the bed on Tommy's side.

"Good," I say, beaming with joy. "And we decided on a name. It's Owen. Owen Stuart Quincy." I share a knowing look with both Sadie and Jamie, the two people besides me who knew my dad best.

"Hey, he's got your nose, little Tommy Q. Hopefully he won't develop your squinty frown." Speid pipes in again. Speid's lucky that Tommy is too happy to do anything but glare at him.

"We can't stay for long," Jamie says. "The nurse told us there were too many of us to come in but when she went on her break we decided to take our chances. But, honestly, I'm kinda scared of her so we should probably get out before she comes back."

Patsy snorts in laughter at Jamie. "Besides, I'm sure our pop princess needs some rest. But we couldn't leave without seeing the little guy for ourselves."

I look around the room at all the smiling faces around me taking in my son for the first time and am just so...grateful to have these people in my life. I couldn't ask for a better family for my son.

I beam back at everyone. "Thanks guys for coming. And risking your lives by sneaking by the scary nurse." I smile at Jamie and we share a look, communicating how much this day means for both of us. Jamie, who's been my friend since I was a baby myself, has seen me become a mother. His eyes are glassy, and I feel my own eyes misting at just how momentous this occasion really is.

"He looks so... small," Wally says suddenly, pointing out the obvious.

Kyle smacks him on the back of the head. "He's a _baby_." It's nice that, even after two years, some things _never_ change.

Everyone continues to stare down in silent admiration at Owen. Already he has us wrapped around his little finger.

"Can I hold him?" Sadie asks, the tears filling her eyes at the sight of her nephew. Sadie and I have gotten even closer in the past few years than I ever could have imagined. To be honest, I don't think I would have gotten through this pregnancy without her.

"Sure!" I say, and Sadie carefully lifts Owen into her arms. She stares down at him with such emotion, it leaves me breathless. There really is nothing better in this life than holding the people you love close to you.

"That's a beautiful future little rock star you've got there," Darius comments, smiling widely. I smile up at him, thankful that over the past two years he's grown very accepting of my relationship with Tommy. I think, once he realized that we are the real thing, he eased up. Whatever anyone says about Darius Mills, his heart is a lot bigger than he would let on to most people. And I'm definitely glad I've seen that hidden side of him.

Jamie, Speid, Kwest and Mason all get to hold Owen before the nurse comes in to shoo them out. Jamie visibly backs up from the frightening nurse, at which Patsy can't stop laughing.

They all kiss or hug me quickly before scampering out of the room. "I've come to take this little guy to the nursery," says the nurse, who apparently turns to 'goo' when it comes to babies. She's transformed into a totally different person at the sight of Owen. I can't help but smile at the effect babies have on people. I kiss Owen's head softly, and Tommy touches his hand, before I pass him reluctantly to the nurse. "We'll see you soon, little man."

I watch the nurse as she carefully carries Owen out of the room. When I can't see her any longer, I turn back to Tommy, who looks exhausted. It looks like he's the one who gave birth, not me. I have to admit, I'm achy and I'm more exhausted than I've been in my life, but I'm also exhilarated. What an amazing day it turned out to be.

I turn in Tommy's arms as he stretches more comfortably on the bed beside me. "So, did you have a good birthday, Quincy?" I ask jokingly as a yawn escapes from my mouth.

He chuckles lightly, pulling me tightly against him. "I certainly did, Mrs. Quincy," he murmurs as we both drift peacefully off to sleep.


End file.
